Music: Need some comments

Doctor Floptopus

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I'm writing a folk style piece based on Fantasia on Welsh Nursery Tunes by Grace Williams for my GCSE music, but I've been given conflicting opinions from my teachers so I'd love another opinion on how to improve. Please help!
(The software won't let me attach sound files and I don't want to upload the file onto a common file sharing site in case I'm accused of plagiarism)
 

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