EVERYONE: - Ongoing Ruby & Sapphire: Twin Legends

[mancetric_trainer]

Here's my first fic.
Read and Reply.

Episode 1: Double Delay

This adventure begins in the town of littleroot, where pokemon trainers have set off before in hope to become pokemon masters, breeders are even grand pokemon contest winners. This time two trainers are stepping up to the challenge to become pokemon masters. These two fifthteen year olds will finally set on there adventure, late of course stalled by helping there single mother with the family and her illness, yes THERE mother; these two trainers are twins, Dave and Daylena. Packing there essentials and saying goodbye to there mother and family they set off to the professor's lab two pick up there pokemon for there adventure.

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The sun was beaming down on the small town of littleroot; Dave and Daylena were walking the short distance to the professor's lab.

"Torchic maybe Mudkip?! I still don't know what pokemon im going to start with,” Daylena said to Dave.

"I know im gonna get torchic, it's a fire type so I think it would good to start with, " Dave said looking to his twin.

“True" said Daylena just to agree.

Coming up two a large two story white building the twins were happy to know they would finally get to set off on there pokemon adventure. They both were a little nervous as they approached Birch's lab. Stepping in they saw all types of machinery and a bulky man talking to a scientist.

"Birch! Hey where here for are pokemon!” Dave said excitedly

Birch smiled.

"Dave..Daylena im glad you could make it, im sure you wouldn't miss today"

Daylena spoke up and stepped toward birch

"Yea so where's are pokemon? Mudkip please,”

"So you decided which pokemon you wanted huh sis?” Dave said to his twin.

"Yea if you're getting a fire type im going with the water type,” she said with a wink.

Birch motioned them into another room, Dave and Daylena followed hoping to see there new pokemon. Dave started to think about his grand adventures finally being able to travel from home, while Daylena thought of all the great battles with her strong pokemon she would have.

Birch quickly turned around, a frown exposed on his face.

"I just remembered a van is bringing a few of the starting pokemon for new trainers, so sadly im all out at the moment" Birch said looking to the two disappointed trainers.

Dave and Daylena sighed in unison.

"Well can we go wait outside for the truck, where really looking forward for are new pokemon," Dave said looking to birch.

"Sure" Birch said cheerfully.

The twins ran outside and sat on the porch of the lab, waiting for the truck to arrive so they could start there adventure.

"Hmmm maybe trecko," Daylena said quietly to herself.

"You're still thinking of which pokemon you want!" Dave said yelling.

Daylena stood up.

"Well I have to make sure it's a strong pokemon," she said angrily.

A van started to bustle down a dirt road heading for the lab, Dave jumped up and the twins smiled as the van came closer, suddenly two pokemon rolled out of the bushes in the path of the truck seeming to be playing with each other. The two small pokemon rolled around pouncing one another, one red with a plus sign on each cheek, while the other was blue with minus signs on each cheek.

Professor Birch rushed out of his lab in confusion

"What's all the ruckus?!” he said looking around.

The van still sped down the road toward the two pokemon, them not knowing the danger they were in. Dave and Daylena looked at one another and raced toward the pokemon in front of the truck; the driver swerved the truck out the path of the twins and shot into the nearby bushes.

"You guys were almost killed!" Daylena yelled at the two small pokemon.

The pokemon seemed freighted by all the commotion and the truck flying into the bushes they began slump onto one another and fainted into a small heap on the floor. Professor birch ran up handing the twins pokeballs

"Here take these and catch them and get them off the road, we must check the van and the pokemon" Birch exclaimed.

Dave took the pokeball and threw it at the red pokemon, while Daylena threw it at the blue pokemon. The pokeballs shook and let out a soft ting.

Taking the newly caught pokemon they ran into the vegetation along with professor birch and saw the van smashed up on a tree, the driver out of the car confused and dazed.

"Everyone get the pokemon out of the van and back into the lab we must make sure there ok" Birch ordered.

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Later that day the twins sat in the lab waiting on the status of the pokemon, there adventure delayed once again, suddenly they remembered the pokemon they caught earlier that day.

Dave held the pokeball in his hand and looked at it.

"I wonder what this pokemon is. I didn't really get a good look at it,"

Daylena nodded

"Me neither how about we find out?"

Just as they were about to find out what these new pokemon were professor birch stepped out of the medical room with a grim look upon face.

"The pokemon are doing well but might have to stay for a few more days for observation, im sorry im sure this will delay your journey once again,”

The twins looked at one another with a look disappoint on there faces.

"Maybe we can use these new pokemon we caught today! Dave said remembering the pokemon.

“He’s right," Daylena said as she interrupted.

"We can use these as are starters this way we can leave today…as planned,"

Professor birch rubbed his chin thoughtfully and smiled

"How can I say no to such determination I know you guys will make great pokemon masters"

With that the whole town gathered to say goodbye to the two newest littleroot trainers.
Dave and Daylena didn’t know what adventures they might encounter and what challenges they might meet. Heck, they don't even know what pokemon they have, but that is for another day..another adventure.

 

[Murgatroyd]

Spelling Errors. (fifthteen)
Capitalization Errors. (littleroot, im, professor birch)
Punctuation Errors. (im, (dozens of missing commas))
Homophone Errors. (THERE mother, are starters)

All of these are things that should be checked for and fixed before a fic is posted. I'll give you the same sort of advice I've given many others: There is an Advice thread up at the top of this forum. Read it. Fix this chapter. And please remember, the people who give you advice really are trying to help, not insult you.

As for the substance of the story, this first chapter is much like many others I have read. Some went on to become stories well worth reading; others didn't. And some were abandoned with no continuation. It's up to you to determine which this story will become.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

That didnt work....you sneaky...

Well anyway thanks for your reply I hope its atleaset readable.

So others read and reply, I post chapters very quickly so I can catch up to chapters that I posted elsewhere.

Like here's chapter 2.

Episode 2: Scooch for the Pooch

The twins begin there journey leaving the city of littleroot, they decided to take a rest near a grassy road with high rock formations that surrounded them and a small pond nearby, the road is headed for the nearest gym leader. Setting up camp, they thought about the commotion of the previous day and the two new pokemon they caught then realizing they still didn't know what they were!

Putting her hair back into her two round ponytails Daylena chatted with Dave.

"How much longer before we get to the first gym leader I can't wait to get my first badge," Daylena said with confidence.

Dave slid his red long sleeve jacket over his plain white shirt and replied.

"Well maybe we should find out what pokemon we have first I think that might just be a tad important,“ Dave said sarcastically.

Daylena nodded and they both opened there packs and grabbed there pokeballs, looking at one another they raised there pokeballs and tossed them.

"Go pokeball!" the twins yelled in unison.

The pokeballs flew from there hand and landed on the ground, Dave pokeball shot out a red beam that formed into a very small red pokemon and Daylena’s formed a small blue pokemon. The pokemon quickly grabbed one another with frightened looks on there faces, ears twitching one with a plus sign for a tail the other a minus sign for a tail.

Daylena held in a laugh.

"Uh….don't worry little guys we won’t hurt you...im Daylena and that's my twin Dave,”.

Dave busily looked through his bag and pulled out a large book, skimming through it he found the picture of the two pokemon that stood before him.

"Plusle and minun," he said reading the book.

"There Electric type pokemon, there also classified as the cheering pokemon. They love cheering there partner on,"

Dave closed his book and the twins stepped closer to there newfound electric pokemon.

"I have a hunch they might know each other," Daylena said.

Dave nodded.

"Yea maybe there related…maybe even twins….hello plusle….minun, were your trainers,"

The two pokemon shivered in fear as they held each other staring at the twins, Dave and Daylena stood confused by there new pokemon actions and didn’t understand why they showed such fear of them, maybe still startled from the earlier day. Suddenly a crisp howl was heard not to far away.

Daylena jumped.

"What was that!"

Minun and Plusle scurried up a nearby tree in as the twins got back to back.

Dave gulped.

"What was that…,"

Another howl erupted even closer then the last time, seeming to be getting closer and sounding more numerous.Daylena slowly turned toward the nearby bushes and suddenly froze in fear as she saw two glowing eyes in the bushes, then four, then six, the eyes growing in numbers.

"Da….da...Dave…," Daylena tried to cough up her words, but was still frozen in fear.

"Maybe it was nothing Daylena…maybe we are imagining?” Dave said in a worried voice.

Dave soon realized it was something more then that when the glowing eyes seemed to surround them.
A grey streak then flew out of the bushes, its fur flying through the air and its teeth exposed

"Daylena don't move! Some poochyena won’t attack if you don’t run" Dave said quietly yet sternly.

Daylena ignored him and dashed from Dave's side and tried to climb up a near by tree when two poochyena hopped out in front of her a third hoping behind her. Daylena did a small turn and looked to Dave.

"Help…me…," she said.

Dave stepped one foot toward Daylena when the first poochyena bit at his foot taking a hold of it.

"OW!" Dave yelled in pain.

The two small pokemon looked from atop the tree when plusle took a stand. The small pokemon instructed his small friend to stay put and patted him on the head. Plusle then hopped from atop the tree and let out a growl attack. All the poochyena turn toward the pokemon and began to charge at him.

"Plusle! No!....try....try a thunderwave attack! "Dave shouted.

The plusle first looked at Dave with a blank expression then looked up at its small partner it then clenched its tiny fist. Sparks began to form on its small plus cheeks and a small wave of electric energy blasted from his cheeks and struck some of the poochyena. The poochyena shuddered in pain and came to a stop from the paralyzing attack.

"Good job plusle!" Dave said.

Dave quickly picked up plusle and called for Daylena, Daylena rushed over to the nearby tree that was holding minun.

"Minun please! Come out of the tree you can trust me,” she yelled to minun as the poochyena began to recover.

Minun looked down at Daylena, tears forming in its eye; it then looked to Dave and plusle. He saw that plusle seemed to be safe and decided to trust Daylena and hopped from the tree and flew into Daylena arms.

Dave and Daylena began to run as the poochyena ran toward them howling, there pack growing in number. As the twins were running they tripped on the uneven ground of the Forrest and tumbled down a large hill, hitting rocks and twigs as the slid down.

"Daylena are you okay,” Dave said wincing in pain as he stood up.

"I think so. But where's plusle and minun?!" she said as she patted herself off.

They looked around and saw plusle and minun lying on the ground nearby, light bruises and scratches on them. The twins rushed over to them when the group of poochyena came from up the hill, the twins hopped in front of the two hurt pokemonknowing they were in a dead-end. The poochyena growled as the slowly walk toward them. The twins clenched there fist preparing to protect there pokemon when unexpectedly plusle and minun hopped in front of the twins, the twins looked at each other and grinned.

"Thunderwave!!" The twins said in unison.

Sparks began buzz from plusle and minun as there eye's squinted, they both threw up there hands and shot a white and blue wave of sparking energy toward the poochyena. The poochyena shuddered and winced in pain running in fear as the sparks of electricity jumped from there body. The pokemon escaped but one poochyena seemed to be fully paralyzed, Daylena then grabbed a pokeball from her bag and tossed it at the paralyzed pokemon. The pokemon ball began shaking and hopping around on the grass and then came to a stop.

"What did you do that for!" Dave shouted at her.

"I thought we were suppose to catch pokemon...even ones that were about to kill us heh heh" Daylena responded.

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Back at camp Dave and Daylena packed up to continue there adventure, plusle and minun rested atop one another nearby. Daylena put her new pokemon in her bag, Dave still thinking she made a wrong decision catching the poochyena. After finishing Dave picked up his plusle and Daylena picked up minun deciding not to return them to there pokeballs and instead to hold there new friends. They continued on the road not knowing what adventure they would run into next.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Chapt 3

Episode 3: Lesson from Aggression

The day was early and a warm breeze filled the air, the twins are continuing there journey to challenge the first gym leader for there badge. Minun sits atop Daylena's head, taking a nap while Daylena daydreams about the battle the previous day wondering if she could have done better. Meanwhile plusle happily skips next to Dave trying to keep up with his large steps, Dave busy pondering about the adventure he had yesterday wondering about what might happen next, hoping for more. Without warning a young boy hops onto the dirt road grasping his small cap making sure it doesn't fall off.

"Hello! I'm Terren are you guys trainers!" the young boy said excitedly

Dave blinked at the boy while Daylena grasped her chest in fright.

"You nearly scared me to death! Can't people greet people normally these days?" Daylena said yelling at the young boy

Terren tipped his hat.
"Oh sorry im just excited, im a new trainer and im looking for someone to battle,"

Dave stepped up to the small boy and smiled.

"Were new trainer's im Dave and this is my twin sister Daylena. I guess I could battle you,"

Daylena stepped up and pushed Dave causing him to fall on his bum, not even noticing him.

"No no I wanna battle, let me test my strength!” she said doing a little dance.

Dave sighed and looked to plusle.

"No no. Go right ahead Daylena “Dave said rolling his eyes.

The twins and the brave trainer walked shortly off the main road into a clear grassy area. Dave sat angrily on the ground awaiting the battle while plusle picked up a small brown leaf and began swaying it back and forth cheering for Daylena. Daylena looked to plusle and smiled throwing him a peace sign.

"That's right plusle im gonna win this!" Daylena said happily.

"Pokeball go!" The boy said throwing his pokeball in the center of the field.

His pokeball hit the ground and the beam of light formed into a small blue and orange creature its mouth opening releasing a "Mudkip!"

Daylena swooned.
"Oooo mudkip but I have no fear, let me take this out"
Daylena pulled a pokeball from her pack while minun steadily waited next to her. Daylena then threw the pokeball it letting out a grey dog like pokemon. The poochyena looked around and set its eyes on minun and let out a small growl at it, minun jumped up and ran behind Daylena in fear.

"No silly dog! Minun is your friend! That's your foe!" Daylena said pointing at the small mudkip.

Terren pointed at poochyena
"Mudkip use tackle attack!"

Poochyena started to slowly walk toward minun when it was quickly hit by mudkip's tackle attack, making poochyena wince.

"ack!" Daylena shouted

"Poochyena get up and use a tackle attack!"

"Dodge and use growl attack! "

Poochyena angrily charged at mudkip, mudkip then hopped to the side dodging poochyena's attack. Mudkip then opened its small mouth and let out a growl attack at poochyena, it shuddering from the sound.

"Wrong wrong wrong!” she said as she stomped angrily.

"Try another tackle attack poochyena!"

"Mudkip use mud slap, now!"

Poochyena flicked his bushy tail and angrily charged at mudkip once again, mudkip then jumped back and let a ball of mud shot out of its mouth splashing into poochyena’s face covering his eyes. Without the command of Daylena poochyena tried to tackle mudkip missing from his lowered accuracy caused by the mud and slammed into a tree.

"Mudkip finish with a tackle!"

Mudkip ran and crashed into poochyena, poochyena slid through the grass coming to a stop and fainted pitifully onto the ground. Daylena eyes opened wider and she slumped down onto the floor and returned poochyena.

"Uh that's ok. Cause im not done! Minun get in there, now! " Daylena said a sadness in her voice

Minun hopped into the center of the field and looked at Mudkip ready to battle. Plusle started to sway the leaf even harder and started to cheer loudly for minun while Dave curiously looked at minun’s sudden boost of energy while plusle yelled at him.

"Minun use a thundershock attack! Now now now!”

"Mudkip use tackle attack! "Terren yelled

Minun blinked and a confused look flushed over its face seeming as if he didn’t know what to do while mudkip started to come at him speeding.

Dave stood up and yelled to Daylena.
"Try a different attack! I do not think they learn that attack! "

Daylena nodded to her twin
“Minun thunderwave!"

Minun blue cheeks began to spark and a wave of blue electricity shot from his cheeks and hit Mudkip yet mudkip seemed to be unaffected by the attack completely. The Mudkip then struck minun, sending him flying back.
"What….happened?" Daylena said in confusion

"Don't you know? Mudkip is also a ground type not just a water type so it has a good resistance against electric attacks," Terren said speaking up.

Daylena snapped her fingers.
"Darn! I knew that! minun use tackle!"

"mudkip let's finish this, use water gun!"

Minun slowly got and prepared for a tackle attack when a burst of water flew into its face, causing minun to do cartwheels flying back, soaking his short fur. Minun eyes swirled in pain and he fainted from mudkip’s powerful attack. Daylena once again slumped onto the ground with her head slumped over, she then began mutter under her breath. Plusle ran over to minun grabbing him and let out squeaks trying to wake his friend up while Terren's mudkip jumped into his arms.

"Great job Mudkip," Terren said petting his pokemon.

Dave sadly looked to Daylena as she stayed motionless, a tear falling to the ground.

Terren smiled.
"Hey Daylena you tried no need to be a sore loser!”

Daylena looked up with an expression of evil on her face; she appeared next to Terren her face growing three times as large.

"Look here you little pip squeak! I am! Not a sore loser! You may have won me luckily this time! With cheating of course! Nevertheless, it will never! Ever! Happen again!"

Terren froze and gave a blank look when a dust cloud appeared. Terren was running in the distance in fear from Daylena’s outbreak. Daylena then ran and picked up minun and continued to run into a nearby forest as tears flew from her eyes.

"Daylena wait!" Dave cried out.

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Dave walked into the forest, plusle sadly walking next to him. Dave soon came up to a flat rock overlooking a pond, Daylena was sitting on it with her head down and minun curled up on her lap. Dave slowly walked up to her and took a seat next to her.

"I bet you think im a sore loser to….don’t you?" Daylena said still looking down.

"I would never think that Daylena. Never,” he said responding.

"I promised mom that I would be a pokemon master for her. How can I do that when I can’t even win a simple battle" Daylena said as she held back her tears.

"Daylena….you know there ups and downs when being a trainer, there always ups and downs in everything. When mom had that disease she won it, this time you lost a battle….one thing mom didn't do was give up and breakdown, Daylena I know your stronger then this and I know we will both be pokemon masters together though….there will be a lot of losses along the way "

Daylena broke into a smile.

"You know what bro. You are right…….hopefully you will be there for me through all of this,"

Dave smiled "you know I will"

Daylena and Dave hugged and so do minun and plusle. The sun began to set and Dave and Daylena decided to stay and enjoy the sunsetwhile sitting upon the rock. Thinking about the lessons they learned today and what new lessons they will learn in the future along there journey, but one thing they know they will learn them together.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Episode 4: Ghost of a chance Part 1

The burning campfire lit up the night sky, it letting off a dark smoke that stood out against the bright stars. Dave and Daylena were cuddled up in there sleeping bags, plusle and minun on there sides. The twins were in a deep sleep and were resting from a long day of walking trying to get to the nearest town, but instead decided to set up camp. The silence was broken when the sound of breaking branches filled there camp.

Dave sat up with a tired look on his face and poked Daylena.

“Daylena did you hear that?” he said quietly trying not to scare her.

Daylena let out a loud snore; plusle was already awake and crawled to Dave, a concerned look on his face.

“Plusle I hear something I think we should go check it out” Dave said picking up his small friend.

They stepped deeper into the woods following the sounds he heard earlier, a gust of cold wind brushed over him and plusle. His vision was lightly impaired by the darkness but Dave wandered deeper into the woods, he looked back every so often at the camp checking up on Daylena and minun.

“Maybe it was nothing plusle lets head back, “Dave said to plusle wanting to get back to his warm sleeping bag.

Dave turned around and jumped back in fear, plusle diving into his shirt. Before him was a small girl with long black hair and an old plain white dress. The girl blinked with large green eyes and held a pokemon with both hands in her arms, the pokemon almost the same size as her, its head green with a red flap sticking out. Dave knew this pokemon, the psychic type ralts.

“You scared me little girl what are you doing out so late? “ Dave said breathing hard.

The small girl stepped closer to Dave.

“Hello my name is Eliza and im ten years old and this is my best friend ralty“said the small girl cheerfully.

Dave mustarded a smile and tried to talk to the little girl.

“Um hi Eliza you sure gave me freight but it’s a little late for you to be out maybe you should get home even if uh ralty is with you“he said nicely to the small girl.

Plusle slowly poked his head out of the shirt to see what is going on while Dave began to head back to the camp to catch some sleep, he didn’t want slow down Daylena who is in a rush.
Not looking back, he made it to camp and prepared to get back into his sleeping bag when a gust of cold wind breezed on the back of his neck. Turning around he saw young Eliza, tears in her eyes and holding her small ralts, which woke up Daylena.

“What’s going on here who are! “ Daylena said in a sleepy grunt.

Eliza stepped closer.

“Please help me…please come and help me and my friends, “she said in a soft voice.

The twins looked at one another, puzzled about what she could be talking about, Daylena stood up picking up minun who was also awoken by the noise.

“What do you need help with little girl? Are you okay? “Daylena said concerned yet still sleepy.

Eliza turned around and looked back.

“Please follow me…and help us! “

Eliza then dashed into the woods her long hair flowing back, the twins looked at one another puzzled and nodded. They grabbed their bags and set chase trying to catch up with the little girl.
The stars lightly light up the woods enough that they could keep track of Eliza who was running rather fast, they soon came to a stop in which seemed to be a small town, Eliza no where to be found. Single buildings were scatted around with old tattered fences around each one, small gardens were here and there and a large fountain sat in the center of the eerie city. Only one building seemed to be lit out of all of them, it was a large barn like building that emitted sounds of commotion that boomed from it so Dave and Daylena decide to investigate. They stepped into which now seemed to be a city hall, rows of seats were filled with many people chatting amongst themselves all adults, the twins decided to take a empty seat in the back and held there pokemon to keep them warm when a large beefy man stepped to a stand in the front.

“Calm down everyone calm down,” said the beefy man trying to get calm over the ruckus.

A random woman stood up.

“All the children of the city are missing how can we calm down! “

Another stood.

“The curse is back! We shall never see are children again!”

Panic filled the room once again, people shouting things such as the children are missing and it’s the ghost. The panic came to a halt when a women yelled in horror and pointed toward a far wall, where a pokemon with red glowing eyes came through it and let off a spine-tingling “Dusssskull,”. The room began to empty when suddenly more and more of the ghost pokemon filled the room shouting and moaning there names. Dave and Daylena shot up and tried head for the exit, which was already blocked by running people. Through all the screaming and running people Dave saw a familiar face in the crowd: Eliza who began to walk toward the twins with a blank look on her face. Dave began to step back while Daylena stared at the young girl who was know inches away from her. Eliza then looked into the eyes of Daylena but there was something different about Eliza’s eyes this time for now they were glowing pure white, Eliza then smirked while holding her small ralts and a halo of energy surrounded Daylena and minun and began to engulf them and in the next second Eliza and Daylena were gone.

“Daylena! “ Dave shouted rushing to where Daylena once was.

Dave looked around confused, the city hall now empty. Yet what he couldn’t understand where was Daylena and minun and that strange little girl and how and why they just…vanished.

To be continued.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Episode 4: Ghost of a chance Part 2

The sun is just rising in what is know known as Starlit town, famous for the stars that light it’s nearby forest. Sitting on the fountain in the center of the town is Dave and plusle awake for hours waiting. All through the night Dave went from house to house looking for answers in his twin’s sister disappearance but no one wouldn’t even open there door, still spooked by what happened earlier that night. Stopping to rest on the fountain feeling guilty thoughts for not helping Daylena and minun who were now lost. Plusle walked to with Dave with a look of sorrow on his face and rubbed his cheek against his arm trying to comfort him when he saw an old man with a mud brown robe approaching them.

Stopping a few feet away from them, he began to speak.

“I suppose your looking for someone, “the old man said in a scratchy voice

Dave looked up at the old man whose bald head gleamed from the fresh new light from the rising sun.

“How did you know that, “Dave asked probingly

The old man winced.

“Well about everyone is looking for someone in this town sadly, “

Dave gave the man a puzzled look.

“What do mean? “

The old man came closer and widened his eyes.

“A few days ago people just started to vanish…children…first it was one then it was three, four, five and then ten. That’s when the city started to get in an uproar and panic rushed over the city. People started to think maybe it had to do something with…the curse. “

Dave remembered before when he overheard people speaking of the curse at the city hall earlier.

“Yes I heard of this so called curse but it doesn’t make since…what is this curse? “ Dave said now wanting to no more.

The old man nodded.

“A decade ago a small group of children headed for a cave not to far north of here. They would pretend they were pokemon masters and the such I suppose. Yet something terrible happened up there, a young girl and her pokemon never came back. The kids were in hysteria, they complained of ghost pokemon…and one large eye they could not forget. The kids said something about a curse….they said that the little girl was only the first that would disappear and the one with the single eye would be back for others in time. Yet the town was peaceful…in till now.”

Dave had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach from what he just heard. Still he knew he had to do something about Daylena, minun, and those others who vanished. He decided he would venture to the place the man mentioned….the cave to the north.

“You must be careful when you venture there, many have went there and never returned” said the man looking at Dave.

Dave shook his head.

“Im going to get my sister, “he said walking north.

Finding his way upon a path he followed it north climbing a few rocks here and there, time was strangely moving fast the moon already high in the sky it looking down upon Dave and plusle. Dave then came upon a rock face with a large hole in it; Dave slowly approached it when he saw something in the corner of his eye, a small girl.

“Eliza wait!” he shouted.

Eliza then pointed toward the ground, pointing at a few glass like fragments that lay there broken.

“Help us!” Eliza screeched

Dave ran toward Eliza and jumped toward her hoping to stop her from escaping when he strangely flew through her and hit the ground with a loud thud. Lying on the ground he looked back at Eliza who vanished into thin air with her ralts.

Picking up one of the glass shards, he raced into the cave now even more determined to find his sister. After a while of running through the damp cave he came upon a dead end that was well lighted from the starlight flooding into the cave.

“No… “Dave said lightly losing hope.

“Pla pla pla!” said plusle letting out a soft cry, pointing at a strange stone.

Dave examined the stone that resembled that shard he picked up earlier; he then placed the stone next to what seemed to be a slot next to the stone that plusle pointed out. Suddenly the sound of stone grinding filled the cave the dead end strangely moving back and sliding to the side revealing stairs that went deep into darkness. Gulping Dave started to travel down the damp stairs that seemed to twist down forever. Hearing what seemed to be chanting Dave slowed down and peeked around a corner and he shuddered from what he saw.

A dozen duskull floating around chanting there names one after the other, two blue flames floated eerily on the wall, lighting up the small stone room to reveal dozen of small children sitting on the ground with there eyes closed seeming to be sleeping. Dave scanned the area and spotted Daylena also seeming to be in a deep sleep with minun sleeping on her side, without thinking Dave stammered into the room when a line of duskull blocked the children.

“Plusle use thunderwave now! Make it a good one! “Dave said hopping back surprised.

Plusle hopped from Dave’s arm and released a wave of electric energy from his squeezed cheeks that directly hit the line of duskull immobilizing them.

Dave then ran to Daylena and shook her furiously.

“Wake up Daylena wake up! “ Dave said while shaking his twin sister.

The blue flames blew lightly forward and a burst of cold air filled the small room with enough force to push Dave back. Then from the center of the wall a large grey pokemon with a single eye emerged floating out of the wall with ease, plusle hopped into Dave’s arms as he slowly moved back.

“Day…lena….please wake up,” Dave said scared half to death.

“She won’t wake up! Dusclops won’t let it happen, “Eliza said softly

Dave turned to see Eliza standing blankly holding her ralts.

“I’ll be back under his control soon! Escape while you still can,” Eliza said now screaming.

Dave then started to put everything together, thinking back he remembered reading about dusclops, that it has the ability to put people under his control.

“Eliza you have to fight it! You can fight it!” Dave said walking toward Eliza.

Eliza shook her head.

“No no I can’t he’s to strong!”

Dave came next to Eliza, dusclops now angering.

“Eliza I believe in you I know you can do it,” he said know getting louder

“ Pla pla! “Plusle shouted adding in.

Eliza fell to her knees and began to sob shaking her head, dusclops lets out a groan and began to fly at Dave and plusle at a blazing speed; Plusle cheeks began to spark; Dave prepared for dusclops strike when suddenly Eliza tilted her head up, eyes glowing a bright white.

“Im not gonna let you hurt anyone else like you hurt me! “ Eliza said screaming!

Her ralts eyes begin to glow also and together they raised there hands shooting streams of brilliant light at dusclops that struck him with a great force. One of the sleeping kids let out a small cough while another began to move, all the kids began to wake.

“Dave please go! Take my friends with you save everyone before it’s too late! “Eliza shouted

Dave shook his head.

“No Eliza you’re coming with us,” Dave said as he shouted back.

Eliza smiled.

“No…Im already gone….but you freed me in a different way. Now go before it’s too late and take everyone”.

Dusclops screamed in agony while the white light wrapped around his round body. Dave called everyone out of the cave and the kids began to flow out. Grabbing Daylena’s hand he rushed out also following the large group of kids, looking back he saw dusclops starting to grow larger as the white light consumed him. Out the cave, Dave followed the kids a farther distance away when a large beam of light shot out the mouth of the cave lighting up the whole area in a blinding light.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sunrise broke over the small city, kids were returning to there parents some after over ten years. Dave and Daylena were walking when the old man and fellow town’s people greeted them.

“We owe you much thanks for you have saved are small town, how may we ever repay you,” the old man said cheerfully.

Dave began to open his mouth when Daylena interrupted.

“How about the direction to the nearest gym! “she said loudly

The old man nodded and smiled.

“The next gym is just over the hill, “said the old man pointing west.

After receiving different gifts from the town people the twins set off west to finally challenge there first gym leader, though Daylena doesn’t remember much of what happened she knows a lot just happened yet Dave knows so much more. Dave then closed his eyes and thought about this grand adventure he just had when lightly in his ears he heard a “ thank you “ in the soft voice that could only be Eliza with her little ralts.

 

[Kinglerlord2]

Well, content wise this fic isn't bad, it's a trainer fic with the standard elements that go with it but it's still quite interesting.

Unfortunately there are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors which take away from the reading experience. If I pointed them all out it would be a chapter sized post so I'll generalize the major ones for you.

First, Homophone Errors:

The most prominent mistake which you repeat over and over again is using the word 'there' to indicate a possession. When an object or whatever belongs to a person it is their object.

The word 'there' is used to indicate a place e.g. over there, the ball is there. As I said, there is a huge amount of those in your fic and you should go back and fix them up.


Secondly, capital letters:

All names require capital letters. This includes town names. So littleroot needs to start with a capital L all the time, the same goes for professor birch, it should be Professor Birch. 'I' and all associated words such as I'm and I've need capital I.


Thirdly, dialogue:

Most dialogue ends with a ?, ! or . followed by the " marks. There is no space required between the punctuation mark and the " mark. Naturally, because the dialogue ends with a stopping punctuation mark, the first word after the dialogue should begin with a capital letter. I'm not sure how clear this is so I'll demonstrate with a bit of your dialogue:

“Please help me…please come and help me and my friends, “she said in a soft voice.

This sentence corrected would look like this:

“Please help me…please come and help me and my friends." She said in a soft voice.

See how the dialogue ends with a full stop followed immediately by the quote marks with no space and then a space, followed by the first word starting with a capital letter?

That's not everything covered but these are the biggest problems I can see at the moment so work on them and i'll check up on you in a few more chapters and see what else I can do to help you out. If you can learn these basics of writing I think you could become and excellent writer.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Thanks for the tips.

Episode 5: Skit Scat

The tall green grass rustled under the twin’s feet as they cascaded the small hill nearing the gym. A wide grin flushed over Daylena’s face, the gym now a seeing distance away. She made out the name that stretched across the gym and read it aloud “Petalburg Gym ”. Dave picked up plusle and began to run toward the gym hoping to get a head start against Daylena (knowing he would probably be punched aside her wanting to battle first) then without warning he flew flat on his face, plusle flying out of his arms. Dave winced in pain and looked back seeing what could have caused his fall and was surprised at what he saw, a small cat like pokemon.

The skitty was much smaller then Dave usually read about, maybe by a few inches, its brown fur covered its body accept maybe for her yellow face. The small skitty smiled at him while her tail swished playfully from side to side.

“A skitty! “He said with excitement.

He stood up and brushed the dirt off himself and went to retrieve plusle, plusle let out a few peeps of reinsurance letting Dave know he was ok and ready to battle. Setting plusle down he prepared to battle the small skitty who still sat there patiently seeming to know what was going happen next. Moving to a clear area Daylena sat with minun knowing Dave wanted to catch this semi-rare pokemon.

“Ok plusle let’s start out with a thunderwave attack! ” Dave ordered

Plusle jumped a few inches forward toward the smaller then usual pokemon and let out a powerful thunderwave. The small skitty elegantly jumped over the quick wave and let out a growl at plusle who shuddered back from the sharp growl.

“Plusle try a tackle attack! ”

Plusle charged at the pokemon but this time differently, plusle raced toward the skitty faster then ever before, a white streak followed behind him, plusle just learned quick attack. The attack struck the pokemon with considerable force causing it to fall to its side skidding a few feet back. The skitty quickly got back onto its feet and began to wave its tail elegantly back and forth staring into plusle’s eyes. Hearts filled plusle’s eye, he was just stricken with a attract attack.

“Plusle break out of it! ” Dave yelled trying to snap his pokemon out of his alluring trance.

Plusle swayed back and forth deeply in traced by the swooning skitty. Skitty then charged toward plusle connecting directly into plusle’s stomach, sending him into the tall grass.

“Plusle please snap out of it and use a quick attack!”

Plusle shook his head stunned from the tackle attack, lifting his head he saw skitty charging at him with great speed. Quickly hopping back plusle bounced off a tree and flew over the charging skitty, letting her slam into the tree. Landing he released a charging quick attack into the dazed skitty, slamming her harder into the tree.
Dave then grabbed a pokemon ball from his pack and threw it at the skitty, it absorbing into the ball in an instant. The ball lightly jiggled and let out a ting letting Dave know he just caught a new pokemon.

The twins stepped into the gym after coming from the pokemon center where they gave there pokemon a much needed rest. An older looking man turned around glancing at the twins giving them a smile, the twins ready for there first gym battle. Ready to test out there new pokemon.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Episode 6: Just PLAIN slow

The gym seemed to look like a large fighting dojo mostly brown with a large pokeball drawn onto the floor. The gym leader stood tall with a head of dark grey hair, he wore a large red jacket and kept a wide grin over his face. The twins were finally about to have there first gym battle.

“Hello im Norman and this is the normal gym,” he said shaking each of the twins hands.

Daylena pushed Dave sending him flying to the floor, Daylena then stepped up wanting to battle first.

“I see someone really wants to battle,“ Norman said lightly laughing

“Yea I’ve been waiting along time for this I finally get to test out my skills!” she responded nodding.

“Okay two pokemon each no time limit, let’s begin!”

With that Norman picked a pokeball from his belt and let it fly toward the center of the gym it releasing a small grey pokemon. The pokemon had a small oval red nose and it laid flat to the ground it’s short brown fur covering its body, long claws came out of its long arms .Daylena looked at the small normal type and decided she would try to use a her newest pokemon and released poochyena it letting off a menacing growl

“Poochyena use tackle attack now!” Daylena loudly ordered


Slakoth try a scratch attack!” Norman also ordering loudly

Poochyena looked to the small sloth and rolled his eyes and then laid on the floor deciding to take a nap. Daylena jaw dropped and she fumed with anger shouting at her pokemon to attack, Dave plusle and minun looked on, a worried look on there faces. The small sloth then pulled back its long arm and let its claws strike across the napping poochyena’s face it letting out a yelp of pain. Standing to all fours the poochyena growled ignoring orders from the still yelling Daylena; it then tackled the pokemon sending him rolling back.

“Slakoth use your yawn attack!”

“Poochyena you have to raise your attack use howl!”

The poochyena looked back at Daylena and looked at the now recovering pokemon and let out a booming howl causing poochyena’s hair to raise up, almost looking spiked. The sloth then inhaled the surrounding air and let out a sleepy yawn the air rushing over poochyena’s face a then drowsy look instantly appearing over its face.

“Now try a tackle attack poochyena!”

“Slakoth another scratch attack!”

The now pumped up poochyena flew towards the slow pokemon striking it causing it to skid a few feet back. The poochyena rushed towards the hurt pokemon trying to get in a second attack when suddenly his eyes closed causing poochyena to flip on its side, it now in a deep sleep. The yawn took its affect causing poochyena to sleep, slakoth took this chance to swipe poochyena with yet another scratch attack with its sharp long claws leaving red marks across the sleeping pokemon’s face.

“Return poochyena good job!” Daylena yelled returning her hurt pokemon knowing he could not take much more.

“Minun it’s your turn! Start with quick attack!”

“Slakoth yawn!”

The grey sloth began to inhale air once again when it was struck quickly by minun’s swift attack causing the already weaken slakoth to faint a few feet away.

“Return slakoth now it’s your turn vigoroth”

A large pokemon that stood the same height as Norman shot out of the pokeball.The pokemon’s body was covered in white fur except for the two brown stripes that stretched across its back. Its arm hung low making its long black claws touch the ground while its sharp teeth protruded out of its mouth.

“Okay vigoroth use focus energy”

“Minun quick attack”

Vigoroth began to focus its energy it clenched its fist and began to fume. Minun stood back a few steps and looked at the large pokemon almost scared. It then jumped back and flew forward dashing in for a quick attack.

“Vigoroth fury swipes quick!”

Just as minun was about to strike the even larger sloth it let out a barrage of fury swipes that struck across minuns chest making the small pokemon fall to the ground.

“Minun get up!”

“Another fury swipes”

Just as minun got up another barrage of fury swipes struck the pokemon this time making the pokemon fly a few feet back.

“Minun please hop back as far as you can and use thunderwave!”

“Let’s finish it vigroth fury swipes!”

Vigoroth started to charge towards minun it then got in hitting distance and pulled back its long arm letting its claw fly towards minun. Minun then quickly hopped back barely dodging the flying claw it falling a few feet away and letting out a flickering thunderwave that struck the unexpecting sloth.

“Okay QUICK ATTACK”

“Focus your energy vigoroth”

The paralyzed pokemon struggled to move when it was struck by a speedy quick attack which caused the pokemon to fall back.

“Another quick attack minun!”

Plusle hopped up and started to cheer for minun, minun then looked to his small partner and smiled and let out a forceful quick attack at the fallen pokemon causing him to roll over and faint.

“That was a well played battle! You deserve this badge very much” Norman said walking toward Daylena.

Norman pulled out a pure metal badge out of his pocket and placed it in Daylena’s hand. Daylena looked at her newest badge that resembled a rectangle and two arrows in opposite directions. Smiling she jumped into the air minun joining her.

“Congrats Daylena! You got your first badge!” Dave said holding plusle

The twins traveled out of the gym and headed for the pokemon center. Daylena was happy then ever now with her first badge making her even closer to becoming a pokemon master. While Dave couldn’t wait till later that day to test out his skills and maybe earn a badge for himself.

 

[Skyld]

This fic is has very good content, but there are several grammatical errors which I will point out:

'Homophone' (whatever that means) errors: When you're indicating a possesion, such as 'their Pokémon', you need to use their (which is correct when noting possesion) instead of there.

Capital letters and apostrophes:
"The grey sloth began to inhale air once again when it was struck quickly by minun’s swift attack causing the already weaken slakoth to faint a few feet away."

I noticed many errors in this. It would be easier to read if it read:

"The grey sloth began to inhale air once again, when it was struck quickly by Minun’s swift attack, causing the already weakened Slakoth to faint a few feet away."

It may take more effort but it is worth it.

Also, when using "I'm" you tend to just say "im". As it is a subform (someone please tell me the correct word for this) of 'I', which starts with a capital letter, so should "I'm". Also, as it is an abbreviation for "I am", there needs to be an apostrophe present.

So remember:
All Pokémon names should have capital letters.
The word Pokémon and Pokéball need capital letters. You can do an 'é' by holding the Ctrl and Alt keys and pressing 'e'.


Apart from that, this is a very good story and I look foreward to reading more.

 

[Fig]

Why would it need to be Pokémon and Slakoth and Snorlax? It's not like when talking about animals in our world we talk about Cats and Dogs and Fishes...

In other words : pokemon species name are just that : the name of the species of the pokémon world, and pokémon is just a term like our "fish" or "mammal" or perhaps "animal" at best. There's no need or good reason to capitalize any of those, except conceivably the legendary if they are one of a kind in your story. And pokéball designates a simple object, no need for a capital letter there either.

 

[Murgatroyd]

That is a valid interpretation. However, when being used to refer to a specific individual pokémon, there is an additional consideration. Either it is being used as a proper name, in which case it needs to be capitalized (Minun), or it is a common noun, in which case it needs a definite article (the minun). In neither case would things like "Just as minun was about to strike..." be correct.

 

[Fig]

Of course.

When used as the exact name of the pokémon itself, it should be capitalized. But whatever the case may be, that doesn't apply to "pokéball" and "pokémon" which have no business being capitalized (beyond the obvious "first word of a sentence" aspect).

 

[Skyld]

Seeing as on the official website the word Pokémon is capitalized, (when talking about the creatures, not the games), I always understood that as the correct way. I think the same is with 'Pokéball', but I'm not sure. Of course, that is merely my interpretation.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Okay I will work my on what you mentioned.

Episode 7: Battle at LiNOONe

Plusle barely jumped over the swiping pokemon, the battle was already on its way. Dave was also trying to get his first badge since Daylena got it earlier that day. It was noon and the sun shown in through the gym windows as Daylena and minun were busy cheering.

“Vigoroth use uproar!”

“Finish it plusle quick attack!”

Vigoroth tucked in its arms and prepared to release a powerful uproar when plusle tackled it in the stomach causing the pokemon to faint.

“Linoone go!”

The linoone was a long brown pokemon with light brown stripes its body curved from front to back and its soft blue eyes looked at its surroundings.

“Plusle start of with a thunderwave!”

“Linoone mud sport”

Plusle squeezed and let out a thunderwave that sparked towards the sleek raccoon pokemon. Linoone squeezed down and mud shot from under its paws and surrounded the area which negated the thunderwave attack.

“Linoone headbutt!”

“Plusle try growl!”

Plusle started to growl at the linoone but before it could become effective the linoone head butted plusle sending him into a nearby wall.

“Plusle get up!”

Plusle struggled to get up when linoone head butted plusle pinning him onto the wall causing him to faint. Dave ran over and picked up plusle and set him with Daylena.

“Okay skitty go!”

Skitty was released out the pokemon ball and it let out a soft growl.

“Linoone headbutt!”

“Skitty tackle!”

The pokemon charged at each other and slammed into one another the pokemon sending each other back each of them landing on there feet.

“Linoone double team!”

“Skitty another tackle!”

Skitty charged toward linoone its tail swaying back and forth when instantly linoone double then tripled sending skitty into a confusing stop. Linoone continued to make copies as it surrounded skitty.

“Skitty use attract!

Skitty smiled and started to sway its tail back and forth.

“Skitty slowly move around as you do it!”

Skitty began to slowly move around, staring into each of the eyes of the rapidly growing linoone’s. Suddenly linoone’s copies disappeared leaving a dazed in love linoone.

“Okay skitty do it!”

Skitty happily charged toward the attracted linoone tackling causing it to back flip, linoone was out of the match.

Norman gasped.

“Beaten by twins in one day…amazing”

Norman handed Dave the normal gym badge and he quickly slid it into his pocket.
Plusle ran over and jumped into Dave’s arms.

“You two are powerful trainer’s im sure you will succeed in the future” Norman said smiling.

The twins waved goodbye to Norman and stepped out of the gym.

“Now we both have badges I can’t wait till the next gym leader!” Daylena said excitedly

The twins and left the gym and went to the nearby pokemon center. The pokemon center was larger then the ones they were used to, it was about two stories and had couches scattered around the room. The twins went up to nurse joy and handed there pokemon to her, they decided to leave them there to rest. The twins then decided to walk around the small city and began to chit chat.

“I bet mom would be proud of us about know” Daylena said biting into a donut

Dave nodded.

“Yea I miss her sometimes”

“You mean you miss her cooking!” Daylena said laughing

The twins laughed and sat on a bench talking about how good they done so far and how poochyena might need a little work. A girl wearing a green hat speedily road down the sidewalk a pokemon flying by her side seeming to resemble a blue and white sea gull. Without notice the girl ran over each of the twins feet letting out a loud crunching sound, the twins shot up in pain grabbing there feet. The girl continued on not even looking back at the twins whom feet she just ran over. Daylena began to yell profanity at girl as she rode into the distance while Dave watched her ride away blinking.

Later that night the twins picked up there refreshed pokemon from the pokemon center and continued down the small the rod to the next gym. The twins wondered what adventures they would run into this time, Dave wondered would he get to meet the mystery girl that ran over his foot as Daylena wondered if she would get a chance to pummel her in the future.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Episode 8: High sea High jinks

The sun stood high in the sky sending down beams of heat that cascaded all across the region. The twins had been walking for hours, following along the thin dirt road that seemed to attract the heat. In the distance the twins spotted something, a beach with festivities that sent sounds and colors around the area. Balloons filled the sky and beach umbrellas decorated the beach that provided the much-needed shade. The twins walked closer trying to escape the horrible heat that beat down on them; coming up to bikes that lined the entrance of very small beach when Daylena spotted a bike that looked familiar.

“That’s the bike Dave! The run that ran over are feet, ” she said pointing to the blue bike.

“I think your right Daylena, ” Dave said a smile appearing on his face.

“Let’s go find that rude little girl and teach her a lesson! ” Daylena said now fuming.

The twins continued onto the beach leaving footprints as they walked looking for the trainer. Suddenly a burst of water splashed into Daylena’s face sending her flying to the floor causing her to scorch her hands on the hot smooth sand. A familiar girl ran up to her and bent down and began to speak softly.

“Oh im sorry I didn’t see you when I told wingull to use water gun”

Daylena looked at the girl who wore the same green hat as the girl who ran over her foot. Daylena instantly shot up and flew into the girls face.

“You stupid little brat! How dare you try to apologize, you should of apologized when you ran over me and my brother’s foot!” she said screaming

The tomboy looked at her with her dark green eyes that were almost covered by her very short bangs that stuck out her hat.

“What do you mean? And did you just call me a brat? ”

“Yes I just called you a brat what are you gonna do! ”

Dave and plusle jumped between the two arguing girls and tried to break up there fighting.

“Sis calm down please it seems like she doesn’t even know what you’re talking about.”

Daylena clenched her knuckles while minun mimicked her.

“Oh! Please!” she shouted.

“Look I don’t know what’s going on but I must get back to the wingull festival, maybe we can clear this up later.”

A wingull with blue stripes on its wings landed on the girls shoulder and she began to walk away but first looked back at Dave.

“Oh yea and the names Joylene but everyone calls me Jo, ” she said cheerfully.

“Everyone calls me Jo…, ” Daylena said mimicking her in a baby voice.

Daylena looked at her red hands and sneered saying something under her breath when an old man walked up to them, a wingull on his side.

“I hope your enjoying the first annual wingull festival, I started it myself, ” the man said proudly.

The twins nodded.

“So far so good” Dave said lying to the old man.

“Im still waiting to see a wingull in action though I would battle myself but Im a tad to old, ” the old man wrinkled man said grumbling.

“I think you’ll see one alright after im through with that mo!” Daylena shouted.

“It’s Jo, ” Dave said softly.

The twins continued down the beach when they spotted Jo who was talking to other trainers who all seemed to have wingulls. They stepped closer and overheard her conversation.

“One day I will be a great flying pokemon master I love everything about flying pokemon. One day I hope to travel and catch all different kind of flying pokemon and maybe even….., ”

Daylena jumped into the crowd interrupting Jo.

“If you’re so great battle me then! Let’s see what you got! ” she said her voice booming across the beach bringing attention to herself.

Jo blinked at her.

“If that’s what…you want.”

Daylena and Jo walked toward the center of the beach, a crowd gathered around them word seeming to have spread about the battle. Dave sighed holding plusle as he watched Daylena stomp into her position.

“Okay brat one pokemon each!” Daylena yelled.

The sun was burning even more brightly now sending down burning rays on the two mad trainers. The crowd talked amongst themselves as Jo prepared her pokemon, the old man also looked on his wingull on his side.

“Wingull ready for this?, ” Jo said as wingull flew next to her.

“Wingull use water gun! ”

“Minun dodge it and use tackle attack!”

Wingull opened its beak and released a surge of water toward minun which was took quick for the electric pokemon it splashing into its face causing him to slide back on the hot soft sand.

“Minun get up and try a growl attack”

“Wingull supersonic!”

Minun growled at wingull making the pokemon shudder back from the growl. Wingull then opened its beak this time letting out a terrible shriek causing the crowd to cover there ears from the loud attack, yet it didn’t affect minun.

“Wingull go down for a wing attack”

“Minun you know what to do!”

Wingull flew toward minun and extended its wing as it flew lower and quicker getting ready to strike minun with its wing attack. Minun then started to squeeze its cheeks seeming that it was about to release a thunderwave yet this time the electric energy surged around the small pokemon sending sparks off its body. Minun then jumped at the nearing wingull as the electricity spun around its body tackling it causing the electricity to surge through the sea birds body making it let out a shriek of pain. Wingull then fell out of the sky onto the warm sand making the crowd hoot and holler, minun then landed on its feet, sparks still sparking from its cheeks it just learning spark attack.

“Wingull…return, ” Jo said sadly returning the fainted pokemon into a blue pokeball.

Daylena ran to minun picking it up and squeezed it giving it a tight hug. Daylena then began to dance around Jo, minun in her arms.

“I won! I won! You lost hahahaha!, ” Daylena shouted as she danced around her.

As the crowd dispersed, Dave walked toward the two girls.

“Sis don’t you think that’s kinda shallow.”

Daylena stopped and looked angrily at her brother.

“Your taking her side when she ran over are feet like that!”

“Im not taking any sides…, ” Dave responded growing quite.

Jo clicked the blue pokeball to her belt.

“No it’s ok she won fair and square, ” Jo said nicely looking at Dave.

Dave and Jo then smiled at each other, Daylena noticed and took note. The old man from before then walked up to the group.

“Wow! I loved it! That battle was fantastic it was great seeing wingull in battle.”

“But it didn’t win though!” Daylena made sure to add in.

“Yes, I saw that…that was great battling I must repay you guys for such a great battle please come into my beach house and join me for lunch. “

Daylena’s and minun’s stomached grumbled.

“I’ll take you up on that offer old man! Show me the food, ” Daylena said rubbing her stomach.

The trainers walked the short distance across the beach and entered the old man’s beach house. The house was barely decorated, a small rug was placed in the middle and a television sat in the corner, but most importantly a table with all sorts of great looking goodies sat in the center. The trainers flew into the chairs and began to eat the food as the old man set out some pokemon food for his wingull and plusle and minun.

“That was a great battle um I still don’t know you guys names. ”

Daylena bit into a piece of fruit.

“Rim Gralena and thaat’s my ro Davray, ” she said her words muffled by the food.

Dave laughed.

“I think what’s she trying to say is im Dave and she’s my twin sister Daylena”

Jo nodded.

“Oh twins…yea I kinda guessed from the matching outfits…so want brings you to the wingull festival?”

“Well were trainers and one day we hope to be pokemon masters and that’s why we were traveling around that’s when we kinda saw your bike.”

Jo wiped her mouth with a napkin.

“Yea about that im sorry I really don’t remember it happening. ”

Daylena rolled her eyes.

“Where are you guys headed next?” Jo said focusing on Dave.

“Well were heading for the second gym we already defeated the normal gym leader.”

The old man then stepped forward.

“The next gym is not to far away from here but you do have to cross the ocean to get there, ” the old man said petting his wingull.

Daylena spit up her food.

“How are we supposed to get across an ocean?” Daylena yelled.

The old man smiled.

“Well I do have a small boat and I would be happy to take all three of you there.”

Daylena stood up, a muffin in her hand.

“All THREE? I think me and my bro are going…only.”

Jo then stood up.

“Actually I was going to ask…maybe I can travel with you guys awhile I hear there’s great flying pokemon near the next gym…if that’s okay with you…Dave,”

Dave smiled and also stood up.

“I would love for you to come with us Jo, ” Dave said shyly

“Then it’s settled we leave first thing in the morning, you all can bunk here tonight there’s plenty of room!” the old man said nicely.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sky was orange and filled with clouds, the sunrise has finally come which caused the weather to cool down considerably. The twins were tucked into there sleeping bags plusle and minun already in a deep sleep. Daylena laid awake mad that Dave made a decision without her to let this new stranger come along with them. Dave laid awake butterflies in his stomach maybe because of his new friend Jo. Jo laid awake happy thinking she finally had friends to call her own. The trainers then all began to sleep getting ready for there adventure the next day.

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Episode 9: Stop wailing wailmer!

The large waves rocked the boat as it moved across the boat sending it bobbing up and down. It was about noon and it was another hot day which heated the top layer of the ocean which released its relaxing smell of fresh sea water. The group was on there way to Dewford town a small island city that held there next gym battle. Dave and Jo enjoyed the view, the ocean stretching for miles all around except for a few small islands here and there. Daylena instead held her stomach, her face in a tint of green.

“I think…im seasick,” Daylena said grumbling.

Minun patted her on her back her as she swayed back and forth from the ocean currents. They’ve been traveling for a few hours now still not reaching the coast, but the old man reassured it wasn’t much farther as he steered the boat, his wingull on his side.

“This ocean is beautiful,” Jo said letting her hand skim the water.

Plusle and wingull chatted in there poke language seeming to have a deep conversation.

“Yea your right,” Dave said shyly

After a few minutes of more traveling Jo’s wingull let out a loud “Wingull!” and flew away from the boat to a small island which seemed to have a small blue mound on it. The old man steered the boat near the island to get a closer look of the blue figure now seeming to be a pokemon.

“Oh no it’s a beached wailmer,” Jo said as her wingull flew back to her side.

The old man then steered the boat to the small island that had a few rocks on it and a large palm tree in the middle. He beached his small boat and the trainers flooded out onto the island and ran to the round blue pokemon when the wailmer let out a soft cry of “wail…mer.”

“We have to help it,” Dave said examining the severely weakened beaded eye pokemon.

Daylena shook her head.

“No no no it’s to big and there’s no more room for that thing on the boat!” she said shouting.

“We can’t just leave it here Daylena,” Jo said softly.

Daylena sighed.

“Okay let’s all get on different sides then lift it,” Dave ordered the group.

They gathered around the crying pokemon and all crouched down around it, plusle and minun doing the same. Sticking there hands under it they lifted the fat round whale pokemon and started to carry it toward the boat.

“This thing is heavy!” Daylena said trying not to drop the hurt pokemon.

“Will get it to a pokemon center when we get to Dewford,” Dave said panting.

They dropped the pokemon into the boat it taking up a lot of the much needed space. They gathered into the boat and continued toward Dewford town, much slower then before from the weight of the heavy whale pokemon. The wailer shifted around letting out a loud wail that overpowered the sound of the crashing waves.

“Will you shut up you silly thing!” Daylena said as she yelled at the wailing pokemon.

Suddenly the waves began to rise higher and higher which rocked the small boat back and forth. Dave looked out and saw a large blue figure dive into the water it vanishing beneath the sea and he blinked wondering what it was. Again the figure surfaced once again this time closer then before it causing the waves to crash even louder around the small boat. The wailmer was still crying it almost seemed like it was calling for someone.

“Someone calm that wailmer down if a mother hears that we might be in trou,” The old man was interrupted when the large blue figured flew out of the water and continued to rise into the sky, water dripping off of it’s blue sleek skin. This pokemon was the biggest pokemon they have ever seen almost resembling a blimp, its underside pure white.

“Wailord…,” the old man said gulping.

“I think you guys should hold on.” He said looking back.

The wailord let out a loud screech and began to fall back toward the ocean. The wailord then crashed into the already crashing waves and caused a huge tidal wave that rushed toward the small boat. The wave hit the boat with a tremendous force sending the trainers in all different directions and the boat disappeared under the waves.

“Help! I can’t swim swim!” Jo screamed as she splashed on the surface, wingull trying to pull her up with his feet.

Dave and plusle surfaced and began to look for Jo. He spotted her and began to swim toward her, plusle hopping on his back. Dave grabbed Jo around her waist and started to float in the water.

“Where’s Daylena!” Dave said in a panic.

“Over there!” the old man said pointing to Daylena as he held the capsized boat.

Daylena was trying to wade the water with minun but wailmer was bumping into her crying. A blue figure then surfaced behind her and began to swim toward her.

“Wailord is behind you!”

Daylena looked behind her and her eyes widened in freight.

“Minun use spar..,”

“Daylena don’t you’ll shock everyone!” Dave said stopping Daylena.

Wailord was getting closer and it was charging at extreme speeds. Suddenly Jo’s wingull let out a supersonic at the wailord the old man’s wingull joined in also. Wailord stopped and began to splash around furiously making the waves increase.

“Good job wingull!” Jo said praising her pokemon.

Wailmer continued to cry when wailord stopped crashing around.Wailord then opened its mouth and it sucked in the water starting a whirlpool that whirled around the trainers it sucking them into the water.

“He’s starting a whirlpool!” The old man shouted to the trainers

They began to swim toward the boat but the whirlpool was to strong keeping them from swimming toward the boat.

“Get it in the air Jo, ” Dave said having an idea.

“Wingull supersonic!” Jo ordered.

Wingull flew toward the attacking pokemon and released a supersonic attack which caused the wailord to thrash in the water. Wailord then flew into the air in a confused state. Daylena and Dave then nodded to each other.

“Plusle spark”
“Minun spark”

The electric pokemon hopped out of the twins arms and flew toward the wailord who started to fall back to the ocean. Plusle and minun then struck the giant whale sending electricity all through its body which caused it to let out a loud screech. Wailmer swam to its paralyzed mom and brushed lovingly up against it.

“Let’s get to the boat im sure they will be ok,” Dave said swimming toward the flipped boat.

The trainers all swam to the boat and flipped it back onto its rightful side. They climbed into the boat and the old man started its motor and quickly continued toward the town. The sun was low in the sky and a cold breeze filled the area. The trainers shivered, there clothes still wet from the dip they took earlier. The pokemon were bundled in the corner sleeping keeping each other warm, minun letting out a light snore. Daylena was also asleep tired out from the long day.

“You really took control out there Dave,” Jo said smiling.

Dave blushed.

“I just wanted to everyone to be safe,” he said still blushing.

“I don’t think you sister likes me very much,” she said looking into his eyes.

Dave laughed.

“Oh don’t worry about her im sure she’ll warm up to you.”

“Yea I hope…I like traveling with you guys and im gonna love seeing you guys battle, ” she said pointing to Dewford town that was now a short distance away.

After more talking the trainers started to sleep tired from the excitement from the day. Though the trainers were through a lot much more was in store for them in the small town of Dewford.

 

[Skyld]

It may be long and boring to go through your work, making sure grammar is correct, but it's worth it.

Their is used for possesion.

"Their Pokémon." Is possesion, since they are in possetion of the Pokémon. It is therefore correct.

"There Pokémon." Isn't.

Which brings me to my next point. Although not nessecary, using an é instead of an e in Pokémon makes it sound more professional and maces the fic easier to read. Try to use it as much as possible.

Hold down Ctrl and Alt and then press E to get an é.

PS. Great work on the story so far. I find it particuarly amusing how while Jo and Dave clearly like eachother, while Daylena (I like that name) hates her. Adds alot of character. Keep up the good work!

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Originally posted by Skyld

"There Pokémon." Isn't.

I'm sorry, but I must say this.

"There Pokémon. There castle"

 

[mancetric_trainer]

Ok sykld I'll work on that.


Episode 10: Crouching meditite Hidden makuhita.

The boat slightly hit the pier just as the sun was rising, shooting light across the small island. The trainers finally made it to Dewford town and were excited to be closer to getting there second badge. Daylena climbed out the boat clenching her stomach, her face still a tint of green. Plusle and minun climbed out of the boat and began to play on the sand when wingull decided to join them. Dave helped Jo off the boat and they observed the area. The town seemed to be very small; it had a few buildings here and there and few large ones. They also saw a gym and a small pokemon center also a small cave to the west. Dave blinked when he saw a small of group of pokemon who seemed to be fighting one another.

“Makuhita has a tireless spirit it will never give up hope. It eats a lot of food, gets plenty of sleep, and it trains very rigorously. By living that way, this pokemon packs its body with energy,” The small machine sputtered as Jo pointed it at one of the pokemon in the tousle.

“What’s that?” Dave asked quaintly

“Oh it’s a pokenavi with a pokedex attachment; my dad gave it to me,” Jo replied smiling

Jo pointed the navi at another one of the fighting pokemon.

“Meditite undertakes rigorous mental training deep in the mountains. However, whenever it meditates, this POKéMON always loses its concentration and focus. As a result, its training never ends,” the navi said in a robotic voice.

The fighting type pokemon continued to fight one another but the two meditite seemed to be out numbered by the four Makuhita who continued to pummel the small pokemon.

“Hey! That’s just out right cheap! We gotta help those meditite,” Daylena yelled madly.

The trainers ran closer to the fight and released there pokemon.

“Wingull get in there”

“Plusle you know what to do”

“Go! Poochyena!” Daylena said as she threw her pokeball.

Jo and Dave ordered there pokemon to attack the Makuhita but when Daylena tried to order her poochyena it turned around and charged at her unknowing minun.

“Poochyena return..minun you get in there,” she said sighing.

Wingull released a water gun soaking all the makuhita’s. Plusle and minun then tackled the wet pokemon while electrically surged around there bodies letting there spark take affect. The makuhita’s screamed from the pain and began to fume looking at the trainers. The makuhita’s know knew they were out numbered and began to retreat but first grabbing one of the hurt meditates. They hustled into the cave as the hurt meditite screamed for help.

The small round eared pokemon ran up to the trainers and urgently tried to speak to them.

“Medi medi! Meditate!” It said as it waved its small arms.

“I think he wants are help,” Jo said feeling sorry for the small monkey looking pokemon.

Daylena grumbled.

“But the gym is so close!” she said pointing to the gym that was a few feet away.

“Daylena what if that was minun they took,” Dave said trying to convince her.

Daylena sighed.

“okay!”

After convincing Daylena they walked toward the cave to rescue the small meditite’s friend. The cave opening was very large as it stuck out of the large rock formation, it appeared dark inside and a small dripping sound emitted from inside. As they stepped inside they glanced around. It was very dark and rock pillars filled most of the cave, the ground was a dark brown dirt and the cave walls were covered in green algae.

“This place is creepy,” Jo said as she looked around with wingull on her side.

“For a tomboy your sure acting like a wimp,” Daylena said as minun walked on her side.

Jo rolled her eyes and they continued deeper into the cave. As they went deeper into the cave it began to get darker and darker since they were getting farther from the entrance.

“Plusle let a few sparks off your cheeks” Dave said hoping it would shed a little light.

Plusle squeezed it cheeks and let off a few sparks that lightly flew off his cheeks it causing a soft glow that lit up the cave.
Daylena then commanded minun to do the same which made it even brighter. They continued down the cave when two makuhita’s ran toward them with there fist raised.

“I go this!” Jo said jumping in front of the group.

“Wingull supersonic then wing attack!”

Wingull opened its long beak and released a supersonic at the charging pokemon causing them stop in there tracks. The pokemon wobbled around and began crashing into each other when wingull swooped down with its wings spread out and struck the two pokemon with each of its wings, causing the pokemon to faint and roll back.

“Great job wingull!” Jo said as Daylena sarcastically applauded for her.

After a few minutes of more walking they came upon a large area within the cave. Large rock formations were scattered around the area and the ceiling was much lower here which gave a uncomfortable feeling. Meditite stopped and a dazed expression flushed over its face, it then closed its eyes.

“Meditite’s isn’t just a fighting type it’s also a psychic type..maybe it senses something” Jo said looking at the meditating pokemon.

Meditite’s eyes flew open and it began to shout pointing at the rock formations, when makuhita’s began to jump from behind them.

“Ambush!” Dave said backing up.

The makuhita’s continued to jump from behind the rock formations with mad looks on there faces. A chunkier Makuhita then came from behind one of the formations holding the stolen meditite who appeared to be hurt. The larger Makuhita then let out a grunt and the smaller ones began to charge at the trainers.

“Wingull supersonic!”

“Pokeball go! Skitty!”

“Poochyena go!”

Plusle and minun continued to illuminate the dark cave so they could battle the wild pokemon. Wingull flew to a group of the Makuhita and let out a bizarre supersonic that put them in a state of confusion. Skitty flew out of the pokeball and tackled one of the makuhita’s slamming him into one of the rock formations. Poochyena looked around was suddenly punched by one of the makuhita’s meaty fist, poochyena growled and bit into the fist; poochyena just learned bite attack.

“Wing attack wingull!”

“Skitty attract! And tackle!”

“Go go go go poochyena!”

Meditite began to glow white when a makuhita punched it causing meditite to slide back a little. The Makuhita went in for another punch and landed it but flew back when the white energy bounced off of meditite sending Makuhita into a rock formation breaking it, meditite just used its bide attack. Skitty smiled and swayed it tail back and forth and attracted two of the Makuhita and then tackled one it then it then hopped off of its big stomach and tackled the other one sending it on its back. Wingull swooped down and struck the two confused pokemon causing them to faint. A Makuhita jumped into the air and flew at wingull ready to punch it when wingull sprayed it with a jet of water sending it into a wall. The Makuhita screamed in pain while poochyena continued to bite into the yellow pokemon’s fist, it then released it and tackled the pokemon causing it to faint on the ground.

“I think that’s it.” Dave said looking around at all the fainted makuhita’s,

Plusle and minun growled at the large makuhita who was still standing grasping the meditite. The makuhita began to run toward them and the trainers ordered attacks. Wingull shoot a stream of water at the makuhita feet causing it to slip and fall back, the meditite flying out of its arm. Skitty and poochyena charged at the fallen pokemon and tackled it at the same time making the makuhita flip back up straight into the stonewall. Meditite jumped into the air and caught his small friend and landed next to Dave.
The makuhita stood up and thrusted its arm into skitty’s face and punched poochyena sending them sliding back. It then curled its fist and began to focus its energy; it then jumped up and tackled wingull causing the bird to hit the ceiling. The trainers gathered together as the pumped up makuhita walked toward them, there pokemon down for the count. Suddenly meditite set his friend down and jumped in front of them his eyes glowing white. He then held out his arm and yelled sending the makuhita flying back hitting two rock formations breaking them both, it just used confusion attack.

The trainers took this time to escape and ran out of the cave and fell onto warm beach sand, panting and sweating from the run. Plusle and minun stopped the sparks and fell back to back tired from the use of energy. The two meditite’s looked at one another and nodded, one seeming to thank the other. One of the meditite then parted ways and left behind one of the buildings it seeming to be a wild pokemon. The other meditite then looked at Dave and pointed to one of his pokeballs.

“You want me to catch you?” Dave said looking at the small pokemon.

The pokemon nodded.

“So you just want me to throw my pokeball at you?”

The pokemon shook his head, he wanted to battle to be caught.

“Ok then plusle start with growl!”

Plusle let out a growl that didn’t seem to affect the pokemon much. Meditite then began to meditate; it folded his arms and closed its eyes.

“Plusle quick attack!”

Plusle charged at the meditating pokemon and just as it was about to hit meditite it opened its glowing white eyes causing plusle to fly back and crash into the ocean water.

“Plusle get up and use thunderwave”

Meditite began to fold his arms and meditate. Plusle hopped out of the water and let a thunderwave attack that flew across the beach sand. The thunderwave struck the pokemon causing him to flip back, paralyzing the pokemon.

“Quick attack and Spark”

Plusle shook the water off itself and bulleted toward the stunned pokemon striking it causing it to slide in the sand. As it slid Plusle quickly front flipped onto it and released a spark from its cheeks. The pokemon continued to slide and Plusle hopped off of it panting, preparing to attack but the pokemon didn’t move. Dave got a fast ball that was given to him as a gift at starlit town and tossed it at the pokemon; the ball shook and then came to a stop. Dave picked the fast ball up and smiled and then placed it in his bag.

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The sun began to set over the small town and the trainers decided to go heal there pokemon at the nearby pokemon center. They also had to prepare for there second gym battle that would test there new skills and pokemon.