EVERYONE: - Ongoing Sibling Matters- The Orange Archipelago Saga

[.Red]

Ok, this should be a big improvement from my previous fics, yes it's a trainer fic, but I really do like it... I'll post the Introduction and Chappie One up at the same time.

~~~~~
It¡¦s present day, in the region of Alpha, Our hero and heroine, Tyson and Trinity are standing in the Akira household, ¡§Go Umbreon!¡¨ Tyson shouted ¡§Go Espeon!¡¨ Trinity commanded, The siblings were each given an Eevee at the age of 10, they are now 12, they have inherited the title of Kanto, Johto and Hoenn champions, they all ended up in the top 5, this year, they will go to the Orange Islands, then compete in the strongest league yet, The Alpha League

That was the worst bit of the fic. but don't worry, chapter one will make it up.

~~~~~
Chapter 1- We Meet Our Cast
¡§Faint Attack!¡¨ Tyson commanded,

¡§Agility!¡¨ Solar the Espeon moved at lightning speed, Lunar the Umbreon chased Espeon across their home¡¦s battle stadium, being the richest in the town of Poliac, the 2 Pokemon zapped across the battle stadium,

¡§Take Down Lunar!¡¨ Tyson commanded, Lunar walked back, Solar stopped, and Lunar began running at an amazing pace, and knocked Espeon off its 4 legs.

¡§Yes!¡¨ Tyson yelled.

¡§Not yet!¡¨ Trinity said, she took a deep breath and¡K ¡§Solar! Use Recover!!!!!¡¨ Solar quickly got up to her feet as her red gem began erupting light. The light enveloped the Pokemon, as it got back on its 4 feet, looking better than ever. ¡§Psybeam!¡¨ Solar isn¡¦t like your average Espeon, it¡¦s strength can knock out even dark types, but Lunar isn¡¦t you average Umbreon too¡K

¡§Psybeam it back!¡¨ Tyson commanded, the yellow ring around Lunar began to glow and erupted a yellow beam at Solar, Solar red gem began to glow and it erupted a red beam of light at Lunar, the 2 attacks collided and turned into an orange orb, the power overloaded, causing a big explosion, Tyson and Trinity shielded their eyes as the black smoke covered the room. Then there was silence,

¡§To beat up all you little twerps¡¨

¡§To make yourselves always go burp¡¨

¡§For we are Team Star¡¨

¡§And you¡¦d better hand out your Pokemon big fat Li-Ar¡¨

¡§Luke!¡¨

¡§Suzy!¡¨

¡§Team Star shall have victory!¡¨

¡§And you shall have MISERY!¡¨
¡§MWHAHAHAHAHA¡¨

The 2 trainers clap.

¡§You were supposed to be scared!!¡¨ Luke yelled.

¡§Who cares? Go Charmeleon!¡¨ Suzy yelled

¡§Go Wartortle!¡¨ Luke commanded.

Tyson and Trinity took out their pokeballs.

¡§Go Plusle!¡¨ Tyson yelled

¡§Go Minun!¡¨ Trinity shouted

¡§Bah, we could beat him up easy¡¨ Suzy said ¡§Charmeleon! Use Toxic!¡¨

¡§Minun! Use Quick Attack!¡¨ Trinity commanded, The Minun shot out of the way and hit Charmeleon, knocking it down.

¡§Thunder Bolt!¡¨ Tyson yelled. Plusle Jumped onto the Wartortle and fired a Thunder Bolt before it had a chance to attack.

The 2 members of Team Star pressed a button and rocket packs.

¡§We now Surrender!¡¨

¡§But we¡¦ll beat you later!¡¨ With that, the 2 flew off into the evening sky.

¡§ Do you think that they¡¦re the ones that Team Rocket and Aqua were talking about?¡¨ Suzy questioned.

¡§Maybe, the had amazing strength, to qualify in the Alpha League, you must beat the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Orange League, I only saw 6 trophies in there, they should be heading towards the Orange Islands next.¡¨ Luke explained.

¡§Okay, let¡¦s do that.¡¨ They both jetted into a black jet with a yellow star on the bottom.
~~~~~
The chappies will get longer as the fic progresses

EDIT: Don't give me big huge posts of critiscm, a paragrah or 2 is enough. Yeah, this means review it here.

 

[.Red]

Character Descriptions

Tyson- a 14 year old, he has a White shirt with the TCG symbol for fire in the middle. He wears a pair of black pants that reaches his knees. He also has a pair of black basketball shoes. Little does he know, he is actually adopted. He has golden-brown hair.

Trinity- Tyson's 'sister', She already knows that Tyson is adopted, and she wears a light blue shirt, white pants, and nike trainers, she has brown hair, tied in a blue hair band. She has a black necklass like object which had slots for minimized pokeballs.

 

[Clare]

Well it is an improvement - it's certainly longer than your previous attempts at fics. But, as a rule, authors tend to incorporate descriptions of their characters into the story instead of making a separate biographies post. Also, you really do need to work on your description of both characters and scenes and, if the word processing program you use keeps screwing up the punctuation hwen you copy and paste, it shouldn't take too long to correct all the mistakes. Alternatively, try another program . . .

 

[.Red]

Thanks Clare, but your ideas won't be until chappie 3.

Chapter 2- Journey to Valencia Island

The siblings arrived at Dewdrop Town to catch the boat to the Orange Islands.

¡§The Gyms in the Orange Islands test your Pokemon¡¦s skills in other category¡¦s, this includes flying if your Pokemon knows how to fly and swimming if your Pokemon knows how to swim.¡¨ Trinity read out loud from the slip of paper given to them.

¡§Sounds like a good challenge, what types do they use?¡¨ Tyson asked. Trinity looked up the little booklet.

¡§It says here; the gym leaders here don¡¦t use any specific type, most of them use water Pokemon though.¡¨ Trinity said.

¡§Hmmm¡K maybe I should use Poliwrath.¡¨ Tyson suggested.

¡§I¡¦m not totally sure, why not my Azumarill?¡¨ Trinity thought.

¡§Nah, maybe I should catch one their.¡¨ Tyson decided.

¡§Good idea!¡¨ The ship set off.

¡§We will be setting off to Valencia Island.¡¨ The speakers boomed out. Tyson let out his Plusle and he sat patiently on Tyson¡¦s lap.

¡§Good boy!¡¨ Tyson petted his Pokemon, he Pokemon reacted quickly and gave a little thunder shock.

¡§Let¡¦s let out our Pokemon! It¡¦s a pretty good weather!¡¨ Trinity suggested. She threw out 4 Pokeballs, Solar, Minun, Marine the Azumarill and Pixy the Vulpix appeared, each of them playing around on the deck.

¡§Good Idea!¡¨ Tyson let out 3 more Pokeballs, consisting of Torpedo the Poliwrath, Lunar, and Bonfire the Growlithe.

The siblings watched their Pokemon play when the speaker boomed.

¡§To beat up all you little twerps¡¨

¡§To make yourselves always go burp¡¨

¡§For we are Team Star¡¨

¡§And you¡¦d better hand out your Pokemon big fat Li-Ar¡¨

¡§Luke!¡¨

¡§Suzy!¡¨

¡§Team Star shall have victory!¡¨

¡§And you shall have MISERY!¡¨

¡§So hand out your Pokemon!¡¨

¡§And then you can have your trip to the pavilion!¡¨

¡§Mwhahahahaha!!!!!!¡¨

The siblings grabbed a Pokeball off their belt, and released them.

¡§Quilava!¡¨ the siblings yelled. The 2 Quilava cornered Team Star to the end of the ship.

¡§Oh yeah! Go Tauros!¡¨ 2 mighty bull-like Pokemon appeared and rammed the Quilava off the ship.

¡§NO!¡¨ Tyson shouted.

A huge splash of water flew from the ocean. There stood a blue Pokemon, it resembled a fish, but resembled a bird also.

¡§This can¡¦t be¡K¡¨ Tyson said. On top of the Pokemon, where 2 Pokemon which had the colors of a Quilava, but looked bigger and fiercer.

¡§Kyorge, and our Quilava are now Typholsion¡K¡¨ Tyson said¡K amazed.

¡§What are we waiting for?¡¨ Trinity yelled, ¡§Flamethrower!¡¨
The girl Typholsion¡¦s flare flared up, a huge beam of silky fire erupted from it¡¦s back, Tyson¡¦s Typholsion did the same, in seconds, Team Star was roasted, like Peking Duck.
The Kyorge dived back into the water, and the Typholsion stood proudly behind the trainers.


Note: I'm not bothered to do the gaps thing... yet...

 

[Flare-Espeon]

It's better then your previous ones for a start, somewhat more description and character development would be nice in the folowing chapters. And remember, you only become a better writer by writting even more, practice a lot, the more you write the better you should become. And don't be afraid to rewrite your chapters if you feel it's nessecairly