The Pokemon and Bakugan crossover!

[jinglejoe]

Chapter one

Pokemon World

Ash: I can't wait for the Sinnoh League!
Dawn: And my next contest!
Brock: Alright lets find a Pokemon Center.
Pikachu: Pika!

Bakugan World

Jake: Dan the man, Drago's so cool!
Dan: Yep, thats my partner.
Drago: Me and Dan have been in so many battles its like we battle as one.
Ren: What are all the powers that the Dragonoid possesses.
Dan: Drago can make portals to New Vestroia and Vestal.
Drago: Apollonir gave me those powers.
Marucho: Plus you have Battle Gear power.
Dan: Well we are number one.
Shun: (Thinks to himself) Why is a dork like Dan number one?
Dan: Hey Shun you're pretty good since you are number two.
Shun: Yes.....
Dan: But number one's all that counts!
Ren: Let's test Drago's portals.
Drago: They do work.
Ren: I just wanna go sightseeing (heheheh)
Dan: Okay Drago open one.
Drago: Here it goes.....!!!!!!!
Marucho: Let's go in!
Jake: Come on Dan the man.

Back to the Pokemon world

Brock: Is that a portal to the Reverse World?
Ash: I don't think so.
Brawlers: (Jump out)
Dawn: Who are you?
Dan: We're the Bakugan Battle Brawlers.
Ash: Well we're Pokemon Trainers.
Marucho: Pokemon?
Dan: You wanna battle?
Ash: Sure.
Brock: Battle Begin!
Ash: Pikachu I choose you!
Dan: Bakugan Brawl! Pyrus Helix Dragonoid stand!

To be continued

 

[Zekurom]

Ummmm.

First of all, I hate to break it to you, but this first little part seemed devoid of any real plot. It just looks like you have a bunch of Bakugan characters mysteriously find a portal to the Pokemon world, without any rhyme or reason, and end up in the Pokemon world. They immediately jump into battle, without Ash even being scared of these newcomers from another world. Hopefully you'll actually explain a bit of what happens without this turning into just a random battle fest between the two.

Second of all, SCRIPT FORMAT. MY EYES. #_#

 

[The Anonymour]

Scriping is so not good, dude. If you were writting a play, maybe, but not a fanfic. The portal has no reason on explination or any of that shiz. YOu need to re-think this.

 

[jinglejoe]

This is my first fanfic so I'm trying to do my best.

P.S. The explination about the portal will be given later.

Chapter 2

Ash: Pikachu use Thunderbolt!
Pikachu: PIKA.....CHUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!
Drago: Ahh!!!!!!!!!!
Dawn: Thats one weird looking Charizard.
Brock: Charizard or not Pikachu has the advantage.
Dan: Ability activate, Dragon Hummer!
Ash: Dodge it Pikachu and use Quick Attack!
Drago: There's no way a little mouse can beat me.
Dan: Double Ability activate! Firm Tornado and Galactic Dragon.
Pikachu: (Grunts)
Jake: Great job Dan the man!
Ash: Pikachu use Iron Tail!
Dan: Hold it! Battle Gear boost, Jetkor!
Ash: Pikachu, Volt Tackle it to the head!
Drago: (Returns to ball form)
Dan: There's no way you can defeat me!!!!!!!!

To be continued.....

 

[Marcat]

Dude, I don't want to be rude or harsh at all - just honest.
This is kinda pointless, first of all its scripted which makes it unreadable unless you were hoping to be screenwriter or a play writer.
Second of all, the "portal" makes no sense whatsoever, how it happened, why or anything at all.
Also, Bakugan (or whatever) and Pokemon aren't related at all. If anything it just a cross between Pokemon and Yugioh. Therefore, a battle between two different universes is impossible.
Try something new, try reading some other Fics around here. There are many excellent Fics and new ones (crappy ones, too) really man you have to know what you're doing.

 

[Legacy]

The idea of this crossover is fine. Just try to write it in paragraph form rather than the script format. Paint a picture for your readers rather than just dialog.

Explain to us what Bakugon is... I for one have no idea what it is.

 

[Zekurom]

Explain to us what Bakugan is... I for one have no idea what it is.

Bakugan is this pretty recent toy craze that popped up here in North America. The idea of it is that kids will roll small plastic balls with choking hazards onto magnetic cards, that will cause them to pop up and take on the form of a monster.

Okay, now for the second chapter.

The dialogue is just dandy. But we want to actually know what's happening! You need to actually have some description in these scenes, otherwise we're left confused as to what is actually going on.

Script format is not good for the kind of description this fanfic sorely needs. Try actually putting it into paragraph format.

(I hope this isn't harsh.)

 

[Marcat]

To say the truth, I really think its a cross between Pokemon and Yugioh. Seriously, the ball is as big a pokeball in mini form and the pop out to reveal a different monster when thrown.
They use cards to make a monster stronger and activate abilities, I hate it. Completely unoriginal.
But thats just me. Hehe

 

[The Anonymour]

To be honest, I see no potential here.

 

[SSJ3_Raditz]

what is this i don't even

 

[-Gray-]

To be honest, I see no potential here.

what is this i don't even

This and this. I'm sorry to tell you this, but this story is horrible. There's no reaction, plot, or ANYTHING. And also, how can Pokemon and Bakugan go together? It's like pokemon and Yugioh put together! I mean seriously, a giant dragon thig against an electric mouse? And two completely different mechanics of battling, as one uses cards and one uses moves. Just like Anonymous, I see no potential in here.

 

[Kantomasta]

I'd rather go read ryan and josephs journey right now.

1st: Like said above, how can two battling styles mix? you have to have a field open for a bakugan to brawl, but a pokemon battle takes place in a wide place.

2nd: Ash dosent have a bakugan, so when Dan opened a field ash would stop until the battle was over, cuz time stops.


Yes, i used to watch this everyday. Now, its getting boring

 

[Zekurom]

Seriously, the ball is as big a pokeball in mini form.

No, smaller. A Pokeball in mini form is about 1.5 times the diameter of a ping-pong ball. (A regular-sized Bakugan is half that size.) In fully blown-out form, it's about the size of a Red Delicious apple, or a giant Bakugan.

 

[TeamGalacticMercury]

Not big on Crossovers, but hey, your fic. I understand that this is your first fic. Well, here are some basic rules to follow-

No script format. Period.
Have a clear, well-defined plot
DESCRIPTION!
Spelling and Grammar are a must!

You might want to consider a re-write. Seriously. A little grease and I can see this being a good story. I'm one of the few that watch Bakugaun here. I'll shoot you a VM, and then begin to help you.

 

[alster08]

I lkie the idea but there is no discription and the script format isnt helping you here. Try writing them as paragraphs and whth as much detail as possible.

 

[Yumega]

Guys don't be too harsh :/
Anyway, I have my comments.

Scripting isn't good-it doesn't matter if it's your first fic or not; it just doesn't read that well as a script...

Pretend we know nothing about Pokémon or Bakugan. As you know this is a forum for Pokémon (I don't mean that you shouldn't write about Bakugan btw) so we obviously know about Pokémon but my guess is that most people don't know much about Bakugan. Take me for example.

I've seen the toys in the shops and the adds on TV, that's it. Honestly I have no other ideas what Bakugan is or about the Charecters or monsters. So maybe you should explain things in detail in the story (what the monsters are like, ect) Here is an example with Pikchu;

The the elecrtric type Pokémon launched it's small yellow body into the air, it's red cheeks crackling with static. Sudenly it lunged; it's yellow and brown jagged tail swooped across with a sickning slam, forcing the electric mouse Pokémon back onto it's tiny back leggs.

Do something like that from the Bakugan series. Also describe the charecters.

Finaly make your chapters longer, seriously a few lines won't cut it...close. They don't have to be seriusly long- two microsoft word pages

 

[Lief Katano]

Let me first say this: Ghthfgsduifhsial. I have typed random letters for no reason.
Okay, now I'm serious: Everyone else here is right. (Heck, my worst fic...nah, this is better. Barely.) A crossover between Percy Jackson and Pokemon would make much more sense. Okay, maybe a little. My point is, Bakugan and Pokemon are not compatable. Well, maybe barely. Plus, script format is totally a no-go. Anyway, you were also wrong when Brock said "Charizard or not, Pikachu has the advantage." Pikachu would have the advantage over Aqous and Ventus Bakugan, if possible, not Pyrus. (Why? Easy: Aquos and Ventus are the attributes of water and wind respectivly, and Pyrus is the attribute of fire. Drago is Pyrus.)

 

[an illegible mess.]

Ugh... Okay, some help here...

First, it's all in format. Blech, that just doesn't make a story, well, a story. If you want to make it a story, format writing is a no-no. Good for plays and such, but not writing.

And most people (like me) don't know what Bakugan is. Maybe like Yumega has said make it more descriptive?

Sorry, but I don't think this is going to go anywhere. Better grammar, spelling, and descriptions will be helpful... But then again, I just don't see it as something someone would enjoy... Sorry...