EVERYONE: - Complete Pokémon Electric Sun (Partly a Academy Fic)

[PkmnTrainerV]

*cough* *cough* Well, welcome to my very first fanfic! *cough* *cough*
Well, this is my very first attempt at Pokémon Fanfiction, let's hope it will be decent!

This story starts as an Academy in Sinnoh, but, it will now be a pure academy fic, as you'll see in chapters to come. It is my try at a unique approach at such kind of fics.

Blurb:
Young Delphi Ignis now begins her journey in Sinnoh! It appears as is she's entering in an Academy, "Shining Diamond' . Read as she deals with family issues, the academy's repressive curriculum, and the rather shocking Chimchar!
Will she be able to pass out from the Academy? How will she be able to cope with her new life? Find out here!

Index

• Prologue- A Poisonous Life

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Prologue- A Poisonous Life

A blinding ray of Sun hits her forehead. She woke up, groaning a little, and removed her waist-length black hair from her forehead and eyes. The red streaks in her hair shone as bright as the daylight itself, as young Delphi Ignis tied them into a braid in the blink of an eye.
Delphi walked up to her cupboard. The young girl of eleven was too short when compared to it. She took out a red undershirt, and a black jacket, with red gloves to go. She glanced at her backpack and suitcase, both with a red and black colour scheme.
"Wow! I can't believe I'm exiting this house for forever! Well, almost forever." She groaned as she remembered that she had to return for the summer breaks.
***

"Delphi! Delphi! The nuisance! Dosen't she know that she has to go to the lab!" A woman in her early 40s shouted, clearly exasperated.
Mrs. Ignis was serving breakfast to a boy of 17 with striking red hair, which he had clearly inherited from his father, who sat near him. Mr. Ignis was one of those overworked people, who rarely had time for their family. The man looked angry at having to take a leave to see his daughter off to the Pokémon Shining Diamond Academy after she picked her Starter from Professor Rowan's Lab, which was at close proximity.

Delphi rushed down the stairs, and, after fifteen minutes, was running to Professor Rowan's house. She was very much in time, but did what she could do to rush there. "Piplup! Piplup! Here I come my dear starter!" She shouted excitedly, experiencing true freedom for the first time in her life.

She soon reached the lab, and not realising it in time, crashed into a Tauros. The Tauros roared, but it was only for a second as he calmed down after seeing Delphi. Tauros had reached old age, and was now very gentle around children.

Professor Rowan exited his lab at the commotion, and saw Delphi. "I never thought you would start a journey! After Mr. And Mrs. Ignis' mindset... But, parental issues aside, follow me!" The kind man said cheerfully, letting Delphi enter the lab.
"Professor, I'm going to the Shining Diamond Academy! D'you know anything about it?" Delphi asks.
"Not much, but it's a good place. Not one of them has been a failure. Most of them become professors, or co-ordinators, but I've never heard of anyone who ever reached the finals of the League." Professor replied, bringing a tray with three Pokéballs on it.
"No issues! I'll be the one to be the finalist, and I'll win the Sinnoh League, too!"
Delphi now looked at every Pokeball. The first one and third ones were like regular Pokéballs, but the middle one had the symbol of flames on it.
"Piplup! I choose you!" Delphi said each word slowly, in a feeling of pure ecstasy, as she picked up the third Pokeball. She threw it, but it did not reveal anything.
"What the..."
"One, no need for such language at the lab. Two, sorry child, a boy picked Piplup just before you came.." Rowan said, slipping remarkably quickly from a stern, to a kind and sympathic voice.

"Well... what to do?' Delphi asks to herself as she looks at the pictures of Torterra and Infernape hung round the lab, ignoring the Empoleon ones with great pain.

Well, a great and bulky Pokemon? No, never! I need full offence! I like speeds! A slow battle would be hell! Then...

Delphi reached out to the middle Pokeball with the flames. "Chimchar..." She began. But just as she touched the Pokeball, it let out huge jolts of electricity, electrocuting the young girl, as well as the Turtwig, who was sent out of her Pokeball due to the commotion.
"... I choose you." Delphi finished, shaking, and a bit crispy, and finally fainted, holding the Pokeball in her hands.

"She chose it?" A boy with hair a delicate shade of sky blue, said, spying from a window, along with an elderly person with a white Afro hairstyle...

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Sorry if the Prologue is short by your standards, but it's my first piece of fanfic, and I'm trying to improve. This was the only sort of epilogue I thought I'd need, since most of Delphi Ignis' past will be shown through flashbacks, and the next few chapters. I've put in a few forshadowing bits for some sweet, chewy Speculation.
Also, sorry if the title seems misleading, I'm sure people would understand later, that the title was apt for the Prologue.

Whoops! I accidentally cantered the whole fic. Please inform me if you'd like it centered or not in the future.

Thank You, and please tell me your thoughts about this fanfic!​

 

[Beth Pavell]

Well, as usual I need a break from my blasted textbooks so I may as well drop a review here.

First things first, the formatting needs tidying up. I would say that unless you have a clear artistic reason for "breaking" a rule, don't. It's just not worth any annoyance you'll cause your readers, and this includes centreing the whole text.

"By forum convention dialogue is usually formatted on separate lines like this," Josh said.

"With a line break in the middle," Eve added. "Oh, note that 'he said' is not capitalised as a dialogue tag, even if the dialogue ends in an exclamation point or a question mark."

"Like this," she said.

It's not a rule, per se. I didn't always do it myself, but frankly most people expect it and it's a small thing to do.

I'd also use standardised breaker lines. It doesn't really matter whether you use dashes or asterisks, whatever - so long as you use the same ones throughout. That way readers always know what they mean and it doesn't break the flow.

In general I'd say this feels very rushed. You've gone for a fairly standard journeyfic-style opening, which in itself is not always bad (I've seen it done well before). What it doesn't really do is pull the reader into the world - there's minimal description, minimal characterisation, etc. It could almost be taking place anywhere, with anybody. Let's see ... oh, I know. Some stories that do openings well: Land of the Roses, A Sine of Things to Come, and ... ah, More Than Ribbons, I think.

First stories always need work, so don't be afraid to edit, edit, edit. Writing is a skill, after all, it takes practice

 

[Ghostsoul]

First I'll say that the centering really doesn't work. If you have no reason to centre things I would generally avoid it.

Young Delphi Ignis​

I don't mean to be picky but, why this name? It looks like it kind of goes out of it's way to stand out a bit too much. If there a reason you chose this name apart from you liking how it sounded?

Otherwise I would say this is rather short with events seemingly rushed through. I agree with Beth that the chapter needs more world building and character development you seem to want to get on to the actual 'journey' but you still need to 'set-up' the story somehow and that 'set-up' isn't really present here.

I'm not sure how they plot will go later on and this does have the potential to be interesting. Good luck with any further writing!

 

[polmpolm]

I thought it has great potential and I plan to read further when other chapters arrive. The name you chose for Delphi clearly stands out which is fine, but i immediately googled it just due to how striking of a name it is.

The chapter did seem a bit rushed. I felt there could have been more interaction between her leaving her family. Another thing that struck me is the different way you depicted Professor Rowan. I've always personally viewed him as a stern and distant man, but it is your fic so you're free to depict him as desired. It's nice to see differences.

Anyways, excited to see more

 

[PkmnTrainerV]

I don't mean to be picky but, why this name? It looks like it kind of goes out of it's way to stand out a bit too much. If there a reason you chose this name apart from you liking how it sounded?

Okay, with everyone saying how much Delphi as a name stands out... It's actually inspired off Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Don't open the spoiler if you don't want to be spoiled about events if Cursed child

Spoiler

Well.. I really liked how Delphi stood out, and being Voldemort's daughter is always cool

@JayGaymes Well, according to what I've planned, Delphi's parents have a personality in which they'd rather see their daughter as less as possible.

Also, I'm working over the next chapter which should be (hopefully) out this Saturday. It will mostly focus on characterisation and worldbuilding around the new academy.

Also, will not be centering the fic. It was actually a mistake, but I thought I'd like to see the reaction over that.

Thanks everyone for the reviews!

 

[PkmnTrainerV]

Okay... Chapter 1's finally done! It introduces the Shining Diamond Academy, and its three houses.
This Chapter's main motive is to introduce two new, and important characters, and giving some descriptions of the climate.

Chapter 1- A Day of Burning Passion!

“Come on, Chimchar!” Delphi shouts, as a cruise ship stops near a harbour, revealing quite a lonely stretch of water, on which was an archipelago of five islands. These islands, however, unlike the water were full of life.
The islands were arranged in the shape of a quadrilateral with an artificial-looking island in the centre. A temporary walkway was sent from the ship, leading to a beach on the middle-island.
A chimchar jumped onto the beach, followed by a first-year girl. “Chimchar, stop!” Delphi shouts to the excited Pokemon. Chimchar attempted to stop mid-air, seeing something. But, it was too late. Chimchar had crashed straight into a Froakie.
“Froa-KIE!!!” The angry Froakie shouted, using its ‘frubbles’ on Chimchar. Chimchar stood apologetically in front of Froakie. “Chim.” It apologised. However, the Froakie didn’t seem to be satisfied, and grabbed Chimchar. The Frog Pokemon dragged Chimchar into a small circle, which was made for informal battles by the students, by the looks of it. Delphi, helpless began to look for froakie’s trainer, and found a boy of about twelve, with sky-blue crew cut hair and a blue uniform. He looked like a second year student, since he had been sorted into a house.
“Stop your Froakie!!” Delphi shouts, her spirit flaring like the ember attack Chimchar now used on Froakie.
“Your filthy chimp started it, so I’d like Star to beat the crap out of him.” The trainer said, a sneer on his face. “I challenge you to battle!” He shouted. Without waiting for the response, the boy commanded water gun, and Star obeyed. Chimchar was hit on the gut with the move, and let out a roar. The roar sounded babyish, and Star gave a leer. Delphi was in despair, being ushered into her first ever Pokémon battle, and at a Type disadvantage.
Delphi! This is your chance! This was your dream! All trainers are subjected to such battles!
Delphi sighed after giving herself some pep talk.
“Chimchar, use the shells to defend yourself!” She commanded, pointing at lots of seashells on the beach. Chimchar picked one each in both his hands, defending himself from the water guns Star was using.
“Star, I won’t give you any commands, this is your fight.” The trainer said, putting his hands in his pockets, and looked at Chimchar as if he was a seashell himself.
“Chimchar, use ember on those water guns, then attack!” Delphi shouted at her chimp Pokemon..
“Char!” Chimchar nodded, and used ember on water gun attacks. It just made some steam.
“You know that Ember isn’t strong enough for water gun. It looks like your Chimchar wants to suicide.”
But, the trainer was shocked as Star was hurled into the air, away from the steam. After her, Chimchar jumped, with an expression of triumph. The Chimp Pokemon had used the foggy field to his advantage, hitting Froakie with his seashells when she was blinded.
Star crashed into the sand, unable to battle. “Oh crap!” The trainer said, exasperated, picking up the fainted Froakie and putting jer on his shoulder.
“You’re lucky to win. Don’t go high-in-the-air, since this Froakie just had its first battle with you. By the way, what's your name? Oh, I just asked becuase you aren't one of those first years who go nuts." The boy cleared, looking at Delphi's skeptical expression.
Delphi approached the trainer from the other side of the circle, “Well, I’m Delphi…” and just as she came up to him, she tripped on a seashell, and began to fall in the trainer’s direction. Delphi waited for a thud, and pebbles digging into her, but it never happened. She felt two arms catching her.
“Take care of yourself. I won’t be there for people who fall down every time. By the way, the name’s Neptune. Oh, not the Galactic one.” Neptune shrugged at Delphi’s horrified expressions. He left her shaking the dust off her skirt, into the main Academy building.

One of the thorny bushes nearby had some strange, white Afro hair sticking out from them…
***
Delphi was at a run towards the main academy building. It was shaped like a Parallelogram, for some reason. Delphi passed three dome-like buildings on her way to the building, and stumbled onto a travelator, which, according to a signboards, lead to the main hall. After a few minutes, Delphi was now finding her way through dozens of students, along with her Chimchar.
“First Years, welcome to the Shining Diamond Academy!” The Afro-Man from the scenes before was speaking over a megaphone in a huge hall.
Thank Arceus I haven't missed anything.
“I’m Professor Acacia, and the Principal of this Academy! For those of you who don’t know, this Academy comprises of three houses, ‘Valor’, for those who have Fire in their hearts, like the mighty Charizard, and the deadly Houndoom.
‘Acuity’ for those who’re chock-full of brainy tactics, opponents sinking into bows in no time!
‘Verity’ for those who never hold grudges, who take every taunt, and shine like a diamond…”

Valor is just my thing… but Acuity looks good, too.

“…Students will be able to apply for their desired houses tomorrow. The House Masters will be checking out each applicants’ caliber by their own means, selecting students, and referring them to other houses..”

Delphi listened to Professor Acacia intently. Now noticing him for more than a few moments, he had really weird fashion sense for an old man. Professor Acacia had a dark complexion, his signature white Afro hair, and a long, flowing white beard. He had bright blue eyes, which had a green tint to them. He wore a lab coat, which was white with the slightest green tint. As he spoke, he had an ambitious glint in his eyes, reminding Delphi uncomfortably of Professor Rowan’s young assistants, who usually got everything wrong in their excitement. Chimchar did the exact opposite to Delphi, chatting noisily with a Cyndaquil, and Piplup nearby. As Delphi looks at Chimchar, she is painstakingly reminded of the moment when she picked up the empty Piplup Pokéball.

The older students had already returned to their dormitories, since the feast had already ended, and there were no further instructions for them. The only students remaining were first- and second- years.
Neptune had arrived just then into the hall, without his Froakie. Delphi goes over to him. “Is Star okay?” She asked in concern.
“She’ll be okay. You’re the first one to talk to me like this.” Neptune said, gruffly. Not he thought of it, he didn’t know why did he had said the second sentence.
“By the way, let me warn you, don’t try to use those tactics in battling classes, if you’re considering Valour House.”
Neptune walked away after this statement, leaving Delphi to wonder the meaning of the gruff sentence.

“… It is our job to hone your skills in fields you wish, if you give us support, and na eagerness to learn. For this, we may have to control your inner flames, after all, mundane wood becomes useful charcoal only with an intricate control of flames.
Since they’re not yet sorted, the first years will be going to Block 4 for the night.” Professor Acacia concluded.
Delphi, who liked to contradict any statement, did not particularly like the finishing part of the speech. Control over the inner flames? Why? The opponent will be surprised if we get past our limits! He seems strange.
***
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That's it for now, I guess. I didn't bother to describe Block 4, since it was only temporary, used only for first years on the first night.
What are your thoughts on this chapter? I'd like to hear the reception of Neptune, and Professor Acacia (I know it's a common name... but I lose all inspiration on names).
Also, is the length on par now? If Microsoft word is not fooling me, this chapter is longer than the Prologue.
Also, I'm making an art of the Islands, and a rough map of the academy. It should be ready in a day or two.

Coming Up:
Chapter 2- A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed!

P.S.- Chapters from now on will be posted every Saturday (if everything goes fine).

 

[polmpolm]

There were quite a bit of typos and odd shifts between tenses (no need to worry, since I've done both of these plenty of times), but otherwise a fine chapter. There is also the issue of Froakie using Water Gun, which is a move it shouldn't be able to use.

The new characters:
Neptune didn't really strike me personally as an outstanding character, just due to it being the first chapter he was in. He seemed to have a personality mimicking a typical grumpy-boy.
Professor Acacia also didn't super stand out, as he doesn't really interact with Delphi. His only major role would be announcing various things to the students.

I also wanted to do the thing of making art and maps to showcase the world, but I'd say you shouldn't really worry over those right now. I'd also recommend capitalizing move names and running through the chapter to check for typos before posting. Some of the lines felt weird to read too. If you want them to roll off the tongue a certain way, try imputing the chapter into something like Google Translate and have it read it back to you to make sure it sounds right.

I look forward to more chapters