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The opening of a story I am writing

R

Ryujin

Dragon-Spirited Trainer
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This Blog is about a litlle story that I'm currently in the process of writing. I have not got a title yet and it may not be that good as it's a crude first effort, certainly not as polished as some of the great fan fiction I've seen here. Please feel free to leave comments and/or make suggestions for a title as it would be much appreciated.

Klink! Klink! Why must life be so hard? Klink! Klink! Every day I strike this ore to make tools of suffering for those poor pokemon Klink! Klink! KLINK! SMASH!
"Dylan! What did I tell you about controlling your anger? Did you learn nothing? Fool! You would be lying in a pool of your own blood had I not given you this job! That's £7 off your salalry."

Dylan was an exceptionally hard working boy who had a shadowy past even he could not remember. It is a miracle that he was here, working for a illegal organisation that cruelly forced pokemon to fight to the grave, or even the dustbin. Dylan didn't want to do this but it was the only way he could afford to survive. He couldn't afford decent clothes so he stayed in house, if even that, of detritus.

"But that leaves me with less than nothing."
He didn't have an education so he wasn't a mathematical genius but he could count.

"Well done Einstein."
His manager was a plump but powerful illegal business man who sold things for a significant amount more than their value while double dealing under the table.

Dylan thought life couldn't get any worse. Life begged to differ.
 
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Hmm. A little short and sparse on description but you offer a dirty glimpse into the underworld of the Pokémon World.
 
this is rather interesting. sounds a lot different than what you see here! i kind of wonder what's going on and where they are, but i expect you did that intentionally to draw people in and want to read more. still though, more description would benefit. otherwise, this is a rather good start.
 
Thanks sAtAn.
I'll be writing more a bit later as I'm currently focusing on an upcoming test.
 
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