Make the next person LOL!

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Pokémon Master Red

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If you do LOL, say LOL! If not, say NLOLP (No LOLs Produced)

Example: (Note, these examples are not good at producing LOLS)FUNNY!
Example2: LOL! Jenga!
Example3: NLOLP. BEEP!

Look at my sig.
 
LOL!

The Elder Swear from Harry Potter Puppet Pals backwards (audiowise):
Mazakala %$#@# burkinshnap *&^$#$ slamidad frikenson @##%#%$ swamit hem $%^%$%$# switika bucket of #%^%& moose #$%^##$ wiekia no any waffles ashkalam #$%^$ profesnica bucket of $%^#$@ filshnab will i hni %&%^%^& nifil mushroom $^$%& simitah puppet ^&^*%% venon grrisht ^&*^%% main agnitem ve $^$^^* must scan for Ron ##@$% hergie @$#$%^ muz slarit on my
 
LOL

Never let anyone scare you half to death more than once.
 
NLOLP

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling
 
NLOLP

i once shot an elephant in my pajamas. how he got in them i'll never know.
 
NLOLP

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
 
NLOLP

Cops are following this guy who's driving drunk. He crashes into a street pole. Cops walk up to him to see if he's all right and ask him how much he's had to drink. Guy says, "One beer. One beer and I'm on my way."
 
NLOLP

Bear in mind that all of the following applies to me.

You know you're obsessed with Pokemon when...

*You were disappointed when the store you pre-ordered B/W from didn't carry the Reshiram/Zekrom wall clings.

*You tend to only make 90 degree turns when you walk.

*You do an amazing impression of a Magikarp.

*You actually do liek Mudkips.

*You have enough different Pokemon plushes to construct teams of six for each member of your household.

*You collect Pokemon magazines. And figures. And cards. And games. And plushes. And strategy guides.

*People tell you you're obsessed with Pokemon and you take it as a compliment.

*You figure EV training and Random Matchup into your plans for the day.

*Your flatulence causes people to flee, and you simply smile and say to yourself "It's super effective".

*You can't talk about your financial plans without mentioning "Pokemon cards" and "ebay".

*Some of your friends don't immediately recognize you when you're not playing Pokemon.

*You can use Fury Swipes.

*You write a Pokemon fanfic.

*You have accounts at Serebii, Bulbagarden, AND Smogon.

*You have the patience to actually get good stuff off the GTS.

*You can accurately predict about 89% of the time when your opponent on Random Matchup is going to disconnect.

*Your hearing improves noticeably when people nearby are talking about Pokemon.

*Your friend asks you a question about their Pokemon game and you answer almost before they stop talking.

*Your level 100 Wynaut got there without help from the daycare, Exp. Share, Lucky Egg, or cheating devices.

*You have 60 ribbons on one Pokemon.

*You put more effort towards EV training than you do towards homework.

*You have more Pokemon forum accounts than you have bank accounts.

*You've ever used colored duct tape to turn a toy Poké Ball into a Great Ball or Ultra Ball.

*The reason you didn't hear Ghetsis's battle music was because you had the DS muted out of fear of your teacher discovering what you were really doing in class.

*You make a point of learning to identify the Generation V Pokemon by their cries as quickly as possible, because you've already done so for all the others.

*The phrase "I sleep with plush Pokemon" can go either way with you.

*You organize Pokemon tournaments with your cousins on Christmas Eve, with Delibird eggs as prizes.

*You can find your way through Rock Tunnel without Flash easily.

*You are able to procure a female Speed Boost Carvanha off the GTS, breed from it to obtain a male Adamant Speed Boost Carvanha, EV train it, evolve it into Sharpedo, and get it up to level 50, all in the span of one morning.

*Setting the wallpaper on your cell phone involved taking a picture of your DS screen while playing Pokemon.

*The fact that the low level Japanese Sandshrew you traded a level 100 EV trained Weezing for over the GTS did not have Sand Rush put you in a fouler mood than your math class did.

*The minigame on Pokemon.com for befriending an Eeveelution did not irritate you.

*You remember the exact date the shiny Ekans ran from you in the Safari Zone.

*Everybody you know knows what your favorite Pokemon is, whether they like it or not.

*You frequently list in your head the wild Pokemon that you think would appear on your property, complete with encounter rates.

*Your idea of porn is Google-image searching for a character from Pokemon with the SafeSearch turned off.

*Your idea of multitasking is EV-training more than one Pokemon at the same time.

*You can effortlessly count up how many battles it'll take against wild Basculin with Pokerus and a Macho Brace to max out the Speed EV, but you can't pass an Algebra test.

*Your classmates refer to you as a Pokemon master.

*Your friend battles your legit Pokemon with blatant hacks and you still win.

*Your friend's Tyranitar was no match for your Bidoof.

*You own more EV-trained, level 100 Pokemon than you do pairs of underwear.

*You tell people how many shiny Pokemon you have and they do double-takes.

*Your idea of a good time involves sitting down with a snack and watching your Battle Videos.

*You've ever uploaded a Battle Video to the Global Terminal, then re-downloaded it and saved it because it was just too good.

*You've ever been down to just your Stunfisk and still managed to defeat your opponent's three remaining Pokemon- in a Triple Battle.

*You got Black Version the day it came out and beat it that Tuesday.

*You've memorized which trainers use what Pokemon in your Black City.

*Someone asks you what your ringtone sounds like and you start up your Pokemon game to show them.

*You actually turn your hat backwards when you're about to catch a Pokemon or when you're down to your last Pokemon in a battle- and you wear a cowboy hat.

*The term "Audino grinding" has weaseled its way into your daily vocabulary.

*You've ever used the phrase "Arceus damn it".

*The events of the Pokemon anime are more important to you than politics, even though you're old enough to vote.

*The only dreams you seem to remember are the ones about Pokemon.

*You've ever devoted an entire afternoon to sorting your Pokemon cards.

*There are Pokemon figures prominently displayed anywhere in your room.

*Even though you don't play HeartGold or SoulSilver anymore, you still go to college with at least three Pokewalkers clipped to your belt every day.

*You've ever used the Entralink to connect with a total stranger.

*You use your complete collection of Unown as a "keyboard" in GTS negotiations.

*You wrote part of the Team Rocket motto on the back of your Trainer Card.

*Your six boxes of EV-trained Pokemon are sorted in National Dex order.

*You tie a knot in a small garbage bag and pause for a moment to admire its resemblence to Trubbish.

*Your collection of Pokemon figures weighs more than your school textbooks. And you're in college. Because them books is heavy.

*You've ever used the phrase "Do you have any idea how long that is in Pokemon fanatic years?!".

*You've ever made a gingerbread cookie in the likeness of Missingno.

*Your EV trained level 100s take up five PC boxes, and that's just the non-shiny ones.

*You sort said level 100s by National Pokedex order.

*Your idea of a perfect day includes Pokemon battles.

*A popular topic of conversation with you would be the merits of teaching Fire Fang to an Arbok.

*You planned your team for Black version before all the Generation V Pokemon were revealed.

*You planned your team for HeartGold before the games were even announced.

*You were lying awake and constantly tapping the refresh button on your DSi in the middle of the night when they revealed the Generation V starters.

*You saw the Generation V starters and made your choice within four seconds. And haven't changed your mind since.

*You are presented with the English names of all the new Pokemon and don't have a single complaint, unless you count how long it's taking for the games to come out.

*Your brother reports that he heard you saying "Poké Ball, go!" in your sleep.

*You've ever used blue and red duct tape to turn one of those small plastic toy Poké Balls that come with the Pokemon keychains into a Great Ball, or yellow and black duct tape to turn it into an Ultra Ball. Or both.

*You pre-order Pokemon games regardless of the pre-order bonus or lack thereof.

*You own more than one Missingno.

*Your team in Blue version usually consists of Glitch Pokemon and a Kangaskhan you evolved from an 'M.

*Your incentive for getting up early on Saturdays is to watch the new episode of Pokemon.

*You own more Pokewalkers than copies of HeartGold or SoulSilver.

*You go to college on a daily basis with at least three Pokewalkers clipped to your belt.

*You stockpile Master Balls.

*You constantly daydream about how you think your first gym match in Black/White will play out. Anime style.

*You've ever defeated a level 48 Dialga with a level 6 Doduo.

*You have more than one Pokemon that utilizes the F.E.A.R. strategy.

*You squealed with delight when the B/W dub brought back the "Who's That Pokemon" segment.

*You got your Pokedex and evolved your starter, but not in that order.

*You've ever correctly predicted the English names of any Pokemon that didn't keep its Japanese name.

*When you upload a PC box to the Global Terminal labeled "MRRYXMAS", which contains a bunch of Unown that spell out "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!", a regular Kingler, a shiny Kingler, a Stantler, and a Delibird.

*When you know that Kingler is an anagram for Kringle. As in Kris Kringle. As in Santa Claus (guilty).

*When you actually take the time to EV train a Delibird.

*When you've ever obtained a shiny Pokemon on Christmas.

*When you write a Christmas-themed chapter of a Pokemon fanfic where the protagonists face off against Santa Claus in a double battle.

*When you've ever traded a rare/powerful Pokemon to someone else as a Christmas gift.

*You still have a Pokemon toy that came from Burger King in the 1990s.

*You've ever soft-reset for a shiny Pokemon.

*Your team on Shoddy Battle includes Arbok and Weezing.

*Your battle against the champion in Yellow version finished with your Pikachu finishing your rival's Jolteon with Thunderbolt.

*During aformentioned battle, you yelled out "Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!".

*You've ever woken up in the middle of the night, yelling "Weezing, Sludge attack!".

*You've ever let loose a string of swearwords due to something that happened in a Pokemon game.

*You retrieve your Weezing that was in your now-destroyed Pokewalker and immediately hug your DS.

*It is impossible to fit all of your Pokemon games in the same case.

*Any of your Pokemon gained over 85 levels in the daycare alone.

*At least two of your shinies were obtained on your birthday.

*You still own a Pokemon Mini and at least three games for it.

*You know for a fact that it is possible to get a Dusknoir with Mega Kick.

*You do the necessary chain breeding to get a Bulbasaur with Sludge.

*You constantly fantasize about how your life would be if Pokemon was real.

*You've ever used Wite-Out and red ink to turn a toy Poké Ball into a Premier Ball.

*Putting the accent over the e in "Pokémon" is second nature to you by now.

*Your Pokemon card collection fills up at least 8 binders.

*You buy booster packs of Pokémon cards out of that vending machine in the grocery store in spite of the outrageous price.

*You buy a Pokemon figure out of aforementioned vending machine, it gets stuck in the machine, and your first instinct is to headbutt it.

*You count Flaaffy when you can't sleep.

*You consider shiny hunting to be the ultimate thrill.

*Your idea of living dangerously is looking for shiny Pokemon in the Safari Zone.

*You have at least 19 legitimately obtained Master Balls in one game.

*You can't remember which of the three shiny Linoone in your PC was the shiny Zigzagoon that was your first shiny ever.

*You have at least three ringtones that involve Pokemon.

*You only set an alarm on the days that you are going out to buy a new Pokemon game.

*In preparation for Diamond and Pearl, you raised a Sneasel to level 99 and nicknamed it Weavile.

*Part of the reason you were teased in grade school was because your favorite Pokemon was Wobbuffet.

*You knew what your team would be in HG/SS before the games were even announced.

*You have a driver's license, no credit cards, and at least twenty Pokemon games.

*As a result of restarting games, trading Pokemon, and liberal, frequent usage of Pal Park, you have at least eighteen Master Balls in one game.

*Whenever you realize that you hate mowing the lawn, you wish you had a Rotom to do it for you.

*You own a shiny Rattata in Rumble that didn't involve entering a password.

*Your parents don't let you name family pets out of fear that you'll name them after a Pokemon.

*The vast majority of your dreams involve Pokemon.

*You did not worry too much over what to evolve your shiny Tyrogue into because you had three of them.

*You're only two away from your goal of obtaining all shiny Eeveelutions.

*Your only motivation for getting a GameCube was Pokemon Colosseum.

*Roughly 1/4 of your PC space is occupied by shiny Pokemon.

*The background on your phone depicts one of your shiny Pokemon.

*You routinely restart Generation III games after Pal Parking over the Master Ball.

*You've ever defeated a level 48 Dialga with a level 6 Doduo.

*You could retire by selling your Pokemon card collection on ebay.

*The Black/White starters being revealed and you deciding on your starter happened within four seconds of each other.

*You've ever defeated Roxanne with nothing but a Dustox.

*The Riolu egg Riley gave you and the Lucario you kicked Byron's a s s with are one and the same.

*You know for a fact that Intimidate Fire Fang Arbok is a reliable Scizor counter.

*Your idea of a great time involves a Pokemon battle.

*You have so many different ID numbers that you always win something in the lottery.

*You own no less than three shiny Haunter in Rumble.

*You yawn on purpose to try to make people sleepy.

*You can't find your bed beneath all your Pokemon plushes.

*You routinely search ebay for plush versions of your favorite Pokemon... And your favorite Pokemon is Weezing.

With a mustache.
 
NLOLP. Waaaaaay too long.

Check out my sig:
 
Lol

I'm not prejudice. I just hate everyone equally.
 
NLOLP

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
 
NLOLP

KanaKanaKanaKanaKana
KanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKana
KanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKana
KanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKanaKana
I LIEK MUDKIPZ!
 
NLOLP


Some weird things some kids said (caution: it's quite long)

I'm being haive!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother told him told to behave
"I'm not an oxymoron!" -- 7 year old
"TNT." -- Given as an answer for a written spelling bee, when the teacher called the word "dynamite."
"I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!" -- 8 year old son.
"I had to read and write six book reports." -- Girl, in an email to her friend, attempting to explain what she had to do over the summer. She later tried sending a correction, which read, "I had to read and write six books."
"Oh, well Mom said all I had to use was the sponge and dish detergent." -- 12 year old daughter, when her father told her he used elbow grease to get the dishes clean
"Do they look after the Pokemon?" -- City kid, when asked what a gamekeeper does.
"Why don't you get some expensive money?" -- 3 year old daughter, when told by her mother that she could get a small toy but that the ones asked for were too expensive
"I have a rock in my nose." -- 2 year old son, greeting his mother after preschool, a full hour after recess was over.
"There's no one in there." -- 6 year old son, in response to seeing his father hanging pictures and tapping on the walls to find the support beams.
"Quiet!" -- 4 year old, when asked what begins with 'M' and sounds good.
"If I was a raccoon I would eat the farmer's corpse." -- A kindergartener, writing a story about what we would do if he were a raccoon
"Well, sometimes I say something mean to my brother, but I feel really good inside. Does that mean I'm a hypocrite?" -- 7 year old girl, after a Sunday School teacher explained that a hypocrite was someone who says one thing but feels something else.
"Daddy, did your hair slip?" -- 3 year old son, to his bald but long bearded father
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it's printed on the bottom." -- 3 year old son, when his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens
"How will that help?" -- Kindergarten student, when the class was instructed to hold up two fingers if any of them had to go to the bathroom
"They didn't see it -- it was all cut off!" -- 2 year old son, when his mother was asked how his grandparents liked his new haircut
"Tell me when you're asleep, ok?" -- 7 year old son, overheard talking to his 5 year old brother.
"I had a fraction in my neck and had to go to the hospital for a long time." -- Fifth grader, to his class.
"Well you're old, and you're not dead." -- "3 year old son, to his father. The comment followed an explanation of why the father's grandparents weren't around anymore.
"Are you kidding me?! They go together like balogna and cheese! No, wait. More like mayonnaise and bread." -- 9 year old girl, when asked if her brother and cousin hang out a lot.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal." -- A young son, examining the contents of a box of Animal Crackers
"Don't kid me, Mom, I know they're my feet." -- 3 year old son, when his mother told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
"Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!" -- Boy, overheard at the hospital
"How do you put make up on your mind?" -- Girl, when told she should make up her mind.
"I wish someone we knew would die so we could leave them flowers." -- 6 year old girl, upon seeing flowers in a cemetery.
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email." -- 4 year old girl, misquoting the Lord's Prayer
"Watch out, Daddy. Mommy's got her eye on you!" -- 4 year old girl, after hearing her mother telling her father that she'd take an I.O.U. for a promised restaurant dinner.
"I didn't look much -- I've only got little eyes!" -- 7 year old, about to be scolded for peeking at her Christmas presents.
"When you were my age, you was just a baby!" -- 5 year old.
"Why don't they just do what they did in 1899?" -- On preparing for Y2K in 1999.
"Daddy doesn't like that man, does he?" -- Daughter of John Cleese and Connie Booth, during the filming of the Black Knight scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
I Feel So Old:

"This is the biggest CD I've ever seen!" -- On first seeing a record.
"You know those big CDs?" -- High school student describing a record.
What We Learned From the Ice Storm of 1998:

"Never take your little sister to a shelter." -- 12 year old
"Trees aren't as strong as I thought they were." -- 11 year old
"Not to kid around saying timber around people." -- 12 year old
"Don't live in Maine." -- 13 year old
"I learned that if you plug your generator into your TV, VCR, or your computer, it will cause too much friction and it will blow up." -- 10 year old
"I didn't miss school at all. What are you talking about?" -- 15 year old
Kid Stories:

The other day my five year old grandson was lounging on my lap.
Him: "Poppop, you have hair in your nose."
Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."
Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."
Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have to grow it somewhere."
Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some of it out for you?"
I declined the offer.

In a preschool class I used to teach, we had two little girls who played every day that they were characters from classic Disney cartoons. One day I heard one calling the other "Allison." I didn't know a single Disney character named Allison, so I asked the little girl who she was today. She replied, "Allison Wonderland."

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

Conversation overheard at a zoo in Tasmania, where a young kid was looking at a wombat:

Kid: "Look Dad, dog!"
Dad: "No, not a dog. Remember, we talked about what this is?"
Kid: (thinks) "Dog!"
Dad: "Noooo. It starts with a 'w'."
Kid: "W......w......w......wdog!"
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

A high school teacher asked when surfing was popular in the USA. A cheerleader in the class said, "The 60s." The teacher asked her to be more specific, and she said, confidently, "The 1960s."

I just had an interesting conversation with my sister. She was talking about the "carcass" of a printer.

Me: "You mean 'cartridge'? 'Carcass' is a dead body."
Her: "Oh, yeah, cartridge! But a dead body is a 'cork'."
Me: "'Cork'? You mean 'corpse'?"
Her: "Uh, yeah."
I had a party a few weeks ago, and a really good friend of the family had brought some cousins, about 7 and 5 years old. The older one looked up at a guest and said:

Older Kid: "I bet you're 40."
Younger Kid: "No, he's 80!"
Older Kid: "85!"
Younger Kid: "No, he's 100!"
Older Kid: "He's not 100, that's when you die."
When I called home one day, my six year old son answered the phone. "Hello," he said, panting a little. I said, "Hi, Nick. Wow, you sound out of breath." He replied, "No, I have more."

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

When we were trick or treating in my neighborhood, my three year old cousin came along. When we walked down the side of the street, and whenever he saw a stop sign, he made us all stop in front of it, look both ways, then continue on.

In my Sunday School class, we discussed what we would give up for Lent. One eight year old girl said she'd give up homework. I replied that the idea was to give up something she liked. She said, "But I like homework!" A seven year old boy, in the same class, said he'd give up fighting with his brother. I asked if he could give it up for so long. He said, "Well, it's only until next week, so that's ok."

I told my boys, aged 9 and 6, that I wanted to stop and get some hair coloring. My 6 year old asked what color I was getting and why. I told him that it was just to cover my gray and left it at that. They were like kids in a candy store, searching for the "perfect" color. We agreed on one, bought it, and left. That weekend, at church, a lady said she really liked the color of my hair. My 9 year old beamed and said, "Thanks, I picked it out!"

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side), put his hands up like claws, and roar. Step, step, ROAR, step step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. The crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing and was almost crying by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
 
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LOL (I did at least once)

"So do you like to do your nails?"

"... Well yes..."

"Do you like to make sure you look nice?"

"I already do!"

"Well what about your hair?"

"Always has to look nice!"

"Oh really? That's too bad then..."

"Huh?"

"Y-You're hair's become a SPIDER WEB! LE GASP!"

Delayed reaction...

".........WHAT! AHHHHHH GET IT OFF I HAVE BUGFOBIA!"

"Psh it's a called an arachinid, and it took you that long to say the wrong thing?"
(maybe not funny but to me I lol'd when she freaked out...)
 
NLOLP

"Officer! I swear to drunk, I'm not God!"
 
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