EVERYONE: - Ongoing No Title A fanfic by Pokemon1571

[pokemon1571]

No Title

Introduction

Hello everyone and welcome to my fanfic , I really couldn’t come up with a name for it so I will let you chose a name. I hope you like my fanfic! Also a minor note I know that my Chapters might be short , that’s just the way I work on it. Also I just posted this on the Serebii forums , and I now know why I quit the serebii forums a bit back , the People on there are mean and uptight. I mean I fell like I joined a country club for petes sake!(No offence to anyone who is nice and not uptight on the Serebii forums)



Chapter One
“Were to start!”

“Arr wake up , arr wake up , arr wake up” Goes Stephen’s Chatot alarm. “Stephen, Stephen steph….” says Stephen’s little brother “What?!?” grunts Stephen. “You should be up by now, don’t you remember today were going to catch my first Pokemon!” said Stephen's little brother, John. “But I thought you were going to get one from Professor Rowan?” explained Stephen. “No I want to be just like you and go out into the wild and catch my own Pokemon” “ But I need your help” John Explained to Stephen. “Stephen, John really looks at you like his role model plus he is your little brother.” said Stephen and John’s Mom as she caries a basket of clothing. “Come on into the dinning room, I made you some fruit salad” said there Mother.
“It’s a perfect day outside today, with clear sky’s with a high of 70” “Thanks Bob I heard it no so cool in Topeka” “Yes Stacy, temperatures are up in the 90’s and it is hot in Topeka” “See Stephen it is a perfect day to go out with you little brother the TV just said so!” said their mother. “Come on Stephen finish your breakfast, I want to go and get my first Pokemon!” happily said John. “But don’t you see how early it is, its only 11:00AM.” Stephen said with his mouth full. “But you woke up at seven when you were on your journey.” John said. “You must remember John I was gone for 4 years, I first got all my Sinnoh badges, then Hoenn , then Johto…..” Stephen was saying. “And then Kanto!” John yelled.
“You still have yet to go to the Orange Islands though” John said. “There are still a lot more lands that I have yet to been to John.” Stephen said.
“Ding Dong” went the doorbell. “The Mail is here, could you get it for me Stephen?” said Stephen’s Mother. “I’ve got it Mom!” Stephen yelled back up stares. “I’ve got a package for Stephen Bobby” said the postman. “I wonder what it could be” as Stephen says as he is opening the package up. “Oh hey look it’s a Ultra Ball from that magazine that I just ordered.” “Here you go John” as Stephen gave John the PokeBall. “Really For me” “Thanks Stephen!” John Said. “Come on you ready John” As Stephen was ready to head out the door. “Yes I am!” John said.

 

[Evil Raichu]

The main thing you need to work on is grammar. For example, you should try to refrain from using parenthesis in writing like this.

" ...Said John (Stephen's little brother) "

Instead of that, try:

" ...said Stephen's little brother, John."

The S shouldn't have been capitalized in that sentance either, and every know and then I noticed you'll capitalize something in the middle of a sentance like that.

Work on that, and your spelling, grammar, punctuation and formatting to make your fanfic an easier read. Besides that, though, good concept.

 

[pokemon1571]

The main thing you need to work on is grammar. For example, you should try to refrain from using parenthesis in writing like this.

" ...Said John (Stephen's little brother) "

Instead of that, try:

" ...said Stephen's little brother, John."

The S shouldn't have been capitalized in that sentance either, and every know and then I noticed you'll capitalize something in the middle of a sentance like that.

Work on that, and your spelling, grammar, punctuation and formatting to make your fanfic an easier read. Besides that, though, good concept.

Thank you for the grammer tips! I'm not a really good person when it comes to grammer. Also then next part should be comming soon.

 

[Turtle Tamer Kammy]

Thank you for the grammer tips! I'm not a really good person when it comes to grammer. Also then next part should be comming soon.

I run my chapters through MS Word, which (usually) catches everything spelling and grammar-wise

 

[Every Breaking Wave]

When you're writing speech, remember that every time a new person speaks it starts a new line. For example:

Instead of writing it like this:
“Arr wake up , arr wake up , arr wake up” Goes Stephen’s Chatot alarm. “Stephen, Stephen steph….” says Stephen’s little brother “What?!?” grunts Stephen. “You should be up by now, don’t you remember today were going to catch my first Pokemon!” said Stephen's little brother, John. “But I thought you were going to get one from Professor Rowan?” explained Stephen. “No I want to be just like you and go out into the wild and catch my own Pokemon” “ But I need your help” John Explained to Stephen. “Stephen, John really looks at you like his role model plus he is your little brother.” said Stephen and John’s Mom as she caries a basket of clothing.

write it like this instead:
“Arr wake up , arr wake up , arr wake up” Goes Stephen’s Chatot alarm.
“Stephen, Stephen steph….” says Stephen’s little brother
“What?!?” grunts Stephen.
“You should be up by now, don’t you remember today were going to catch my first Pokemon!” said Stephen's little brother, John.
“But I thought you were going to get one from Professor Rowan?” explained Stephen.
“No I want to be just like you and go out into the wild and catch my own Pokemon”
“ But I need your help” John Explained to Stephen.
“Stephen, John really looks at you like his role model plus he is your little brother.” said Stephen and John’s Mom as she caries a basket of clothing.

That not only identifies who is speaking, but it's easier for the reader to see what is going on. Also, if your description is at the end of each speech, never put a period; put a comma instead, or an exclamation mark or question mark depending on the situation.

For example; instead of:
“Stephen, John really looks at you like his role model plus he is your little brother.” said Stephen and John’s Mom.

write it as:
“Stephen, John really looks at you like his role model plus he is your little brother,” said Stephen and John’s Mom.

or:
“Stephen," said Stephen and John’s Mom, "John really looks at you like his role model plus he is your little brother.”

You can also put the description at the start of the sentence, but that can be a little trickier to make sense.