Pokemon Journeys Book One: Red and Blue a re-imagining of the adventures of Red

[Elso]

A few weeks ago a friend of mine played pokemon Red and Blue for the first time. He enjoyed the game-play but said the plot was lacking. I told him he just wasn't paying attention to the little details. This gave me an idea. I wanted to novelize the main series pokemon games. A lot of people have done this before and generally they end up unfinished and they suck, to put it bluntly. But while you may know how the game ends it's more about the ride. This isn't a direct conversion of the plot of Red and Blue to paper, think of it as a re-imagining of the story. While story progression will seem to move along in a slimier fashion to the games it's leading up to a different climax of sorts. Right now I've finished 11 chapters and will post Chapter One in the next post. I will post the rest on a weekly basis that way I have time to continue to right and refine my writing.

 

[Elso]

Chapter 1: Shades of your Journey Await

The sun slowly rose over the coastal village of pallet, a small town located at the tip of the aptly named Pallet Peninsula in Western Kanto. Kanto itself lies just east of the Johto Region separated by the Tohjo Mountain Range. Kanto is a region steeped in “Pokemon Tradition” the Pokemon League Organization that governs all trainers in the country is located in Indigo City, a small city located in the northern end Tohjo Mountains. The man who was there at the founding of the Organization lives in this small town of Pallet, the highly esteemed Professor Samuel Oak.

Oak himself had just come to the lab to begin the day before his assistants arrived. He was a man of around 60 years, though his hair is completely grey his complexion made him look much younger. He was dressed in a lavender coloured polo shirt tucked into tan trousers. He walked into the lab and turned on the lights. The lobby was very bare, a few potted plants on either side of the receptionist’s desk and a row of bookshelves on either side of the door that led into the main complex. Oak opened the doors into the main lab. Their was bit more fluff to the main part of the lab. In the back there was a series of desks with papers and other office supplies stacked on top as well as a computer at a slightly cleaner work station. In the center left of the room there was some form of machine and across from that was a table with three red and white, metallic orbs sitting on it. Oak immediately walked over to the table and picked up the three orbs. He pushed a white button in the middle of the each ball and red beams of energy materialized into three different pokemon.
The first was a blueish green quadrupedal pokemon with a green bulb on its back, the second was a orange lizard like pokemon that stood upright and had a flame on the end of its tail, and the third was a light blue turtle pokemon with an orange shell on its back.
The three pokemon let out loud cries that consisted of high pitched squeaks and roars as they began to run around and play with each other.
“Heh, settle down guys it’s time for your breakfast!” Oak said warmly as he went into a cabinet and pulled a box of pokemon food. he poured a little into three different bowls and the pokemon ran to the bowles and began to eat.

Oak then took the time to go over to his computer to check his email. He turned on the Computer and after it booted up he opened up the internet.

After it finished loading an alert came up on the screen.

“Welcome.” an artificial sounding voice said, “You got mail.”

Oak opened up the email.

“From E4Lance@PLrg

All Trainers,

Finally! The Pokemon League tournament will be held exactly 8 months from now. Please encourage trainers from Pallet to collect all eight league badges and bring their best pokemon to the tournament that will begin on Oct. 27th ,1996.

Sincerely, Lance of the Elite 4

P.S. Please Visit us sometime, I’m sure Agatha is dying to see you again.

Timestamp: 2/27/96”

The professor smiled at the last remark but then turned to open his desk drawer. Two red, mechanical boxes sat inside the drawer.

“Time to unveil my new invention I suppose.” He said quietly to himself .

Later that morning an alarm clock rang in the bedroom of Red Hart. Red turned over in his bed and turned off the alarm. He slowly sat up in his bed. A small, yellow, rodent like pokemon stirred as well.

“Pika-pi.” it mumbled

“Good morning Sparks.” Red greeted his pokemon.

Red got up and walked over to his closet where he donned that day's outfit: A black t-shirt with a red and white jacket and matching hat with the PLO logo on it. He put on a pair of white sneakers and turned on his television. The news was on and it was covering an exhibition match between Agatha and Bruno of the Elite 4 that advertised the upcoming Pokemon League Tournament. Bruno sent out his Nidoking against Agatha’s Gengar and after a series of failed physical attacks Gengar struck back with a ghost type attack knocking Nidoking out.

Red had already watched the battle last night and knew that the Professor would give him his blessing to begin his journey soon. Red went downstairs for some breakfast. His mother had made him pancakes. This surprised Red but he was in no position to complain, his mother usually just poured him a bowle of serial. Red poured Sparks a bowl of pokemon food and ate his pancakes. His mother was in the living room watching her favorite movie, Stand by Me, Red never muched liked it. After Red had finished eating his mother came into the kitchen. His mother was in her late 30’s and had short black hair done up in a ponytail. She was wearing a red dress covered by a white apron.

“Honey, Professor Oak called this morning he want’s to see you.” She told him

“Did he say why?” Red asked quietly

“No, just that he wished to see you and Blue.”

Red went back up to his room to grab a few things before he left. He found Spark’s pokeball and recalled him to the ball.

“Alright boy let’s go see what Oak wants.” He said cheerfully

Red arrived at the lab about 10 minutes later. The first thing he saw when he walked in was another boy about his age. He had brown, spiky hair and was wearing a blue shirt and black jeans stuffed into brown boots. He also had a pendant around his neck that resembled a seashell. At his feet stood a brown, furry, fox-like pokemon.

“Yo! Red, Gramps ain’t around here!” He stated confidently

Red just stared blankly at him.

“Oh yea, I forgot, you don’t talk much do ya, well I know what you're thinkin’, you want to know why Gramps called us here, and where he is.” The boy explained

Red nodded slightly.

“Well I know the answer to the first question, but not the second; Gramps called us here to give us both a pokemon to begin our journey with.” The boy told Red

Red raised his eyebrows and released Sparks from his pokeball.

“Pika!” the yellow rodent cried

“Ha, he’s just givin’ us another one as a goin’ away present, but by the looks of that little rat it would seem like you’d need a new pokemon to stand a chance at even getting a single badge!” The boy said Arrogantly

“Pika! Pikachu!” Sparks cried out angrily

Red looked at his pikachu and it calmed down.

“We’ll see about that Blue.” Red said coldly as he turned around and walked out with Sparks following close behind.

Red went to go find Oak. He decided to go north first figuring he was at his house but Red had missed his turn and continued off to the edge of town.

“Wait!” Shouted a familiar voice.

Red turned around to see Oak running towards him.

“You can’t leave yet I still have to give you some things, follow me back to my lab.” Oak ordered

Oak led Red back to his lab where the three pokeballs containing Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle were located on a table in the right hand corner of the lab. Oak let each of the pokemon out of their respective balls and sat them all down on the table.

“Gramps! I’m fed up of waiting! I want my pokemon now!” Blue demanded

“Patients my boy, Red will choose first.” Oak scolded

Red walked up to the table and looked at each pokemon. He liked all of them but the one that stood out the most was...

“I choose Charmander.” Red said firmly.

“A fine pokemon but a challenge to try and raise.” Oak praised

“I can handle it.” Red said confidently.

Blue walked passed Red and pointed to Squirtle.

“I choose this one!” Blue said angrily

“Very well Blue here is Squirtle’s pokeball” Oak said as he handed Blue Squirtle’s Pokeball.

Red began to walk out of the room before being interrupted by Blue.

“Hey you, wait up!” Blue shouted, “I challenge you to a battle, your new pokemon against mine!”

“Huh Blue so pushy as always, fine I will permit it.” Oak said wearily

Red released his new pokemon from its pokeball. Red didn’t need much time to think up a nickname as he had already decided upon what pokemon he wanted to get long before this day.

“Go, Charly!” Red shouted, “Use scratch!”

Charly rushed towards the squirtle and scratched the pokemon with its claws.

“Tackle!” Blue ordered

Squirtle attempted to slam into Charly but the charmander quickly got out of the way.

“Now scratch it again!” Red shouted

Charmander once again clawed at the turtle pokemon’s face.

“Tail whip!” Blue commanded

Squirtle turned itself around hitting Charly with his tail. The fire pokemon growled after having Squirtle’s tail brush against his face.

“Scratch!” Red ordered

Charly threw his claws into the back of the squirtle’s neck causing it to cry out in pain.

“Now finish it!” Red shouted

Charly shoved the Tiny Turtle pokemon into the ground and clawed at its face until it ceased to resist.

“That’s it! This battle is over, Charmander wins!” Oak shouted

“I can’t believe I picked the wrong pokemon!” Blue shouted, “Mark my words Red, I, Blue Oak, will be the world’s greatest pokemon master, just you wait!

Blue gracefully recalled his pokemon.

“Red, Gramps, Smell ya later!” Blue said rudely as he walked out the door.

 

[Beth Pavell]

Time for a first review! As stories go, this isn't the best start I've ever seen, but it's far from the worst. In a sense, you're starting with a handicap already. The Kanto journeyfic, especially the Game Kanto journeyfic, is perhaps one of the most recognisable plots in the fandom. Inevitably you're running up against the back catalogue of stories that have come before - which means that to really stand out you need to do something special with it.

Technical Accuracy/Style
Stylistically, it's not a bad start. It's not terribly elegant prose, but I can see what you're trying to do. Improving this aspect at the moment I think is a matter of reading - something many authors bemoan. You can become a great author without reading, but I think you need to have a LOT of natural talent to get away with that. I study my favourite authors to sharpen my style and technique - what I learn tends to show up in my writing automatically as I pick up new tricks from just READING.

As far as technical accuracy is concerned, this needs work. I don't usually correct like this, but I think this once you may benefit from it (Corrections in red):

Spoiler

Chapter 1: Shades of your Journey Await

The sun slowly rose over the coastal village of Pallet, a small town located at the tip of the aptly named Pallet Peninsula in Western Kanto. Kanto itself lies just east of the Johto Region separated by the Tohjo Mountain Range. Kanto is a region steeped in “Pokemon Tradition” the Pokemon League Organization that governs all trainers in the country is located in Indigo City, a small city located in the northern end of the Tohjo Mountains. The man who was there at the founding of the Organization lives in this small town of Pallet, the highly esteemed Professor Samuel Oak.

Oak himself had just come to the lab to begin the day before his assistants arrived. He was a man of around 60 years, though his hair was completely grey his complexion made him look much younger. He was dressed in a lavender coloured polo shirt tucked into tan trousers. He walked into the lab and turned on the lights. The lobby was very bare, a few potted plants on either side of the receptionist’s desk and a row of bookshelves on either side of the door that led into the main complex. Oak opened the doors into the main lab. Their was bit more fluff to the main part of the lab. In the back there was a series of desks with papers and other office supplies stacked on top as well as a computer at a slightly cleaner work station. In the center left of the room there was some form of machine and across from that was a table with three red and white, metallic orbs sitting on it. Oak immediately walked over to the table and picked up the three orbs. He pushed a white button in the middle of the each ball and red beams of energy materialized into three different pokemon.
Line break
The first was a blueish green quadrupedal pokemon with a green bulb on its back, the second was a orange lizard like pokemon that stood upright and had a flame on the end of its tail, and the third was a light blue turtle pokemon with an orange shell on its back.
Line Break
Extra Space not needed The three pokemon let out loud cries that consisted of high pitched squeaks and roars as they began to run around and play with each other.
Line break
“Heh, settle down guys it’s time for your breakfast!” Oak said warmly as he went into a cabinet and pulled a box of pokemon food. He poured a little into three different bowls and the pokemon ran to the bowls and began to eat.

Oak then took the time to go over to his computer to check his email. He turned on the computer and after it booted up he opened up the internet.

After it finished loading an alert came up on the screen.

“Welcome,” an artificial sounding voice said, “You got mail.”

Oak opened up the email.

“From E4Lance@PLrg

All Trainers,

Finally! The Pokemon League tournament will be held exactly 8 months from now. Please encourage trainers from Pallet to collect all eight league badges and bring their best pokemon to the tournament that will begin on Oct. 27th ,1996.

Sincerely, Lance of the Elite 4

P.S. Please Visit us sometime, I’m sure Agatha is dying to see you again.

Timestamp: 2/27/96”

The professor smiled at the last remark but then turned to open his desk drawer. Two red, mechanical boxes sat inside the drawer.

“Time to unveil my new invention I suppose,” he said quietly to himself Extra space not needed.

Later that morning an alarm clock rang in the bedroom of Red Hart. Red turned over in his bed and turned off the alarm. He slowly sat up in his bed. A small, yellow, rodent like pokemon stirred as well.

“Pika-pi,” it mumbled

“Good morning Sparks,” Red greeted his pokemon.

Red got up and walked over to his closet where he donned that day's outfit: A black t-shirt with a red and white jacket and matching hat with the PLO logo on it. He put on a pair of white sneakers and turned on his television. The news was on and it was covering an exhibition match between Agatha and Bruno of the Elite 4 that advertised the upcoming Pokemon League Tournament. Bruno sent out his Nidoking against Agatha’s Gengar and after a series of failed physical attacks Gengar struck back with a ghost type attack knocking Nidoking out.

Red had already watched the battle last night and knew that the Professor would give him his blessing to begin his journey soon. Red went downstairs for some breakfast. His mother had made him pancakes. This surprised Red but he was in no position to complain, his mother usually just poured him a bowl of cereal. Red poured Sparks a bowl of pokemon food and ate his pancakes. His mother was in the living room watching her favorite movie, Stand by Me, Red never much liked it. After Red had finished eating his mother came into the kitchen. His mother was in her late 30’s and had short black hair done up in a ponytail. She was wearing a red dress covered by a white apron.

“Honey, Professor Oak called this morning he want’s to see you,” she told him

“Did he say why?” Red asked quietly.

“No, just that he wished to see you and Blue.”

Red went back up to his room to grab a few things before he left. He found Spark’s pokeball and recalled him to the ball.

“Alright boy let’s go see what Oak wants,” he said cheerfully

Red arrived at the lab about 10 minutes later. The first thing he saw when he walked in was another boy about his age. Double space not needed He had brown, spiky hair and was wearing a blue shirt and black jeans stuffed into brown boots. He also had a pendant around his neck that resembled a seashell. At his feet stood a brown, furry, fox-like pokemon.

“Yo! Red, Gramps ain’t around here!” he stated confidently.

Red just stared blankly at him.

“Oh yea, I forgot, you don’t talk much do ya, well I know what you're thinkin’, you want to know why Gramps called us here, and where he is,” The boy explained.

Red nodded slightly.

“Well I know the answer to the first question, but not the second; Gramps called us here to give us both a pokemon to begin our journey with,” the boy told Red

Red raised his eyebrows and released Sparks from his pokeball.

“Pika!” the yellow rodent cried.

“Ha, he’s just givin’ us another one as a goin’ away present, but by the looks of that little rat it would seem like you’d need a new pokemon to stand a chance at even getting a single badge!” the boy said arrogantly.

“Pika! Pikachu!” Sparks cried out angrily.

Red looked at his pikachu and it calmed down.

“We’ll see about that Blue,” Red said coldly as he turned around and walked out with Sparks following close behind.

Red went to go find Oak. He decided to go north first figuring he was at his house but Red had missed his turn and continued off to the edge of town.

“Wait!” shouted a familiar voice.

Red turned around to see Oak running towards him.

“You can’t leave yet I still have to give you some things, follow me back to my lab,” Oak ordered.

Oak led Red back to his lab where the three pokeballs containing Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle were located on a table in the right hand corner of the lab. Oak let each of the pokemon out of their respective balls and sat them all down on the table.

“Gramps! I’m fed up of waiting! I want my pokemon now!” Blue demanded.

“Patience my boy, Red will choose first.” Oak scolded.

Red walked up to the table and looked at each pokemon. He liked all of them but the one that stood out the most was...

“I choose Charmander,” Red said firmly.

“A fine pokemon but a challenge to try and raise,” Oak praised.

“I can handle it,” Red said confidently.

Blue walked passed Red and pointed to Squirtle.

“I choose this one!” Blue said angrily.

“Very well Blue here is Squirtle’s pokeball” Oak said as he handed Blue Squirtle’s Pokeball.

Red began to walk out of the room before being interrupted by Blue.

“Hey you, wait up!” Blue shouted, “I challenge you to a battle, your new pokemon against mine!”

“Huh Blue so pushy as always, fine I will permit it,” Oak said wearily

Red released his new pokemon from its pokeball. Red didn’t need much time to think up a nickname as he had already decided upon what pokemon he wanted to get long before this day.

“Go, Charly!” Red shouted, “Use scratch!”

Charly rushed towards the Squirtle and scratched the pokemon with its claws.

“Tackle!” Blue ordered.

Squirtle attempted to slam into Charly but the Charmander quickly got out of the way.

“Now scratch it again!” Red shouted.

Charmander once again clawed at the turtle pokemon’s face.

“Tail whip!” Blue commanded.

Squirtle turned itself around hitting Charly with his tail. The fire pokemon growled after having Squirtle’s tail brush against his face.

“Scratch!” Red ordered.

Charly threw his claws into the back of the squirtle’s neck causing it to cry out in pain.

“Now finish it!” Red shouted.

Charly shoved the Tiny Turtle pokemon into the ground and clawed at its face until it ceased to resist.

“That’s it! This battle is over, Charmander wins!” Oak shouted.

“I can’t believe I picked the wrong pokemon!” Blue shouted, “Mark my words Red, I, Blue Oak, will be the world’s greatest pokemon master, just you wait!

Blue gracefully recalled his pokemon.

“Red, Gramps, Smell ya later!” Blue said rudely as he walked out the door.

A lot of these may seem pedantic, but people will forgive a lot of problems with the story as long as the technical accuracy is good. As far as pokémon names are concerned, there are two schools of thought. One is that you always capitalise the species (Squirtle, Ivysaur, Charizard etc) like in the games. The other is that since you wouldn't capitalise, say Dog, Cat, Rat, you wouldn't for a pokémon either. Neither can said to be correct, as such, so the important thing is to be consistent.

Story
As I said before, you're starting with a handicap of sorts. As far as this adaptation is concerned you haven't really done much other than a straight novelisation of the game. You might argue that this is a bit unfair given that you're just starting, but this particular type of scene is SO iconic that - whether it's fair or not - I think you'll struggle to keep people's attention if the rest of the story continues this way.

Characters
Again, nothing groundbreaking, though your attempt to explain the silent protagonist isn't something I've seen a lot. Journeyfics are driven by their characters, so at the very least Red needs to be rounded and real. It's not enough to simply copy the depiction from the game or tack on some traits from the manga - he needs to be a full character so the audience cares about what happens to him. Remember, you may be using a canon character, but the way you write him is still your own

Final Thoughts
Don't give up. Everyone has to start somewhere, and if I've criticised a lot, it's only because I want to be helpful and help you write better

 

[Elso]

Beth Pavell I would like to really thank you for such a detailed review. First off as for the line breaks that was an issue that occurred when transferring over from Google Docs and I will be sure for the next chapter to look over the chapter before hitting post. As for the capitalization of pokemon names it may seem inconsistent but if a trainer does not nickname their charmander then the pokemon's name is Charmander and would need to be capitalized but if a pokemon is simply referred to as a common noun such as "The charmander used ember." then it should be common just like Mom or Dad would only be capitalized when referring to a specific person. Again, if I slipped and capitalized a pokemon name that didn't need it then I can definitely see where the confusion may come from. The other small technical things are just me needing to pay attention a bit more it helps to have other people read over my writing to find those little mistakes which is why I am posting it here.

Now for the plot and characters; yes I know right now it is very slimier to the game and so is Red's character, It's the first chapter and I'm leading up to things that will set it apart from the game's plot. I just need time to tell that story without pilling on too much information into one chapter. All I can ask from my readers is that they give it the chance to impress them. The first few chapters need to be slimier to the game in order to tell the story that I want to tell.

Now onto the next chapter. I've taken your advice and looked over it and looked for grammatical changes but I'm really bad at catching my own mistakes sometimes.

Chapter 2: Viridian City
Red walked through the northern part of Pallet Town on the way to the bus stop that would take Red to Viridian City. Granted, Red could get there by nightfall if he walked their but he decided against it opting for a quick ride to the next city. Right Next to the bus stop was a billboard.

“Brand New! Pokemart! New in Viridian City!
1300th block of Yellow Avn.”

“I see you’re interested in the new pokemart.” Said a man in a brightly colored suit.

“ehh, I was just looking.” Red said politely

“No worries, here’s a free sample, please, take it!” The man insisted

The man held out a small spray bottle in his hand. It had a purple spray top and the bottom was see-through revealing a white liquid inside of the bottle. It was labeled potion.

Red took the potion and walked away before the man tried to sell him something else. He made his way to the bus stop only to see that the bus was leaving. Red ran towards the bus as fast as his legs could take him but the bus was already up to speed.

“Damnit!” Red shouted

“Did you miss the bus?” a young man of high school age asked him

“Huh huh... yeah.” Red said disappointingly

“Well the next bus don’t come for another 3 hours it would be quicker for you to walk, just follow this road and you will reach Viridian City, buses run more frequently their.” He explained

“Cool thanks!” Red thanked the man as he began to walk down the road

“Wait! Just be careful to stay out of the tall grass, wild pokemon tend to hide in it.” The young man warned

“haha it’s cool!” Red bragged as he held his two pokeballs between his fingers.

Red continued up the road for about an hour before stopping to rest. He let his pokemon out to run around as well. Sparks and Charly played for a little bit until Charly heard a noise coming from the grass. Charly walked towards it to investigate.

“Charly wait!” Red yelled as he ran after his pokemon, “Sparks you stay here and watch my stuff.”

Red caught up to his charmander when all of the sudden a long, furry pokemon jumped out and attacked them.


“A furret!” Red noticed, “Not too many of them around these parts.”

The furret came out and tackled Charly quickly before running back into the cover of the grass. Charly was knocked back into Red.

The pokemon cried out in pain.

“You okay?!” Red said in a worried tone.

Charly got up slowly.

“I gotta find where that thing is.” Red thought to himself

“Charly Ember!” he commanded

Charly blew small flames out of its mouth causing the grass around him to burn. Furret seemed unscathed by the fire and ran up to Charly and scratched him with its claws.

Charly sustained a deep cut on his face and he fell to the floor.

“Charly!” Red Cried out as he recalled his pokemon

Sparks came running towards the fight and launched a thunder wave at the pokemon. Furret stood there paralyzed by the weak electrical jolt.

“Lets get outta here!” Red shouted as he picked up his pikachu and ran back to where they were sitting before.

He let Charly out of his pokeball but he was still out cold.

“Argh, that scratch attack was worse than I thought, and I don’t have anything to patch it up with.” Red complained, “Wait! That potion the salesman gave me!”

Red pulled the potion out of his pocket and started to spray it on the wound. The bleeding had stopped and Charly woke up. The pokemon moaned weakly as the potion began to take its effect.

Red smiled and returned Charly to his pokeball.

“Get some rest buddy, I’ve gotta find you a pokemon center.” Red said softly

After a few more hours of walking Red finally made it to the pokemon center in Viridian City. The Pokemon center was a large white building with a red roof. It had a large PLO logo on the front above the automatic glass door.

The Pokemon League Organization is a non profit organization and all the money it collects from ticket sales and trainer’s licensing fees all goes to resources such as pokemon centers where trainer’s can heal their pokemon and have a warm place to stay all for free.

Red walked into the center’s waiting room and walked up to the lady behind counter.

“Excuse ma'am, my charmander was hurt by a wild pokemon, can you please take care of him?” Red asked

“What happened to him?” The lady said lightly

“He was attacked by a furret.” Red explained

“I see, let me see his pokeball, I’ll be sure to take good care of him, He probably just needs some rest, he’ll be fine by tomorrow.” The lady said happily, “Here is a room key, the rooms are all upstairs.”

The lady gave him a card key that said 15 on it and then she walked through the door behind the counter with Charly’s pokeball.

Red decided to call Professor Oak to tell him he got to Viridian safely. Red walked over to a phone and punched in a few numbers.

“Hello?” Oak answered

“Hey its Red, I got to Viridian.” Red explained

“Splendid, my boy, actually that's really good, I have a package at the pokemart that is due to come in tomorrow can you get it and bring it to me?” Oak requested.

“Sure, why cant you or Blue get it though?” Red asked

“I actually need you boys to come back anyway I need to give you both something I forgot to give you this morning.” Oak explained

“Oh, okay sure thing.” Red agreed

 

[AetherX]

Hey! Review incoming.

I second pretty much everything Pav said, so forgive me for repeating things. The game novelization idea is incredibly popular, and not in a good way. It's how I started my story, but I changed things and added things over and over until it was practically unrecognizable. I do like the realism you've added, as well as the characterization. As someone who's first reaction to everything is to not say anything, I like the idea of Red just being a quiet kid.

I suggest going back and making the edits that he pointed out for you, it will do wonders for readership. But beyond relying on others to correct your mistakes, it's a good idea to understand just what you're doing wrong. I'll use this sentence as an example:

“Well the next bus don’t come for another 3 hours it would be quicker for you to walk, just follow this road and you will reach Viridian City, buses run more frequently their.” He explained

First up: dialogue tags. Commas are what separate dialogue from the tags. For example: "Dialogue," he said. Or alternately: He said, "dialogue."

Secondly, I'm not sure if this is just a typo or a grammar error, but that's the wrong form of "there." "Their" is possessive. Instead, use "there" as in "here and there."

Third, that whole sentence is oddly structured. It's like four shorter sentences got slammed together with no connector words or enough commas. It's usually best to break up your writing into smaller sentences when possible, rather than tying individual sentences together like that. Overall, I would change that sentence to:

“Well, the next bus don’t come for another three hours. It would be quicker for you to walk. Just follow this road and you will reach Viridian City. Buses run more frequently there,” he explained.

Or if we wanted to get really wild:

“Well, the next bus don’t come for another three hours," he explained. "It would be quicker for you to walk. Just follow this road and you will reach Viridian City, where buses run more frequently.”

Like I said above, fixing technical mistakes like that will go a long way towards improving your story's quality.

Keep it up!

Review Extravaganza 28/50