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EVERYONE: - Ongoing The Adventures of Giovanni Ketchum

Pokeyug

Ash Freak!
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Here is the first chapter of a new fanfiction, that I decided to write. It follows the adventures of Giovanni (The boss of Team Rocket), when he first became a Pokemon trainer.
Enjoy Reading! I may be able to finish and put up Chapter 2 soon.

EDIT: Chapter 2 will be called The Start of a New Journey! Hopefully, I could post it today.

EDIT: I did grammar corrections as some of you suggested.

EDIT (again): OK, I got my sister to read this, and she was kind enough to let me know just how many grammar mistakes I had. He he. So it should be good now.


The Adventures of Giovanni Ketchum
by Pokeyug

Chapter 1: The Night Before the Start of a New Journey!

Tomorrow will be a very special day for one young boy, for it will be the tenth birthday of someone named Giovanni Ketchum.

“I am so excited that I just can't sleep!” said Giovanni. Someone walked in. It was his father.

"I wish your mother could see you start your journey, but, sadly, she is gone now,” he said quietly. “Shouldn't you be going to sleep now? It's almost 2 A.M.”

“But I am just so excited that I simply can't sleep,” said Giovanni.

“Go to sleep; you don't want to wake up late tomorrow, do you?”

“Fine, I'll go to sleep.”

“Good night.”

“Good night,” said Giovanni.

His father closed the light and left the room. Suddenly, a tear fell down his cheek.

"Roxanne," he whispered. “I miss you so much. If only I could tell him what really happened.”

EDIT: Here is the first part of Chapter 2. I'll post the rest of it tomorrow.

Chapter 2: The Start of a New Journey!

The next day, Giovanni's father came into his room.

“Time to get up!” he said.

“Huh... good night,” mumbled Giovanni sleepily as he rolled over.

“Today's the day you finally become a trainer!”

“Huh? What time is it? Oh no, I'm going to be late!”

“I knew that would get you up.”

“I've got to run there now! I'll talk to you after I get my first Pokemon!” yelled Giovanni as he ran off.

“Wait, don't forget your bag! Oh well, guess I'll give it to him after he gets his Pokemon. I wonder which Pokemon he will pick? Guess I'll just have to wait and see,” his father said.

Giovanni was also thinking of which Pokemon he would choose as he was getting there. I think I'll choose a Squirtle, since they're so cute and powerful at the same time. I'll be able to win every battle! I just can't wait to finally get it. I have been waiting for this my whole life! he thought as he rounded the last corner.

"Yay, I'm here!”

“Oh, hi, Giovanni,” said Delia, a young girl who was friends with Giovanni.

“Oh, hi, Delia. Wait a minute, is that your first Pokemon?” asked Giovanni.

“You sure bet it is!” said Delia.

“Cool, what is it? Is it a Squirtle? Please tell me it's not because I wanted one.” Giovanni was starting to get worried.

“Don't worry, it's not a Squirtle!" replied Delia.

“So what is it then?”

“You'll just have to find out when you battle me,” she teased.

“It's a deal!”

"I'll be looking forward to it! But don't you need to get a Pokemon first?"

“Oh, yeah, that's right! Sorry, but I gotta run!" he yelled as he ran inside the laboratory. “Oh, hi, Professor Oak.”

A tall old man stood in front of him.

“Are you here to get your first Pokemon?” Prof. Oak asked.

“You bet I am!” Giovanni said excitedly.

“Have you met my son, Sammy? He will be a new trainer, as well,” Prof. Oak said.

“That's awesome! I just can't wait to meet him!"

“I am sure you two will make great friends and rivals,” he said with a slight chuckle.

“You bet!”

To Be Continued.....
 
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Why is it so hard lately to find new writers who actually start a new paragraph each time someone else talks? Seriously, it's like a plague on keyboards or something.

And I'm assuming this is anime canon given that you've given him the surname of Ketchum, but you should know that Giovanni in anime timeline has a canon mother.
 
Why is it so hard lately to find new writers who actually start a new paragraph each time someone else talks? Seriously, it's like a plague on keyboards or something.

And I'm assuming this is anime canon given that you've given him the surname of Ketchum, but you should know that Giovanni in anime timeline has a canon mother.
That's why he whispered On'na (his mothers name in the anime), when he cried. He was crying about Giovanni's mother.
 
Okay ,then... Also, I don't think Giovanni would be Ash's father, unless Ash was adopted.
 
Not to critisise, but I don't think Ketchum is his actual surname. If he was Ash's long lost father as a result of a one night stand, or a lovestory gone wrong, Delia would most likely have given Ash her last name and not his.

Sentences are also a bit choppy.
 
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Okay ,then... Also, I don't think Giovanni would be Ash's father, unless Ash was adopted.
Neither do I, I just thought it would be a good idea for a fanfiction.
Not to critisise, but I don't think Ketchum is his actual surname. If he was Ash's long lost father as a result of a one night stand, or a lovestory gone wrong, Delia would most likely have given Ash her last name and not his.

Sentences are also a bit choppy.
I didn't make this to be fully in continuity, but also to be what could happen if Giovanni was once a good guy,Ash's father, and maybe even if he was once married to Ash's mom.
EDIT:I have just added the first part of Chapter 2 to the first post in this thread. Enjoy reading it!
 
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Hey, it'd be best if you used paragraphs and more detail rather than having a sentence and then spacing it. It makes it unattractice to even want to read if you use a sentence and then space it.
 
Pressing enter after each line is getting nervous sometimes.
I think that something like "Giovanni Corleone" better fits him as a mafiaboss. And Ash's surname actually comes from his mother- she is Delia Ketchum, while surname of father is unknown, so even when we guess Giovanni is father, he would rather have completely different surname.
 
Hey, it'd be best if you used paragraphs and more detail rather than having a sentence and then spacing it. It makes it unattractice to even want to read if you use a sentence and then space it.
I am using paragraphs. Read any other fanfic on this forum and you will notice that everyone separates paragraphs by spacing. There is so many spacing because I put in a lot of dialog.
Pressing enter after each line is getting nervous sometimes.
I think that something like "Giovanni Corleone" better fits him as a mafiaboss. And Ash's surname actually comes from his mother- she is Delia Ketchum, while surname of father is unknown, so even when we guess Giovanni is father, he would rather have completely different surname.
I am planning on having Delia actually married to Giovanni later in this fanfic. That's why his last name is Ketchum.
 
You should just post new chapters on separate posts and link them to the first one.

Your sentences are still to choppy. Everything is basically dialog, so this might as well have been in script format (which by the way you shouldn't do since the dialog isn't even that great)

The way you write seems so robotic.
 
said said said said said said said said said said said said...

Your writting would look more imaginitive if you threw in a few adjectives.
 
The grammar should be much better now since my sister fixed it. I also changed Giovanni's mother's name to Roxanne. She also changed some of the lines around to make it sound better.
 
All I can say is good job with the Prof. Oak thing, although you should have made his son in the 20s or something.
 
Please note: The thread is from 18 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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