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MATURE: - Complete Prelude of the Heart

SulcataIxlude

Mei-burt's Beibeh
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Hey everyone this is a short story that I am working on, and I feel like something is missing from this first chapter, but please let me know on what can I do to improve. Thanks.


“Why must there be love if it is doomed to die such as a rose feeling the wrath of the furies in the middle of winter?” asked Darshe Kenbold as he walked down the beaten dirt trail to the base of the Bengor valley. A youth of 18 years of age, and at the prime of his adolescence Darshe lacked the most appealing of appearances, but his gift of passion, and gentle heart made him seem like a god in a town o sleazes and crooks. At one point of his limited lifespan he was engaged to the fairest of maidens from Locklair his hometown upon the Sugar eye hills looming over the Bengor valley, and their love had the force of a bellowing volcano. Fiery as there lips collided, and their bodies erupted in sexual ecstasy. Yet they were content with one another as they seemed so much alike this odd Casanova, and his vixen of a lover, but their period of love has collided in the banks of time like a shell of a helpless crab.

“ Claudia why did you have to forsake me for the other man? While I was away you allowed that fool to meddle with the strings of your heart, and unstring some ghastly forces within to have you fall under his alluring eyes.” He kicked a small rock into the river running horizontal through the path, and the ripples merely flickered in the mid October sky. Silently, and briefly as his hope shave become. Faster he marched to approach the valley zooming over the bridge that connected both sides of the valley that one recorded the proposal Darshe recited for that deceitful Claudia. The oak planks creaked as his steel boots pounded on them, but nothing was maimed. Similar to the relationship the lovers once yielded before the war broke, and drove them apart. A slight gust kissed Darshe’s cherry cheeks, and tossed around that thin golden straw like hair like pieces of torn paper.

“ Turn back, and seek refuge in your household for far worse things than depressed hooligans scurry across the grasses.” A deep, yet harmonic voice echoed from a thin elm tree towards Darshe’s right just ten feet from the bridge.

“ I do not want to embrace my fellow men for I have been tainted by the follies of my own selfish and foolish desires. Now I shall reside in the deepest gorge between the hills, and convert myself to the ranks of the forsaken!” bellowed Darshe as another breeze rubbed the scent of fresh jasmine from the vast wildflower fields surrounding the emerald valley. A tiny river of tears poured from his trembling blue eyes as deep berry colored blotches decorated his eyelids. It was all too familiar to the first time their virgin heads were popped like fireworks at the end of the autumn harvest.

“ Do not torture yourself due to one girl’s disapproval. Too many fine young men from my world have suffered grim fates similar to the one you are adamant about achieving.” The mysterious voice stated from the elm.

“ How do you know of my sorrows? Why must you call out like some nervous pole cat, and not show your face?”

“ Why don’t you come over, and enlighten me with the answer then?” and a nimble black figure stood un-restrained in the mid October sky. So turning right, and approaching this shadowy man Darshe had a feeling inside that felt like the earth was being torn by its foundations. A bit nervous he approached carefully pulling out a tiny dagger with a curved blade, and weathered hilt. Such a blade has smote many lives, and it lusted for the shadowy figure’s flesh. Turning to face the white skinned lad the black man’s scarlet robes danced like a flock of exotic birds fleeing from their roost, and the various animal bones and herbs held by his rawhide belt clashed to make a mesmerizing sound. Instantly Darshe dropped his knife, but had his fist clinched preparing to assault this stranger if he pulled any sudden hostilities. Looking at his face Darshe noticed a particular tattoo, in the shape of a crescent and a reptile of some sort embrace like sex crazed lovers placed upon the stranger’s brow.

“ By the gods you must be one of the seven legendary Isrudo’s that helped purged—“”

“Let us not embark on that particular tale as of now for we have been brought together to speak of your own self denial, and blind ambition to end your life due to a faulted love.” Kneeling down he flicked his brown wrist, and a floating fiery sphere divided the distance between the two men.

“ No doubt about it you must be him the high druid of the Drakyu!”

Popping the joints in his right index finger the orb drifted on the light green grass, and exploded into a tiny divot of ashes and flames. The glow from the flames revealed the black druid’s bald hair with only tiny gray tuffs of ivory hair along the temples. Bedazzled by this display of magic Darshe only gaped in awe, and held out his bony hand.

“ My name is Darshe Kenbold of Locklair. I am a veteran from the Kiime war, which raged near the Drakyu-Avengon border. Are you the legendary del Rashid of the “tearless vagabonds”?”

“ I have been a keeper of many different titles and name sakes, but if it would be a lot easier for you to remember then yes we shall use the label that has gained me a suitable reputation once more.” They both shaked each others hands, and a feeling of security enveloped both their bodies.

“ I can sense there is a tremendous disturbance in your psyche that has been festering like a canker sore for around… ten months as of today?”

“ How could you of known about myself before I could even mutter a single word?”

“ When you are as ancient as myself everything begins to unfold in a patter like a rose blooming. Life is beautiful, but fragile and predictable. Besides I am not a dunce when it comes to the art of reading the mental waves and energy that human brains excrete on a daily basis.”

“ So you are referring that you are what acolytes label as a psychic if I may say so?”

“ Call me as you wish, but we are not here to debate the veil art of the magi’s and lore of ancients. I have come forth in order to save your own narrow life from a otherwise catastrophic demise.”

Darshe pressed against his legs, and stared at del Rashid in fear. Did he really unfold ad plucked out my most contained woes as if they were simple petals off a Lilly or rhododendron? He though as del Rashid simply closed his eyes, and put his left hand over the flame. Then without a wasted motion a plump skinned rabbit was roasting in a split over the magical fire.

“ I figured if we are going to have a council we should not go without devouring the flesh of animals to keep our senses at their most utmost positions.”

“ You have a bizarre way of putting words into place.”

“ So what would you label the contradiction between love and lust then?”

The faint shrill of cicadas, and crickets played around the men as a tiny breeze brew the grass and flowers in a rapid flowing motion. A few owls flew overhead as one crow chanted its harsh cry in the sky. The clouds drifted down to the horizon as the diamond stars glittered across the endless sky, and the beating of the running river water added to the alluring romantic charm to the valley. However tonight was not a night of lust, but of recollection and endless tears.

“ Why should I recite my own tale if you can simply read the passages of my mind to receive the solution to your questions?”

“ One man may see a part of the picture, but it takes another to go through the artistic ingenuity to properly explain the motive and determination to craft such a piece.”

“ I am not sure what you are trying to get at, but I must be going. It’s time for this horrid lad to embrace his final breath…” Darshe muttered as he quickly sprung up a long fingered brown hand tugged the hem of his jeans.

“Wouldn’t it put your own mind at ease to let go of your torment at least for a brief moment? Besides there is a fine rabbit being roasted, and it would put a shame on your mother’s face if you refused a meal from a host?”
A tiny tear dripped from Darshe’s eye as he sat back down, and del Rashid simply smiled.

“ Well as you insit noble Drakyu druid.”

“ Please refer to me as del Rashid as before. I am no longer one of the druids for I have strayed away from their path a millennium ago.” His glossy white eyes shinned like polished marble due to the dancing fire. This intimidated Darshe for this made the druid appear to be nothing more than a mind reading marionette playing a game, but not making any sudden movements a foolish child would make. But relaxing his shoulders slightly Darshe sighed, and lifted his head up.

“ My tale begins ten months ago on the eve of the new year in the frigid month of December. That is when my desire and damnation came strolling down in my direction…”
 
Well, some of your sentences go need a little work. They are just too long (this was mostly at the beginning, didn't see many of these in the later parts). I can't get a good handle on the time period yet. I really don't see much you could be missing, you get a pretty good feel for the tone of the story.
 
Please note: The thread is from 23 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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