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The Journey

super shinki

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Three teenagers sat on a grassy hill overlooking Pallet Town. Today they would set out on the Journey they had waited their whole lives for, the day Professor Oak would allow them to each take a Pokemon as a partner and they would set of to see the Kanto region. Red and Blue had agreed to travel together while Green, Oak's grandson, would travel on his own and meet up with them every so often.

"Hey Red, Blue, you guys can pick first and I'll take whoever's left," said Green staring at the clouds in the sky. "After all the future champion of the Indigo league has to show some politeness towards his friends."

A few minutes later the group entered Professor Oak's lab, Green entering first. "Hey Gramps, we're here to get our Pokemon!" he yelled.

"Oh! Children," said Professor Oak, pushing a cart with three pokeballs on it into the room. "You're a bit earlier than I had expected. Now who'd like to pick first?" He asked smiling.

Red stepped forward and said, "I will sir. I would like to take Charmander." He picked up the pokeball containing Charmander and latched it on his belt. Then Blue stepped forward, "I would like to take Squirtle please, Professor." she said taking the Pokeball containing a female Squirtle. Green was the last to take a Pokemon, he gave a quick chuckle and said, "Damn, you took the best one Red, but hey Bulbasuar is pretty badass to."

"Well I think you should each take one of these,"said Professor Oak handing them each a Pokedex. "Don't worry about trying to fill it. It's already completed. So if you want to know about a Pokemon you encounter you can consult the Pokedex."

Later Red, Blue, and Green arrived in Viridian city. Red and Blue decided to spend the night in one of the rooms at the Pokemon Center. To there surprise there was only one bed in the room. Blue went into the bathroom to change into her pajamas. "So I guess we're going to have to share the bed tonight," said Blue walking out of the bathroom and laying down on the bed. "No you can have the bed, I'll sleep on the floor tonight." said Red oblivious to what Blue had just said.
Aw, does he not like me? I wish I could just tell him already. Thought Blue pulling the blanket over her. "Well good night Red," she said as she went to sleep.
 
Well, it's been a while since I've been able to give much of a review, so I may as well start by throwing down one to get you started. First thing I'll say is that I suspect you'll be required to post rather more for a first chapter - I believe it has to be at least 1,000 words but no doubt a moderator will clarify

Technical Accuracy/Style
Generally fine, but watch yourself for random capitalisations like "Journey". Also, each new person speaking should have their dialogue on a fresh line instead of just a new sentence

Story/Characters
Really rushed. The characters don't have to whirl straight out of the door as soon as you start the chapter. Slow down, take some time to build the world and especially build the characters. We're not going to care about them just because they're canon characters. What are they like? Why are they going on the journey? Hell, how old are they? Again, they may be canon characters, but which canon? Game and manga Green aren't the same character.

These things are doubly important when you're writing about Kanto. Kanto's been done to death, even now, and so it's easy to lose interest in a story that doesn't bring the region to life

Final Thoughts
I reckon I'll share some links that may be helpful, depending on your leanings. I also recommend getting involved with the community here. Apart from fact that it's a much more personal and friendly atmosphere than the likes of ff.net, you may well also pick up all kinds of ideas from the discussions. Word to the wise - people are more likely to want to take a chance on an author that also reads and reviews

The Review Game: A place to give and get reviews

The Writing Academy: Tips, thoughts and practical writing hints
 
Thanks and I admit I've always been bad at begins. This is mostly the product of writing at midnight without sleeping for almost a day. This is admittedly one of the worst things I've written in awhile. I apologize for the rushed characters. I'll give them far more CD* in the next few chapters (especially Green).

*Character Development. A surprising amount of people don't know what it is.
 
Please note: The thread is from 11 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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