Actually, it's the first ever Professor Kamon Senzu story!
I wrote this for my Creative Writing Class, everyone liked it, so I'd thought I'd post it here. It's even being considered for an award (perhaps it is toooo extreme for those judges though)
So without further ado, I hope you guys like it like my school did.
It was a cold, yet sunny Saturday in the idiotically named, yet I assure not fictitious, town of Townburg. The exhaust from large vehicles gently swept through the air like notes gently expanding from the tip of a trumpet. The harmonious noise of car horns honking filled the air with a rhythmic wave of road rage. Yes, it was a typical beginning to a not very typical day. Well, I guess typical for one man. Professor Kamon Senzu, a genius scientist who at that moment was sitting at his kitchen table enjoying a nice cup of horrible coffee. Meanwhile, his robot assistant, Roaster, crafted the professor’s breakfast. Roaster was quite a goofy looking robot, his head was a shiny toaster with light bulbs for eyes, his stomach was a microwave, and his other body parts were old kitchen parts the professor had brought from a very shady flea market. I can only imagine that these parts were possibly once key evidence in a murder trail, because the man who had sold them even pointed out the bloodstains on the items. You can probably find similar items like these on eBay, but the bloodstains would probably look like Abraham Lincoln’s face and they would sale for thousands.
If you looked up “coincidence”, you would see a picture of Roaster…because not only were his parts made from questionable items, Roaster was questionable as well. Questionable in the fact that he was built to help the professor but had a big dream; due to a malfunction in his artificial intelligence he wanted to kill Professor Kamon Senzu. Don’t question why, he just did! After all, even the nicest robots secretly dream of overthrowing their masters! Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you when that brand new cell phone you just got for Christmas tries to run you over with the family convertible!
But anyway, as Roaster was making the professor’s toast he had a devious idea, and what happened next was pretty darn devious I must say. Roaster chucked the piece of toast (actually it wasn’t toasted yet, so I guess you can just call it bread) through the air at breakneck speeds! It cut through the air like a knife through butter so in a way he made buttered toast! The professor had no time to react as the piece of bread shot right into his eye, causing an unimaginable sense of pain. The only way I can express this pain would be to get hit in the eye with a piece of bread also, which I’m not about to do. I’m not one of those kids who mirror everything they see on TV you know.
Yeah, it was a typical morning for the nontypical professor. But I’m done with the exposition of our “heroes” its time for some conflict in this story! After professor Senzu had finished dislodging the piece of bread from his eye, ouch, the doorbell rang. And rang. And rang some more. Finally, after the professor realized the person at the door would never give up, he decided to tell the annoying visitor that he wasn’t home! Besides, it probably was one of those insurance salesmen or a girl scout trying to raise money because the government doesn’t pay for scouts. If a scout can find north, surely they can find some funds!
“I’m not home goshdarnit! If no one answers the door then why would you keep ringing it! Stop being rude and noisy!” yelled the professor rudely as he flung open the front door noisily.
“Mr. Professor!” said a cute voice as a young face looked back up at the Professor. The face belonged to the adorable so-called assistant of Professor Kamon Senzu, the youngster Winchester. But you can call him Windy, as that was his nickname. Actually, you have no choice because it’s my story and I make the rules! Windy was a bit of a space case, which probably explained why he hung out with a crazy scientist and a sadistic robot. For starters, he always wore roller-skates, a hair band, and basically was an oblivious idiot. So he was kinda just like most kids today when you really think about it.
“Oh…it’s you,” said the unenthused professor with a fake enthusiasm in his voice, “What do you want Windy?”
“You told me to come today, yup! Gonna show me a time machine, unless I came at the wrong time. But then, couldn’t you just fast-forward to the time I was suppose to come?” asked Windy as the professor laughed. Roaster walked over to the door, and greeted Windy.
“Good morning master Windy,” he said in a monotone-robot voice that was as cold and emotionless as only a robot can be, “I was just preparing breakfast and preparing the eminent demise of the professor”
“No time for that Roaster!” said the professor, completely oblivious to the robot’s death threats, “it’s time for time travel!”
“Couldn’t you make more time then?” asked Windy.
“Wait…what? Oh never mind, come with me!” said the professor as he led Windy and Roaster to his time machine. Naturally, the time machine looked like a phone booth. Everyone knows that a time machine looks like a phone booth, and this fact cannot be argued against. I saw it on Wikipedia. Wikipedia also lists this story as the greatest story ever, so once again any arguing at this point is pointless.
“Wow! But is it safe to mess with the time-stream continuum? What if the planet ends up overtaken by apes or corrupt politicians?” asked Windy innocently as Roaster pondered this as well.
“In theory, I could travel back in time and set off a chain of events that would result in the professor ceasing to exist. In theory.”
“Don’t worry! We’re not time-traveling, merely grabbing someone and brining him to our time! And after that, we’ll send him back with no memories of what happened! It’s full proof!”
“Cool! Let’s bring a president to talk too!” suggested Windy, in a tone akin to that a child has when his favorite show comes on.
“NO!” yelled Professor Kamon Senzu, in a fury akin to that a husband has when the remote falls between the couch and he can’t reach it.
“Why don’t we bring a crazed murderer?” suggested Roaster, in a sinister tone akin to that the wife of the husband has when she realizes her marriage is horrible and she should have listened to her mother.
“No! If you wanna go talk to the president become a crazed lobbyist or Larry King! We’re gonna bring back George Orwell, the masterful author who wrote the famous book Nineteen-eighty four.”
“In that book pathetic humans were enslaved. If only I could enslave the professor…” Roaster thought outloud, as only a robot could.
“Wait…but it’s two-thousand and eight and none of the stuff in that book happened!” said Windy. If you haven’t realized this story is fictional as well, because in no real world would a young boy read a novel like that unless it had a wizard in it. Or a dragon.
“Right. In other words, George Orwell is basically like Al Gore. But think about all the fun that we’ll have showing him how wrong he was! How there is nothing wrong with the world today!” suggested the professor as he smiled at his killer robot and idiotic young friend. Nothing wrong at all with that picture.
“Do it! Do it!” yelled Windy excitedly as he jumped up and down like a kid hyped up on Star Wars and candy, as Professor Kamon Senzu walked over to the time machine and turned it on. This process is pretty complicated, like setting up that new DVR you just got when in reality you’re only gonna use it to watch Lifetime movies in high-definition. A few minutes later (and a bunch of years compressed in an instant) an undead George Orwell walked out of the time machine, looked at Roaster, and screamed.
“TELESCREEN!” he yelled as Roaster smiled like only a robot could. He was feared by a human. He was like the IRS.
“Whoa whoa! Roaster is harmless, and that’s profiling you know! I knew you were crazy the moment I read that book with talking pigs!” yelled the professor as he grabbed George and settled him down.
“Who…who are you?” asked George, in a state of panic like a professional singer caught lip-syncing, as the professor smiled.
“I am the genius Professor Kamon Senzu and you’re in the year two-thousand and eight! We’re here to show you that you’re a dirty liar who has no clue about the future!”
“That was rude!” said Windy as he rudely pushed the professor aside, and shook the hand of the time traveler.
“You’re…you’re not gonna report our unorthodoxies to Big Brother, are you?” asked George as Windy smiled. His gentle grin, to the unaware, struck fear because frankly he looked psychotic. Like one of those politicians who give you a big grin as they take money from your pocket.
“My mom says I can’t watch that show,” said Windy in the most innocent and oblivious voice you can imagine. As you can tell, it’s gonna be a long day.
“Where is this professor?” asked George as later the four (if you forgot, that’s one scientist, a robot, a creepy kid, and a time traveling author) stood outside a McDonald’s.
“It’s a restaurant that everyone goes to. We’re gonna show you the miracle that is fast food.”
“Good lord! Those people going in make O’Brien from Nineteen-eighty four look like a supermodel!” yelled George, as he pointed at some fat little kids.
“How can you criticize? How can you criticize! You’re the one who wrote a book about talking animals! What do you know!” yelled the professor. Windy and Roaster nodded, deciding to explain the prospect of fast food.
“Allow me to explain, the fast food is good for the morale but bad for the heart. Eating too much can possibly give you a heart attack…that is why I suggested the professor eats here today…I want him to suffer.”
“You also get free toys!” yelled Windy excitedly.
“So…in the future, you people eat horrible food just to gain materialistic possessions?” asked George with the subtleness of William Shatner’s acting skills.
“Your blunt pessimism heats up my cold robotic soul,” said Roaster, as only a robot could. I mean, because obviously a human doesn’t have a robotic soul.
“What are those metal things outside of the door?” asked George as the motley crew walked through the door.
“In today’s day and age of safety, these metal detectors ensure that no one brings dangerous weapons into public places. After all, a lot of people in today’s day and age are dangerous!” said Professor Kamon Senzu as he walked through…and the metal detector beeped.
“Step over here sir!” said a rough looking police as he pulled the professor aside.
“Officer…it’s probably just a filling…huh?” said the professor as the officer pulled out a gun from the crazy scientist’s pocket.
“A filling, huh?” asked the officer as Professor Kamon Senzu quickly ran away. And for the sake of the story, no repercussions happen and actually he later sues the officer for assault, as thus is today’s society like.
“How did that get there?” said Roaster mischievously, as only a robot could. And yes readers, the whole joke here is that the psychotic robot didn’t set off the alarm.
“Today’s society is built on instant-gratification,” the professor was later explaining as the group stood in the lobby of a mall. Suspiciously, no one heeded any mind to the fact a rather young boy was standing with two suspicious men and a killer robot, but were instead glancing over at the gothic kids who obviously were summoning an army of demons or planning to steal some money for drugs.
“My only instant-gratification would be watching the professor burned alive,” added Roaster as Windy giggled along, not fully understanding these death threats Roaster was uttering.
“What is this machine? Does it provide gratification?” asked George as he pointed to a large box.
“That, my poor backwards friend, is the drink machine,” said the professor as he pulled out a dollar bill.
“Oh…I think you slide it in and you get a drink, am I correct?” asked George as the professor frowned.
“You take out all the fun of surprising you! Now…the one thing to remember when inserting the bill is your dollar must be as smooth as your soul! That is the secret!”
“It’s not going in!” said Windy bluntly as the machine, obviously, did not take the dollar.
“Does that mean your soul is crooked like the dollar?” asked Roaster sarcastically, as only someone who was cynical could.
“Why don’t you just flatten it out, then it will match the flatness of your humor!” said Windy politely, even though it was rather impolite what he said, but nevertheless the professor did just that.
“It’s in…and my drink is stuck. My drink is stuck!” yelled the professor, angry like a Patriots fan when he saw that the Giants won, as he began to kick the machine.
“Don’t take your rage out on the machines!” said Roaster upset, as only a robot could upon seeing his comrade being beaten like the Patriots.
“Instant gratification, huh? This future sucks!” said George as he walked off.
“What’s his problem?” asked the professor as he finally got the drink out.
“I think he was future shocked,” said Windy.
“Geez! Why? Sure, I mean the pollution is bad, things are noisy, and nothing works right…but at least we’re not constantly on surveillance! That Orwell fella is a whole ‘nother kind of spoiled!”
“Indeed. I say we eliminate him!” suggested Roaster, as only a robot could.
“There’s our perp!” said a voice as a mall security cop walked up to the three, and looked at them angrily.
“What’s the problem officer?” asked the professor as the cop slapped some cuffs on his hands.
“We caught you on video vandalizing a drink machine. You’re coming downtown with me buddy!”
“What! What a horrible irony this turned out to be!” yelled the professor as he was led away. Windy laughed.
“That professor sure is silly, huh Roaster? It’s like this whole entire day ultimately proved George right!”
“Yes…and watching the professor dragged away in handcuffs is almost as pleasing as seeing him beaten, run over, or blown up. Or all three.”
“Boy Roaster, I sure hope the author of I Robot doesn’t turn out to be right also!”
And readers, that is the story of the first time travel. Perhaps we can all learn an important lesson from this? First off, perhaps the world may be bad but it could always be worse. Second of all, they never took George Orwell back to his own time! The space-time continuum may already have been ruined and you don’t even know! Perhaps we’re already beginning to fade out! Forget social satire, this story is primarily about the dangers of time traveling!
I wrote this for my Creative Writing Class, everyone liked it, so I'd thought I'd post it here. It's even being considered for an award (perhaps it is toooo extreme for those judges though)
So without further ado, I hope you guys like it like my school did.
Social Satire through Time Travel
The year was two-thousand and eight, the year time travel first happened. And the events that unfolded on that fateful February day will forever be remembered by all who witnessed it…a scientist and his assistant, the pioneers of time travel. Hilarious social satire followed.
It was a cold, yet sunny Saturday in the idiotically named, yet I assure not fictitious, town of Townburg. The exhaust from large vehicles gently swept through the air like notes gently expanding from the tip of a trumpet. The harmonious noise of car horns honking filled the air with a rhythmic wave of road rage. Yes, it was a typical beginning to a not very typical day. Well, I guess typical for one man. Professor Kamon Senzu, a genius scientist who at that moment was sitting at his kitchen table enjoying a nice cup of horrible coffee. Meanwhile, his robot assistant, Roaster, crafted the professor’s breakfast. Roaster was quite a goofy looking robot, his head was a shiny toaster with light bulbs for eyes, his stomach was a microwave, and his other body parts were old kitchen parts the professor had brought from a very shady flea market. I can only imagine that these parts were possibly once key evidence in a murder trail, because the man who had sold them even pointed out the bloodstains on the items. You can probably find similar items like these on eBay, but the bloodstains would probably look like Abraham Lincoln’s face and they would sale for thousands.
If you looked up “coincidence”, you would see a picture of Roaster…because not only were his parts made from questionable items, Roaster was questionable as well. Questionable in the fact that he was built to help the professor but had a big dream; due to a malfunction in his artificial intelligence he wanted to kill Professor Kamon Senzu. Don’t question why, he just did! After all, even the nicest robots secretly dream of overthrowing their masters! Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you when that brand new cell phone you just got for Christmas tries to run you over with the family convertible!
But anyway, as Roaster was making the professor’s toast he had a devious idea, and what happened next was pretty darn devious I must say. Roaster chucked the piece of toast (actually it wasn’t toasted yet, so I guess you can just call it bread) through the air at breakneck speeds! It cut through the air like a knife through butter so in a way he made buttered toast! The professor had no time to react as the piece of bread shot right into his eye, causing an unimaginable sense of pain. The only way I can express this pain would be to get hit in the eye with a piece of bread also, which I’m not about to do. I’m not one of those kids who mirror everything they see on TV you know.
Yeah, it was a typical morning for the nontypical professor. But I’m done with the exposition of our “heroes” its time for some conflict in this story! After professor Senzu had finished dislodging the piece of bread from his eye, ouch, the doorbell rang. And rang. And rang some more. Finally, after the professor realized the person at the door would never give up, he decided to tell the annoying visitor that he wasn’t home! Besides, it probably was one of those insurance salesmen or a girl scout trying to raise money because the government doesn’t pay for scouts. If a scout can find north, surely they can find some funds!
“I’m not home goshdarnit! If no one answers the door then why would you keep ringing it! Stop being rude and noisy!” yelled the professor rudely as he flung open the front door noisily.
“Mr. Professor!” said a cute voice as a young face looked back up at the Professor. The face belonged to the adorable so-called assistant of Professor Kamon Senzu, the youngster Winchester. But you can call him Windy, as that was his nickname. Actually, you have no choice because it’s my story and I make the rules! Windy was a bit of a space case, which probably explained why he hung out with a crazy scientist and a sadistic robot. For starters, he always wore roller-skates, a hair band, and basically was an oblivious idiot. So he was kinda just like most kids today when you really think about it.
“Oh…it’s you,” said the unenthused professor with a fake enthusiasm in his voice, “What do you want Windy?”
“You told me to come today, yup! Gonna show me a time machine, unless I came at the wrong time. But then, couldn’t you just fast-forward to the time I was suppose to come?” asked Windy as the professor laughed. Roaster walked over to the door, and greeted Windy.
“Good morning master Windy,” he said in a monotone-robot voice that was as cold and emotionless as only a robot can be, “I was just preparing breakfast and preparing the eminent demise of the professor”
“No time for that Roaster!” said the professor, completely oblivious to the robot’s death threats, “it’s time for time travel!”
“Couldn’t you make more time then?” asked Windy.
“Wait…what? Oh never mind, come with me!” said the professor as he led Windy and Roaster to his time machine. Naturally, the time machine looked like a phone booth. Everyone knows that a time machine looks like a phone booth, and this fact cannot be argued against. I saw it on Wikipedia. Wikipedia also lists this story as the greatest story ever, so once again any arguing at this point is pointless.
“Wow! But is it safe to mess with the time-stream continuum? What if the planet ends up overtaken by apes or corrupt politicians?” asked Windy innocently as Roaster pondered this as well.
“In theory, I could travel back in time and set off a chain of events that would result in the professor ceasing to exist. In theory.”
“Don’t worry! We’re not time-traveling, merely grabbing someone and brining him to our time! And after that, we’ll send him back with no memories of what happened! It’s full proof!”
“Cool! Let’s bring a president to talk too!” suggested Windy, in a tone akin to that a child has when his favorite show comes on.
“NO!” yelled Professor Kamon Senzu, in a fury akin to that a husband has when the remote falls between the couch and he can’t reach it.
“Why don’t we bring a crazed murderer?” suggested Roaster, in a sinister tone akin to that the wife of the husband has when she realizes her marriage is horrible and she should have listened to her mother.
“No! If you wanna go talk to the president become a crazed lobbyist or Larry King! We’re gonna bring back George Orwell, the masterful author who wrote the famous book Nineteen-eighty four.”
“In that book pathetic humans were enslaved. If only I could enslave the professor…” Roaster thought outloud, as only a robot could.
“Wait…but it’s two-thousand and eight and none of the stuff in that book happened!” said Windy. If you haven’t realized this story is fictional as well, because in no real world would a young boy read a novel like that unless it had a wizard in it. Or a dragon.
“Right. In other words, George Orwell is basically like Al Gore. But think about all the fun that we’ll have showing him how wrong he was! How there is nothing wrong with the world today!” suggested the professor as he smiled at his killer robot and idiotic young friend. Nothing wrong at all with that picture.
“Do it! Do it!” yelled Windy excitedly as he jumped up and down like a kid hyped up on Star Wars and candy, as Professor Kamon Senzu walked over to the time machine and turned it on. This process is pretty complicated, like setting up that new DVR you just got when in reality you’re only gonna use it to watch Lifetime movies in high-definition. A few minutes later (and a bunch of years compressed in an instant) an undead George Orwell walked out of the time machine, looked at Roaster, and screamed.
“TELESCREEN!” he yelled as Roaster smiled like only a robot could. He was feared by a human. He was like the IRS.
“Whoa whoa! Roaster is harmless, and that’s profiling you know! I knew you were crazy the moment I read that book with talking pigs!” yelled the professor as he grabbed George and settled him down.
“Who…who are you?” asked George, in a state of panic like a professional singer caught lip-syncing, as the professor smiled.
“I am the genius Professor Kamon Senzu and you’re in the year two-thousand and eight! We’re here to show you that you’re a dirty liar who has no clue about the future!”
“That was rude!” said Windy as he rudely pushed the professor aside, and shook the hand of the time traveler.
“You’re…you’re not gonna report our unorthodoxies to Big Brother, are you?” asked George as Windy smiled. His gentle grin, to the unaware, struck fear because frankly he looked psychotic. Like one of those politicians who give you a big grin as they take money from your pocket.
“My mom says I can’t watch that show,” said Windy in the most innocent and oblivious voice you can imagine. As you can tell, it’s gonna be a long day.
“Where is this professor?” asked George as later the four (if you forgot, that’s one scientist, a robot, a creepy kid, and a time traveling author) stood outside a McDonald’s.
“It’s a restaurant that everyone goes to. We’re gonna show you the miracle that is fast food.”
“Good lord! Those people going in make O’Brien from Nineteen-eighty four look like a supermodel!” yelled George, as he pointed at some fat little kids.
“How can you criticize? How can you criticize! You’re the one who wrote a book about talking animals! What do you know!” yelled the professor. Windy and Roaster nodded, deciding to explain the prospect of fast food.
“Allow me to explain, the fast food is good for the morale but bad for the heart. Eating too much can possibly give you a heart attack…that is why I suggested the professor eats here today…I want him to suffer.”
“You also get free toys!” yelled Windy excitedly.
“So…in the future, you people eat horrible food just to gain materialistic possessions?” asked George with the subtleness of William Shatner’s acting skills.
“Your blunt pessimism heats up my cold robotic soul,” said Roaster, as only a robot could. I mean, because obviously a human doesn’t have a robotic soul.
“What are those metal things outside of the door?” asked George as the motley crew walked through the door.
“In today’s day and age of safety, these metal detectors ensure that no one brings dangerous weapons into public places. After all, a lot of people in today’s day and age are dangerous!” said Professor Kamon Senzu as he walked through…and the metal detector beeped.
“Step over here sir!” said a rough looking police as he pulled the professor aside.
“Officer…it’s probably just a filling…huh?” said the professor as the officer pulled out a gun from the crazy scientist’s pocket.
“A filling, huh?” asked the officer as Professor Kamon Senzu quickly ran away. And for the sake of the story, no repercussions happen and actually he later sues the officer for assault, as thus is today’s society like.
“How did that get there?” said Roaster mischievously, as only a robot could. And yes readers, the whole joke here is that the psychotic robot didn’t set off the alarm.
“Today’s society is built on instant-gratification,” the professor was later explaining as the group stood in the lobby of a mall. Suspiciously, no one heeded any mind to the fact a rather young boy was standing with two suspicious men and a killer robot, but were instead glancing over at the gothic kids who obviously were summoning an army of demons or planning to steal some money for drugs.
“My only instant-gratification would be watching the professor burned alive,” added Roaster as Windy giggled along, not fully understanding these death threats Roaster was uttering.
“What is this machine? Does it provide gratification?” asked George as he pointed to a large box.
“That, my poor backwards friend, is the drink machine,” said the professor as he pulled out a dollar bill.
“Oh…I think you slide it in and you get a drink, am I correct?” asked George as the professor frowned.
“You take out all the fun of surprising you! Now…the one thing to remember when inserting the bill is your dollar must be as smooth as your soul! That is the secret!”
“It’s not going in!” said Windy bluntly as the machine, obviously, did not take the dollar.
“Does that mean your soul is crooked like the dollar?” asked Roaster sarcastically, as only someone who was cynical could.
“Why don’t you just flatten it out, then it will match the flatness of your humor!” said Windy politely, even though it was rather impolite what he said, but nevertheless the professor did just that.
“It’s in…and my drink is stuck. My drink is stuck!” yelled the professor, angry like a Patriots fan when he saw that the Giants won, as he began to kick the machine.
“Don’t take your rage out on the machines!” said Roaster upset, as only a robot could upon seeing his comrade being beaten like the Patriots.
“Instant gratification, huh? This future sucks!” said George as he walked off.
“What’s his problem?” asked the professor as he finally got the drink out.
“I think he was future shocked,” said Windy.
“Geez! Why? Sure, I mean the pollution is bad, things are noisy, and nothing works right…but at least we’re not constantly on surveillance! That Orwell fella is a whole ‘nother kind of spoiled!”
“Indeed. I say we eliminate him!” suggested Roaster, as only a robot could.
“There’s our perp!” said a voice as a mall security cop walked up to the three, and looked at them angrily.
“What’s the problem officer?” asked the professor as the cop slapped some cuffs on his hands.
“We caught you on video vandalizing a drink machine. You’re coming downtown with me buddy!”
“What! What a horrible irony this turned out to be!” yelled the professor as he was led away. Windy laughed.
“That professor sure is silly, huh Roaster? It’s like this whole entire day ultimately proved George right!”
“Yes…and watching the professor dragged away in handcuffs is almost as pleasing as seeing him beaten, run over, or blown up. Or all three.”
“Boy Roaster, I sure hope the author of I Robot doesn’t turn out to be right also!”
And readers, that is the story of the first time travel. Perhaps we can all learn an important lesson from this? First off, perhaps the world may be bad but it could always be worse. Second of all, they never took George Orwell back to his own time! The space-time continuum may already have been ruined and you don’t even know! Perhaps we’re already beginning to fade out! Forget social satire, this story is primarily about the dangers of time traveling!
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