Here's something I've been working on for quite a while. I've always loved the Simpsons episode "Itchy and Scratchy Land" ever since I was a little kid, and having read a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror comic story from 2008 depicting the Simpsons characters in a manga style, I wondered what a Simpsons-like family in the Pokemon universe would be like. So I created my own tribute/parody of the episode, where the "Simon" family from New Bark Town goes to the PokeWorld theme park (this isn't the "Pokemon Land" on Porta Vista, but this park was briefly mentioned by Jessie in "Attack of the Prehistoric Pokemon," and for this story I placed it on Valencia Island.)
The story takes place in the time events of HeartGold and SoulSilver, with the following cast of characters...
DOMER SIMON
The Homer-like bumbling father, and once a great Pokemon trainer. He loves beer, and he starts off in this story with a full head of hair, in contrast to Homer's trademark baldness...
MIDGE SIMON
Domer's wife. Her hair isn't as tall as Marge's, but she's pretty much nearly the same, and she isn't that much into Pokemon like Domer and their kids are.
BORT SIMON
A ten-year-old Pokemon trainer similar to Bart Simpson. He has a Typhlosion, a Hitmonchan, a Gyarados, a Beedrill, a Steelix, and a rather mischievous Pikachu (that can be almost as mischievous as Bart!) that doesn't like being kept in a Pokeball.
LENA SIMON
The nine-year-old daughter (just a year older than Lisa Simpson.) She also yearns to be a Pokemon trainer, and is sometimes the most realistic-thinking in the family.
They don't have a baby sister like Maggie, or pets like Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II (though some of Domer and Bort's Pokemon sometimes fill the pet role.) If this goes well, maybe I'll start doing more stories about this New Bark Town family!
...
Bort and Lena were watching a Pokémon battle on TV. After the battle, Mary and Professor Oak came up on the screen. “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,” Mary began, “but now we’d like to give a word from our sponsor.”
“That’s right,” Oak agreed. “This week is the grand opening of our gym at Pokeworld … the ‘Pika-est’ place on earth.”
Mary got out a sign reading “Ticket prices” and a scissors. As she cut the sign in half, she explained, “And to celebrate, for this week only, we’re cutting the ticket prices in half!”
That did it for Bort and Lena. They ran up to their father, Domer and said, “Can we go to Pokeworld, can we, can we, can we?”
“No-no-no-no-no. Ask your mother,” Domer firmly said. The kids cheered and ran into the kitchen to find their mother, Midge.
“Mom, guess what?” Lena announced. “We’re going to Pokeworld!”
Their mom was also not into it. “No. I’ve already planned our vacation. We’re going to the Sinnoh Flying Pokémon Sanctuary. I understand they have gotten some new bird Pokémon this year.”
Bort and Lena simply look aghast.
“They also got a new feeder shaped like a fifties diner,” Midge continued, “and it’s on this REALLY tall pole!”
But Bort and Lena continued to look aghast.
…
It was nighttime. The parents were asleep, until Lena ran in the room pulling Bort in a wagon. Bort lied down limp with his eyes closed and a grim expression. “MOM! DAD! BORT’S DEAD!” Lena shouted.
The parents gasped. But Bort immediately came alive and sat up, saying, “That’s right! Dead serious about going to Pokeworld!” Now Midge and Domer groaned.
Lena pleaded their case, pulling out a booklet about the park. “You know,” she began. “Pokeworld isn’t just for kids. They have a place called ‘Trainer’s Island,’ for adults. It’s got dancing, saloons, Pokédex upgrades, over 100 trainers to battle, and a World-Class Gym Leaders’ cup, where today’s gym leaders can battle the park’s toughest trainers!”
Domer swiped the booklet and read it. He gasped, “High-speed cruise boats! An Action Replay Center!”
“Hmm, a ten-story department store…” his wife was interested, too. The kids cheered, sure they won.
But their mom continued, “I'm not sure about this. Every time we've ever gone on vacation I end up being horribly embarrassed. We end up in a big fight and we come home more miserable than when we left. You have to promise me that this isn't going to happen this time.”
“Embarrassed?” Domer asked. “What are you talking about?”
Midge glared and said, “Well, there were our past trips that caused huge embarrassment, and I don’t want to talk about them again. This year I want us to do things together as a family, and get a lot of good exercise outdoors so we'll have a lot of wonderful memories of our vacation.”
Bort wasn’t convinced. “Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll make you proud.”
But their father then began going through a suitcase. “Crawdaunt hat, Fishnet Speedo Junior, wheelie shoes, Pokéball yo-yo… well, I’m packed!” Midge groaned.
…
The next morning, they packed and left for their vacation. “OK, let’s make a pact,” their dad announced. “This is going to be the best vacation ever, or we all agree to disband and become gym leaders.”
“Agreed,” everyone else said in unison.
Then they passed a sign, reading “Freeway Route to Pokeworld.” “Ah, the interstate. Fasten your seat belts, kids! We’re on our way to Pokeworld!” Domer said. They turned onto a highway, which was totally gridlocked in a HUGE traffic jam. The whole family shouted “D’OH!” Domer then said, “Don’t worry. I got an ace up my sleeve…” He just honked the horn repeatedly.
Later on the trip, they drove up to a tollbooth. Domer was worried. “Ooh, what’ll I do? What’ll I do?”
“What’s the matter with you, Domer?” Their mother asked. “We have money.”
But he winced and said, “We don’t have any change!”
A teenage boy walked up to the car and requested, “$1.25, please.” But Domer panicked and floored it! He smashed the crossing gate and a part of the tollbooth was knocked down. “Hey!” the boy angrily said. “Mr. Wembly, it happened again!”
Inside the car, Domer said, “Now to absorb some local color through the magic of AM radio.”
He turned on the radio to one station. A D.J. said, “…book of Revelations tells us to watch for the seven signs of evil, and…” So Domer changed the station.
The D.J. on that was saying, “…sign of evil number four…” And another station had its D.J. smoothly saying, “…continuing our sign of evil countdown, here’s Vanessa Williams.”
…
Later, night fell. They were driving in the dark and yawning. Midge suggested, “I think we’d better find a motel and stop for the night.”
“We don’t need to do that, Midge,” Domer wearily said. “I’m not tired at all.”
…
Minutes later, a vehicle accident had occurred down the road, for a car had crashed into a utility pole and caught fire. The family watched it all from their motel room. “Whew, glad that wasn’t us,” Bort said.
…
The next morning, they went back on the road. Domer tried to navigate by reading a map. “North… south,” he grumbled. Then he tossed the map into the backseat and said, “Ah, nuts to this! I’m gonna take a shortcut!”
Midge was concerned. “Domer, no, you’re going to get lost.”
“Trust me, dear,” Domer said. “With today’s modern cars you CAN’T get lost… what with all the silicon chips and such!”
Unfortunately, they didn’t have GPS equipment, so Domer just randomly turned off onto a dirt road. Later, the car was really shabby looking and starting to fall apart. They rolled into the Pokeworld parking lot, and once they got into their space, the trunk burst open and the luggage came out, and then the car shattered to pieces! The family wasn’t hurt, though. “All right, here we are,” Domer announced. “Now let us never speak of the shortcut again. Remember, we’re in the Johto lot.” There were two parking lots. Since the family lived in the Johto region that was the lot they went to. The other lot, the Kanto lot, was just as packed. And they didn’t mention the Hoenn or Sinnoh lots.
…
Some time later, the family was on board a blimp heading toward the Orange Islands, where Pokeworld was located. The blimp pilot announced, “We’re now approaching our final destination, Valencia Island: home of Pokeworld, the amusement park of the future where nothing can posse-BLYE go wrong.” The family looked at each other worriedly. “Or possibly go wrong,” the pilot corrected. “Heh, that’s the first thing that’s ever gone wrong.”
…
They finally got to the park. Their father stepped up to a ticket booth and announced, “One adult, three children, and a Pokémon that hates Pokéballs.”
“Would you like to buy some Pokeworld money?” the ticket lady asked.
“What’s that?”
The lady explained, “Well it’s money that’s made just for the park, and it works like regular money but it’s, er… ‘fun.’”
“Well, OK, if it’s fun…” Domer said. “Let’s see, I’ll take $1,100 worth.” He paid and got the money. But once he entered the turnstile, he saw a bunch of signs everywhere, saying that many of the places would not take Pokeworld money. They read “NO POKEWORLD MONEY,” “WE DON’T TAKE POKEWORLD MONEY, NO PKWD MONEY,” etc. “Aaaaaw!!!” Domer cried out.
…
One place they tried out was “Tavern on the Goldeen,” which was a restaurant. It had an automatic door that was on a timer. You had to run through the door before it automatically closed. The family made it through. The kids thought it was cool.
“Such a scary motif…” Midge said, sounding concerned.
Bort countered, “Yeah, but it’s just pretend, which is actually beneficial for children.” He hit Lena, whom hit him back. Midge murmured.
A businessman walked up chuckling. “There’s no need to murmur, ma’am. Here at Pokeworld, we’re JUST as considered about Pokémon madness as you are. That’s why we’re always careful to show the consequences of mayhem in our stadium, so that we may educate, as well as entertain.”
“When do you show the consequences?” Midge asked. “On TV, that Pikachu almost killed that Meowth with a thunderbolt, yet the Meowth was just fine a moment after.”
The businessman said, “Just like in real life.” Then pointing, he said, “Hey look over there! Yoink!” He ran away while the family looked away from him.
Later in the main dining room of the restaurant, the family was looking through their menus, which were shaped like Pokéballs. The waiter came up and Bort told him, “I’ll have a Psyduck Burger, please.”
“Bort!” Midge scolded him.
Domer then ordered, “Tyrogue Stew.”
Midge said, “We just got here and I’m already mortified beyond belief by your embarrassing behavior. You’re placing our happy vacation in grave danger.”
Bort explained to his mother, “I was just ordering a cheeseburger, Mom. They have Pokémon-related names for everything here.” He pointed it out on the menu.
“Oh, I see, all right…” Midge looked at her menu and said, “I’ll have the Smeargle guts.”
The waiter scoffed, “Lady, you disgust me!” and walked off.
Lena explained, “Mom, that’s VEAL.”
“Oh…” Midge said, slightly embarrassed.
…
Later, the family was exploring the main streets of Pokeworld. Midge looked at a map and read the places out loud, “Novice Battle Stadium… Safari Catching Zone… Amusement Land… Pokémon Future Land… Official Pokeworld Gym…” She wasn’t too impressed.
Dad suddenly pointed out, “Oh look! It’s the 12:00 noon Robot Parade! Hurry up or we’ll have to wait for the 12:05 parade!” As he was saying this, there were people dressed up in realistic costumes of Pikachu and Meowth and they were walking down the street playing instruments.
The family ran over to see the parade. As up-beat peppy music was playing, they saw robots of Mewtwo, Deoxys and Lucario marching and demonstrating their moves. The crowd was obviously impressed.
Bort said, “Wow, this is so much like my dreams, it’s scary!”
A Pikachu costumed character was standing on a float of Viridian Forest and waving. Then a robot Togepi followed it. “Aw, look at that cute little Togepi,” Lena cooed.
“It’s cute, but I’m sure it’s very rusty and probably dirty,” Midge said.
The businessman from earlier walked over to them and chuckled calmly. “Dirty, maybe… dangerous, hardly. These are the state-of-the-art animatronic robots, and they have sensors that ensure they only battle each other, never the guests.” He laughed again and walked off.
Then a Butterfree robot came up to the family, took off the top part of its head like a hat and bowed, as they could see the computer chips inside it. Then it put the top back on its head and marched off.
Midge was impressed. “Well, they do have nice manners, don’t they?”
But she then noticed that Bort’s Typhlosion was eating a little kid’s Popsicle. “That’s my Popsicle!” the boy whined.
“You guys are embarrassing me again, just like you did in the restaurant,” Midge angrily scolded.
Bort countered, “That’s not fair, Mom. You embarrassed YOURSELF in the restaurant.”
“The point is I was embarrassed!”
Domer said, “Let’s never speak of it again.”
…
When the parade ended, they went over to the “Log Ride.” They traveled up the stairs and into a log boat, and began smoothly sailing down a small river as a banjo was playing.
“This is just what I was looking for: spending the day together as a family…” Midge began.
But then the log went down a steep rapid and they all began screaming. Machoke Pokémon jumped from the bushes and flew past them like arrows, and another section had Hitmontops flying near their faces. Then they stopped shy short in front of some Jynx that were about to kiss them. But the horror didn’t have time to sink in, for they went down another steep slope, and a Scizor sliced the boat in two, with the family just missing disaster. They landed on a mattress, and the kids cheered.
“You know,” Midge told Domer,” “part of spending time together as a family is spending time apart as individuals.”
“Trainers’ island?” Domer asked with a big grin on his face.
Midge nodded. “I’m sure we’ll all appreciate each other when we meet up at dinner. Are you kids gonna be all right? Kids?” Bort and Lena were getting on the log ride all over again.
…
So the two went over to Trainers’ Island. Their first stop was Pikachu’s 70s Disco, with a plague mentioning it was established in 1980 before the park opened. Inside, people were dancing to a funky disco version of the Pokémon theme on a lighted floor, as well as having drinks.
“It IS the 70s!” Domer said excitedly. “Right down to the smallest detail.”
Midge pointed out, “And the bartender even looks like John Travolta.”
“Yeah… LOOKS like,” the Travolta-esque bartender scoffed to himself.
Elsewhere, Bort and Lena found the gift shop and Pokémon Mart. It was full of various items and balls (though it didn’t have Master balls, it did have Fast balls and Net balls and Luxury balls.) “Cool, items!” Bort pointed out.” “Ultra balls, HP-ups, carbos, max ethers, sun stones, and rare candies? Those are impossible to find!”
A little boy ran in and said, “Mommy, mommy! I need rare candies for my Caterpie!”
“NO,” his mother said. “Come along, Bort!”
“Are you talking to me?” Bort asked, not really paying attention to what happened.
“No, my son is ALSO named Bort,” the mother explained.
“FINALLY, I’m not alone in having such a weird name,” Bort said to himself.
At that moment, some actor wearing a full Pikachu costume began dancing, laughing and humming around. Bort and Lena looked at each other, and then with a “PIKA!,” Bort’s Pikachu stomped on the Pikachu character’s foot, hard. As the character groaned in pain from inside his still-smiling costume, Bort scooped up his Pokémon and ran off.
…
A little later, at T.G.I. McMeowth’s Goodtime and Food Drinkery, the parents were mingling around on a ballroom floor with a live band playing behind them. The bandleader cheerfully announced, “Welcome to T.G.I. McMeowth’s, where it’s constantly New Years’ Eve! Here we go again! Three… two… one!” and began playing “Auld Lang Syne” on his violin.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” the crowd cheered, as balloons and confetti fell, while the whole band joined the bandleader/violinist in the song. A waiter brought a couple of champagne glasses to Midge and Domer…
“It must be wonderful to ring in the New Year over and over,” Midge complimented.
All the waiter could muster was, “Please kill me.”
…
Now Bort, his Pikachu and Lena were bouncing around in a fake “land mine” setup with Voltorbs and Electrodes harmlessly self-destructing all around them, in the “Voltorb Mine Field.” On their way out of the attraction, another costumed actor, this time dressed as a Meowth was waving while standing next to the exit. Bort’s Pikachu bounded over to him and kicked him in the shin, as the man in the cat suit groaned in pain loudly.
A little while later, Bort and Lena were in a stand-up movie theater watching “The Pokémon Story.” The film showed illustrations as the narrator described the following. “Millions of years ago, a deadly storm wiped out all but a few Pokémon. These Pokémon started sobbing and the magical tears of them rained on the planet. Those Pokémon tears restored all life on earth…”
“Pokémon tears?” Bort scoffed. “When are we gonna see the GOOD stuff?”
The narrator continued, “Millions of years later, a new legend was born. Scientists created Mewtwo, the second most powerful Pokémon to date. He was mad at this, so he invited the best trainers in the world, cloned their Pokémon, and had a big battle of the duplicates against the original.”
As computer-animated recreations of the event played out on the screen, Bort just meekly said, “Oh.”
Outside the theater, another Pokémon robot parade was going on. Carnival-style music was playing as the robots marched by. A slack-jawed yokel with a camera said, “Hey, ma! I’m gonna get me a picture of this crazy Pokah-mon!” He shot a picture with his camera, but the built-in flash caused the nearby Meowth robot to spark and malfunction!
The businessman from earlier walked up to the yokel, laughed calmly, and said in a somewhat serious tone, “Uh, no flash photography, please.”
The sick robot disjointedly walked away from the parade, breaking down a door into a building…
Inside the theater, Bort and Lena continued watching the movie. As a battle was playing on screen, Lena just randomly wondered, “I wonder if all this Pokémon-battling violence really DOES desensitize us?”
But right after she said that, the Meowth robot ripped through the screen and collapsed onto the ground, its’ head popping off and oil gushing out as the body was smoking.
Bort and Lena just stared, having not even flinched when the malfunctioning robot burst in. After a few seconds, Bort just asked, “Wanna get a snow cone?”
“OK,” Lena said, and they left.
…
Back outside, Bort, Lena and Pikachu noticed the costumed Pikachu actor again, capering around and waving to several ladies.
“Pi, pika-pika,” Bort’s Pikachu said in a somewhat evil tone, “pika-pika-pikachu!”
“Don’t do it, Pikachu,” Bort warned.
But it was too late. Pikachu sent a thundershock attack straight over to the costumed character! “I just wanted to entertain!” the man in the Pikachu suit wailed as he was being zapped, and then he ran off, his suit smoldering.
Bort’s Pikachu just laughed, and Bort was angry. “Pikachu, look what you’ve done!” he angrily said. “If you keep this up we’re gonna… uh, officer?” he said as an Officer Jenny grabbed Bort’s shoulder.
…
The next thing Bort knew, he and his Pikachu were in handcuffs. Two Officer Jennies took them into some kind of underground tunnel, driving the two on an electric cart. They drove past some kind of control room where men in white lab coats were watching monitors showing the park. The men were saying into their headset microphones, “Poop patrolman to the exit of the safari zone.” “We got another jumper on the roof of T.G.I. McMeowth’s.” “We need more rare candies in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of rare candies!”
They drove past a robot repair area. As one repairman lifted the faceplate off a robot Psyduck, it made a weird whirring noise sounding like a scream. “Klik-skiAAAAH!” The man just chuckled at the noise, “It sounds like a scream!”
Finally, the officers tossed Bort and his Pikachu into the detention center, where Bort was already surprised to see Domer sitting as well. “Dad?” he asked.
“Aw, I kicked one of those stupid Pikachu characters in the butt,” Domer complained.
“Yeah,” Bort admitted. “My Pikachu couldn’t resist it either.”
“I know,” Domer added. “The way they caper around with their happy smiles and positive attitudes.”
“I hear ya,” Bort said, sitting on the bench with Domer.
“Pika-pi,” Bort’s Pikachu agreed.
…
Back in the gift shop, Midge was ordering some custom T-shirts, when she heard an announcement over the intercom. “Attention Midge Simon, your son and his destructive Pokémon have been arrested!”
Everyone else gasped, and Midge could overhear another woman saying, “I’d be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy’s mother.” That didn’t help Midge’s embarrassment.
But the intercom then continued, “Attention, Midge Simon. We’ve also arrested your older, bigger, fatter son, whom claims to be your husband.”
Midge groaned again, a little louder this time.
…
Down in the detention center, Midge and Lena arrived to bail out Domer, Bort and his Pikachu. “I’m so embarrassed,” Midge complained, “I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.”
“OK, throw her in the hole,” an Officer Jenny said, grabbing Midge.
Midge pushed herself back and said, “Oh please, it was just a figure of speech!”
…
In the robot repair lab, Professor Ivy burst in, looking nervous. “You’ve got to listen to me, because this is urgent! Elementary chaos theory that all these robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in a terrible orgy of violence.”
The other repair people just laughed. “And exactly how much time would we have, Professor?” one man chuckled.
Professor Ivy frowned. “According to my calculations, the ROBOTS ARE GOING TO GO BESERK RIGHT NOW!”
Everyone else in the lab laughed even louder and pretended to be scared. But their tomfoolery was cut short when the robots started acting up; a Sandslash robot grabbed two men by the throat, and a Lucario robot began going after more workers.
“I’m glad those loafers took my warning,” Ivy sarcastically said to herself.
…
A short while later, the family left the detention center. “I have nothing to say to you,” Midge said, a hint of embarrassment still in her voice.
“But Midge, I was a political prisoner,” Domer tried to explain.
“HOW were you a political prisoner?” Midge angrily asked.
“I kicked a giant mouse Pokémon in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?”
As if it were some kind of cue, the lights went out all over the park. “Oh for gosh sake’s, what now?” Midge asked.
A whole group of Pokémon robots began marching out to a beat. But then they turned to face the family, raising their limbs/weapons, preparing for attack.
“Hey, this one’s coming on to me,” Domer said as a Scyther robot was approaching him, getting ready to use its fury swipes on him.
“Dad,” Lena said nervously, “I think you’re wrong about that robot trying to be your friend.”
As Domer tried to explain, between each word he was avoiding a swipe from one of the Scyther robot’s razor-sharp arm. “Lena! … Don’t… contradict… your… elders!” With one final swipe, Domer’s full head of hear was cut off, leaving him completely bald except for a few wisps on his back. “AAH! My hair!” he cried, trying to gather up the remains of his hair on the ground. “You chopped off all my hair! Oh God, I’m ugly!!!”
“This wouldn’t have happened if we went to the Pokémon Bird Sanctuary,” Midge said to herself.
But way over in Sinnoh, there was chaos and havoc in the Flying Pokémon Sanctuary as well. There were many Pidgeotto, Pidgeot, Spearow, Fearow, Noctowl, Xatu, Skarmory, Murkrow, Honchkrow, Taillow, Swellow, Wingull, Staravia and Staraptor chasing people and their Pokémon out of the park. One man was calling in a phone booth, “I need the biggest seed bell you got… no, that’s TOO big,” as various bird Pokémon kept bumping into the booth.
…
The family was still trying to escape from the crazed, malfunctioning robots. They approached a helicopter loaded with patrons and park employees. “A chopper!” Bort pointed out. “We’re saved!”
But when they tried to get on, they noticed one of the employees was the guy that Bort’s Pikachu and Domer were picking on. He held up his empty Pikachu suit and said, “Hey, you’re the guys that didn’t like our capering! When you get down there, tell them Pikachu sent you!” And with that, he shoved them out of the helicopter as it took off.
The robots neared them even more. “Ohh, we’re gonna die!” Domer moaned.
“No, there’s a way!” Lena said, walking up to the robots.
“Lena…” Midge warned.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Lena assured her, “I’m gonna confuse it’s whole logic system so it crashes!” She approached a Meowth robot and said, “Robot, listen to me carefully! Everything I am about to tell you is a lie.” She spoke slowly, “Now… I… am… LYING.”
The Meowth robot grunted and lunged toward her anyway.
“They’re smarter than I thought…” Lena said.
Domer stood there and said, “Ohh, if everything you say is a lie then you’re telling the truth but if you’re telling the truth then you must be lying but if everything you say is a lie then you must be telling the truth but if you’re telling the truth then you must be lying-lying-LYING…” He was quite perplexed by Lena’s plan, his voice increasing in panic.
But his confusion didn’t have time to sink in, as the robots continued to loom even closer to the family.
“Oh my, it looks like we’re doomed,” Midge groaned.
Domer stepped forward. “BACK, YOU ROBOTS! Nobody ruins my family’s vacation but ME… and maybe the boy, and his Pokémon!” With that, he tossed his wallet at the robots, along with some change, a banana, an empty Pokéball, his underwear (which he managed to pull off without removing his pants), and his camera. But the impact on the ground set off the camera’s shutter button, and the flash caused the four robots closest to the camera to short-circuit and fall over.
“Dad, the flash must have scrambled their circuits!” Lena pointed out.
“Who are you, the narrator?” Domer asked, picking up his camera.
“Aah! Just keep taking pictures!” A Kangaskhan robot stepped up to Lena, but eventually broke down thanks to Domer’s camera.
Bort let his Hitmonchan out of his Pokéball and said, “We’ll get more cameras!”
Bort and his Pokémon ran over to a conveniently-located camera shop. Bort had Hitmonchan hurl a Mega Punch at a display window, shattering the glass and scooping up several disposable cameras and handing them to Bart. But among seeing the window at the tattoo parlor next door to the camera shop, Bort ordered, “Smashy-smashy, Hitmonchan!” and his Hitmonchan broke that window as well.
“I don’t approve of that,” Midge murmured.
But nonetheless, they had their cameras, and continued shooting more pictures of the Pokémon robots, causing them to fall over. Even Pikachu had a camera, Bort and Lena also sent out some of their own Pokémon to help take pictures, in an attempt to outnumber the robots. It was working, and robot after robot kept falling over. As a Sandshrew robot neared Bort…
“Hey mouse, say cheese…” Bort said in a faux German accent. Among snapping the picture and causing the robot to collapse, Bort grinned and said “With a dry cool with like that I could be an action hero!”
The family and their Pokémon continuing snapping more photos, the flashes causing the robots to fall over. It took some doing, but eventually, all the robots were piled up, in pieces and dying. Some more flashes and robotic groans were coming from in the pile, but then Domer leaped out, yelling “Die, bad robots, DIE!” Then he chuckled calmly and said, “With a dry cool wit like that, I could be an action hero…”
“Who would’ve thought that our visit to Pokeworld would be our best vacation ever?” Bort proudly said.
“Yeah,” Lena agreed, “Best ever!”
“Are you two bonkers?” Midge said. “We almost got killed, not to mention all the embarrassment I suffered.”
“But mom,” Lena pointed out, “it’s exactly what you wanted in a vacation. It brought us together as a family, we got a lot of good exercise outdoors, and we have so many great memories!”
Midge paused a bit, and then smiled. “You know, you’re right. This truly WAS the best vacation ever. Now let us never speak of it again.”
Shortly after that, the boss and C.E.O. of the park put in an appearance, thanking the family for stopping the killer robots and saving Pokeworld. “And to show my appreciation, here are two free passes,” he concluded, holding up the two said passes.
“But there are four of us,” Domer pointed out.
“Here are TWO free passes,” the boss said, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“That’s better,” Domer said, taking the passes.
Professor Ivy was checking out a destroyed Dragonite robot. “Ooh, if this is happening here, I’d hate to think of what’s happening in Euro-Pokeworld!”
…
Sure enough, over in Paris, the mentioned theme park had a deserted parking lot, and nobody was visiting. A lone ticket taker at a booth said, “Bonjour? Pokeworld open for business! Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on, my last paycheck bounced! My children need-a wine! Sacre-bleu!” He continued yelling some insults and complaints in French, but that didn’t help things…
END
The story takes place in the time events of HeartGold and SoulSilver, with the following cast of characters...
DOMER SIMON
The Homer-like bumbling father, and once a great Pokemon trainer. He loves beer, and he starts off in this story with a full head of hair, in contrast to Homer's trademark baldness...
MIDGE SIMON
Domer's wife. Her hair isn't as tall as Marge's, but she's pretty much nearly the same, and she isn't that much into Pokemon like Domer and their kids are.
BORT SIMON
A ten-year-old Pokemon trainer similar to Bart Simpson. He has a Typhlosion, a Hitmonchan, a Gyarados, a Beedrill, a Steelix, and a rather mischievous Pikachu (that can be almost as mischievous as Bart!) that doesn't like being kept in a Pokeball.
LENA SIMON
The nine-year-old daughter (just a year older than Lisa Simpson.) She also yearns to be a Pokemon trainer, and is sometimes the most realistic-thinking in the family.
They don't have a baby sister like Maggie, or pets like Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II (though some of Domer and Bort's Pokemon sometimes fill the pet role.) If this goes well, maybe I'll start doing more stories about this New Bark Town family!
...
Bort and Lena were watching a Pokémon battle on TV. After the battle, Mary and Professor Oak came up on the screen. “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,” Mary began, “but now we’d like to give a word from our sponsor.”
“That’s right,” Oak agreed. “This week is the grand opening of our gym at Pokeworld … the ‘Pika-est’ place on earth.”
Mary got out a sign reading “Ticket prices” and a scissors. As she cut the sign in half, she explained, “And to celebrate, for this week only, we’re cutting the ticket prices in half!”
That did it for Bort and Lena. They ran up to their father, Domer and said, “Can we go to Pokeworld, can we, can we, can we?”
“No-no-no-no-no. Ask your mother,” Domer firmly said. The kids cheered and ran into the kitchen to find their mother, Midge.
“Mom, guess what?” Lena announced. “We’re going to Pokeworld!”
Their mom was also not into it. “No. I’ve already planned our vacation. We’re going to the Sinnoh Flying Pokémon Sanctuary. I understand they have gotten some new bird Pokémon this year.”
Bort and Lena simply look aghast.
“They also got a new feeder shaped like a fifties diner,” Midge continued, “and it’s on this REALLY tall pole!”
But Bort and Lena continued to look aghast.
…
It was nighttime. The parents were asleep, until Lena ran in the room pulling Bort in a wagon. Bort lied down limp with his eyes closed and a grim expression. “MOM! DAD! BORT’S DEAD!” Lena shouted.
The parents gasped. But Bort immediately came alive and sat up, saying, “That’s right! Dead serious about going to Pokeworld!” Now Midge and Domer groaned.
Lena pleaded their case, pulling out a booklet about the park. “You know,” she began. “Pokeworld isn’t just for kids. They have a place called ‘Trainer’s Island,’ for adults. It’s got dancing, saloons, Pokédex upgrades, over 100 trainers to battle, and a World-Class Gym Leaders’ cup, where today’s gym leaders can battle the park’s toughest trainers!”
Domer swiped the booklet and read it. He gasped, “High-speed cruise boats! An Action Replay Center!”
“Hmm, a ten-story department store…” his wife was interested, too. The kids cheered, sure they won.
But their mom continued, “I'm not sure about this. Every time we've ever gone on vacation I end up being horribly embarrassed. We end up in a big fight and we come home more miserable than when we left. You have to promise me that this isn't going to happen this time.”
“Embarrassed?” Domer asked. “What are you talking about?”
Midge glared and said, “Well, there were our past trips that caused huge embarrassment, and I don’t want to talk about them again. This year I want us to do things together as a family, and get a lot of good exercise outdoors so we'll have a lot of wonderful memories of our vacation.”
Bort wasn’t convinced. “Don’t worry, Mom. We’ll make you proud.”
But their father then began going through a suitcase. “Crawdaunt hat, Fishnet Speedo Junior, wheelie shoes, Pokéball yo-yo… well, I’m packed!” Midge groaned.
…
The next morning, they packed and left for their vacation. “OK, let’s make a pact,” their dad announced. “This is going to be the best vacation ever, or we all agree to disband and become gym leaders.”
“Agreed,” everyone else said in unison.
Then they passed a sign, reading “Freeway Route to Pokeworld.” “Ah, the interstate. Fasten your seat belts, kids! We’re on our way to Pokeworld!” Domer said. They turned onto a highway, which was totally gridlocked in a HUGE traffic jam. The whole family shouted “D’OH!” Domer then said, “Don’t worry. I got an ace up my sleeve…” He just honked the horn repeatedly.
Later on the trip, they drove up to a tollbooth. Domer was worried. “Ooh, what’ll I do? What’ll I do?”
“What’s the matter with you, Domer?” Their mother asked. “We have money.”
But he winced and said, “We don’t have any change!”
A teenage boy walked up to the car and requested, “$1.25, please.” But Domer panicked and floored it! He smashed the crossing gate and a part of the tollbooth was knocked down. “Hey!” the boy angrily said. “Mr. Wembly, it happened again!”
Inside the car, Domer said, “Now to absorb some local color through the magic of AM radio.”
He turned on the radio to one station. A D.J. said, “…book of Revelations tells us to watch for the seven signs of evil, and…” So Domer changed the station.
The D.J. on that was saying, “…sign of evil number four…” And another station had its D.J. smoothly saying, “…continuing our sign of evil countdown, here’s Vanessa Williams.”
…
Later, night fell. They were driving in the dark and yawning. Midge suggested, “I think we’d better find a motel and stop for the night.”
“We don’t need to do that, Midge,” Domer wearily said. “I’m not tired at all.”
…
Minutes later, a vehicle accident had occurred down the road, for a car had crashed into a utility pole and caught fire. The family watched it all from their motel room. “Whew, glad that wasn’t us,” Bort said.
…
The next morning, they went back on the road. Domer tried to navigate by reading a map. “North… south,” he grumbled. Then he tossed the map into the backseat and said, “Ah, nuts to this! I’m gonna take a shortcut!”
Midge was concerned. “Domer, no, you’re going to get lost.”
“Trust me, dear,” Domer said. “With today’s modern cars you CAN’T get lost… what with all the silicon chips and such!”
Unfortunately, they didn’t have GPS equipment, so Domer just randomly turned off onto a dirt road. Later, the car was really shabby looking and starting to fall apart. They rolled into the Pokeworld parking lot, and once they got into their space, the trunk burst open and the luggage came out, and then the car shattered to pieces! The family wasn’t hurt, though. “All right, here we are,” Domer announced. “Now let us never speak of the shortcut again. Remember, we’re in the Johto lot.” There were two parking lots. Since the family lived in the Johto region that was the lot they went to. The other lot, the Kanto lot, was just as packed. And they didn’t mention the Hoenn or Sinnoh lots.
…
Some time later, the family was on board a blimp heading toward the Orange Islands, where Pokeworld was located. The blimp pilot announced, “We’re now approaching our final destination, Valencia Island: home of Pokeworld, the amusement park of the future where nothing can posse-BLYE go wrong.” The family looked at each other worriedly. “Or possibly go wrong,” the pilot corrected. “Heh, that’s the first thing that’s ever gone wrong.”
…
They finally got to the park. Their father stepped up to a ticket booth and announced, “One adult, three children, and a Pokémon that hates Pokéballs.”
“Would you like to buy some Pokeworld money?” the ticket lady asked.
“What’s that?”
The lady explained, “Well it’s money that’s made just for the park, and it works like regular money but it’s, er… ‘fun.’”
“Well, OK, if it’s fun…” Domer said. “Let’s see, I’ll take $1,100 worth.” He paid and got the money. But once he entered the turnstile, he saw a bunch of signs everywhere, saying that many of the places would not take Pokeworld money. They read “NO POKEWORLD MONEY,” “WE DON’T TAKE POKEWORLD MONEY, NO PKWD MONEY,” etc. “Aaaaaw!!!” Domer cried out.
…
One place they tried out was “Tavern on the Goldeen,” which was a restaurant. It had an automatic door that was on a timer. You had to run through the door before it automatically closed. The family made it through. The kids thought it was cool.
“Such a scary motif…” Midge said, sounding concerned.
Bort countered, “Yeah, but it’s just pretend, which is actually beneficial for children.” He hit Lena, whom hit him back. Midge murmured.
A businessman walked up chuckling. “There’s no need to murmur, ma’am. Here at Pokeworld, we’re JUST as considered about Pokémon madness as you are. That’s why we’re always careful to show the consequences of mayhem in our stadium, so that we may educate, as well as entertain.”
“When do you show the consequences?” Midge asked. “On TV, that Pikachu almost killed that Meowth with a thunderbolt, yet the Meowth was just fine a moment after.”
The businessman said, “Just like in real life.” Then pointing, he said, “Hey look over there! Yoink!” He ran away while the family looked away from him.
Later in the main dining room of the restaurant, the family was looking through their menus, which were shaped like Pokéballs. The waiter came up and Bort told him, “I’ll have a Psyduck Burger, please.”
“Bort!” Midge scolded him.
Domer then ordered, “Tyrogue Stew.”
Midge said, “We just got here and I’m already mortified beyond belief by your embarrassing behavior. You’re placing our happy vacation in grave danger.”
Bort explained to his mother, “I was just ordering a cheeseburger, Mom. They have Pokémon-related names for everything here.” He pointed it out on the menu.
“Oh, I see, all right…” Midge looked at her menu and said, “I’ll have the Smeargle guts.”
The waiter scoffed, “Lady, you disgust me!” and walked off.
Lena explained, “Mom, that’s VEAL.”
“Oh…” Midge said, slightly embarrassed.
…
Later, the family was exploring the main streets of Pokeworld. Midge looked at a map and read the places out loud, “Novice Battle Stadium… Safari Catching Zone… Amusement Land… Pokémon Future Land… Official Pokeworld Gym…” She wasn’t too impressed.
Dad suddenly pointed out, “Oh look! It’s the 12:00 noon Robot Parade! Hurry up or we’ll have to wait for the 12:05 parade!” As he was saying this, there were people dressed up in realistic costumes of Pikachu and Meowth and they were walking down the street playing instruments.
The family ran over to see the parade. As up-beat peppy music was playing, they saw robots of Mewtwo, Deoxys and Lucario marching and demonstrating their moves. The crowd was obviously impressed.
Bort said, “Wow, this is so much like my dreams, it’s scary!”
A Pikachu costumed character was standing on a float of Viridian Forest and waving. Then a robot Togepi followed it. “Aw, look at that cute little Togepi,” Lena cooed.
“It’s cute, but I’m sure it’s very rusty and probably dirty,” Midge said.
The businessman from earlier walked over to them and chuckled calmly. “Dirty, maybe… dangerous, hardly. These are the state-of-the-art animatronic robots, and they have sensors that ensure they only battle each other, never the guests.” He laughed again and walked off.
Then a Butterfree robot came up to the family, took off the top part of its head like a hat and bowed, as they could see the computer chips inside it. Then it put the top back on its head and marched off.
Midge was impressed. “Well, they do have nice manners, don’t they?”
But she then noticed that Bort’s Typhlosion was eating a little kid’s Popsicle. “That’s my Popsicle!” the boy whined.
“You guys are embarrassing me again, just like you did in the restaurant,” Midge angrily scolded.
Bort countered, “That’s not fair, Mom. You embarrassed YOURSELF in the restaurant.”
“The point is I was embarrassed!”
Domer said, “Let’s never speak of it again.”
…
When the parade ended, they went over to the “Log Ride.” They traveled up the stairs and into a log boat, and began smoothly sailing down a small river as a banjo was playing.
“This is just what I was looking for: spending the day together as a family…” Midge began.
But then the log went down a steep rapid and they all began screaming. Machoke Pokémon jumped from the bushes and flew past them like arrows, and another section had Hitmontops flying near their faces. Then they stopped shy short in front of some Jynx that were about to kiss them. But the horror didn’t have time to sink in, for they went down another steep slope, and a Scizor sliced the boat in two, with the family just missing disaster. They landed on a mattress, and the kids cheered.
“You know,” Midge told Domer,” “part of spending time together as a family is spending time apart as individuals.”
“Trainers’ island?” Domer asked with a big grin on his face.
Midge nodded. “I’m sure we’ll all appreciate each other when we meet up at dinner. Are you kids gonna be all right? Kids?” Bort and Lena were getting on the log ride all over again.
…
So the two went over to Trainers’ Island. Their first stop was Pikachu’s 70s Disco, with a plague mentioning it was established in 1980 before the park opened. Inside, people were dancing to a funky disco version of the Pokémon theme on a lighted floor, as well as having drinks.
“It IS the 70s!” Domer said excitedly. “Right down to the smallest detail.”
Midge pointed out, “And the bartender even looks like John Travolta.”
“Yeah… LOOKS like,” the Travolta-esque bartender scoffed to himself.
Elsewhere, Bort and Lena found the gift shop and Pokémon Mart. It was full of various items and balls (though it didn’t have Master balls, it did have Fast balls and Net balls and Luxury balls.) “Cool, items!” Bort pointed out.” “Ultra balls, HP-ups, carbos, max ethers, sun stones, and rare candies? Those are impossible to find!”
A little boy ran in and said, “Mommy, mommy! I need rare candies for my Caterpie!”
“NO,” his mother said. “Come along, Bort!”
“Are you talking to me?” Bort asked, not really paying attention to what happened.
“No, my son is ALSO named Bort,” the mother explained.
“FINALLY, I’m not alone in having such a weird name,” Bort said to himself.
At that moment, some actor wearing a full Pikachu costume began dancing, laughing and humming around. Bort and Lena looked at each other, and then with a “PIKA!,” Bort’s Pikachu stomped on the Pikachu character’s foot, hard. As the character groaned in pain from inside his still-smiling costume, Bort scooped up his Pokémon and ran off.
…
A little later, at T.G.I. McMeowth’s Goodtime and Food Drinkery, the parents were mingling around on a ballroom floor with a live band playing behind them. The bandleader cheerfully announced, “Welcome to T.G.I. McMeowth’s, where it’s constantly New Years’ Eve! Here we go again! Three… two… one!” and began playing “Auld Lang Syne” on his violin.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” the crowd cheered, as balloons and confetti fell, while the whole band joined the bandleader/violinist in the song. A waiter brought a couple of champagne glasses to Midge and Domer…
“It must be wonderful to ring in the New Year over and over,” Midge complimented.
All the waiter could muster was, “Please kill me.”
…
Now Bort, his Pikachu and Lena were bouncing around in a fake “land mine” setup with Voltorbs and Electrodes harmlessly self-destructing all around them, in the “Voltorb Mine Field.” On their way out of the attraction, another costumed actor, this time dressed as a Meowth was waving while standing next to the exit. Bort’s Pikachu bounded over to him and kicked him in the shin, as the man in the cat suit groaned in pain loudly.
A little while later, Bort and Lena were in a stand-up movie theater watching “The Pokémon Story.” The film showed illustrations as the narrator described the following. “Millions of years ago, a deadly storm wiped out all but a few Pokémon. These Pokémon started sobbing and the magical tears of them rained on the planet. Those Pokémon tears restored all life on earth…”
“Pokémon tears?” Bort scoffed. “When are we gonna see the GOOD stuff?”
The narrator continued, “Millions of years later, a new legend was born. Scientists created Mewtwo, the second most powerful Pokémon to date. He was mad at this, so he invited the best trainers in the world, cloned their Pokémon, and had a big battle of the duplicates against the original.”
As computer-animated recreations of the event played out on the screen, Bort just meekly said, “Oh.”
Outside the theater, another Pokémon robot parade was going on. Carnival-style music was playing as the robots marched by. A slack-jawed yokel with a camera said, “Hey, ma! I’m gonna get me a picture of this crazy Pokah-mon!” He shot a picture with his camera, but the built-in flash caused the nearby Meowth robot to spark and malfunction!
The businessman from earlier walked up to the yokel, laughed calmly, and said in a somewhat serious tone, “Uh, no flash photography, please.”
The sick robot disjointedly walked away from the parade, breaking down a door into a building…
Inside the theater, Bort and Lena continued watching the movie. As a battle was playing on screen, Lena just randomly wondered, “I wonder if all this Pokémon-battling violence really DOES desensitize us?”
But right after she said that, the Meowth robot ripped through the screen and collapsed onto the ground, its’ head popping off and oil gushing out as the body was smoking.
Bort and Lena just stared, having not even flinched when the malfunctioning robot burst in. After a few seconds, Bort just asked, “Wanna get a snow cone?”
“OK,” Lena said, and they left.
…
Back outside, Bort, Lena and Pikachu noticed the costumed Pikachu actor again, capering around and waving to several ladies.
“Pi, pika-pika,” Bort’s Pikachu said in a somewhat evil tone, “pika-pika-pikachu!”
“Don’t do it, Pikachu,” Bort warned.
But it was too late. Pikachu sent a thundershock attack straight over to the costumed character! “I just wanted to entertain!” the man in the Pikachu suit wailed as he was being zapped, and then he ran off, his suit smoldering.
Bort’s Pikachu just laughed, and Bort was angry. “Pikachu, look what you’ve done!” he angrily said. “If you keep this up we’re gonna… uh, officer?” he said as an Officer Jenny grabbed Bort’s shoulder.
…
The next thing Bort knew, he and his Pikachu were in handcuffs. Two Officer Jennies took them into some kind of underground tunnel, driving the two on an electric cart. They drove past some kind of control room where men in white lab coats were watching monitors showing the park. The men were saying into their headset microphones, “Poop patrolman to the exit of the safari zone.” “We got another jumper on the roof of T.G.I. McMeowth’s.” “We need more rare candies in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of rare candies!”
They drove past a robot repair area. As one repairman lifted the faceplate off a robot Psyduck, it made a weird whirring noise sounding like a scream. “Klik-skiAAAAH!” The man just chuckled at the noise, “It sounds like a scream!”
Finally, the officers tossed Bort and his Pikachu into the detention center, where Bort was already surprised to see Domer sitting as well. “Dad?” he asked.
“Aw, I kicked one of those stupid Pikachu characters in the butt,” Domer complained.
“Yeah,” Bort admitted. “My Pikachu couldn’t resist it either.”
“I know,” Domer added. “The way they caper around with their happy smiles and positive attitudes.”
“I hear ya,” Bort said, sitting on the bench with Domer.
“Pika-pi,” Bort’s Pikachu agreed.
…
Back in the gift shop, Midge was ordering some custom T-shirts, when she heard an announcement over the intercom. “Attention Midge Simon, your son and his destructive Pokémon have been arrested!”
Everyone else gasped, and Midge could overhear another woman saying, “I’d be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy’s mother.” That didn’t help Midge’s embarrassment.
But the intercom then continued, “Attention, Midge Simon. We’ve also arrested your older, bigger, fatter son, whom claims to be your husband.”
Midge groaned again, a little louder this time.
…
Down in the detention center, Midge and Lena arrived to bail out Domer, Bort and his Pikachu. “I’m so embarrassed,” Midge complained, “I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.”
“OK, throw her in the hole,” an Officer Jenny said, grabbing Midge.
Midge pushed herself back and said, “Oh please, it was just a figure of speech!”
…
In the robot repair lab, Professor Ivy burst in, looking nervous. “You’ve got to listen to me, because this is urgent! Elementary chaos theory that all these robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in a terrible orgy of violence.”
The other repair people just laughed. “And exactly how much time would we have, Professor?” one man chuckled.
Professor Ivy frowned. “According to my calculations, the ROBOTS ARE GOING TO GO BESERK RIGHT NOW!”
Everyone else in the lab laughed even louder and pretended to be scared. But their tomfoolery was cut short when the robots started acting up; a Sandslash robot grabbed two men by the throat, and a Lucario robot began going after more workers.
“I’m glad those loafers took my warning,” Ivy sarcastically said to herself.
…
A short while later, the family left the detention center. “I have nothing to say to you,” Midge said, a hint of embarrassment still in her voice.
“But Midge, I was a political prisoner,” Domer tried to explain.
“HOW were you a political prisoner?” Midge angrily asked.
“I kicked a giant mouse Pokémon in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?”
As if it were some kind of cue, the lights went out all over the park. “Oh for gosh sake’s, what now?” Midge asked.
A whole group of Pokémon robots began marching out to a beat. But then they turned to face the family, raising their limbs/weapons, preparing for attack.
“Hey, this one’s coming on to me,” Domer said as a Scyther robot was approaching him, getting ready to use its fury swipes on him.
“Dad,” Lena said nervously, “I think you’re wrong about that robot trying to be your friend.”
As Domer tried to explain, between each word he was avoiding a swipe from one of the Scyther robot’s razor-sharp arm. “Lena! … Don’t… contradict… your… elders!” With one final swipe, Domer’s full head of hear was cut off, leaving him completely bald except for a few wisps on his back. “AAH! My hair!” he cried, trying to gather up the remains of his hair on the ground. “You chopped off all my hair! Oh God, I’m ugly!!!”
“This wouldn’t have happened if we went to the Pokémon Bird Sanctuary,” Midge said to herself.
But way over in Sinnoh, there was chaos and havoc in the Flying Pokémon Sanctuary as well. There were many Pidgeotto, Pidgeot, Spearow, Fearow, Noctowl, Xatu, Skarmory, Murkrow, Honchkrow, Taillow, Swellow, Wingull, Staravia and Staraptor chasing people and their Pokémon out of the park. One man was calling in a phone booth, “I need the biggest seed bell you got… no, that’s TOO big,” as various bird Pokémon kept bumping into the booth.
…
The family was still trying to escape from the crazed, malfunctioning robots. They approached a helicopter loaded with patrons and park employees. “A chopper!” Bort pointed out. “We’re saved!”
But when they tried to get on, they noticed one of the employees was the guy that Bort’s Pikachu and Domer were picking on. He held up his empty Pikachu suit and said, “Hey, you’re the guys that didn’t like our capering! When you get down there, tell them Pikachu sent you!” And with that, he shoved them out of the helicopter as it took off.
The robots neared them even more. “Ohh, we’re gonna die!” Domer moaned.
“No, there’s a way!” Lena said, walking up to the robots.
“Lena…” Midge warned.
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Lena assured her, “I’m gonna confuse it’s whole logic system so it crashes!” She approached a Meowth robot and said, “Robot, listen to me carefully! Everything I am about to tell you is a lie.” She spoke slowly, “Now… I… am… LYING.”
The Meowth robot grunted and lunged toward her anyway.
“They’re smarter than I thought…” Lena said.
Domer stood there and said, “Ohh, if everything you say is a lie then you’re telling the truth but if you’re telling the truth then you must be lying but if everything you say is a lie then you must be telling the truth but if you’re telling the truth then you must be lying-lying-LYING…” He was quite perplexed by Lena’s plan, his voice increasing in panic.
But his confusion didn’t have time to sink in, as the robots continued to loom even closer to the family.
“Oh my, it looks like we’re doomed,” Midge groaned.
Domer stepped forward. “BACK, YOU ROBOTS! Nobody ruins my family’s vacation but ME… and maybe the boy, and his Pokémon!” With that, he tossed his wallet at the robots, along with some change, a banana, an empty Pokéball, his underwear (which he managed to pull off without removing his pants), and his camera. But the impact on the ground set off the camera’s shutter button, and the flash caused the four robots closest to the camera to short-circuit and fall over.
“Dad, the flash must have scrambled their circuits!” Lena pointed out.
“Who are you, the narrator?” Domer asked, picking up his camera.
“Aah! Just keep taking pictures!” A Kangaskhan robot stepped up to Lena, but eventually broke down thanks to Domer’s camera.
Bort let his Hitmonchan out of his Pokéball and said, “We’ll get more cameras!”
Bort and his Pokémon ran over to a conveniently-located camera shop. Bort had Hitmonchan hurl a Mega Punch at a display window, shattering the glass and scooping up several disposable cameras and handing them to Bart. But among seeing the window at the tattoo parlor next door to the camera shop, Bort ordered, “Smashy-smashy, Hitmonchan!” and his Hitmonchan broke that window as well.
“I don’t approve of that,” Midge murmured.
But nonetheless, they had their cameras, and continued shooting more pictures of the Pokémon robots, causing them to fall over. Even Pikachu had a camera, Bort and Lena also sent out some of their own Pokémon to help take pictures, in an attempt to outnumber the robots. It was working, and robot after robot kept falling over. As a Sandshrew robot neared Bort…
“Hey mouse, say cheese…” Bort said in a faux German accent. Among snapping the picture and causing the robot to collapse, Bort grinned and said “With a dry cool with like that I could be an action hero!”
The family and their Pokémon continuing snapping more photos, the flashes causing the robots to fall over. It took some doing, but eventually, all the robots were piled up, in pieces and dying. Some more flashes and robotic groans were coming from in the pile, but then Domer leaped out, yelling “Die, bad robots, DIE!” Then he chuckled calmly and said, “With a dry cool wit like that, I could be an action hero…”
“Who would’ve thought that our visit to Pokeworld would be our best vacation ever?” Bort proudly said.
“Yeah,” Lena agreed, “Best ever!”
“Are you two bonkers?” Midge said. “We almost got killed, not to mention all the embarrassment I suffered.”
“But mom,” Lena pointed out, “it’s exactly what you wanted in a vacation. It brought us together as a family, we got a lot of good exercise outdoors, and we have so many great memories!”
Midge paused a bit, and then smiled. “You know, you’re right. This truly WAS the best vacation ever. Now let us never speak of it again.”
Shortly after that, the boss and C.E.O. of the park put in an appearance, thanking the family for stopping the killer robots and saving Pokeworld. “And to show my appreciation, here are two free passes,” he concluded, holding up the two said passes.
“But there are four of us,” Domer pointed out.
“Here are TWO free passes,” the boss said, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“That’s better,” Domer said, taking the passes.
Professor Ivy was checking out a destroyed Dragonite robot. “Ooh, if this is happening here, I’d hate to think of what’s happening in Euro-Pokeworld!”
…
Sure enough, over in Paris, the mentioned theme park had a deserted parking lot, and nobody was visiting. A lone ticket taker at a booth said, “Bonjour? Pokeworld open for business! Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on, my last paycheck bounced! My children need-a wine! Sacre-bleu!” He continued yelling some insults and complaints in French, but that didn’t help things…
END