EVERYONE: - Complete The Boy Who Asked for Coal (EVERYONE)

[Arkadelphiak]

Merry Christmas, nerds.

The Boy Who Asked for Coal






On a frosty white night

Near the end of December

An old Delibird prepping for flight

Had just started to remember

Of all the good girls and boys

Who send letters to the North Pole

One asked not for candy or toys

But a stocking full of coal!

“What sort of child,” he pondered aloud

“Would ever, oh ever, want all of that?”

The moon peered from an icy cloud

As fresh snow speckled his hat

Yet he stood there with hardly a clue!

And as precious night ticked from the zone

He exclaimed right out of the blue

“Ah yes, I remember that boy— that Steven Stone!”




​

 

[Osprey]

... Ha.
Ahahahaha... I see. Uh... yet the nitpicky part of me wants to mention that coal isn't really a rock or mineral, but carbonized dead stuff...
BUT NO NEED TO GET NERDY HERE. Nice seasonal poem!

 

[Arkadelphiak]

... Ha.
Ahahahaha... I see. Uh... yet the nitpicky part of me wants to mention that coal isn't really a rock or mineral, but carbonized dead stuff...
BUT NO NEED TO GET NERDY HERE. Nice seasonal poem!

Yeah, I saw a post on Tumblr about this and made this poem up in twenty minutes. But that's totally what he'd do!


Edit: According to Wikipedia, coal is, in fact, a rock. Hurrah.

 

[diamondpearl876]

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Well, he probably got the coal he wanted. But what if he had asked for some expensive gemstones?

 

[Arkadelphiak]

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Well, he probably got the coal he wanted. But what if he had asked for some expensive gemstones?

The very next year

That old Delibird let off a moan

At a mighty letter of cheer

From none other than Steven Stone

“Dear Santa, would you please

Bring me ruby, sapphire, and emerald?”

He penned with a tinge of tease

“The cost,” he marveled, “such a gift would herald!”

But if Steven insisted, he could not say no

The gaudy old bird sighed and began to pack

But put on a smirk and a bit of show

And dropped Nintendo’s finest in the sack


​

 

[Flaze]

Well there isn't much to review here now is it xD but it does seem like a fun series of little poems that make for some interesting laughs

Though now I wonder how Steven got his Beldum

 

[diamondpearl876]

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Well, he probably got the coal he wanted. But what if he had asked for some expensive gemstones?

The very next year

That old Delibird let off a moan

At a mighty letter of cheer

From none other than Steven Stone

“Dear Santa, would you please

Bring me ruby, sapphire, and emerald?”

He penned with a tinge of tease

“The cost,” he marveled, “such a gift would herald!”

But if Steven insisted, he could not say no

The gaudy old bird sighed and began to pack

But put on a smirk and a bit of show

And dropped Nintendo’s finest in the sack


​

i'm literally done

i have been slain

 

[AceTrainer14]

First bit of feedback from the awards to the first thing I judged!

This was short but fun: it doesn't amount to much, as I am sure you are aware, but it works for what it is. It feels like you wrote it for children which adds to its uniqueness and charm. The rhyming and short sentence structure works for the most part, but it does feel at some points that you chose random words that didn't quite work flow-wise to make the rhymes work: you should try and make it read nicely at the same pace, and if the word doesn't fit, don't put it in.

There really isn't a lot to say because there isn't a lot to judge. This was a whimsical and delightful poem that was a pleasure to read. It has its faults and the length does not help in that regard (one part probably would have been enough), but I am sure you wrote this mostly as a bit of fun and it's not meant to be taken too seriously. I do hope you write more in the future, as you clearly have talent and not just for banners - if you do poetry though, just make it flow better.

 

[Misfit Angel]

This poem made me think: In today's energy markets, perhaps a stocking full of coal might be more beneficial than a plastic toy that will break in three months. Think of how much he could sell that black gold for!

 

[Arkadelphiak]

First bit of feedback from the awards to the first thing I judged!

This was short but fun: it doesn't amount to much, as I am sure you are aware, but it works for what it is. It feels like you wrote it for children which adds to its uniqueness and charm. The rhyming and short sentence structure works for the most part, but it does feel at some points that you chose random words that didn't quite work flow-wise to make the rhymes work: you should try and make it read nicely at the same pace, and if the word doesn't fit, don't put it in.

There really isn't a lot to say because there isn't a lot to judge. This was a whimsical and delightful poem that was a pleasure to read. It has its faults and the length does not help in that regard (one part probably would have been enough), but I am sure you wrote this mostly as a bit of fun and it's not meant to be taken too seriously. I do hope you write more in the future, as you clearly have talent and not just for banners - if you do poetry though, just make it flow better.

AAUGH. THIS POEM.

There are currently ~4 evil people that are probably behind its nomination. Please do not take it seriously. But thank you for taking the time to review, although these little pieces weren't meant to be judged critically!

This poem made me think: In today's energy markets, perhaps a stocking full of coal might be more beneficial than a plastic toy that will break in three months. Think of how much he could sell that black gold for!

That is an excellent point! It's the gift that keeps on giving (and I will ignore ozone problems in this case)!

 

[Persephone]

I prefer the term "morally impaired" to "evil" myself.