EVERYONE: - Complete Rollercoaster (poem)

[LightningTopaz]

Inspired by my very first roller coaster ride....(eons ago)

"Rollercoaster"

Here I am, strapped inside the car
Looking out at the track ahead of me
In just a few moments, we'll be moving very quick
So many emotions are welling up inside of me now,
Excitement, fear, and anticipation...

I've seen so many of them at other theme parks and on TV
In all their lightning fast, corkscrew looping glory;
But I have never ridden one of these mighty rides myself
That's about to change very shortly.

After what seems like an eternity of waiting
The train finally rumbles out of the station
My mom, dad and sister all wave goodbye
As I begin my trial by speed

We round a turn, then connect with the lift
And begin climbing up into the sky
I'm already nervous, I don't need to be reminded
That the dip we are climbing is The Big One

We're approaching the top, I can see the whole park
It stretches out as far as the eye can see
The view is so beautiful up here at the peak,
But I can only enjoy it for three seconds!

As the train hurtles down at sixty miles an hour
I hear many people behind me screaming
My stomach feels like it's up inside my throat
We're going so fast, I have to be dreaming!

Twisting, looping, more dips, and turning
I'm being jerked about all the while
I'm not screaming like the other riders, I'm actually laughing!
To the point where tears are leaking from my eyes!

Finally, we slow down and we coast to a stop
My head is still spinning as I climb from the car
As my family surrounds me and asks how it went
My answer is: Can we do it again?

 

[The Wordsmith]

Just great poem. The words sound good in the order you made. Thank you.

 

[Cavespider_17]

Review: Rollercoaster

This poem hits the nail on the head when it comes to experiencing one’s first rollercoaster ride. You manage to depict a lot of emotions in a short amount of time. The reference to waiting times seeming like an eternity is spot on, and the connection you make with this and the rider’s nervousness is very relatable.

I must admit I am unfamiliar with the grammar rules relating to poetry. It looks fine, though. I did expect to see some commas at the end of each sentence, but I believe that’s not necessarily a rule. I am not sure about the two lines:

As I begin my trial by speed

and

That the drip we are climbing is The Big One

I feel like there should be some punctuation at the end here, just because it is the end of the stanza. However, feel free to disagree.

You state that this was inspired by your first rollercoaster ride, which begs the question of what type of rollercoaster it was. A standard metal one or a wooden one? I think that would have been a curious description point to add to the poem – as someone who has ridden both, I think they definitely feel very different.

Overall, I enjoyed this poem, as it was very thought and memory-provoking: it reminded me of my trip to Anaheim, California – and my time on The Ghost Rider rollercoaster.