EVERYONE: - Complete Pokemon: Hell's Blood Demons

[Pyshcosocial12]

Well from Sinnoh Story is its written movie appear!
Charatersete(Quilava)Kon(Quilava)Julia(Leafeon)
Blood Demons:Lily(Chansey)Zion(Umbreon Vampire)Jennifer(Umbreon Vampire)Darkness(Umbreon Vampire Queen)

Past
During Earth's first years blood demons rule the planet. They bit the necks of the worthy, leaving their bodies to the Fearows. One stood up. Killing the vampires, going to the Queen, Darkness. He stabbed her with his cursed sword. He brought light to the darkness. But Darkness promised to return.

Today
Zion,"You brought his blood?"

Lily,"Yes.Still fresh.You have the ring?"

Jennifer,"I got it.Lets begin."
Jennifer placed the ring on the altar. Lily placed the blood onto the ring. It began to glow. It grew into the body of Darkness.

Zion,"Master..."

Darkness,"Zion.Jennifer. Its been a long time. Who's blood is this?"

Lily,"A Quilava's, Pete. He is-

Darkness,"Bring him to me."
One Month After the Battle with Bren
Kon, Julia, and Pete were relaxing at home. A Wingull delievered Pete mail.
Pete,"Thank you. Hmm....It's from Lily."

Kon,"The hospital nurse?"

Pete,"Yeah. She wants us to go to the Sacred Blood Castle."

Julia,"Well if we leave now we can get there by nightfall. Lets go!"
A few hours later they got to the castle. Lily was in the front, greeting them.
Lily,"Welcome friends!"

Kon,"I'm going to sleep...Where's my room?"

Julia,"Me and Pete will be in the backyard!"

Pete,"Huh?"
Pete and Julia were in the backyard alone. She was leaning on Pete's body.
Julia,"Pete I want you to close your eyes."
Pete closed his eyes. Julia came to his lips and kissed them. Pete opened his eyes and ran.
Julia's eyes started to cry.

Pete,"Uhhh!I'm an idiot!"
Zion and Jennifer came around him.

Zion,"Are you ready to die?"
Pete's flame went on. He and the others began to fight. Pete,"Who are you guys!?"

Jennifer,"We're vampires!"
She and Zion began slicing him up. Pete,"UHHH!!!"
He passed out. He awoke in his room. There was a note written in blood.
Dear Pete,

We have Julia and Kon .If you don't surrender to the vampires they will die. Meet us at the church near by.
Sincerely Zion and Jennifer.
Pete got up. His body hurt from his wounds.Pete,"Uhhh!That does matter now I got to rescue them!" He run to the church. Inside he saw emtpy row. He had his flame on in case.
He saw Julia and Kon hang by ropes. Pete,"No.."

Julia and Kon,"Help..."

Pete,"I am." Zion, Jennifer, and Darkness appeared.

Darkness,"I've been waiting for you.I want your blood."
Zion and Jennifer jumped at him. Luckily he had wooden stakes hided, stabbing them. There bodies exploded.Julia and Kon grinned. Darkness,"How dare you.Prepare to die!"
She jumped at him, slashed his wound.

Pete,"Uhhh!!!"

Julia,"Thats no fair!"
Pete grabbed a sword from a statue.

Pete,"I hope you liked that act..."He slashed his wound. He began slicing Darkness.

Darkness,"Ahhh!" She grabbed Julia. Darkness," Kill me and she dies!"
Julia began to cry. Pete dropped the sword. His flame turned black. Kon,"Its happening again!"
The song I'm Alive began. He disappeared.He kicked Darkness wounds. Darkness,"AAHHH!!!"
He grabbed Julia from her. He grabbed the sword again slashing Darkness up. He stabbed her in the heart.

Darkness,"How did you?"

Pete,"The thing I treasure most. Julia."
Darkness exploded. Pete's flame red again. Julia ran up and hugged him. Julia,"Pete I love you."
Pete and Julia kissed with passion.

Kon,"Hey Pete! Shes rescued. Rescue me!"

Pete,"Sure."
End

 

[Torgetsu Kon]

.There bodies exploded.Julia and Kon grinned.Darkness,"How there you.Prepare to die!"

Good edition to the story, chimchar 26, but isn't this line how dare you?

 

[Pyshcosocial12]

Thanks for pointing that out.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

They bit the neck's of the wothy, leaving there bodies to the Fearows.

Oh holy crap.

"They bit the necks of the worthy, leaving their bodies to the Fearows."

Totally lost interest. If you're going to write a fic, you should learn to avoid simple mistakes like that. Their=/=there, apostrophe-s is used to denote ownership (neck's what?), and please go over difficult words with a dictionary.

And space after each sentence! Simple formatting!

And please, DESCRIBE what's going on! Botched script format doesn't do anyone any good.

 

[Pyshcosocial12]

Sorry. And I try do my best when it comes to describing stories. And to that space between thing my microsoft word does that. Thanks. Next time Chimmy will be back with the best story!

 

[Pseudonymiss]

Well first, try to avoid simple grammatical mistakes such as their and there. And watch where your aphostrophe goes. It's a good fic, but i suggest you repost it with better detail and i'm sure it'll be a hit! ^^

Your title is very intriguing, but you need the story to match up to it's standards. I'm not a professional or anything, but i have a feeling that you'll have some fans cheering for you if you polish those little scratches. And i'm sure i'll be one of them if you do! ^^

Keep Smiling! Your yet-to-be-faithful Fan

a_f

oh and always go over your story by yourself, or someone can read it to give you pointer's, that R&R kinda thing. Good Luck!

 

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I love it! This even better than Sinnoh stories!

 

[Pyshcosocial12]

That's good. I will fix the story. And I will have a new story part today. The fixes are done.