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the midnight blooming of lisianthus

most important update maybe ever, may 2024 New
grow up, Hysteric Blue
I knew in my heart that in all honesty, there's no better way to start off this post than with... well, that song. It's been near and dear to my heart for many, many years, after all. 'Tell me an unknown story' is a lyric I think that can mean lots depending on the person who reads it, and well, in this case?

Part of that 'unknown story' just got mapped out for me, really in a few different ways.

The biggest thing I'd like to talk about is what's come out of the main focus of an entry from a little while back. As always, I don't like talking openly about my medical issues and such, so if you are aware of what this is about I'd like to ask you to keep it private, please :enzap:

So, I was able to get to the appointment I had scheduled for yesterday. I almost thought I wasn't going to be able to, though! I had lots of errands to run -- going to my high school to help TA, going to the library to return (overdue, whoops) books, and then going to my appointment. But after I stopped at the library, I was making good time, or so I thought.

I don't drive, as a rule. Not for any big reason, I just... am not interested in it, and I don't have faith in both myself and other drivers to keep things safe. Because of that, I oftentimes bike to wherever I need to go, if being driven by someone else isn't an option. (In this case, it was not an option.) Maybe in the future, I'll need to drive, and if that ever happens... I'm sure I can figure it out.

But! The big thing is that, like, my town is a weird mix of being very rural (lots of farms) and being around 30 minutes from a major city. Consequently, it's not a super walkable place. It takes about two miles to get to the 'downtown' area, so about 15 minutes away? Not that bad, really... like, I went to my one high school class by bike all throughout last year, and it was a pain but it worked out fine enough. The big issue was not only that my appointment was four miles away from my house, but that it was on a 330 feet (100m) hill!!!

That hill. It was the worst thing I think I've had to physically traverse, LMFAO....... I genuinely thought I was going to a) collapse or b) throw up while going up it, because I couldn't bike up it for more than a street before having to stop -- I had to walk a good portion of it. I kept thinking about how it mirrored my situation, in that it was an uphill climb for a looooong while for me... and maybe, just maybe, I would be able to have a smooth descent after getting things addressed.

Eventually, I got to the place where I had my appointment, and I literally could not check in! Couldn't get the words out because I was incredibly, incredibly tired, but the receptionist was very nice and was like 'miss, the water is over there if you need some' T_T... but, well, after I got myself situated, I finally found myself having the appointment I scheduled!

I'm going to skip over the details, but to summarize: yes, my suspicions were correct -- I am, in fact, now clinically diagnosed with the ailment I was sure I had. In an effort to remedy that, I received a prescription for some mediciations that can address my challenges.(!!) I'm aware that they very likely won't fix everything, and that there's things I have to work through myself, but... I've already done so much to get myself to this point, you know? So... I was feeling very proud of myself and very grateful that I even had the opportunity to make things better. The people going over my case were very kind and understanding, and I have a follow-up appointment scheduled for the near future with them as well.

The descent back home was really smooth. I barely had to pedal, which was actually really fun LOL! If only I could only go down hills and not up them...

All in all, yesterday I biked for nearly 10 miles (16km), which was a new record for me! ...I'm definetly feeling it today, though, like I thought I would -- I knew I needed to pick up my perscriptions from the pharmacy more than two miles (4.5km) away from my house.

Simple enough, right?

Wrong. T_T My magical powers do not extend to navigation, as it turns out, because just like my older sister I am not very good with directions!!! All in all, I ended up biking more than six miles today instead of like, four. My legs are extra jellified...

But, I got to the pharmacy after waking up and hopping on my bike, and disaster struck!!! They didn't have my perscription yet??? They said to come back in a few hours LMFAO... I was kind of crushed at that point, but I knew I needed to make my long trip count for something. So I bought some small bits of fancy cheese that were both very cheap LMFAO... (only like $3 USD in total) I'm going to make a really good grilled cheese sandwich or something with them :)))))

But! I was eventually able to get home (got lost), then once my mother came home, to the pharmacy. (She knew about my appointment but I didn't tell her about the results because my mental health and how to deal with it is still a touchy subject, so I had to be sneaky sadly.) And... only about three hours or so ago, I started my first round of meds! (they are hiding in my room in an undisclosed location) It was a really exciting moment LOL, I feel like that's kind of a weird thing to say about medicine, but for something that's affected my life so badly, it feels nothing short of a miracle that I'm able to stand here and say that I made that big step.

Not everything is going to kick in instantly, obviously -- health can be a long, slow, and widing road, especially mental health. But I'm excited, and... having that sort of 'bright future' to look forwards to is genuinely amazing.

One more step to being the 'me' I know I'm capable of being, right?

So that was that. I got boba as well... hoping to actually start a part-time job at that place soon if I'm lucky! We'll see.

As for other things -- going to uni in Japan isn't going to happen, sadly. The financial portion of it all was quite tricky, and I'm just not in a position to be able to support myself well enough overseas while not having a full-time 'proper' job, even though it was generally pretty inexpensive all in all -- even with two years of college already completed on my end. I have career paths open to Japan in the future, so it's not the end of the world, though I was really looking forwards to it. :/

I'm fine with going more local, though it may mean I won't be able to major in Japanese -- I can luckily commute by train (!!), and lots of those expenses will hopefully be cut down a bit. I'm waiting on acceptance results from a certain big-name uni, so hoping that pans out. Edit: they did not, :( Everything will be just fine whatever happens, and I'm sure of it.

I don't have all that much more to say!! I've been baking lots... also had a small vacation in Utah that I couldn't get out of, which was boring LOL. Not my favorite place ever, and to make matters worse I was just starting my last college semester until my Associate's comes when we set off! All good now, though... I traded some shinies I caught for my older sister on the last day of 3DS online services <3, which was a really happy thing. And on that same day, I finished my living dex in my copy of Pokemon Y, which was the first time I had done any dex completion things! Wanting to do the same with my copy of Moon, next.

Finished the Cardcaptor Sakura manga, also... it made a really big impact on me I think, and I just... loved everything about it. Not much more to say about it other than it's given me more inspiration to be even more magical!! Even though I'm technically an adult now, as a very very wise Subway Master said, a lot of being a magical girl is in your state of mind.

I have a long ways to go, but... maybe I can start calling myself a full-time, not-in-training, proper magical girl soon.

Maybe I already am one.

それでね?バイバイ o/
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I finally got to read this since I finished my fic at last!! LOL. Overall I STILL can't believe you biked that far!! Please don't over exert yourself, okay?! If you really really have to bike that far again, remember to pack some water at least! Nonetheless, I'm very proud of you for getting the diagnosis and medication you need!! And I'm glad you treated yourself buying that cheese after, too! I do the same after big appointments, retail therapy is the best, huh. (<<guilty) LOL

I am sorry to hear about uni in Japan not working out... but on the bright side, you are still able to live there eventually if you want, or find work etc. Lots of opportunities in your future! I'm really happy to hear things are looking up for you!! Treat yourself lots, okay? You've come very far and nothing will stop you!
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