Togepretty
The Ash Defender
- Joined
- Dec 30, 2002
- Messages
- 266
- Reaction score
- 0
"New School"
“New School”
‘Why couldn’t I say anything? Why does it always happen? If I was at home, I would have stood my ground. I would have raised up an argument. I would have thrown about some insults. But no, I froze. I stared at her stupidly, as if she had just spoken a foreign language that I couldn’t understand. I’m such a chicken.’
She stopped typing for a second to ponder the scenarios that might have resulted from her taking action. She knew people probably thought of her as weak and scared...and it was the truth. She continued to type.
‘And if I had said anything, what then? Would I be able to back myself up? Would I have over-reacted and made a fool of myself? I probably would have gotten in trouble.’
The last thing that she had ever wanted to do was create a scene. She liked attention. She liked it a lot. But she did not want, need, or deserve that kind of attention. She didn’t want to be the subject of gossip.
‘It’s just easier to let it slide.’
But she always wondered, if she were to have defended herself, would it have benefited her. She couldn’t help but think that had she had more guts, maybe people would start looking at her differently. Maybe people would treat her with more respect. Perhaps, even like her more. The person they saw was not the real her. She wished that she could regain the nonchalant attitude that she had when she was younger. That was a time when she was always herself. She was happy because she wasn’t hiding anything. What people saw, was who she really was. It was not some shy facade that people knew of her today, and where now, saying she had self-esteem issues would be an understatement.
She knew the reason why the mask had appeared, and she knew how to get rid of it. Unfortunately, the solution is something she just couldn’t manage to achieve.
‘How do you stop caring what people think?’
It was, in her mind, a great flaw. It was the one component that would usually stop her from expressing herself. She feared that being herself might alienate her even more than she already was. She wanted desperately to let people in. She wanted them to see her, and see her life, her thoughts, her dreams.
She had friends. They were few, but they were good ones. They knew who she really was, because they took the time to find out. They wanted to be around her, because they liked her personality. There was an effort put in by them to pull her out of the shell she had grown-The one that protected her from the judgmental. That was also something she couldn’t help thinking about...
‘If I wasn’t so reserved I’d probably make more friends.’
In reality, it was the same people she longed to be friends with, that had stifled her care-free personality in the first place.
‘It’s their fault,’ she thought, unknowingly pounding down on the keys much harder than before. ‘Things were so different. Things had changed so drastically. I wasn’t prepared. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t they like me?’
Tears streaked her cheeks. She wasn’t even aware that she had begun to cry. She tried to concentrate on what she was writing, but only disjointed thoughts were popping into her head.
‘I shouldn’t care...It doesn’t matter...I just wish I could start over...Then it would be different.’
A loud car horn distracted her.
She glanced at the nearby window. “Stupid jerks. Don’t they know what time it is?” She went back to the keyboard, trying to regain focus. The beeping continued. She fought the urge to take a peek, because she knew that she’d lose her train of thought. Staring at the computer screen, she realized that her train of thought had long since pulled out of the station, and was headed on the express route across the country. Sighing, she lazily left her chair, and finally took a look at the annoyances who dare disturb her.
She pulled up the blinds, and came face to face with her best friend.
“Hey Sharon!” came a muffled greeting created by the closed window between them. Sharon nearly jumped backwards, she was so startled.
“What are you doing?!” She cried out, peering around her friend’s head to view the familiar car parked in front of her house.
“I finally bought it,” John stated excitedly, referring to the brand new black mini-van that he was working towards buying for over a year.
“Come on out. I’ll take you for a ride.” She could see her other two friends poking their heads out of the car, beckoning for her to join them.
“Um...” She stared back at the computer screen, her daily entry left unfinished, even though she knew there was so much more she wanted to write.
John could see Sharon hesitating. It always took a bit of coaxing to get her to do something. But he didn’t mind, because that’s just how she was. “Come oooooonnn...”he whined childishly. He then started to bounce up and down outside her house.
Sharon was greatly amused, but also embarrassed. She hoped her neighbors weren’t watching this. But she couldn’t help the smile that swept across her face. “Do you really need me?” she asked, teasingly.
“Of course! It wouldn’t be the same without you! Plus, how else are you going to witness my awesome driving skills?” His chestnut eyes grinned with glee.
Sharon felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness wash over her as she stared at her friends calling out to her to join them. She gave in, as usual, while thinking, ‘If only they could call ahead, like normal people. Just once...’
“I’ll be right out,” she announced.
“We’ll be waiting,” John replied, making his way back to the car, while giving her a big smile, glad with his success.
She lowered the blinds, and went in search of her purse and jacket. After collecting these things, she shouted out to her grandmother, “I’m going out with John, Andy, and Lisa. I won’t be gone long.”
Her grandmother’s voice echoed with experienced concern. “Okay, don’t forget to call, if you’re going to be late. I don’t want to be up all night worrying.”
Sharon rolled her eyes, but gave the usual response. “I know.” She headed towards the door, but was stopped by her grandmother’s familiarity with Sharon’s habits..
“Did you shut off the computer? Or did you leave it on...again.”
Sharon stared at the floor sheepishly, even though her grandmother couldn’t see her. Deciding not to dignify the question with a response, she went back to her room to shut the computer off. That’s when she realized that she hadn’t finished her “rant”. Once again, her friend’s car horn made itself heard. Another smile crept to her lips.
Suddenly, it came to her. She knew what she wanted to say as she began to type.
‘I’m happy with who I am. Those who don’t want to know me, don’t deserve to, and it’s their loss.’
Satisfied, she saved, and powered off.
Title of document: The Great Pretender
A/N: This was just meant to be a short one-shot, but it might become more. It depends on how horrible my ideas are for another chapter. Also, this is pretty much the first original anything I've ever posted. So I'm kind of nervous about it. ^^;;; Critiques and suggestions are welcome. And keep in mind, this might be all there is to the story.
“New School”
‘Why couldn’t I say anything? Why does it always happen? If I was at home, I would have stood my ground. I would have raised up an argument. I would have thrown about some insults. But no, I froze. I stared at her stupidly, as if she had just spoken a foreign language that I couldn’t understand. I’m such a chicken.’
She stopped typing for a second to ponder the scenarios that might have resulted from her taking action. She knew people probably thought of her as weak and scared...and it was the truth. She continued to type.
‘And if I had said anything, what then? Would I be able to back myself up? Would I have over-reacted and made a fool of myself? I probably would have gotten in trouble.’
The last thing that she had ever wanted to do was create a scene. She liked attention. She liked it a lot. But she did not want, need, or deserve that kind of attention. She didn’t want to be the subject of gossip.
‘It’s just easier to let it slide.’
But she always wondered, if she were to have defended herself, would it have benefited her. She couldn’t help but think that had she had more guts, maybe people would start looking at her differently. Maybe people would treat her with more respect. Perhaps, even like her more. The person they saw was not the real her. She wished that she could regain the nonchalant attitude that she had when she was younger. That was a time when she was always herself. She was happy because she wasn’t hiding anything. What people saw, was who she really was. It was not some shy facade that people knew of her today, and where now, saying she had self-esteem issues would be an understatement.
She knew the reason why the mask had appeared, and she knew how to get rid of it. Unfortunately, the solution is something she just couldn’t manage to achieve.
‘How do you stop caring what people think?’
It was, in her mind, a great flaw. It was the one component that would usually stop her from expressing herself. She feared that being herself might alienate her even more than she already was. She wanted desperately to let people in. She wanted them to see her, and see her life, her thoughts, her dreams.
She had friends. They were few, but they were good ones. They knew who she really was, because they took the time to find out. They wanted to be around her, because they liked her personality. There was an effort put in by them to pull her out of the shell she had grown-The one that protected her from the judgmental. That was also something she couldn’t help thinking about...
‘If I wasn’t so reserved I’d probably make more friends.’
In reality, it was the same people she longed to be friends with, that had stifled her care-free personality in the first place.
‘It’s their fault,’ she thought, unknowingly pounding down on the keys much harder than before. ‘Things were so different. Things had changed so drastically. I wasn’t prepared. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t they like me?’
Tears streaked her cheeks. She wasn’t even aware that she had begun to cry. She tried to concentrate on what she was writing, but only disjointed thoughts were popping into her head.
‘I shouldn’t care...It doesn’t matter...I just wish I could start over...Then it would be different.’
A loud car horn distracted her.
She glanced at the nearby window. “Stupid jerks. Don’t they know what time it is?” She went back to the keyboard, trying to regain focus. The beeping continued. She fought the urge to take a peek, because she knew that she’d lose her train of thought. Staring at the computer screen, she realized that her train of thought had long since pulled out of the station, and was headed on the express route across the country. Sighing, she lazily left her chair, and finally took a look at the annoyances who dare disturb her.
She pulled up the blinds, and came face to face with her best friend.
“Hey Sharon!” came a muffled greeting created by the closed window between them. Sharon nearly jumped backwards, she was so startled.
“What are you doing?!” She cried out, peering around her friend’s head to view the familiar car parked in front of her house.
“I finally bought it,” John stated excitedly, referring to the brand new black mini-van that he was working towards buying for over a year.
“Come on out. I’ll take you for a ride.” She could see her other two friends poking their heads out of the car, beckoning for her to join them.
“Um...” She stared back at the computer screen, her daily entry left unfinished, even though she knew there was so much more she wanted to write.
John could see Sharon hesitating. It always took a bit of coaxing to get her to do something. But he didn’t mind, because that’s just how she was. “Come oooooonnn...”he whined childishly. He then started to bounce up and down outside her house.
Sharon was greatly amused, but also embarrassed. She hoped her neighbors weren’t watching this. But she couldn’t help the smile that swept across her face. “Do you really need me?” she asked, teasingly.
“Of course! It wouldn’t be the same without you! Plus, how else are you going to witness my awesome driving skills?” His chestnut eyes grinned with glee.
Sharon felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness wash over her as she stared at her friends calling out to her to join them. She gave in, as usual, while thinking, ‘If only they could call ahead, like normal people. Just once...’
“I’ll be right out,” she announced.
“We’ll be waiting,” John replied, making his way back to the car, while giving her a big smile, glad with his success.
She lowered the blinds, and went in search of her purse and jacket. After collecting these things, she shouted out to her grandmother, “I’m going out with John, Andy, and Lisa. I won’t be gone long.”
Her grandmother’s voice echoed with experienced concern. “Okay, don’t forget to call, if you’re going to be late. I don’t want to be up all night worrying.”
Sharon rolled her eyes, but gave the usual response. “I know.” She headed towards the door, but was stopped by her grandmother’s familiarity with Sharon’s habits..
“Did you shut off the computer? Or did you leave it on...again.”
Sharon stared at the floor sheepishly, even though her grandmother couldn’t see her. Deciding not to dignify the question with a response, she went back to her room to shut the computer off. That’s when she realized that she hadn’t finished her “rant”. Once again, her friend’s car horn made itself heard. Another smile crept to her lips.
Suddenly, it came to her. She knew what she wanted to say as she began to type.
‘I’m happy with who I am. Those who don’t want to know me, don’t deserve to, and it’s their loss.’
Satisfied, she saved, and powered off.
Title of document: The Great Pretender
A/N: This was just meant to be a short one-shot, but it might become more. It depends on how horrible my ideas are for another chapter. Also, this is pretty much the first original anything I've ever posted. So I'm kind of nervous about it. ^^;;; Critiques and suggestions are welcome. And keep in mind, this might be all there is to the story.