Pokémon Trainer Battle: Mystery Dungeon

[Lief Katano]

Chapter 1: A Mysterious Transformation
"Don't even think about it." Kris said.
"Geez Louez, we'll be back." Red said.
"Chick."Gold said. Kris slapped him.
"Um...I'll get going..." XD said.
"Me too," Lucas said, "Bye."
Later...
"I see somethin'...Wah!" Lucas said.
A flash of light blurred around them.
Red woke up. "Are you Red?" a Totodile with a chip off his first spike said. Red looked at his hand. He screamed.
"I...AM...A...PIKACHU!"
Kris was starting to worry. "If I ever find them, I'll wrangle them." She sent out all her Pokémon, but Mega refused to.
After a while, the same thing happened to Kris as to the boys. Larvy, her, ironicly, Tyranitar, used Sand Stream ablity to block the flash. She saw her skin turning green, her arms growing a bit stubby, and...well, her turning into a Chikorita. Like Gold, the tip of her leaf was missing, along with a bit inwards. "Huh? Larvy, when did you grow so big?" she asked.
Then Larvy said something Kris wasn't expecting. "You. Are. A. Chikorita." he said in a deep voice. Kris jumped back. "Okay...uh...Razor Leaf!" she said, launching her leaf forward. Nothing happened. "Man." she grumbled.

 

[White Len]

Honestly? That made no fucking sense. I mean, heck, even Zack leafeon renamon trainer something gave an explanation as to how the character was transported to the PMD world but...a random white light shining down from the heavens? Come on. And we're not even done with that yet. Where did the light come from? The floor? The sky? The side? Up up down down left right left right?

You know what, why do I even bother? You'll probably get all "LOLTROLLGETAWAYFROMMYFICIFYOUDON'TLIKEIT" on me.

 

[Lief Katano]

Anyway...the light? Just...I don't know, IT CAME INTO MY HEAD! Then...what the (beep)in' (beep) do you mean floor? Chapter 2, anyone? The flash of light, basiclly, is when thier starter's DNA is infused with thier own, but basiclly the trigger...you aren't seeing Kris as a part-Chikorita, part-chick freak, do you? SHE'S A (beep)IN' CHIKORITA WITH A DENT IN THE LEAF! You should at least be glad with the stuff I am doing.
:boom::banghead:

 

[DCM]

That was really bad. I could understand if the transformation was a big suprise to be revealed later, but I honestly feel that I gained absolutely nothing from reading that that I couldn't have explained much better in a paragraph.
You need to work on your story telling. Although I ding read a lot of fanfics, most authors take the time to introduce their characters, give then a little backstory, or something

 

[Lief Katano]

That was really bad. I could understand if the transformation was a big suprise to be revealed later, but I honestly feel that I gained absolutely nothing from reading that that I couldn't have explained much better in a paragraph.
You need to work on your story telling. Although I ding read a lot of fanfics, most authors take the time to introduce their characters, give then a little backstory, or something

Well...my bad...anyway...can I just describe my characters in non-Pokemon form and Pokemon form? Well, no backstory can link to this, but Kris saved Giratina with Mega's Aromaparathy (which she does not know in Chikorita form as she is lv. 5.) Gold, Red, Brendan, XD (although he doesn't join the saga until after the XD chapter), and Lucas meet when thier moms took them to thier Cinnabar cookoff. XD, is suppose to, in the XD saga, snag 'em all, but that would be a very long and boring story. He does obtain the Shadow Bird trio, XD001, all of these purified, and Shadow Dragonite, who he has yet to purify. In this Saga, he is an Eevee with a blue headband and spiky hair in place of the normal 'tuft'.
Red is adventourus, and always eager to battle. He is the leader, and has a Pickachu that knows Fly and Surf. In this Saga, he is a Pikachu that still knows Fly and Surf. He still has his hat on, which is on my sig. He is headstrong, but not as much as Gold.
Gold is headstrong. He loves to battle, and that goes without saying. He has a Feraligatr that has a Ice-type Hidden Power, and thus knows the techique when in Totodile form. As said, Gold's Totodile form has a small piece off the first spike. He will ignore others and try to do things by himself.
Brendan is a bit carefree. If something big is happening, he will try to fix it, or something. If something not as big is happening, he ignores it. He has a Sceptile, and is thus transformed into Treecko, if you were following the pattern. When they go into Star Cavern, the place where Red's Clefable and his Deoxys are encountered, he learns the Leaf Blade technique, despite not being a Grovyle. He then aquires and teaches himself the TM Foucus Blast when he evolves into Sceptile, and carries on when they return to normal.
Lucas is the complete opposite of Brendan. He is very hard-core, and cannot take jokes on things that are happening. He has a Gyrados (before a Magikarp) from before he got Char, his Infernape, but is transformed into Chimchar.In Chimchar form he has a red scarve which acts like a Power Band. (He also has his hat from D/P, but I cannot explain that.
Please tell me that is good to satsify!

 

[Drakon]

I am completely lost and your lack of description only compounds the matter. Also, please place each speaker on a separate line.

And please work your descriptions into the story in some manner. Having them as a separate post is not only annoying but it breaks the immersion of the story.