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COMPLETE: Mew's Thoughts

S

ShinyMuk

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(Waking up)- Ahhh, good morning! oh wait, i have no one to talk to. who the fella who made only one mew? i heard about mewto, but he and his clones flew away! so, everyday i wake up saying good morning to myself.
Sometimes, once in a blue moon, comes a trainer, which, always but always look the same (must of being born to the same GameBoy eh i mean mother). and they all do the same thing: Throw a master ball, now come on, thats not fair. i mean they dont even give me a chance to fight them! and then, after im captured, only then the creator remindes to make another one of me for another player and catch, so us mews are living in a cycle. The only time a mew met another mew was when they battled eachother.

Hey, i see a trainer coming! too bad he doesnt speak pokemonish. i would of told him to let me fight him, its better for the personality. But, i see, he has a master ball, oh well, this is goodbye, and if you have a mew, tell him to call, im getting lonely.

---------

This one of my storys ill post. please post reccomend on who to write a story next
 
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Re: Mew's Thaughts

well, i didnt really think about that, this thread is suppoused to be as if mew wrote down his thaughts,,
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

I see. However, it's rife with errors that I see you making as well. Including the title--it's "thoughts".

I see by your location that English probably isn't your first language, but in any language you still have to have things *happen* in a story. Even a slice-of-life story has oddities of the day to day. This is "I woke up, I thought about some things, and there was a trainer but neither of us did anything".
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

You're partly wrong:

My first language is english. ive been in australia for 11 years (we moved to israel a year ago). i barely know hebrew, and you are supposed to learn from mistakes.

and for the record when i wrote the story it was supposed to be a short one, like a chapter out of a book. i didnt really mean to write a novel.
Its supposed to be as if mew wrote down his thoughts
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

Things can happen in a story that short. But this is a stream of conciousness and it's not interesting at all.

Honestly, if your first language is English and you're at least twelve years old, there's no reason to be making this many mistakes. I admit I can't spell for crap, but there's online spellchecks and everything.
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

ShinyMuk said:
You're partly wrong:and for the record when i wrote the story it was supposed to be a short one, like a chapter out of a book. i didnt really mean to write a novel.
Click to expand...

Oh, right, because every book you pick up has three paragraphs worth of words in every chapter.
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

i really dont get this. if you dont like my story, dont read it.
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

This is not good...
It is barely coherent, the thoughts are rambling and uninteresting, the length is short, the grammar and spelling are awful...in short it's just really poor writing. I'm sorry. There's even a spelling error in the title.
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

ShinyMuk said:
i really dont get this. if you dont like my story, dont read it.
Click to expand...

Critics do what critics do. I'm paid Post Counts for these reviews, ya know?

All jokes aside, (I've been saying this for the past few threads...) the IDEA is there, the GRAMMAR, PLOT and SPELLING aren't. If you don't have Microsoft Office, google OpenOffice and install it, because you really need a spellcheck. Proofread it (that is, read through it) before you release it. Does it seem good to you?

But no, there may be bias. Give it to your friend (if you have one who has the time to read it), see if they think it's good. If it's not good, expand on the plot. Perhaps something like explaining why Caterpie is so weak, or how Caterpie wants to kill the Butterfree for being so strong. Or something like that.
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

for everyone - sorry i got mad. but i have a suckish keyboard that barely writes. now ill answer questions:

...you were the fastest sperm, huh?
Click to expand...
What?
Critics do what critics do. I'm paid Post Counts for these reviews, ya know?

All jokes aside, (I've been saying this for the past few threads...) the IDEA is there, the GRAMMAR, PLOT and SPELLING aren't. If you don't have Microsoft Office, google OpenOffice and install it, because you really need a spellcheck. Proofread it (that is, read through it) before you release it. Does it seem good to you?

But no, there may be bias. Give it to your friend (if you have one who has the time to read it), see if they think it's good. If it's not good, expand on the plot. Perhaps something like explaining why Caterpie is so weak, or how Caterpie wants to kill the Butterfree for being so strong. Or something like that.
Click to expand...

first of all i wasnt really thinking they"ll check my grammar or my spelling. and im in israel. we learn arabic before we learn english. so im the only teenager in the neighborhood who speeks english. but thanks for the critics.
 
(sorry for double-posting)
the story is supposed to be as if mew is speaking. when you think or speak, you dont really check for grammar.
 
ShinyMuk said:
(sorry for double-posting)
the story is supposed to be as if mew is speaking. when you think or speak, you dont really check for grammar.
Click to expand...

it doesn't matter. unless the character is speaking in conversation, and/or is obviously a person that speaks in all slang and has no respect for (or awareness of the rules of) the english language, your writing ALWAYS has to be grammatically correct. the entire story being just about thoughts isn't an excuse; if anything, you need to try even harder to have correct grammar.
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

ShinyMuk said:
for everyone - sorry i got mad. but i have a suckish keyboard that barely writes. now ill answer questions:

first of all i wasnt really thinking they"ll check my grammar or my spelling. and im in israel. we learn arabic before we learn english. so im the only teenager in the neighborhood who speeks english. but thanks for the critics.
Click to expand...
*critiques

So English isn't your first language. Make up your mind, you're trapping yourself in a web of lies.

As for fixing the problem about your friends, we have a beta reader's thread.
http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=29873
The thread explains what beta readers are, but I'll tell you anyway. Beta readers are people who will read your story before you release it publicly, and help spot for plotholes and grammar/spelling errors. Very useful.
 
No, he's saying that at school they learn Arabic before English, so he's ahead.
 
Re: Mew's Thaughts

White Len said:
*critiques

So English isn't your first language. Make up your mind, you're trapping yourself in a web of lies.

As for fixing the problem about your friends, we have a beta reader's thread.
http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/showthread.php?t=29873
The thread explains what beta readers are, but I'll tell you anyway. Beta readers are people who will read your story before you release it publicly, and help spot for plotholes and grammar/spelling errors. Very useful.
Click to expand...

no. i have nothing to lie about.
english is my first language, but i dont really use it.
 
Wait. Doesn't Mew have telepathic powers? He can just mind-communicate with said Trainer, and have a decent battle.
Woo, just poked a big hole in your story.
 
All of you: Boo!

You're judging this story on preconcieved notions of what a story should be like. I can enjoy this for what it is and that I do most earnestly.

This is like a Pokemon version of Wesley Willis.

Shiny Muk, I implore you to continue this project and to not be discouraged by all of my fellow reviewers. I love your username, but must say I prefer Haifa to Tel Aviv. As a whole though, I find Coca-Cola to be more enjoyable in Israel than where I am located.
 
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Please note: The thread is from 16 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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