Naoto's Graphic Novel Concepts

[Naoto]

So I'm trying to create a Graphic Novel, and right now, I'm just getting character concepts along with my drawing ability itself to be critiqued.

Anyway, here's the main heroine.

She's a mysterious teenage Vampire Girl named Alice who happens to be a childhood friend of the protagonist.

 

[Akromatic]

-Webbed armpits. I'm going to safely assume that that's part of her shirt.
-The scarf should curve with her breasts.
-The mouth looks a bit weird.