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My Fate with Evil: Book 1, chapter 1 is up!!!

Kantomasta

Kantomasta

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hello all, after the advice on my thread in writers block, i made this, i will be updating this more than third starter, but i will update third starter. oh, and short prologue is short!!

My Fate with Evil: Prologue​

There we stood, looking at each other. I had a pokeball in my hand, my opponent the same. We both knew the same thing; this would be the final battle.

I threw the pokeball; it flashed and revealed a creature, a Pokémon. My opponent, Giovanni, did the same.

My Pokémon ran forward and grabbed his. He laughed as we watched the Pokémon fight to the death. My Pokémon clawed his, while mine got a horn to the stomach. The Pokémon fought viciously, but mine came out on top.

I walked over to my opponent, all these years of fighting for my life would end, right here, right now, on the place where it began. …

I guess I should tell you how I got here, the beginning three or four years ago. In this same spot, before I knew that I would have to fight for my life, right here in this spot…..
 
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Re: My Fate with Evil: Book 1, prologue is up!!

Well, you're right about saying it was short. I really think it has quite abit of potential now though! Since it's the prologue, this isn't a HUGE deal, but remember to add dialogue to make it more interesting. THis story could easily go far!
 
Re: My Fate with Evil: Book 1, prologue is up!!

An interesting (but short, as you said) prologue, albeit a bit of a cliché one...

It could have been better if you left the outcome of the battle out, so we're in the dark until the end of the fanfic (which I guess will show this scene again).
 
Re: My Fate with Evil: Book 1, prologue is up!!

Well, it is short!!! XD

It is great thought, you should keep writing. :)
 
Re: My Fate with Evil: Book 1, prologue is up!!

Chapter 1: It all Begins​


All was normal in the town of Pallet, the wind blowing, the Pidgey chirping, perfectly normal. The only thing that would change this day from some others, was that a young boy was about to start his journey, the journey that he would risk his life in, even if he didn’t know it at first.

Damian walked down the road, a smile on his face. The boy was dressed in his favorite clothes, A Green baseball cap with a pokeball symbol, a blue jacket with a red T-shirt, blue jeans and blue sneakers. On his neck was a necklace that would later hold the pokeball of his first Pokémon.

As he neared the lab, he could see it in its glory. The white building with a Doduo on top was standing there. Damian couldn’t believe it, today was the day he would meet professor Oak. He hoped the professor was there.
“Sir, are we ready to dominate Pallet town then the rest of Kanto?” A grunt yelled.
Giovanni just smiled and nodded, “Let’s move out” he said.

As Damian shoved open the double doors, he saw assistants running this way and that way, all over. He then saw the pokeballs, one of them would be his today. He walked forward, towards the table.

“WAIT!! DON’T TOUCH THOSE!!!” a voice yelled. Professor Oak came running towards the table. Damian jumped back in shock.

"Sorry! I-I-I just thought since I was a new trainer," Damian answered. He was scared, all his life he thought the professor was nice. Now, the professor seemed mad.

"Oh wait, you're a new trainer, and since you are starting in pallet..," the professor's voice trailed off. "OK, I need to ask you a few questions first, are you a boy or girl?" Damian just said boy, annoyed. "Ok, all you need to do is tell me your name then select a pokemon".

"I'm Damian, and I want a Bulbasaur," Damian said. He picked up Bulbasaur's Pokeball, but just to find it was empty.

"Oh, I forgot to say, two or three trainers have already been here," Oak explained.

Damian just shrugged it off and picked up Charmander's Pokeball, but it was empty too. Damian then picked up Squirtle's Pokeball, only to find it as he expected, empty.

"Sorry about that, three trainers have already gotten Pokémon, I guess I could have you go with one of my assistants to go catch a Rattata or Pidgey,” he said.

I nodded my head as fast as I could. He called over one of his assistants whom he called “Elm”. What was with the tree names? Oh well, so me and this Elm guy walked out of the lab and into the grass. Finally, a Rattata walked up to us.

“Ok Damian, watch me. Go Weedle!” He yelled. A brown snake creature thing appeared. “Poison sting!” he said. The Weedle shot a needle at Rattata and the Rattata was blown backwards. The Rattata used tackle.

“Normally you have to weaken them more, but see how is gets light purple, then dark then back again? That means he’s poisoned,” Elm explained. He threw a pokeball at the Rattata, and it shook, one, twice….
 
For an idea, it's quite nice! First thing I want to do though, is go through all the grammar errors.
Here I've fixed all that I could.
All was normal in the town of Pallet, with the wind blowing, the Pidgey chirping, perfectly normal. The only thing that would change this day from others was that a young boy was about to start his journey, the journey that he would risk his life in, even if he didn’t know it at first.

Damian walked down the road, a smile on his face. The boy was dressed in his favorite clothes, A green baseball cap with a pokeball symbol, a blue jacket with a red T-shirt, blue jeans and blue sneakers. On his neck was a necklace that would later hold the pokeball of his first Pokémon.

As he neared the lab, he could see it in all (it's probably a good word to put there its glory. The white building with a Doduo on top was standing there. Damian couldn’t believe it, today was the day he would meet Professor Oak. He just hoped the professor was there.

MAJOR THING. WHEN YOU'RE MOVING TO A NEW AREA, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY PUT A ROW OF ASTERISKS OR SOMETHING
****​
/B]

“Sir, are we ready to dominate Pallet Town, then the rest of Kanto?” A grunt yelled.
Giovanni just smiled and nodded, “Let’s move out” he said.

As Damian shoved open the double doors, he saw assistants running this way and that way, all over. He then saw the pokeballs, one of them would be his today. He walked forward, towards the table.

“WAIT!! DON’T TOUCH THOSE!!!” a voice yelled. Professor Oak came running towards the table. Damian jumped back in shock.

"Sorry! I-I-I just thought since I was a new trainer," Damian answered. He was scared, all his life he thought the professor was nice. Now, the professor seemed mad.

"Oh wait, you're a new trainer, and since you are starting in Pallet..," the professor's voice trailed off. "OK, I need to ask you a few questions, first, are you a boy or girl?" Damian simply said boy, annoyed. "Ok, all you need to do is tell me your name then select a pokemon".

"I'm Damian, and I want a Bulbasaur," Damian said. He picked up Bulbasaur's Pokeball, but just to find it was empty.

"Oh, I forgot to say, two or three trainers have already been here," Oak explained.

Damian just shrugged it off and picked up Charmander's Pokeball, but it was empty too. Damian then picked up Squirtle's Pokeball, only to find it was, as he expected, empty.

"Sorry about that, three trainers have already gotten Pokémon, I guess I could have you go with one of my assistants to go catch a Rattata or Pidgey,” he said.

I nodded my head as fast as I could. He called over one of his assistants whom he called “Elm”. What was with the tree names? Oh well, so mthis Elm guy and Iwalked out of the lab and into the grass. Finally, a Rattata walked up to us.

“Ok Damian, watch me. Go Weedle!” He yelled. A brown snake creature thing appeared. “Poison Sting!” he said. The Weedle shot a needle at Rattata and the Rattata was blown backwards. The Rattata used Tackle.

“Normally you have to weaken them more, but see howit turns light purple, then turns back again? That means it's poisoned,” Elm explained. He threw a pokeball at the Rattata, and it shook, one, twice….


I'm only going over grammar here. You should show me, not tell me. Where you say Rattata used Tackle, instead you could say "The Rattata stood up, then dashed towards Weedle at a breakneck pace, eventually slamming into it. Just add some more description. I look forward to seeing more!
 
thanks for the advice, and about the moving to a different person thing, it actually was supposed to have ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but it didnt show up.
 
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