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TEEN: Pokemon Grey - Wonders of Power (Chapter 1 is out!)

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Wes118

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And So Begins my first Fic (rated teen for mild violence and swearing to come)

Table of Contents
Chapter 1 (down below)



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Chapter 1

Welcome to the world of pokemon. It's a world of "many" strange creatures we like to call pokemon. They live peacefully with us as allies. My name is Juniper and I am the local pokemon professor of the Unova region you are moving into my hometown, Nuvema town. So what is your name? Black, ok I see now. Well get ready for an amazing adventure throughout the region. Have fun!

Black woke up on the day he finally was going to see the professor to get his starter pokemon. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall opposite of his bed and noticed it was 9:30. "Oh great. I was supposed to see the professor at 9!" He rushed out of his bed and put some clean clothes on and ran down the stairs. "Morning mom, I got to go. Bye!"

His mom was just cleaning the dishes as he ran out of the door and towards the lab. "Have fun dear." She yelled out as he grabbed his bike.

It was a sunny day as Black was heading towards the pokemon lab. The villagers were up early as they usually are. A Boy that Black seen before was running around with his Patrat. As he finally reached the lab, Black had stopped his bike and ran into the lab. "I'm sorry that I'm late."

Professor Juniper came around the corner and spoke to Black. "It's fine. White can you go get the Pokeballs for our new trainer." Her daughter brought out a case out of a drawer near the professor.

"We have three choices for you today. First I'll show you them. Let's go guys!" Juniper said as she grabbed the three Pokeballs from the case and threw them in the air. "First we have the grass type starter, Snivy. He is a strong fighter and he has a fast reflex." Snivy showed his strength and used grass tornado and made a wind storm that pushed over one of the other pokemon. The other pokemon started pushing Snivy and he just bothered to notice it.

"That's Oshawott, the water type starter. She is very annoyed when Snivy does that." Juniper said as she calmed down the two pokemon.

"What Pokemon is that?" Black said as he looked over at the orange pokemon with a red ball at the end of its tail.

"Oh, that's the last pokemon you can choose from. His name is Tepig, the fire type starter.

"Hmm, they all look pretty strong. I guess I will take…..

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Now it's your decision what you want for Black to choose for his starter. Please rate how my first chapter went and give me suggestions or comments that could help me write a better story.

Thanks all.

Wes118 / Cyrus31
 
-The grammar is a bit lacking in some places (Pokémon takes a capital P and a "é", for example), and it's also lacking some punctuation.
-Dialogues should also be ended with a ".
-Maybe adding more details to the characters' feelings, how they act, not just what they say, would help.
For example, "Hmm, they all look pretty strong. I guess I will take… could become something like "Hmm, they all look pretty strong," Black said, examining the trio of starters in front of him. "I guess I will take..."
-Some descriptions of the surroundings wouldn't hurt either (e.g. Black's room, the kitchen, Juniper's lab, etc.)

But beside those few points, it was interesting, and I liked the interaction between the three Pokémon.

And my vote obviously goes to Tepig.
 
I agree with Zenax. Black's starter should be Tepig. Especially since we didn't get to learn much about him in the first chapter.
 
thanks all for the sugesstions. also i have a twitter account so i will tweet on there when i will be putting up chapters
 
Pyradox said:
Oshawott. That is all.
Click to expand...
QFT. Osha is the best choice. It could make some interesting dynamics if one of Black's friends chose Snivy, so Oshy could try proving to Sni that she's better. Also, since this is Pokémon GREY, have Kyurem show up or else... >:]
 
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