COMPLETE: Pokemon New Generation: New Beginnings (Finished)

[Flaze]

Well guess the plot has changed a lot I used to write this fic as a future from another fic, but that was stupid so I came up with my own creative ideas. This fic's about the adventures of a kid named Ashian that looks just like Ash but he's not his son just some weird kid. On his adventure Ashian will meet a lot of freinds enemies and discover his reason to live and why he was chosen to fulfill the destiny that was set upon him, all this and more in the first part of the great trilogy Pokemon New Generation.

Something new I just thought up, I'm going to put his fic in arcs, not all arcs have names now but as the fic goes on more will appear.

Arc 1: Starter arc, chapter 1-3
Chapter 1: A New Beginning (You're checking it right now)
Chapte 2: The New Journey Begins
Chapter 3: Pokemon Bird Menace
Arc 2: Pokemon Warrior arc, chapter 4-10
Chapter 4: Viridian Ruby
Chapter 5: A Thunder Of a Battle
Chapter 6: Want a Battle Call a Pokemon Warrior
Chapter 7: Treeckos and Temples But I Won't Give Up Part 1
Chapter 8: Treeckos and Temples But I won't Give Up Part 2
Chapter 9: The Power That Destroy The Heart
Chapter 10: Who's a True Friend
Arc 3: Gym battle arc, chapter 11-16
Chapter 11: Have You Seem My Friend Henry
Chapter 12: Treecko Vs Steelix, Choose a Path Henry Part 1
Chapter 13:Treecko Vs Steelix, Choose a Path Henry Part 2
Chapter 14: Ashian's Last Nerve
Chapter 15: Cerulean's The Place For Waves
Chapter 16: Passing The Wet Torch
Arc 4: Shadows inside arc, chapter 17-21
Chapter 17: Water Conducts Pichu
Chapter 18: Ashian The Shadow Warrior Is Born
Chapter 19: Ashian Has Fallen, The New Chose One
Chapter 20: A New Partner In Life
Chapter 21: Fighting The Great Ape
Arc 5: Crazy thunder arc, chapter 22-27
Chapter 22: Two, Five and Six
Extra Chapter I
Chapter 23: Volts Of Loss
Chapter 24: Revenge Of The Dragon
Chapter 25: Rivalry Desire
Chapter 26: Henry Vs. Bryan, The Last Stance
Chapter 27: One Hell Of a Tournament and Season Finale
Chapter 27 1/2
Arc 6: Travelling Arc 28-33 (Done)
Chapter 28: Pokemon Soccer Showdown
Chapter 29: Greed and Envy Does Not Make a Good Friendship
Chapter 30: The Trainer Of Misery and The Egg Of Friendship
Path of Regiggigas
Return of the Water Princess
Extra IV
Moana's and Alexa's Perfect Match, The Cherryblossom Dilemma
Arc 7: Dancing With My Friends Arc 34-38 (Finished)
Grassy Battles
Middle Against Last, Alexa's Ritual
I Don't Dance
Can Ashian have this Dance
Arc 8: Father And Son Arc 39-44 (Finished)
The Mysterious Warrior
Under the Mask and Out of the World
Clash!, The Revelation
Clash!, The Sacrifice
A Battle of Wits Part 1: A Friend Returns
Battle of Wits Part 2 The Walls that Block My Path
Arc 9: The Aura Sword Arc 45-48 (Finished)
See One, Pick One, Kiss One
Fiery Passion
Aura Sword Revealed
A Warrior's Blood
Arc 10: The Final Battle Arc 49-54 (On Hold)
Arc 11: Pokemon League Arc 55-62 (On Hold)
Epilogue: End of the Beginning (On hold till the next two arcs are done)

Theme Songs
Main Themse Song-Not My Time
Ashian's Theme Song-Don't Tell Me
Alexa's Theme Song: Promise

Pokemon new generation episode 1:
A new beginning



We humans live in the pokemon world, a world full of creators with great powers, and abilities. Human and pokemon alike live together, fight together, and explore together. There’s at least 493 pokemon discovered, and together with each new pokemon there’s new pokemon trainers. Pokemon trainers are humans that traveled around the world to capture, and fight against pokemon. Including the pokemon there’s four great regions were humans live together with pokemon. These regions are the regions of Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh.

In the vast peaceful region of Kanto a lot of kids wait for the day they turned 10, that’s the story of Evelyn Ketchum. she is a very talented trainer, considering that she’s the daughter of Ash Ketchum, one of the best pokemon trainers in the world.

Evelyn has traveled a long way, she has come from the region of Hoenn where her dad lives, but she wanted to see the region her dad grew up on so it’s actually good for her.

Evelyn’s getting her first pokemon today. She came to the calm town of Pallet town, this is the town were the great pokemon researcher Professor Oak lives.

But another trainer is starting his journey today. His name is Ashian, he is a local resident in Pallet town, and he’s preparing for the great adventures of the future.

Ashian woke up from his deep slumber, his face was actually a lot like Ash’s. He had brown skin, raven dark eyes, and a deep black hair. He move to his closet and got dressed. He wore a dark blue closed jacket, a red hat with a green pokeball on top, blue sneakers, black gloves, and blue jeans.

Ashian turned to his clock, and notice that he was late for his meeting with professor Gary Oak. Ashian started running out of his room, and went down to the kitchen.

“Ha I am late” he said as he went down the stairs. When he got to the kitchen his mom was making some breakfast for him. She looked normal she wore a white apron, black pants, green sandals, and a white bandanna. “Hi mom don’t have time to talk I am late already” Ashian past through his mom running outside the house.

“He never has time to stop for a second, just like his father” She looked at the door closing, and kept making breakfast.
“I gotta hurry, how can I sleep late when I set my alarm to wake me up at seven” he kept running, but he wasn’t concentrated; he crashed with a tree.

“Ow, that hurt like hell” Ashian said getting up from the floor, rubbing his hand in his head.

Just as he got up a kid came walking to him. He wore a blue jacket, black pants, white skin, moccasins, and goggles; he also had an afro. He was Bryan. He and Ashian had been rivals since they were little kids; they were always fighting with each other personally cause of his family blood. He was the son of the pokemon professor Gary Oak, he was also the great Grandson dr. Samuel Oak. Gary works with his assistant Tracey, who has been professor Oak assistant since he was young; now that professor Oak had retire he and Gary were in charge. They were the ones that were given Ashian his first pokemon.

The pokemon Ashian could choose were pichu, boulbasour, squirtle, charmander, chikorita, cindaquil, totodile, treeko, torchic, mudkip, turtwig, chimchar, and piplup. Ashian didn’t know which one to choose but he wanted to be the best just like his hero.

Ashian looked back at Bryan. “Bryan what are you doing here” Ashian cleaned his face. He noticed that Bryan had a mudkip with him.

“You got a mudkip” Ashian pointed at mudkip.

“Yeah my dad gave it to me, so what do you think” Bryan smirked at Ashian. “Not to shabby, but my pokemon will be better.

Ashian kept running to the lab. He could see it from far; but what he didn’t noticed was that he was about to crash with a girl. The girl had a black shirt, brown pants, black sandals, white skin, black hair, and blue eyes.

Before Ashian could even turned, he and Evelyn crashed.

Evelyn was very angry, she had devilish blue eyes which made Ashian scare. “What are you doing” Evelyn yelled as Ashian just twitched.

INSIDE, THE LAB …

Dr. Gary Oak and Tracey were waiting inside the pokemon lab, Tracey looked at his watch.

“when do you think Evelyn, and Ashian are gonna be here” Tracey asked Gary, looking at his watch.

“I don’t know, after all she’s Ash’s daughter, and Ashian acts so much like him, he might as well come tomorrow” Gary said sighing.

Just then Evelyn and Ashian came running through the door.

“Hi Uncle Gary, hi Uncle Tracey” Evelyn said as she got into the lab together with Ashian.


“Did she said uncle” Ashian asked getting up from the floor.

You see Gary, and Tracey aren’t exactly Evelyn’s uncles. They were good friends of her dad, so when Ash got married he made Gary, and Tracey Evelyn’s godfathers; although Evelyn just calls them uncle, and she also calls Bryan her cousin.

“Uncle Gary, uncle Tracey, I am here to get my first pokemon” Evelyn pointed at the 12 pokeballs that were on the stall.

“Already done, you and Ashian can choose whichever you like” Tracey brought the stall to Ashian, and Evelyn.

“In that case, I’ll choose a pichu” Evelyn smiled widely, although Ashian didn’t looked as happy.

“Oh come on, I wanted the pichu” Ashian whined. “Don’t worry Ashian, we got two pichus just in case you will cause a fight” Tracey gave Ashian another pokeball.

“Hey Tracey, why don’t we give Ashian, and Evelyn another pokemon; after all we gave Bryan one of my evees; so since Ashian, and Evelyn will surely become his rival, why don’t we let them all be even.

“Okay” they both agreed. “I chose charmander “ Ashian said holding his fist clench.

“I chose chikorita” Evelyn said giggling.

“This chikorita must be one of the sons and daughters of my dad’s bayleaf” Evelyn smiled at the chikorita.

“Who’s your father” Ashian asked with a confuse face. “Ash Ketchum” Evelyn looked at Ashian who was surprise now. “What he’s your father, that can’t be” Ashian jumped. “Yeah, I came here from Hoenn, but I got permission from my daddy to explore Kanto” Evelyn kept smiling, and Ashian just kept staring.

“In that case you don’t mind if I have a battle with you, right” Ashian asked. “Sure, I could use some practicing before starting my journey” Evelyn replied.

Later both Ashian and Evelyn were in the field that’s behind the lab, and were preparing to battle.

“ready” Evelyn took a pokeball off her belt. “I’m always ready” Ashian got a pokeball out of his belt too.

“Now go pichu” Ashian threw pichu’s pokeball. “Then, I guess we’ll choose the same pokemon, go pichu” they both got they’re pichus out.

“Go pichu, use thunder shock” pichu fired a little wave of electricity to Evelyn’s pichu. “Pichu dodge that with quick attack” Evelyn’s pichu increased it’s speed and dodge the attack.

“okay pichu jump into the air, then rotate, and use thunder shock down on Evelyn’s pichu” pichu did what Ashian ordered, and the thunder hit Evelyn’s pichu from the sky and it fell uncunsious.

“I won” Ashian jump with happiness, and he went to hug his pokemon. “Good job pichu, you did it” Ashian petted pichu, while Evelyn was looking at him.

“I can’t believe it he use my dad’s strategy to beat me. Maybe he really is strong” Evelyn kept looking at Ashian giving him a confident smile. But the next round won’t be that easy.


END OF CHAPTER ONE NEXT: THE NEW JOURNEY BEGINS

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Ok seriously, what the hell?

Every line is rife with mistakes. Your formatting, your grammar, your spelling ("mudkid"?), your puncuation...it's terrible. And your storytelling is full of cliches--futurefic with relatives of current cast members *can* be done well, but yours reads like pretty much everyone else's.

 

[Flaze]

thank you for the honesty I am gonna try to do better on the next chapter I promise It be better.

 

[pikachu200]

You need to work on spelling

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

You know, really, it doesn't inspire confidence when the title has two major misspellings as well.
You don't have to be a great speller to write fics. I suck at spelling and I always have. But you at least have to recognize this in yourself and be able to fix accordingly (dictionaries and friends being good sources).

 

[Flaze]

I usually don't say this but you're right, that's why I decided to stop the futuristic and keep going with my own creation and I am gonna read so many dictionaries that I would be at least a normal level writer and I am even gonna ask for help to some of my friends. Thank you you two I am gonna be better cause I want to be a great fic writer.

 

[Flaze]

well here is my second chapter I sure hoped that this one is better, personaly I read my own chapter and even I thought it was bad guess I didn't saw it by the readers point of view well hope that is at least better than the last chapter.

POKEMON NEW GENERATION EPISODE 2:
THE NEW JOURNEY BEGINS

Ashian Trainer, a new Pokemon Trainer from the region of Kanto started his journey to become the best Trainer ever, after meeting Evelyn Ketchum at professor Oak’s lab they decided to have a battle, in the end Ashian won the first round of the battle, and now they’re getting ready for the second.

Evelyn takes out her second Pokeball from her pocket, Ashian also takes out his own Pokeball from his belt. They both threw they’re Pokeballs in the air and a Chikorita and Charmander came out and were prepared to battle.

“Okay charmander use scratch and then ember’’ Ashian ordered with a strong tone in his voice. Charmander breathed in and then it let out a barrage of fire bullets that went straight for Chikorita.

“Chikorita retaliate with razor leaf and then tackle” Evelyn ordered. Chikorita wave its head back and then fired a bunch of leaf at Charmander’s ember.

The leafs and fire crashed with each other and created a huge explosion. “Charmander go for a scratch!” Ashian yelled through the cloud of smoke. Chikorita ran at Charmander with its head raised; but Charmander dodged it and started slashing down on Chikorita’s skin.

The smoke started clearing up and Charmander came walking out of it, Chikorita was still in the cloud but when it appeared again it had various cuts on its skin.

“Well that was a good battle” Ashian started laughing satisfied that he won his first battle. “Yeah I guess your right” Evelyn smiled, how is it possible that a rooky trainer could make his pokemon trust him so easily in just a few seconds; plus he defeated her.

Then Gary and Tracey came to congratulate them, Tracey was clapping, and Gary had his arms crossed.

“Well even though you two are a pair of rookies that was a pretty good battle” Gary stated; although he wasn’t really paying attention at them.

“Gary is right you two obviously you have great futures ahead of you” Tracey smiled, and went to check charmander and chikorita out, to see if they were okay.

“Thanks Uncle Tracey” she turned to look at Ashian; he was petting Pichu. “Hey Ashian why don’t you and I have another battle, I won’t stop fighting you till I at least get a better chance of beating you!” she smiled at Ashian, but she didn’t even gave him time to answer. “No I’ll pass on that one” he started walking to his hour. “I gotta get going, plus I forgot some stuff at home, well see’ ya” Ashian started running; although he almost tripped over one the way

He went back to his house to get some stuff he had forgotten like his backpack and stuff. After he got there he found his mom reading the newspaper; she shook her head at him; like if she already knew what he was doing there.

“What are you doing here, I thought you left already” she said in a sarcastic tone; but Ashian couldn’t get the sarcastic part of it. “Well I forgot” he smiled nervously. “Guess that’s you favorite word isn’t” she said as she walked to his room so that Ashian could get his stuff.
You see Ashian had problem of forgetting a lot of things, including sometimes wear underwear every time. If he was supposed to do something important, he would’ve forgotten about it unless it was about Pokemon and other kind of stuff he likes.


Finally after 30 minutes of finding stuff Ashian had everything he needed; he found his backpack in the trash can and his Trainer License was about to fall off the window. “Well bye” Ashian waved before he left; but in the spurt of the moment he’s mom grabbed his hand and stop him on his tracks.

“Ashian there’s something I wanna give you” she looked at him with a sad face and then walked over to pick something from the kitchen.

“What is it?” he asked when he saw his mom comeback. “As you know your father disappeared when he left for the Sinnoh region five years ago” she was calming down as he put the box down. “Yeah he was on a mission to get something for professor Oak and suddenly he disappeared in the vast of the earth” he said shrugging.

“Yeah well they did found something after all, it came back two years ago but I couldn’t tell you cause you were still affected by what happened” she took out a hat from the box; the hat was fiery red color, it had white under it and a white circle in the middle that had the form of a Pokeball. The hat had the words “to my Ryan love Cindy” on it.

“Wow this is so cool, I mean I only new dad for five years and as you know I can’t really remember what happened” he said looking at the hat with a disappointed look on his face. “Well good luck son, be careful and don’t forget to call from time to time” she wiped off a few tears from her white face and then walked back into the kitchen. When she was gone Ashian took off his red black and green hat and put on the red hat. “I will” he whispered and then turned to leave his house.

Ashian was walking down the main street of Pallet he was staring at his hat the whole way; after all it was his dad’s favorite hat. He looked at the crowd that was gathering in on them; the whole crowd was surrounded by street lights and they were all pushing each other out. After Ashian managed to pass through the crowd he finally came in front.

Ashian saw Evelyn standing on the right side of the crowd; and Bryan on the other. He could also see Evelyn’s Chikorita lying on the ground next to Bryan’s Eevee.

“Is that all you got Evelyn” Bryan smirked at the sight of the fainted Chikorita. Evelyn returned Chikorita and looked at Bryan with a look of disgust. “I still got another Pokemon, I can still beat you with it” she got her Pichu’s Pokeball out. Bryan chuckled at her. “I don’t really want to embarrass you anymore” he returned Eevee and then turned to walk away.

“Hey Bryan, how about you battle me instead!” Ashian yelled from the other side of the street. “Ashian, don’t do this Bryan’s stronger than you think” Evelyn said holding Ashian back. “No, I’ll take him, I’ve always wanted to embarrass him in front of everyone” Bryan got Mudkip’s Pokeball out.

Ashian was standing on the other side of the street he had Charmander’s Pokeball out and he was prepared to fight. “Ready Bryan’ he said assuming his battle stand. “I’m but let’s see if you are” he smirked and assumed his own battle stand.

“Go charmander” charmander got out with a simple growl, and then it looked at its surroundings. “Go Mudkip teach him a good lesson” Mudkip got out and it started kicking some dirt, then it assumed the battle stand of a Tauros.

“Now charmander use your firespin attack” Charmander took a few seconds but then it charged flames in its mouth and fired a big tornado made out of fire. “First rookie mistake Ashian now mudkip use your watergun” Bryan took its chance on attacking and Mudkip fired a stream of water that got rid of the firespin. Charmander tried to dodge it but it got hit by the watergun.

“Charmander use smokescreen” after Charmander shook off the water it let out a cloud of black smoke and it sent it flying to Mudkip. “Mudkip let’s do this use your absorber!’ Bryan yelled and Mudkip started absorbing the cloud of smoke. “Cool a new attack” Ashian took out a book on new attacks; it said that absorber was an attack that could absorb smokescreen, smog, and any other gas attack.

“Now I can see that lizard very well, Mudkip go for a watergun again” Bryan threw his hand on the air and Mudkip fired another stream of water. “I’m not gonna fall for that twice, Charmander flamethrower” Charmander absorbed air and then fired a huge jet of flames at the water gun; both attacks crashed and then let out a cloud of steam. When the cloud disappeared Charmander was gone together with the steam. “Where’s that lizard” Bryan growled looking around the street for Charmander. Ashian just smirked. “You should probably look at all your surroundings, even the weirdest side of all” Ashian said. “And what’s that?” Bryan asked. “DOWN!!!!!!!!!!” Ashian yelled and pointed at the floor.

Then Charmander came out from the ground and it hit Mudkip with its right fist. Mudkip got sent flying back to Bryan, it was about to get up but then just fainted into the ground again. “Mudkip” Bryan said walking up to it. “We won Charmander” Charmander jumped up to Ashian and hugged him.

“Well guess you beat me Ashian, I’m out of here” Bryan started to walk away but Ashian stopped him in the middle of his tracks. “Oh no you’re not, you have to buy us dinner, I’m not leaving this town till you do that” Ashian gave him a big smile; Bryan just sighed.

About an hour later, Ashian and his friends are eating some food on the Pallet town diner, Ashian had just finished eating a plate of ribs; or a few plates of ribs. Evelyn looked at him nervously like if she thought that Ashian was gonna eat her next. “Don’t you think you’re eating too much Ashian” Evelyn laughed nervously. Ashian turned to look at her with food on his mouth. “Nope” he said.

“Listen Ashian, you still owe me my money, even if it was a bet I’m gonna get it back” Bryan frowned. “Yeah, yeah shut up and go pay for the dinner” Ashian said putting the plates back.

After Bryan paid for the dinner Evelyn started talking. “I got an idea” she said getting up so fast that Ashian almost jumped out of his chair. “What is it!?” he yelled throwing his hand on the desk. “How about we make a bet, the first one to get to the Indigo Plateau, gets to have his or her own personal servants for a week. Bryan and Ashian exchanged looks before looking at Evelyn. “Okay” they said in unison.

“Now that we’re done, I have to go, you know I won’t win if I don’t move” Bryan got off and left the diner without saying anything. “Yeah, I should go too, bye Evelyn” Ashian got up and was about to leave but Evelyn stopped him. “Ashian I was gonna deliver a package in Viridian city for the Viridian City Researching Center, you wanna come with me” she said walking in front of Ashian. “Sure” Ashian smiled and they both left the diner.

So after winning his first battle against Evelyn Ashian battled Bryan; being victorious again the three of them made a bet to see who can get to the Indigo Plateau first, but a lot of adventures awaits Ashian and no one knows what his future departs him.

END OF CHAPTER 2, NEXT CHAPTER: BIRD POKEMON MENACE

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

I'm not going to infract you for that but I *did* tell you before to edit your posts rather than double post in such a short amount of time. This one barely squeaks by because you had a chapter in it, but if you were that close to finishing, just wait to make your initial post until you finish it, then accomplish both at once.

That said, you REALLY need to work on the grammar and punctuation.

I usually don't say this but you're right that's why I decided to stop the futuristic and keep going with my own creation and I am gonna read so many dictionaries that I would be at least a normal level writer and I am even gonna ask for help to some of my friends thank you you two i am gonna be better cause I want to be a great fic writer

well here is my second chapter I sure hoped that this one is better personaly I read my own chapter and even I thought it was bad guess I didn't saw it by the readers point of view well hope at least is better than the last chapter.

There's no puncuation in either of those until the period dot in the second one! If your INTRODUCTIONS read like that, it doesn't speak well of your abilities for the stories. You CANNOT have runons like that, either in writing stories or in casual posts. People will think less of you no matter what you have to say.

 

[Barb]

Another quibble: how you write dialogue. It's not traditionally done in paragraph form as in your story. Here's how it's normally done:

"Well, I think I better go too...ah, Evelyn?" [He hesitated before continuing,] "Do you mind if we go together? I have something to do at Viridian City. It's not far from Pewter. We can go there, and then go to Pewter." [He looked at Evelyn] "What do you think?"

"Okay." [She agreed] "Personally, I kind of have a fear of the dark. But don't tell anyone." Ashian looked embarrassed.

"Okay, let's go."

When a new character starts speaking, put their dialogue on the next line. Otherwise, readers have no idea who's talking.

 

[Flaze]

Thank you for your comment Barb I'll try to do that on the next chapter.

 

[Flaze]

POKEMON NEW GENERATION: EPISODE 3 POKEMON BIRD MENACE.

Both Ashian and Evelyn left pallet town together about 12 hours ago they’re now near a forest outside of Pallet.

Evelyn is walking more like a school girl her arms folded around her chest like she was carrying some books her chikorita right next to her smelling every plant in the field, Ashian a few steps behind her was walking his own way he had his finger clenched in a fist so that he could defend himself if something attacks he was a little bit paranoid considering he likes to create new ways for everything his own way of eating his own way of running even his own way of acting up.


“Hey Evelyn we been walking for a long time not forgetting we spent the night in the woods how much time is left before we get to Viridian city” Ashian said tired of walking for so long, Evelyn look afraid that Ashian was right not even her knew how far it was it was her first time going alone and the last time she came with her father for a pokemon battle at the Viridian stadium “I am sorry Ashian not even I know how much time’s left”.

Afraid that she was about to cry Ashian was thinking of something to say “ah don’t worry Evelyn we can ask for directions” he was looking shaking his head to see if he found someone when he saw a girl about four years older than him she had green color shorts blonde hair that shone like gold with the sun she wore a leather aqua blue t-shirt with the picture of a pidgey on the middle.

“Hey you do you know how we can get to Viridian’’ “not now I am trying to spot a pokemon” “it is a rare pokemon” “yeah it’s a rare pokemon what do you think it was a dryer or what” Ashian was angry cause well he always lived in a town where the only one rude to him was Bryan the rest of the people were nice and calm “what happened Ashian” said Evelyn worried about his friend “that stupid girl just yell at me cause I ask her something simple” Evelyn was angry too she didn’t like it when people yelled at her friends is like they were yelling at her.

She went to were the girl was and touch her shoulder the girl screamed “what is it that you want” Evelyn gave her an uppercut punch “what the heck was that” “don’t yell at my friend, that’s what that was” “hey stop fighting” “SHUT UP” scream both girls at Ashian leaving him depth “anyway lets just be friends okay” said Ashian prepare to run in case this gets ugly “I’ll do it if she does it” said Evelyn arms crossed “I’ll do it if she do it” the other girl said doing the same thing as Evelyn “ah woman” said Ashian giving a sigh “WHAT DID YOU SAY” the two girls scream at Ashian with all the strength of their lungs.

Apparently the noise from the scream was so strong that pokemon came out from all parts of the forest, then all of the fully evolve bird pokemon appear a pidgeot, fearow, swellow, and staraptor. “What’s this all those bird pokemon came out all of a sudden” ask Evelyn looking at the flock of birds that came following the leaders “this are the bird pokemon I was trying to find all this time you see my name is Susanne and I am the bird pokemon researcher”.

Just then an staraptor in color brown with an aqua blue hair and lightning brown feathers came flying out like a bail falling from someone’s head, “that’s it that’s the staraptor I was looking for all this time the great shiny staraptor that’s said to protect the forest of Pallet” “hey Evelyn I heard of it” “what the story”, “yeah it’s said that a few years ago the forest was consumed in fire and that a staraptor of a weird color came out and used an attack so powerful that it extinguish the fire after that everybody call it the great staraptor”. Then as in unison the staraptor came flying down the sky with an areal ace it cut some grass and almost a little bit of Ashian’s and Evelyn’s hair.

“We’ll have to fight, go charmander” charmander came out of the pokeball “Ashian why are you using charmander we should use pichu’’ “I know but charmander knows defense attacks that could help us if thinks don’t look good”.

“Now charmander use your flamethrower attack at full heat” charmanders’s flames came out like boiling magma and hit staraptor so hard that some of it’s hair fell out “okay pichu use thunder shock” pichu’s thundershock also got a hit almost knocking it “why isn’t staraptor attacking”, the Susanne finally started talking “it’s because that dumb bird is protecting the forest like in the story” “who exactly are you Susanne’’ “I have to say if you think that I am a good girl then I’ll have to say no, but if you say I am bad I also have to say no” said Susanne, “then what are you” said Ashian preparing to throw a pokeball” “I am a pokemon hunter”.

“Ah pokemon hunter I think I heard about that” Evelyn had a serious look on her face “what is it” ask Ashian “it’s a person that captures pokemon for money” said Susanne finishing what Evelyn was saying “that’s just wrong” Ashian was really angry now and he threw pichu’s pokeball “so you wanna fight heh, well then go gabite” gabite a appear and attack pichu with one of the new attacks it look like a wind slash combined with a dragon pulse “this is my new attack dragon cut” said Susanne laughing the dragon cut strike the ground and the waves defeated both the pichu’s of Ashian and Evelyn “we have to do something Evelyn” Ashian was now worried.

“Now charmander use your fire spin” charmander fired it’s fire spin and got a good blow on gabite but to no avail “now gabite use dragon breath” gabite fire a stream of air and it crashed into charmander which made it confuse “what are we gonna do even if you get chikorita out it won’t work” Ashian was now more worry “we’ll have to fight ourselves we’re gonna protect staraptor” Evelyn got in front of staraptor Ashian was now thinking to himself “I never seen Evelyn been so brave even though I just met her she didn’t look like that kind of person” then Ashian too got in front of staraptor “don’t worry staraptor we’ll protect you” Ashian put a brave face on staraptor seeing this got up to fight and flew up high “what’s that bird doing” ask Susanne then staraptor came flying down like in an areal ace but it’s body became blue like a brave bird but something weird happen before it get to the ground copies of staraptor appear.

“What’s that” ask Evelyn surprised “it’s the attack from the story, brave clone” Ashian gave Evelyn a thumbs up like saying that it’s taking care of, then the clones came crashing down like meteors and defeated gabite.

“This not the last time you’ll see me” a helicopter came flying and threw a rope she climbed it and left the scene.

A few minutes later staraptor went flying back to the forest “well I think we are supposed to keep going to Viridian city now don’t you” said Ashian with a big smile on his face “yeah lets go” Evelyn smiled back.

They both left looking at the great sunlight waiting for their new adventures in their journey.

End of chapter 3 next chapter: a Viridian ruby

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

You, um...haven't really listened to us. It's not hard to put each new person's dialogue in a new paragraph, but instead you have dialogue by multiple people in huge clumps which make it very confusing.

 

[Flaze]

and here comes episode four I tried to do it better this time if there isn't much problem I also want to know how my story is.

POKEMON NEW GENERATION EPISODE 4
VIRIDIAN RUBY

Ashian and Evelyn have travel through all of pallet and the pallet woods and are finally in Viridian city the city of greenery and great peace once a city with a lot of theft now one of the best cities in the world.

Evelyn had separated from Ashian while she was delivering her package while Ashian went to find the pokemon center so they could spend the night.

“Why do I always get the hard works I am so hungry and I had past through like seven gourmet restaurants or something”.

He saw a big building with a red kinda roof it had the letter P on it “is that the pokemon center”.

Pichu came out of his pokeball to see the big building; it had never been outside of the lab ground before he met Ashian so it went running inside, “hey wait there”.

Ashian got into the pokecenter and saw a girl with red fiery hair a white color apron a hat with a hospital red cross and a thin white face was holding pichu in her arms.

“Excuse me is this your pichu” ask the woman holding pichu happily in her arms, “yeah it’s mine, thanks” he picked pichu from the girls arms “now problem what’s your name” “Ashian and yours”, “my name is Joy Nurse Joy to be exact”.

Ashian stayed in the pokemon center got a room to sleep bought some food for his and Evelyn’s pokemon which she gave to him while she was going to the deliver the package then the pokecell one of the new devices for pokemon trainer started ringing, “hello who is this”.

“Ashian it’s me Evelyn” Evelyn sounded worry “what is it Evelyn” “the Viridian lab has been attack for some guys dress in black I need you to come and bring my pokemon” the signal got cut off “guys no time for lunch we have to go help Evelyn”.

Ashian left the center and went running through the whole town when he got there he saw a bunch of fireman and policeman crowded in the lab they were waiting for something to happen or afraid that something might happen if they made a move.

“Hey sir what happen” ask Ashian “this lab has been attack the people had already took hostage and they said that if we make a move they’ll burst the whole place into flame with their houndooms”.

Ashian used one of the facilities of the pokecell which has a locator, he used to locate Evelyn’s cell and got exactly a whole map of the lab and saw a place to enter near the warehouse of the lab “okay we’ll enter from here pichu this goes to you”.
Pichu passed through a lot of things on his way including the warehouse the back hall and some of the work areas he didn’t saw anybody or anything except for test tubes and everything scientist used but all that fell apart when he entered the experimenting room.

There was at least 30 goons on the room there were five people tied up one of them was Evelyn, the other one was a scientist, a woman to be specific, the other one was a men scientist he had a burned lab coat and spiked black hair and glasses broken, and the other two were identical twins they had blonde hair and no lab coats they were actually scholarship students from the pokemon academy that can be said from their aqua blue uniforms.

Pichu was scared it was still a little pokemon it couldn’t do anything to save Evelyn so it decided to go to the main hall to open the door luckily no one heard him.

When the police saw him they thought they were attacking but they calmed down when pichu came to Ashian.

“What did you found out pichu”, pichu led Ashian into the lab and took him to the experimenting room Ashian saw all the goons pokemon and hostages he was about to attack when someone stabbed him in the back, he couldn’t see who it was but he thought he saw Susanne the pokemon hunter he and Evelyn met in the pallet forest.

When he woke up he was tied up and Susanne was in front of him as soon as he blinked she punch him in the face.

“That was for making me fail in my mission the last time we met” Susanne yelled, “I don’t know why are you doing this” said Ashian with his face beaten up.


“We do this so we can fulfill our dreams of controlling this world with the help of the Viridian Ruby”.

Ashian then got transferred to the experimenting room, he saw Evelyn all burned out his and her pokemon tied up all beaten “guys what happen” he asked Evelyn who could verily talk after all that damage she had taken.

“They… are… manipulating the Viridian Ruby”, Ashian was so angry how could this people had attacked this lab and hurt all this people just to get something as simple as a jewel. What made him angry the most was that he remembers what happen to his dad how he disappear during a mission to stop people like this.

He finally broke the nod on the rope and got free the houndooms tried to attack him by using flamethrower but he dodge it and got to his pokemon.

“Now pichu use your thunder bolt attack” pichu electrocuted all the houndooms while Ashian and charmander freed the hostages Susanne tried to attack but charmander used a flamethrower to stop her paths.

“Now guys lets go we have a few seconds” they went running out of the room and running out of the lab as fast as they could, but eventually Susanne cough up to them and got her porygon out.

“End of the line kid this is gonna be the last stand” Susanne yelled with a confident smiled on.

“We’ll take care of her right Ashian” Evelyn stood in front of Ashian to help him, “no Evelyn you have to go your to tired and to hurt I’ll take care of this” Ashian smiled and with that the two friends said goodbye.

“You really think you can beat me ah kid” Susanne was practically been cocky now “I don’t care I promised her I’ll take care of you and I will” he stepped up getting pichu into the floor to start one of the biggest battles of his life.

End of chapter 4 next chapter: a thunder of a battle.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Yeah, I'm honestly not seeing you taking ANY of our advice. You still have incredibly bad formatting, your puncuation is all willy-nilly, your capitalization is random, and you haven't learned to start a new paragraph when a new person talks!

What have you changed? Because I can't see that it's anything.

 

[Flaze]

could you at least point out my errors please

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

I have before, as did Barb. If you really wanted me to, I could go line by line and take apart every single thing...

But for now I'll go with an excerpt.

“Excuse me is this your pichu” ask the woman holding pichu happily in her arms, “yeah it’s mine, thanks” he picked pichu from the girls arms “now problem what’s your name” “Ashian and yours”, “my name is Joy Nurse Joy to be exact”.

Who the heck is talking? It's impossible to tell the way that's formatted because you cram it all into one paragraph. Also, even without that, you start their dialogue sentences with lowercase letters even though they're new sentences and should thereby be capitalized.

Ashian stayed in the pokemon center got a room to sleep bought some food for his and Evelyn’s pokemon which she gave to him while she was going to the deliver the package then the pokecell one of the new devices for pokemon trainer started ringing, “hello who is this”.

How can that honestly be one sentence?

“Ashian it’s me Evelyn” Evelyn sounded worry “what is it Evelyn” “the Viridian lab has been attack for some guys dress in black I need you to come and bring my pokemon” the signal got cut off “guys no time for lunch we have to go help Evelyn”.

How does Evelyn sound worried? Describe it to us rather than telling us the result. And again you cram multiple lines of dialogue into one paragraph, and again you don't capitalize when you need to. Also, "has been attack for some guys dress in black"? What the heck does that even MEAN?

Ashian left the center and went running through the whole town when he got there he saw a bunch of fireman and policeman crowded in the lab they were waiting for something to happen or afraid that something might happen if they made a move.

Massive runon again here too, and you give us no details. There's these people standing around not doing anything, but you really don't say what makes them so afraid.

“Hey sir what happen” ask Ashian “this lab has been attack the people had already took hostage and they said that if we make a move they’ll burst the whole place into flame with their houndooms”.

And, out of all the people to be petrified by that, the POLICE and the FIREMEN are? The ones with the training to DEAL with such things? Firefighters in particular, given that they're dealing with threats of, you know, FIRE and all.

So seriously, I don't see you taking anyone's advice. And then you go and complain in another thread in this same area--which I'm mod of so I read EVERYTHING here--rather than taking it up with me.

 

[Flaze]

you're right I shouldn't have said that and your right about the errors, I wasn't really thinking when I wrote I was just so worry that you wouldn't like it considering taht I haven't gotten any good reviews guess I just got angry at you well thank you for the help, but since I am new it still hard.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Well, you said you want help, but you don't really put forth an effort.

You say "it's hard", but what's hard about it? You have paragraphs (unlike some other "authors" I could name), so you clearly know how to use them at all, what's hard about making a new paragraph for every time the dialogue switches to someone else?

And I know spelling is hard. Believe me, I suck at spelling too. I'm constantly having to look stuff up or to have someone else go over things I write. But honestly, your title still has "genration" and "bigining" in it!

 

[Flaze]

Hey do you know how to change the titles cause I didn't meant put the new begining part I actually thought that's were you put the name of your chapter so can you tell me how I can change it.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Edit your first post's title, which is the title of the thread.

Sometimes that works and sometimes it only changes how the title looks on your post...but yours hasn't had either changed.