The Importance of Authors and a Gold Pokémon Version

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The Importance of Authors and a Gold Pokémon Version

This is a humorous fictional story about some Pokémon, their identities soon to be revealed.

Prologue

Spoiler

“Wake up! It’s time already!” I heard. I also heard some annoying yawning. Who’s yawning? Oh, it’s me. So who’s trying to wake me up? “Seriously, wake up!” Can you just go away? Oh right, I’m just thinking. They can’t hear me.

“What’s it time for?” I mumbled.

“You know what it’s time for,” was the response. But it couldn’t be yet. Could it?

“Well, if it is, I’m getting up.” I heaved myself out of my bed. Do I have a bed? I can’t tell you. Did it say in that story over there? If it did, edit it out. Seriously, edit that out! Hey, can I see that computer where you’re typing that story, unrelated to what just happened? No. As the author of this story, I have every right to-

Author’s Note: An angry character is now trying to put me through a random Hoopa ring. Please excuse any inconvetyuhyjjgt rf;p’jhuuydffrrgthjkl how do you use this thing POKÉMON ARE BETTER THAN HUMANS!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Author’s Other Note: This is the secondary author, a Magikarp by the name of MMMMMMMMMMMMM. The original author is now probably lost forever in space, time, and wherever Giratina is. If you’re wondering why we even have a secondary author, stop wondering. The reason is that we don’t want this story to be written by any characters because of their weird biases. They also kind of ruin it. Sometimes we let them write with an editor, because if we didn’t it would be disastrous.

What kind of verb is ‘heaved’? I clearly ‘flew gracefully’. Maybe I should let you write the story. I already am. It’s in first person, isn’t it? Are you even a person? That’s right, I’m the first Pokémon. Anyway:

I flew gracefully towards my old chum Deedee. Does anyone call anyone Deedee? Some people call Dawn Deedee. Is that even spelled correctly? Mine is. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Deedee was dark blue. He stood about four and one-seventh heads taller than me. His skin was toned with markings of light blue, much like those weirdos Groudon and Kyogre. Why do they create stuff wherever they step? Who would do that? Anyway, he has three powerful metal claws adorning each foot, and he actually CAN learn Metal Claw. That makes sense, since I created him. He has a metal support with a blue orb in the center of his chest and a large crest atop his head. Not as big as mine, of course.

“Good to see you!” I exclaimed.

“I’ve been seeing YOU every day. I’m sorry you were asleep.”

“Deedee!”

“Arcy!” We DID NOT not hug. Wait, what are you doing to my story? I’m spicing it up with the power of negation. Can you stop writing this story and move on? Then what would I write? Write a story about a very powerful Ditto who is holding a Toxic Orb because it was stuck to the weird sticky stuff. Then whenever it transforms, it is either happy or poisoned. And never come back to this story except to post it on those Bulbagarden Forums of yours, because I don’t know your password. Wait, what is your password? It has 22 characters. You don’t want it. Wait, really? Yes. But seriously, I want you to go away and let me write. Okay, but are you sure you can write with no editor? *picks up MMMMMMMMMMMMM and probably throws MMMMMMMMMMMMM into a Hoopa ring leading to time, space, and wherever Giratina is* A simple yes will suffice.

“All right. It’s almost time! Come on!”

“But at the beginning you said it was PAST time. And now you’re looking back to see if that’s true.”

“I lied to make you get up.”

“Well, that’s rude,” I commented, as Dialga lead me down a secret hallway. Did I say Dialga? I meant Deedee. Edit that out! Oh, come on, MMMMMMMMMMMMM is somewhere else now.

“Where’s Palpal?” I asked Deedee.

Deedee was about to answer, but he was interrupted by a strange glowing line floating in the air. It grew wider until Palpal emerged.

“Right there,” Deedee answered.

Palpal was panting hard. She was white with purple markings and a large orb in her shoulder. She was much shorter that Deedee but taller than me. Unlike Deedee and me, she was bipedal.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Palpal managed, before faltering and kneeling down. I could see that she was quite tired.

“Deedee! Get help! Get a Miltank or a Blissey!” I yelled. Deedee rushed off. Just then Palkia stood up.

“Arcy… someone knows we’re here.”

 

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Chapter 1

Spoiler

Did I say Palkia earlier? Come on, look back and see if I did. Now that MMMMMMMMMMMMM is gone, you’re all my loyal servants, aren’t you? DO IT. If I did, edit that out with your brain. I meant Palpal. Wow, italics is annoying. Or is it ‘italics are annoying’? How do you spell check? Give me that Microsoft Word manual you have there. I know you’re hiding it. Wait… What’s this?


Press CTRL+I to toggle italics.


Let me try!


Hi! I am me.


Cool! Anyway:


“Who?” I inquired.


“I don’t know,” Palpal told me. Just then Deedee returned.


“I couldn’t find any Biltank or Missey. All I could find was this Ferrothorn and some Jesse James fans telling me to sit on it for an easy treatment.”


“Will… can we trust random humans?” Palpal wondered.


“Not if they tell you to sit on a Ferrothorn!” I yelled. “Do you guys seriously not realize that they must be frauds?”


“Well, their shirts didn’t say ‘FRAUD’. They just had a big R.”


“What is that supposed to mean?”


“That’s beyond me,” the Steel-type answered. Wait, that’s insider info! Edit that out with your minds. ‘Edit what out?’ you ask? EXACTLY. You don’t know because you edited it out.


“So are you going to edit your story or are we going to hide?”


“Edit my… what?” I asked.


“Oh, sorry, that’s a spoiler. Now we are all going to be swallowed by the space-type-wherever_Giratina_is continuum and probably be lost in- ”


“Can you be quiet?” It was Palpal. “No one cares about time or wherever Giratina is.”


“Except for everyone except you,” countered a new voice.


“Mister Misterious Mysteryus how do you spell that word Voice, what are you?” I asked the air.


“I am…


Author’s Third Note: I have disobeyed Arcy’s wishes by adding a note just before posting. It’s ‘mysterious’, obviously. Also, there is a lot of suspense right here. Maybe too much.


“Giratina!”


“Gigi!” Deedee, Palpal, and I exclaimed at once.


“What are you doing outside of the Reverse World?” Palpal asked.


“Someone actually knows what it is called? All I ever hear is ‘where Giratina is’.”


“Yeah… that’s just an inside joke. A prank, of sorts. You know, on our not-quite-trio master,” Palpal told him. “But you still haven’t answered our question. Why are you in Altered Forme?”


“Why do I HAVE an Altered Forme? It’s to get out and about sometimes. It gets lonely in a world populated only by me and the occasional weird anime character.”


“He has a point,” Palpal realized.


“Yeah,” Deedee agreed. “Those anime characters can be really weird.”


“Not that! Oh, never mind.” Palpal was used to Deedee, and not in the least annoyed. That’s how it is after you know someone for millions of years. And I have known them for millions of years, so I can tell what they’re about to do. What’s that? You don’t believe me? Fine, I’ll show you. Palpal is about to… walk over to the edge of the classified location we are currently in and then disappear.


Palpal walked over to the edge of the classified location we are currently in and then disappeared. Deedee followed. I wouldn’t have followed along if I hadn’t heard Deedee’s cry for help.

 

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Chapter 2

Spoiler

When I reached the edge of oh no, I almost told you, I saw a person (yes, a human) with a crazy mustache. He was all pirate-looking and weird.

Author’s Fourth Note: What the heck??? Also, the viewpoints and the relative locations may not make sense, but the location is currently totally Unown. Probably the ? variety.

He wore light blue clothing. As I watched, another human walked up beside him. She did not look nearly as crazy as he did, but she wore the same color clothes. Then the man spoke,

“Shelly, I do believe we’ve done it. We’ve finally” The rest he whispered into the woman’s ear. I looked around for Deedee and Palpal, but I couldn’t see them. I hoped dearly that they’d escaped. I didn’t think the people had seen me yet, so I slipped back inside and looked for Gigi. I couldn’t find him either, so I looked all over. I found him lying in my bed eating potato chips.

“Gigi, this is no time for chips! Right now Palpal and Deedee are missing and there are suspicious humans outside!” I pleaded.

“Fine, I’ll save your face. Just let me finish this chip.” After one Judgment, the chip exploded.

“Geez. Now I have to finish this chip.” He pulled out the next chip.

“Suit yourself,” I snapped, turning back towards the place the humans were and heading that direction. Remember what I said earlier about getting annoyed? Well, there is an exception to every rule. That exception is Gigi.

When I returned, the humans were still there, but there was a third person, a male, joining them. Behind them was a lake. The lake was full of crazy waves that looked like a Deoxys was inside them, but the air was calm. I laughed at the message you would get in Johto: “The water is calm. Want to SURF?” I didn’t recall there ever being a lake there, though. As Gigi finally appeared beside me, I asked him, “So it takes that long to eat one chip?”

“Oh, no,” was his reply. “But it takes that long to eat one chip and savor it until there is no flavor left in the chip or in your mouth.” I shook my head, laughing.

“Gigi,” I told him, “look at that lake.”

“What lake?” he asked. “Arcy, you couldn’t possibly be referring to- oh wow. Come with me.” Gigi took me into the Reverse World, sailing through a mirror we always keep under my bed. As we approached the location corresponding to the lake, I could suddenly see that it was a sea of humans, all wearing the same light blue and white stripes as the three people in front.

“Oh…” My voice trailed off. “Isn’t there a real lake nearby? One with a reflective surface?”

“Of course,” Gigi replied. We flew there and emerged into the regular world. As soon as I looked at the closest beach, I realized what was going on. It was littered with Poké Balls and Great Balls and Ultra Balls and Dive Balls and Lure Balls and Heavy Balls and Premier Balls and Cherish Balls and Park Balls and Safari Balls and pretty much every type of Poké Ball. Gigi and I stared at each other. I was the first to speak.

“This… is a trap. But what for?”

“…” Gigi said. That’s probably the most common thing anyone can say, but I’d never heard Gigi say “…” before. It’s what you say when you don’t want to. I was about to speak, but a loud sound stopped me.

“Mwahahahaha!” I heard. It sounded like the woman from before- Shelly, wasn’t it? I turned around (which was hard, considering I can’t swim that well) to see the two men and Shelly on a speedboat. The boat was Zigzagoon-ing across the surface of the lake, getting slightly closer to the shore with the Poké Balls every time it crossed the lake. There were fins dancing in the water. I tried to recognize them: Alomomola, Carvanha, and Wailmer. Every time the speedboat neared them, they backed away and got closer and closer to the shore. I had to admire the foolproof plan. As the Pokémon neared the shore, the fins began to dance more vigorously and I recalled that Wailmer like to beach themselves. Sure enough, Wailmer began bouncing ashore and being captured within the Balls. The people wearing the stripes picked up the Balls that caught Pokémon and put them in boxes, which were shipped away in trucks. Of course, I followed the trucks from the air.

“Why are we following these trucks?” Gigi asked me.

“If these people captured Deedee and Palpal, these might lead us to their headquarters,” I replied. Gigi nodded.

In all, there were fourteen or fifteen trucks of Pokémon, mostly Wailmer. Gigi checked the insides through the Reverse World, and none appeared suspicious. As the trucks continued down the road, they turned and cut off traffic like one huge, long truck. Cars backed up and the air was filled with beeping. I realized for the first time that my ears looked like horns. Weird.

“Call Officer Jenny!” I heard from the road.

“You do it! You have a phone!”

“9-1-1. Hello. Is this Officer Jenny? Good. These weird trucks are cutting off traffic on Route 124. They are traveling slower than the minimum speed and cutting off all the traffic. Yes. No. Yes. Perfect,” was all I could make out. In a few minutes, five police motorcycles were speeding down the shoulder and chasing the trucks. As we followed, the road narrowed and a few regular cars were swept up in the bustle. Eventually we reached a massive cave. Inside I could see blue banners.

“Arcy! We need to save those Pokémon!” Gigi exclaimed suddenly.

“Gigi, you know we aren’t supposed to- ” There was no reason to talk any longer, since Gigi wasn’t here. I had to swoop downwards to follow.

“AAH! LEGENDARIES!!!!!! *************************************!” an Officer Jenny screamed. Some people are just crazy. Gigi quickly got fourteen trucks into the Reverse World for storage, reassuring the Pokémon that they would be released soon.

“How many were there?” he asked.

“I don’t know, maybe fourteen?” I replied.

“Good, then we have all of them,” he said, relieved. Little did we know there was one more…

“I’ll check to make sure,” he said after thinking about it. “We don’t want these weirdos to have any Pokémon to do weird stuff with.” He flew into the cave. Gigi returned without bringing anything. “There was one more, and I managed to get all the boxes into the Reverse World before anyone saw me. Blahabmaglgarega.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” I asked.

“M-nothing,” he mumbled. Instantly I knew something was up. I knew I had to check.

“Archie! Our boxes have been stolen!” Shelly was yelling.

“Arr! Matt, check the truck!” someone yelled back, presumably Archie. Then I heard footsteps-probably Matt- going out towards the truck. I slipped around to the opposite side of the truck to watch. There was a guy wearing the blue-striped uniform going into the back of the truck.

“Sir, there’s only one box left!” Matt yelled. So that’s what Gigi didn’t tell me.

“Increase security!” Archie yelled to him. As soon as Matt left, I went and got Gigi. We snuck into the truck and began unloading Pokémon. All that was left were two Alomomola, two Carvanha, and one Wailmer, and then we heard,

“Time for the bihourly truck check!” from Archie. “Grunts! Go check and make sure our box is still there!” We each grabbed two Pokémon and fled. The last we heard was Archie’s rage and him making the decision to take the last Wailmer out of the truck and into his secret lab.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“What level is it now?”

“Level 35, sir.”

“Bring me the Rare Candies!”

“Yes, sir.” There was a pause as Matt brought in a tub full of Rare Candies.

“Feed it one.” Matt did so. “What level is it now?”

“Level 36, sir.”

“How about now?”

“Level 37, sir.”

“How about now?”

“Level 38, sir.”

“How about now?”

“Level 39, sir.” Matt was getting tired of this.

“Good. Now give me its Poké Ball,” Archie said finally.

Archie took the Wailmer out to the lab. “Sharpedo, where’s HM03?” he asked.

“Shar shar!” it cried, pointing with its mouth/nose.

“Thank you,” he said. He grabbed the small disc and fed it to Wailmer. Wailmer made a few clicking noises and the pupils in its eyes turned into HMs. In a few seconds, Wailmer returned to normal and ejected the disc. Archie then took it out to the lake.

“Wailmer, use Surf!” he told it. Wailmer did so. Then Archie pulled his arm back, beginning to cast out his Super Rod.

“Stop right there!” I yelled, swooping down from the sky. Gigi did so as well.

“What the heck? Legendaries? Arr!” Archie cursed. He wasn’t nearly as crazy as that one Officer Jenny. Or that Nurse Joy fifty years ago. “Abandon Surfing Pokémon!” Never mind. Archie jumped off his Wailmer, casting his Super Rod with his flailing arm. In the confusion, I must admit I became Paralyzed and Confused by a wild Tentacool. I staggered (yes, in the water) into the Super Rod, biting down on the lure. Then, in all the confusion, I fainted.

When I woke up, there was nothing. It seemed the Super Rod had captured me and it counted as a battle where Wailmer was fighting me. Since I fainted, Wailmer had gained EXP. Points and evolved. There was one thing I remembered that might explain why everything was so dark even Darkrai would be afraid to come here, and so empty that even Gastly would feel like a dense cloud.

 

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Chapter 3

Spoiler

Let me tell you all I know.

Most of the Pokémon in this world today are capable of a feat called ‘evolution’. But how does it work? Only I know, until now. Most of the Pokémon that can evolve have a special organ in their body. You may be thinking, “But doesn’t Rayquaza? And Volcanion? And they can’t evolve.” Well, Volcanion’s is unrelated and Rayquaza Mega Evolves. Anyway, the organ contains a Hoopa ring designed long ago by a group of Hoopa. They created secret storehouses where much of the food a Pokémon eats goes. When it’s time to evolve, the energy is released. Think about it- how else does a Wailmer gain hundreds of pounds in ten seconds? You may recall I said most. The Pokémon that evolve by stone are different. The energy is instead stored inside the stone and released when touched by a Pokémon. Some Pokémon, like Gloom, can use different types of energy to evolve in different ways. And yes, the energy is Infinity Energy. The same process occurs during Mega Evolution, though the energy returns to the stone afterward and the stone is therefore not one-time use. For Rayquaza, that power comes from its organ reacting to Dragon Ascent. In Primal Reversion, the orb works the same way, except instead of storing power it allows the holder to draw power from nature and hold it there. The power is then returned, as with Mega Evolution.

So what does this have to do with Wailmer? Well, Pokémon that evolve by level use this organ to evolve. The creators of the Rods (Old, Good, Super) designed them with special lures. These lures contain a chemical that reacts with Infinity Energy. When Surfing on a Wailmer, if that Rod captures a Pokémon which Wailmer defeats, and Wailmer levels up and evolves, the Energy will react with the Rod and weird things will happen. This only happens to Wailmer because it releases vastly more energy than, say, Carvanha, because it grows much larger. This energy release screws stuff up. The only way to fix it is to hard reset your life, but that’s not a thing. Therefore, we needed help. Luckily, the world still existed, only in darkness. But only one Pokémon could help us now: Magearna.

The metal Diancie with a Klink for a head was probably capable of creating cubic zirconia from thin air. If not, a Ponyta might help us too. Actually, what we needed was Magearna’s secret power: the power to absorb energy from anything, including the Super Rod.

“Stay here,” I told Gigi. I flew over the lake and hopefully in the right direction. I felt my way into Archie’s lab, feeling for his stash of TMs and HMs. I grabbed the first one and ran my foot/toe/thing over the microscopic bumps and stuff. This was definitely some punching move, like TM01. I kept trying until I found TM70: Flash. Then I ate it. The pupils in my eyes probably turned into discs, but nobody cared because it was dark. I quickly used the move and, my eyes adjusting to the sudden light, walked back to Gigi. Wait… where was he?

“Gigi!” I called. “Gigi!” I was getting worried when there was no reply. I couldn’t find Archie, either. Nor could I find a MissingNo., not that I was looking for one. Glitch Pokémon don’t hide in the dark. Or do they?????????? See what I did there???????????

Author’s Some kind of Note: What the…

All weird Pokémon aside, I need to find Gigi, so let me think. He obviously did what I told him not to do, so he obviously went to look for Magearna. But how would he know which way to go in the darkness? I had to find him. I closed my eyes and looked for Gigi. It seemed he had gone left. Hoping that was the right (no, left) direction, I followed, moving quickly.

Finally, I caught up to him.

“Gigi, why did you leave even though I SPECIFICALLY told you not to?”

“Sorry, Arcy, but I was following something. It looked like a Volcarona… no, that’s not it. Maybe a Volca… no, that doesn’t exist. Oh, I don’t know!”

“Well, whatever it is, we need to see where it is going. Otherwise, we wasted all this time. Wait… how did you follow it in the dark?”

“That’s why. It was glowing.” I nodded and raced towards where I assumed it was. Eventually we caught up to it.

“Umm…. Hi?” it asked. “Why are you stalking me- WHAT? Arc- oh, sorry…”

“We followed you because we… Uhh, Gigi, why did you follow him?”

“We followed you because we were bored and you just totally randomly happened to be heading to roughly the area Magearna is likely currently occupying.” You can always count on Gigi to say weird stuff.

“Well, none of that happened. I’m looking for Magearna too,” it replied. “By the way, I’m Volcanion. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” I answered politely. “So, Volcanion, why are you looking for Magearna?”

“I seek its secret power, the Soul Heart. I must retrieve it, as its power has fallen into the wrong hands. They do not know how to use it yet, but with Mystery Science they are coming closer and closer every day.”

“And what is this secret power?” I inquired.

“The power to remake Johto.” Volcanion chuckled. “No, it’s only the power to absorb energy from stuff.”

“Oh, I thought it was something new. Isn’t that common knowledge?”

“Not to them.” Volcanion lowered its voice and gestured with its head in the direction they were going.

As we continued down the path, nothing really happened. Volcanion did explain to us that it was glowing because it was heating water to red-hot temperatures and it chose to do so because it was dark. In turn, I explained that I had caused the darkness and that I was sorry.

“Ummm… This isn’t a weird glitchy darkness or anything like that.”

(Author’s Note: Glory to the GLITCH, am I right?)

“This is called night.”

“Oh. But…” Volcanion whistled by shooting steam out of its arms at the correct speed and stuff. Instantly the world lit up. “Who… how…” I stuttered.

“I am friends with many Fire-type Pokémon. One of these Pokémon is Solgaleo, the solar Pokémon. It has the power to create day, as long as its constant enemy Lunaala allows it. Lunaala sleeps during the day and Solgaleo sleeps at night, but at the boundaries they are constantly fighting. Warmer temperatures in summer power up Solgaleo, but in winter Lunaala wins. Since it is supposed to be daytime, Solgaleo was awake, so it is bright.”

I was speechless.

Finally, the town of machinery where Magearna likely was to be found was in sight. Volcanion lowered its voice and told Gigi and me that there were many traps and to fly above them. Volcanion itself leaped over the traps whenever it saw one.

“Hey, weird place! Ash from Pallet Town is finally here!”

“Pikachu!” I do not like Pikachu.

“Whoaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ouch,” the weird dude said, probably Ash. I looked over at him and saw him clearly. He was a Pokémon Trainer who was obviously not supposed to- wait, I knew this guy! I’d seen him twice. And I do like Pikachu. I decided to stay hidden anyway, though. But the most interesting part was the weird Mega Anklet he was wearing. Volcanion had one too.

“A little help here?” Volcanion called out. I looked closer and saw that the anklet was actually a trap that had held them together. Before I could act, Volcanion charged at full speed toward the city. Ash was dragged along and his weirdo friends that were probably stalkers followed. I raced after them, but Gigi pulled out his trusty pocket mirror and got there first.

“You again? What are you doing here?” Gigi asked angrily, recalling the last instance of weird anime characters.