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Rocket to the Galaxy

Pawsrent

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I decided to make my own fan-fic. It takes place in a different Pokémon Universe.

Characters:
Silver C. Gold: A fifteen year-old boy with long red hair. He's been dating his next door neighbor, Lyra Kris, for two years. Nobody knows who his father is, but some joke that it's a Pokémon, as he is so compassionate to them. He is excellent with computers,and is known world-wide for fixing the glitches in the previous system, and increasing storage space to hold 50,000 Pokémon at once.

Lyra K. Elm: A fifteen year-old girl with brown hair and pigtails. She is the daughter of Professor Elm, and has been dating Silver Gold for two years. She is excellent at Poké Balls, and has even manufactured a few of her own.

Omega Ball: Nobody knows what this ball does except for Lyra, and she says that she never will tell anyone, but she does say:
Lyra K. Elm said:
If it were ever to fall into the wrong hands, it could destroy the world.

Ethan: Not much is known about this boy, except that he tends to refrain from the public, due to the wishes of his father.

Prologue

It was a dark night in Celadon City. A lonely man in a black a fedora and overcoat was walking down a dark alleyway, mumbling something dark and terrible. His mind was full of ideas of global domination, and of finding out what happened to his wife.

He stopped. There it was, the Celadon Game Corner, previously owned by a sinister, horrible organization, which was run by an even worse man. He was that man. And no, he was not there to gamble away whatever remained of his money. He was there to meet with some men.

It took him a few minutes to navigate the dark, abandoned corridors. He then reached his private room. Sitting there were three men.

One was wearing a long red and black coat, and black pants. His red hair fell down to his shoulders, and his pale white skin reflected the dim overhead light.

The next was a tan man, with short, dark brown hair, wearing a blue bandana. His husky, sailor-like body was covered with a black suit with matching pants.

The last man had dark blue hair, and his square face appeared almost emotionless. He was very tall, and his body was covered by a strange looking outfit.

“Why did you call us here?” said the second man.

“Why?” said the man with the fedora. He burst out in an evil laugh that seemed more like a cackle. “Because I want to take over the world! But I need your help. And I also need the help of my son.”

He shouted something inaudible down the hall, and a few seconds later, a young boy at about the age of 15 appeared. The only person in the room that didn’t gasp was the man in the fedora. “Gentlemen,” said the man, “meet my son.”


What do you think? It's just a prologue, so it just sets up the story.
 
Good detail
But very very short
Intrigued by the story, but want to see how it plays out
 
I like the story, but i really dislike the line
Because I want to take over the world!
It's just too, ah i can't put my finger on it but it put me off a bit, seems a bit uninventive or something.
The description was good, yet i found that the part wrapped in spoiler tags was un-neccessary, as this could have been addressed in later chapters as you came to it.
If the next chapters are as well written as this one, I will keep on reading!
 
VERY DETAILED, nice job on that!
And I think the word for that line is...clichéd. That's also the only line I didn't like.
I'll definitely be looking in on this fic!
 
Please note: The thread is from 15 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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