EVERYONE: - Ongoing Pokemon XD: Nightmare shadows

[Armored Zangoose]

I'm starting my first fic so don't bash me if I do badly. I hope to get it close to as good as the three fics that inspired me, which were Pokemoin XD: Enigma Shadow,Pokemon Revolution: Johto, and shattered pieces.

These pokemon star in the prologue or chapter one


Anyway let the fanfic begin!

Prolouge

Eight-year old Girard was going to start pokemon academy the next day so he could be a pokemon trainer. However instead he just was watching the last battle between the top two trainers who challenged the Battle Frontier. The Battle Frontier was leaving Johto tonight and then would have no region to go to, as it had been to each region. They were just going to set up a Battle Tower in Shinou after the original fell apart. There would be no more Battle Frontier.
"This will be the greatest battle ever seen at the Frontier!" yelled the announcer. " The Froniter champion and the challenger will both use four pokemon but only the challenger may switch pokemon!"

The champion, Rick stepped up first. "Go, Shiftry and Primeape!"
His two pokemon came out of there pokeballs and by there looks, were at high levels.
The challenger, Austin stepped foward. “Come on out, Glalie and Slaking!"
A Glalie and Slaking appeared, ready for battle.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Frontier Champion Rick v.s. Pkmn trainer Austin
////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"Shiftry, solarbeam! Primeape crosschop! Aim for Glalie!" yelled Rick.
"Camerupt eruption!" yelled Austin.
The eruption knocked out Shiftry but Primeape knocked out Glalie.
"Go, Sceptile!" said Rick.
"Your not going to win! Go Gabaito! "
" Well no one expected a Shinou pokemon!" said the announcer.
Suddenly an Earthquake rocked the arena.
A few audience members fell down and the trainers fell on their backs, as the stadiumj broke apart.
"No! I't... I't can't be... be..." cried Rick weakly.
"To easy" thought Austin.
"Because of this quake the winner is Austin!"
"That's unfair!" yelled Rick.

Rick left to Cerulean city, for all he had was lost. His title, his fans, and half his cousins. They all were never seen after that. Meanwhile,a future trainer watches the battle.

I'll have more up, hopefully tonight.
That not the end of the prolouge though, it's much to short.

Edit:I'm back so I can continue the fic.

"Wow." is all Girard said as he turned off the television. " That was awesome!"
"Get to bed Girard" said his father who walked in, rubbing his eyes." it's ten o'clock."
"I can't sleep. And I want to start practice battles right away!" said Girard.
"Well than watch the Shinou championships. It's a great battle that I was watching upstairs" said Girard's dad.
"Ok, but I prefer Johto." Girard said. He lived in Joht and thought it was the best.
He turned on the tv and changed the channel were he saw a battle between a Pikachu and a Blastoise.
"Gary counters with a fierce hydro pump!"said the announcer." How will Ash and Pikachu win, without Charzard being able to do anything earlier?"
"Pikachu, volt tackle!" said the trainer name Ash.
Blastoise fainted. The trainer Ash was champion.
"The results go like this: Ash from Pallet town in first, Gary, also from pallet in second, and tied in third are Shinji from Tobari city and Jimmy from New bark town!" said the announcer.
Girard turned off the tv."Wow. I want to wina championship so badly now." said Girard.

Girard went to bed and would then start his adventure in two years.
End of prolouge.

Chapter One

Two years later

Girard woke up. It was the day he would become a pokemon trainer. “Perfect. It’s only six thirty. I knew getting up early would help. I get my starter at eight thirty” said Girard.
He picked up his trainer card and got dressed in clothes that a trainer would wear. “I still don’t know if I should get Cyndaquil or Totodile.” Cyndaquil a fire type was a good starter.
And Totodile was dependable. Oh well. He would find a way to decide. It was already eight o’clock. He had been trying to decide since he got up. Girard went outside and saw his best friend, Kevin. Kevin only used Rock and Ground types, so Girard knew he would be taking the Larvitar that had tagged along with Professor Elm. The two walked into Elm’s lab talking excitedly. “Get out of here, you novices!” Girard and Kevin turned around and saw there rival, Devin. “I don’t care what pokemon I get. I know it’ll be the best.” said Devin. “I see everyone is excited!” said a voice. “Professor Elm?” said Kevin.
“Yes. Know then give me a second. I’m trying to figure out how Pupitar evolves.” said Elm. “Pupitar evolves into Tyranitar at level fifty five” said Girard. “That’s it! That’s obviously it!” Elm exclaimed. “Since you gave me that answer Girard, you can pick first.” “Alright” said Girard. Now I have to make my decision. “I choose… Cyndaquil”
Elm handed Cyndaquil’s ball to Girard. Suddenly, to every ones surprise Totodile came out of it’s ball and lept towards Cyndaquil’s. “Oh my…” said Elm “Totodile wants to follow you because you took Cyndaquil. Is that alright?” “Sure. I couldn’t decide anyway.” said Girard excitedly. “You next Kevin” said Elm. “I’ll take Larvitar” said Kevin, jumping happily. “Alright. Then Chikorita’s mine!” said Devin who pushed aside Elm and grabbed his ball. He walked out quickly.

I'll have the second part of chapter one up soon. And Girard won't get into the shadow pokemon action until he gets his first badge. Ok. I assume you all know that both Girard and Rick will be main characters.
In the second part of chapter one Steven from R/S/E will appear.

 

[Satoshi-chan]

My review of this is:

Stars: One our of five... unless zero is possible.

Colour: Whatever colour vomit comes in this week. Makes me wish that I would misplace my glasses before going on the internets.
Smell: Imagine trash that has set in a dumpster for a week in the middle of the summer.
Taste: Not even tasting this one.
Touch: Feels... like the Rocket Gang would say... really bad.
Sound: Like millions of screaming children running their fingernails across blackboards all at once.

That was a review from each of my five senses.

 

[1Eevee1]

Such an amazing fic. It was so radical and different. Keep going, man.

(.slaiciffo honniS teivoS morf pleh htiw depyt saw weiver ehT)

But seriously, it needs work. A lot of work.

First thing's first, you need a word processor to help you with your spelling.

Second, there's a few threads around to help new writers, go read through them.

Third, go look at a well-developed RP. Notice how they work out?

 

[Nando]

Guys, hold fire for a moment. He's real green when it comes to this kind of stuff, and I've volunteered to teach him what I know so he can improve.

That said, let's get down to the first lesson, shall we?

A good fic is comprised of two major parts: good characters and a good plot. Yes, there is more, but those are the two main things we'll focus on right now.

Let's begin with characters. Useage of the Socratic method is a good way to develop your characters. Give them a trait, say for example, Anabel raises Psychic Pokémon. Good, now ask yourself: WHY does Anabel raise Psychic Pokémon? In this case, Anabel raises Psychic Pokémon because she has ESP. Do this with all your characters, giving them traits and then asking why they would have these traits. By doing this, you develop characters and a backstory for them at the same time.

Do the same thing for your plot. Begin with an event, say, Trainer arrives at the Battle Frontier. Now answer: why has he gone to the Battle Frontier? Is there a reason he decided to challenge it over the Gym Leader circuit? These questions should yield answers, and the answers will then lead you to ask more questions. As this happens, your plot branches out and you develop more and more scenarios.

 

[Divinity_123]

Meh, I try to be nice while I review fics but...............NVM. Not trying to be a hypocrate but you're description is where? No plot. An extremely short and pathetic battle.

Meh, and the description of the pokemon and trainers? Let's say we don't know wtf they look like? Well, then. Yeah.

Good luck and do your best to improve...alright?

P.S. You were inspired by my fic? ZOMFG! I LOVE YOU! PM me on SPPf if you need help.

 

[Armored Zangoose]

I know I havn't posted in awhile but I've been busy improving. I can assure you in the next two chapters or so it'll get alot more interesting.

 

[Nando]

Good to hear. Another thing to consider is the length of each chapter (or chapter part, in my case) If a chapter/part is too short it won't hold the reader's interest.

 

[Armored Zangoose]

Actuall y I've been working on a new fic to replace this one quite some time now. I'll have it up some time today.

 

[Divinity_123]

Hey, take your time AZ. The more time and effort you put into it, the better.