EVERYONE: - Complete Painful Butterflies [Everyone, Poetry]

[Misfit Angel]

I'm usually not one for poetry, but I felt oddly inspired tonight. So here's something I put together, the first poem in fifteen long years.

There's a few meanings to this one; depending on how well you know me, you'll find a different meaning. I won't spoil the potential meanings yet, that'll just ruin the fun. Maybe sometime soon.

Painful Butterflies

I haven't known her for long,
But already I consider her my best friend.
Something about it feels so wrong.
I love her, but how will it end?

I already think I know, sadly:
Not well. Very badly.

She used to be a source of happiness.
But now all I feel is emptiness.
It's not her fault, she doesn't know.
If only my true feelings would show...

I'm a coward. Scared of those feelings. Afraid to show my true self.
I hesitate. I stumble. I apologize needlessly. It's bad for my emotional health.

How? How do I tell her? Let her know?
I've tried. I've failed. My confidence took a crippling blow.
As much as I try not to, I struggle with angriness.
I tell myself it's not a problem, but there's also the creeping loneliness.

As I look at her, she seems happy without me.
Happy, without a clue of how much she's worth.
All the money, all my things. Hell, the whole damned earth!
That's what I'd give up if it meant I made her happy.
But I don't. Well, I do. Just not how I want. Not how I need.
This love is a ravenous monster that I can only feed and feed.

Never sate. It'll kill me at this rate.

I've come to accept it. Make a move? I don't have the guts.
Nothing will ever change that, no ifs, ands or buts.
It's my lot in life to agonize over what should be.
My lot in life to never be happy.

At least she is. That's all that matters. That brings me some comfort.​

 

[Gama]

I don't think I've been able to appreciate any of the potential meanings beyond the most obvious one, but I found this poem an enjoyable read nonetheless.

I've never been much a poetry writer myself, so questions of how poems are put together are very interesting to me. Seems like you've given a very particular form to this one. I'd be very interested to know how much thought you put into things like rhyming patterns and sentence/verse length. I feel like there is a pattern here that I can't quite place.

I enjoy that the poem begins with (relatively) calm thoughts, becomes increasingly more intense, and then finally reaches some kind of resolution. That said, after a poem that is almost wholly rhyming couplets, a single, unrhyming line makes the resolution feel uncomfortable somehow (which is good, I think, given what the resolution is).

 

[Misfit Angel]

I'd be very interested to know how much thought you put into things like rhyming patterns and sentence/verse length. I feel like there is a pattern here that I can't quite place.

I've had some of these words buzzing around in my head for a couple weeks, but the bulk of the writing happened overnight and took about fifteen minutes to complete. Maybe not a lot of time spent specifically on thought, but these feelings are very personal to me so it just sorta flowed without having to think too hard. I probably spent more time trying to find three other words that rhyme with happiness than I did actually writing it.

As far as a pattern... ABAB CC DDEE FF EEDD CGGCHH I JJCC K. It wasn't intended, but some of the pattern actually has a very personal symbolic meaning as well, when I step back to look at it.

a single, unrhyming line makes the resolution feel uncomfortable somehow (which is good, I think, given what the resolution is).

Ah, good. It worked. Comfort in an unhappy situation is always an illusion, always a lie. I wouldn't say the final line is necessarily a lie (for all three intended meanings the poem touches on), but it's close to it.

 

[Juliko]

Hmm. I'm not much of a poet myself, but I found this to be quite good. You use rhymes, but they don't feel stilted or forced, and the ending stanzas that don't rhyme do contribute to the poem's impact and overall message. It's concise and to the point, and the poem feels like it's about someone who wants to make a girl happy, but she doesn't notice him at all for whatever reason, and it kills him inside. But is angriness even a word? I've never heard it before, even though I know what it means. I think maybe the sentence would flow better if you used a similar word such as lividness, resentment, or animosity, even though those don't rhyme. Angriness is such an uncommon word, and I think seeing it might jar the reader a bit. Overall, I think it's good!

 

[Misfit Angel]

I actually did have to look up to see if "angriness" is actually a word, since it's true, it's certainly not common. I hear it a lot in my area, but this city has a weird way of talking sometimes. In the end, it is a word, but an uncommon one that is usually better replaced by the shorter and simpler "anger".

Glad you liked it!

 

[Cavespider_17]

Review: Painful Butterflies

This poem was really emotive. There is a lot going on and the narrator’s description of their thoughts and feelings is clear. The anxiety of telling someone how you feel, only to see them be taken by someone else before you get the chance is absolutely one of the most painful things you can experience. I think you also capture the awful feeling of seeing them happy with someone else very well. The moral dilemma placed in front of the narrating character is certainly something you capture. I like their thought process and how they end up where they do.

Is this also readable backwards? Most of it makes sense reading it backwards too (with the exception of one or two lines which doesn’t quite sit right if you read it back to front). Reading it backwards definitely put an interesting spin on the entire scenario – or maybe it isn’t supposed to be read backwards and it just sort of works in both directions.

I am no poetry expert, or generally even familiar with it, so I cannot really comment much on the grammar or format. I do like the rhyming scheme though.