EVERYONE: - Complete No title yet...

[.Red]

Ok, here's the thing, if you don't give any good response or anything, I'll give up on writing fics...

Spoiler: CWs

• Mild Cartoon Violence.

I 'm in the park in Goldenrod City with my Quilava, pretty cool pokemon he is, I stared at my geodude, he helped me in 3 gyms now, first in Violet city¡¦s gym, then Azalea, and with rock smash, he ¡¥smashed¡¦ his way to victory in my recent gym battle. I walked into a wiggly tree that I had recently cleared, it¡¦s a pokemon called Sudowodo, I caught him, well, recently¡K I proceeded my way to Violet city, and walked towards Earl, he¡¦s still there doing his spinning job, so he only been in the academy in a while¡K haha, very funny¡K I walked into the academy, and eyed a young trainer holding a gameboy color, I proceeded towards him and I saw that he had only just started this new game. The game suddenly was switched off¡K
¡§ Oh no, another flat battery!¡¨ he exclaimed. ¡§Hey¡¨ I started.
The boy looked at me with his big eyes. ¡§How about catching a real pokemon?¡¨ I asked him. ¡§ Yes, please, let me catch a real pokemon!¡¨ he replied. I patted him with my hand on the shoulder. ¡§Ok, what pokemon do you want?¡¨ I asked him. ¡§ I don¡¦t know, oh I know! I want a Mareep!¡¨ He exclaimed. ¡§ Ok,¡¨ I replied, I handed him 2 pokeballs, one with my Aipom, one empty. We walked out into a grassy area and saw a few fisher men throwing lure balls at hooked up pokemon. ¡§Ma!¡¨ a Mareep exclaimed. ¡§ Look, there¡¦s a Mareep already!¡¨ I told him, he probably noticed it already¡K ¡§ Go Pokeball!¡¨ He yelled! ¡§Aipom! Use a swift attack!¡¨ He commanded. This boy had talent, he knew what to do already! My Aipom rushed towards the Mareep opened it¡¦s mouth as a bundle of stars came out, crashing into the helpless pokemon. ¡§ Go Pokeball!¡¨ he yelled, thrusting the ball which hit the mareep and sucked it in. Wobble, wobble, PING! ¡§Hooray!¡¨ I felt happy for him even though I have a Flaffy already, and it felt like evolving any time¡K

Ok, maybe it isn't that good, don't gimme well, um... wat I call detailed critiscm, try like um... mild critiscm, I've improve lil by little.

 

[Togepretty]

1-This is for COMPLETED fics only. Do not post part of a fic here ; you have to put up the whole fic as soon as possible if you chose to post a fanfic here (for example, an old completed fic of yours).

Since this doesn't even have a title yet, I'm assuming it's not completed.

*moves*

 

[.Red]

OMG? Like can you review it though?

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Originally posted by Red
Ok, here's the thing, if you don't give any good response or anything, I'll give up on writing fics...

Hon, we're trying to HELP.

I 'm in the park in Goldenrod City with my Quilava, pretty cool pokemon he is, I stared at my geodude, he helped me in 3 gyms now, first in Violet city¡¦s gym, then Azalea, and with rock smash, he ¡¥smashed¡¦ his way to victory in my recent gym battle.

Oh boy, where to begin?

First off, who is the narrator? Describe the person, give a bit of story. You're basically throwing us into the deep end without life vests, if you know what I mean.

What makes Quilava cool? Is he a different color? Does he skateboard? Does he talk? Or is he just the narrator's favorite because they're like old friends? What makes this a 'cool' Quilava?

Where did the Geodude come from? We see the Quilava, and then you introduce this Geodude from out of nowhere.

Give us some details about these gym battles. How did Geodude help?

And the most glairing issue here is the fact that all of the above is a run-on. Split them up into smaller sentences.

I could continue on if you need...

 

[Togepretty]

Originally posted by Red
OMG? Like can you review it though?

Is there a point?

A lot of what I'm going to say will just be a rehash of what I and other people said in the reviews to your previous fic. Judging by this fic, I don't see you taking any of the advice given to you yet.

Also, a good thing for you to start off NOT doing is posting Author's notes like this:

if you don't give any good response or anything, I'll give up on writing fics...

I mean, starting off your story with a threat? Not a good idea...

Now, the first thing you need to work on is grammar. This could be a fantastic story, but if it's too hard to read, how will people know? Nobody wants to read a story that's too difficult to understand.

Like Blackjack said, it seems like it's all just a run-on sentence.

Second, again, where's your description? This might as well be a summary.

The good - It's a bit longer than your last story, so that's good. But still, if you just explained things, if you went further in depth with your character's opinions and emotions, it would do wonders for the length.

 

[Flare-Espeon]

Originally posted by Red
I 'm in the park in Goldenrod City with my Quilava, pretty cool pokemon he is, I stared at my geodude, he helped me in 3 gyms now, first in Violet city's gym, then Azalea, and with rock smash, he smashed his way to victory in my recent gym battle. I walked into a wiggly tree that I had recently cleared, it's a pokemon called Sudowodo, I caught him, well, recently

Try to be original. The trainer who travels trhough al the gyms in Johto isn't the most spectaculair storyline, bring intersting twist in it and don't be afraid to get rid of the line walking through G/S/C. Second part seems a bit more original

It seems the main person's the narator, that's an okay style, maybe a bit difficult to use, but if he's the narator, let him tell more. Who is he, who's Earl, why's his Quilava cool? And don't let him tell everything so rushed, he's sopused to be the one explaing the story, let him explain.

a good example: explain why this is funny

Originally posted by Red
I proceeded my way to Violet city, and walked towards Earl, he's still there doing his spinning job, so he only been in the academy in a while haha, very funny

If the main character as narator doesn't work, switch to hidden narator, someone unknow in the background who tells the story.

Work on your character. Right now, we know very little more then their names and a few Pokemon these use. Characters are on of the most important part of your fic. If they don't seem to be interseting, how can we like the story.

And, since you've at least two other fics here as well, work only on one stoty at the time. then you can give it all the attention it needs

 

[.Red]

Ok Ok, try reading my new fic, I think it's much better, titled Sibling Matters

 

[Cavespider_17]

Review: Untitled Fiction - .Red

As per the author’s request, from when this was posted, I’ll keep the criticism on the milder side – however, I do have something important to say about something here, and I won’t hold back when mentioning it, because it is such an important point that needs to be had.

So, from what I understand, this fic is centred around a trainer who is already midway or so through their journey. This isn’t a new stance on fics, but it is less common than the starter route, which is nice. You do a decent job of showing us the trainer is still slightly inexperienced, through how they state what pokémon they have obtained or encountered.

Ok, here's the thing, if you don't give any good response or anything, I'll give up on writing fics...

Alright, I wouldn’t usually be this harsh, but – to anyone who is reading this review and is frustrated with the lack of reviews or comments heading your way – this is not the attitude to have. At time of writing this it is 2025, and reviewing fics isn’t as common as it used to be. People want to receive reviews but not give them – and that is a huge reason why I am doing my whole Review Thread. There are some people who do give reviews, and do support other authors on the forums – but they can’t review everyone’s work on their own. Be a part of the change you want to see. Anyway, with that mini-rant over, let’s continue the review.

Grammatically, this piece needs a once over. There are missing spaces between paragraphs. Some paragraph breaks aren’t present, and some of the symbols in the text aren’t regularly part of English – which is the language of the forum itself. That being said, it can be hard to write in a different language, so I do give props to anyone who can.