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Slavery Story

AceTrainer14

AceTrainer14

The acest of trainers
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Hello there.

I have this idea for a Pokemon story, wondered what you all thought:

- It is set during the early 1900's, and begins in the MooMoo Farm
- A young girl (currently unnamed) lives in the wooden structure at the end of the farm. with four other milk maids and three male farm hands
- Tired of her life, she flees, taking her best friend and one of the farm hands with her
- They flee from Olivine to one of the other regions
- Become hunted down by a vicious murder, hried by the farmer to bring them to justice.

Not really sure of what else will happen, though they will probably get involved with Jirachi due to their dreams and wishes. Any ideas, suggestions or feedback?
 
Why does the farmer wish to kill her? Just because she ran away? Doesn't make that much sense.

Thats the only reservation i have lol
It could be a good story, if you work it well, yet I don't see how having it set in the 1900s will make a massive difference?
Unless you know a lot/do plenty of research on the period, no one will even notice, except for the fact you mention it.
As I have said on these style of post's before, just go ahead and post up the first chapter/prologue and see what feedback (if any) you get.
 
The farmer mainly needed their labour and work to run his farm, and since they left, it enraged him. I am probably going to make him alcholic or something. And making it in the 1900's would hav emde the slavery thing more acceptable for the time period. The cities will look very different as well. Thanks for your feedback
 
Y'know, I'm not very good at this period of history, I prefer the Medieval ages personally, but wasn't slavery already illegal in the civilized countries during the 1900s?
 
Probably, but it still would have become more common. And I have updated the plot:
- The trio are followed by one of the Miltank, and eventually get a Staryu and Trapinch as well
- The farmer keeps the farm in poor quality, and relies on the high quality milk to keep things going. He owns two Tauros
- The farmer has an adult son and two daughters, who regularly abuse the helpers. The wife helps out, but gets hit if she does
- There is a minder, who is the one that goes after them. He has a whip, and always walks with a stick after one of the cows barely damaged his shin
- The trio go to Hoenn, and are trying to find Jirachi in order to make their lives better
 
erm.....
As Aladar mentioned, and as I've studied this time period, Slavery was not acceptable, in any shape or form, and had been outlawed for nearly 100 years at this point.....
Plus you shouldn't have given away all these plot points!
Save it for when you actually write it!
If you do write it, I'll read it and post my views on it at least, just go ahead and get Chapter 1/Prologue churned out!
 
I'll try and get it done as soon as possible! And I won;t counter your thoughts as I would spoil the ending.
 
Uhm, okay, but as the above user pointed out... why are you telling us all this?

EDIT: I meant why are you telling us about all the plot-points. xD
 
Aladar said:
Y'know, I'm not very good at this period of history, I prefer the Medieval ages personally, but wasn't slavery already illegal in the civilized countries during the 1900s?
Click to expand...

Correct. The United States and Kingdom had outlawed slavery in 1808. But POWs during World War II were more or less treated as slaves by the Japanese so...it could work I suppose.
 
Aladar said:
Y'know, I'm not very good at this period of history, I prefer the Medieval ages personally, but wasn't slavery already illegal in the civilized countries during the 1900s?
Click to expand...

Yeah, slavery was pretty much out in the United States by the end of the Civil War (1865) and officially by the passage of the 13th Amendment that same year. Some European countries had outlawed it earlier than that. I understand that this is the Pokemon world and that things might be a little different, but slavery in the 1900's is pushing it: your farmer would have to live in the most remote part of Bumblefuckville to get away with owning any significant number of slaves.

I also don't get why this is called a "slavery story" when the story description itself doesn't really lend any sort of weight to this person being a slave rather than being hired by a major asshole.

The farmer mainly needed their labour and work to run his farm, and since they left, it enraged him. I am probably going to make him alcholic or something. And making it in the 1900's would hav emde the slavery thing more acceptable for the time period. The cities will look very different as well. Thanks for your feedback
Click to expand...

Farm labor is a labor-intensive but not a necessarily skill-intensive endeavor. Your entire story is basically hinged on a farmer--who is apparently wealthy enough to hire paid killers but not wealthy enough to own a plantation--not just hiring some more farmhands (which would be a lot cheaper than trolling for murder for hire, by the way) and going about his business. Why? BECAUSE HE'S DRUNK AND EVIL OOOOH NOOOOO

Yeah, this idea of yours has some major holes that you really need to consider.
 
Blastoise said:
Yeah, slavery was pretty much out in the United States by the end of the Civil War (1865) and officially by the passage of the 13th Amendment that same year. Some European countries had outlawed it earlier than that. I understand that this is the Pokemon world and that things might be a little different, but slavery in the 1900's is pushing it: your farmer would have to live in the most remote part of Bumblefuckville to get away with owning any significant number of slaves.

I also don't get why this is called a "slavery story" when the story description itself doesn't really lend any sort of weight to this person being a slave rather than being hired by a major asshole.



Farm labor is a labor-intensive but not a necessarily skill-intensive endeavor. Your entire story is basically hinged on a farmer--who is apparently wealthy enough to hire paid killers but not wealthy enough to own a plantation--not just hiring some more farmhands (which would be a lot cheaper than trolling for murder for hire, by the way) and going about his business. Why? BECAUSE HE'S DRUNK AND EVIL OOOOH NOOOOO

Yeah, this idea of yours has some major holes that you really need to consider.
Click to expand...
This. Your plot has issues and you've basically told us it all. Go ahead if you want but think about it next time you go to make one.
 
I assure you, I have sorted out the issues in the plot. I obviously can't say them, as I posted some mild details that have very little to do with the plot and you all seemed to think I'd spoilt the whole thing. I'll have the first bit up by the weekend
 
Make it set in the 1500s or so with the EBIL EUROPEANS!!! Or at least sometime before slavery was outlawed throughout most of the civilized world in the 1860s-1880s.

Also, this farmer would work better as a plantation owner of some sort with a serious grudge or an actual reason to attack runaway farmhands.
 
I have sorted out the plot to make sure it works, though I am still using slavery and setting it in the early 1900's: just because something is illegal doesn't mean people stop doing it. Besides, my Pokemon world technically is part of ours
 
AceTrainer14 said:
I have sorted out the plot to make sure it works, though I am still using slavery and setting it in the early 1900's: just because something is illegal doesn't mean people stop doing it. Besides, my Pokemon world technically is part of ours
Click to expand...

You do know that human bondage is slightly harder to hide than growing weed in your basement, right?
 
Yes, I am aware of that, and it is explained in the second chapter. It is a very different farm than to what it is in HGSS.
 
Sorry for the delay in this actually being written! I plan to have the first chapter up this week. And you'll be pleased to know I have smoothed all issues out ;)
 
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