TEEN: - Ongoing The Pokemon show

[mythion251]

The Pokemon Show

Episode one: Sibling rivalry

Spotlight appears and shines on a young man holding a microphone and taps his feet. As a young nurse with reddish hair checks her clipboard, who then cues the Announcer to start the show.

Mythion251: Welcome everyone to the Pokemon show with me, Mythion251, as the host. I like to start off the show with introducing my co-host and teammates.

A Raichu, a Houndoom, a Lugia, a Blaziken, a Torterra, and a Manaphy then walk on stage and greet themselves.

Minnie: Hi yaw folks

Sheba: hello

Triton: What they said

Blazer: Say something better next time, Triton

Tore: Yah, be more creative

Lucida: Ignore the savage known as Sheba

Sheba: I resent that

Mythion251: Please welcome Minnie, Sheba, Triton, Blazer, Tore, and Lucida or known as my jacked up Pokemon Team to the show.

Sheba: We all resent that

Mythion251: Sure you all do and that were going to start the season off with a bang.

Out of the blue, a loud explosion is heard in the background as a trainer jumps out of nowhere on fire

Mythion251: Not like that type of bang, now where did that dumb Blaziken go now. Oh that must be Chris, why is he smoking on the floor unconsciously, oh c****. Blazer what the h*** happen.

Blazer: He ate my special Mint chocolate chip donuts with strawberry sprinkles on top so I used an Aura sphere and a Flamethrower combo on him.

Mythion251: Then why did use Aura sphere and a Flamethrower on Him.

Blazer: I felt like it

Mythion251: All right then, so can I Get one of the Blissey to use Heal ball on Chris and someone find Lisa.

A girl of 12 with Brown Hair and Blue eyes walks on stage with a Dark-browned dog. She then sits down in one of the two guests chair as the newly recovered Chris joins her there.

Lisa: Ya miss me Myth.

Mythion251: Not really and can we got on with the show

Chris: That was mean man, but good job ^-^

Lisa: You guys are mean, and Myth you to be good buddies with me

Mythion251: Okay, I dissevered that, but we get on with the show

Lisa: All right

Mythion251: Okay, first Question what are your titles in Mythion

Chris: I’m actually the champion of the whole league, while Lisa is nobody

Lisa: liar, I’m the top Coordinator there

Mythion251: Okay, I’ll let Sheba asked the next question

Sheba: Okay Lisa, Who’s that Hot looking Schon named Max next to you and how do I get his Phone number

Max: Oh, hi and I don’t know as I’m dating a girl Firub named Ruby

Sheba: R-U-B-Y-, got it and self-note, kill her

Mythion251: Well that wasn’t even a real question, okay now what are you teammates

Chris: I have a,
Verom or Topaz Level 76
Alpona or Solana Level 73
Lakste or Sapphire level 70
Barpin or Emerald 70
Noval or Ruby 70
Cosala or Amethyst Level 66

Lisa while I have,

(Tough) Schon or Maxi Level 76
Dianer or Lunick level 73
(Cute) Banorce or brandy level 52
(Beauty) Ibiost or chiller level 67
(Smart) Argra or Thorn level 48
(Cool) Jaceat or Clarence (Clancy) Level 63

Sheba: is the Jaceat single?

Mythion251: Get over it Shebs, oh and one last question for both of you

Chris: what?

Mythion251: Can we see all you guy’s Pokemon?

The both replied yes as they tossed 11 balls in they are releasing almost a dozen different Pokemon. Sheba then attacked the Noval as both used a self-Destruct as all 18 Pokemon on stage got knock out.

Mythion251: Can we get a Doctor in the House?

Chris: My mom’s one

Mythion: Well then, See you all time, though if we even have one

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

You use next to no description. How are we supposed to envision these people if we don't know what they look like or how they act? What tones do the lines take?

 

[Umby]

Don't take me too seriously, I'm just a really hard critic, ok?

I wouldn't mind periods at the ends of setences, it just makes the whole thing look neater. Plus, I never really saw any of your story, you just sorta went along. And also, I didn't really get what was happening.

One example:
Mythion251: Not like that type of bang, now where did that dumb Blaziken go now. Oh that must be Chris, why is he smoking on the floor unconsciously, oh c****. Blazer what the h*** happen.

What it could of been:
Not like that type of bang, now where did that dumb Blaziken go now? AH! CHRIS! HE'S ON THE GROUND SMOKING? BLAZER!

You see, you can add a bit of texture to the story by making it sound like you're yelling, exausted, etc.

Like I said at the beginning, your story is ok, I'm just a VERY hard critic.

 

[LightningTopaz]

You have a vision in mind.

However, what we have here is just the starting point. We need more description to fully appriciate what's happening.

You're welcome to take a look at my variety show fic "The Ash and Pikachu Show" to see how I describe what is going on.

 

[mythion251]

Episode one: Sibling rivalry(Edited)

The Pokemon Show

Episode one: Sibling rivalry

Spotlight appears and shines on a young man dressed in a black Tux wearing a Red velvet tie, and then holding a microphone and taps his feet. As a young nurse with reddish hair checks her clipboard, who then cues the Announcer to start the show.

Mythion251: Welcome everyone to the Pokemon show with me, Mythion251, as the host. I like to start off the show with introducing my co-hosts and teammates.

A Raichu, a Houndoom, a Lugia, a Blaziken, a Torterra, and a Manaphy then walk on stage and greet themselves. All appeared to be shiny and were at high levels, they all then sat in chairs on the right of the Host and try to introduce themselves.

Minnie: Hi yaw folks, how are you all doing?

She tightens the polka dotted pink bow she had on one of her large, rabbit like ears.

Sheba: Hello.

She turns to a chef who tosses her a cooked honey mustard glazed ham as she ate it viciously.

Triton: What the girly-girl and savage said.

As the tall Lugia tries to make the scene funny when he’s not suppose to.

Sheba: I RESENT THAT!

She bears her fangs at the rare and Mysterious legendary. The Houndoom then thought of releasing a large shadow ball on the cruel Lugia she considered as her friend.

Blazer: Say something better next time, Triton.

The lean and tall blaziken then heard something and ran at top speed to the back of the stage.

Tore: Yah, be more creative

As the slow and lazy Torterra yawned and tried to get back to sleep.

Lucida: Ignore the savage known as Sheba though.

While everyone was trying to make calm down Sheba restated the same joke made by Triton

Sheba: I RESENT THAT!

She bears her fangs yet again now at the Small and light-weighted legendary. The Houndoom then thought of releasing a large shadow ball on the copycat Manaphy she also considered as her friend.


Mythion251: Well, please welcome Minnie, Sheba, Triton, Blazer, Tore, and Lucida or known as my jacked up Pokemon Team to the show.

The tall teenaged announcer then grabbed his water, shaking as he became nervous as his old friends were messing up his show.

Sheba: WE ALL RESENT THAT!

She then stared at the announcer who then replies that he was joking around and tries states something.

Mythion251: Sure you all do and that were going to try start the season off with a BANG!

Out of the blue, a loud explosion is heard in the background as a trainer jumps out of nowhere on fire. He then wheezes as the Host realizes where the noise came from as he turns back to his left.

Mythion251: Not like that type of bang, now where did that dumb Blaziken go now? AH! CHRIS! HE'S ON THE GROUND SMOKING? BLAZER!”

As he sees his own Blaziken, Blazer, finishing off a Flamethrower on young boy.

Blazer: He ate my special Mint chocolate chip donuts with strawberry sprinkles on top so I blasted him with an Aura sphere and a Flamethrower combo.

The tall fiery chicken said with a serious tone as he was eating a donut.

Mythion251: Okay, THEN WHY DID YOU USE AN AURA SRHERE AND FLAMETHROWER ON HIM!

As the announcer was already nervous as he started to blow his top off.

Blazer: It’s because, I felt like it.

With the Blaziken already in trouble he went to see what the other came found as he heard something.

Mythion251: All right then, so can I Get one of the Blissey to use Heal ball on Chris and someone find Lisa.

As a girl of 12 with Brown Hair and Blue eyes walks on stage with a Dark-browned dog, as Blazer guided her to the stage. She then sits down in one of the two guests chair as the newly recovered Chris joins her there.

Mythion251: Alright, I going to start the cartoon we have celebrating new journeys.

A TV monitor comes down from the ceiling as it plays the cartoon “Journey to the Starting Line.” The show then comes back on after a long wait with the cast were ready.

Lisa: Yah miss me Myth?

As she was excited to meet her older Childhood friend and old Neighbor on which she use to have crush on.

Mythion251: Kinda, but not really and so can we got on with the show?

As he was being serious and hoped that Lisa caught on to the joke.

Chris: That was mean man, but good job!

As Chris had caught on to the little joke implied by the darkened browned headed host.

Lisa: You guys are mean, and Myth you to be good buddies with me.

As she had then frowned at the tall, young men that sat next to her.

Mythion251: Okay, I dissevered that, and yes but we get on with the show please, as we were playing a joke on you.

He then strokes his brown hair as he felt that what he did ti her was cruel.

Lisa: All right.

As she gained back a smile as she then caught on that he was joking around with her.

Mythion251: Okay, first Question what are your titles in Mythion?

The Host smiled at his old, childhood friends and then waited for a reply.

Chris: I’m actually the champion of the whole league, while Lisa is nobody.

He knew that Lisa had almost beaten him in the Dragon cup but he had beaten mainly everyone else in it that was famous.

Lisa: Liar, I’m the top Coordinator there.

She also knew about how she was mainly equaled to her shortly older brother and best friend.

Mythion251: Okay, I’ll let Sheba asked the next question.

The host then became worried about what the large, fiery canine was going to do.

Sheba: Okay Lisa, Who’s that Hot looking Schon named Max next to you and how do I get his Phone number.

She already thought that she was desperate, as she knew that it was the main reason of asking.

Max: Oh, hi and I don’t know as I’m dating a girl Firub named Ruby. As he thought the Houndoom was cute, but he was to noble to be cheating on his present girlfriend.

Sheba: R-U-B-Y-, got it and self-note, kill her

As the dark hound gave an evil glance to her master of what she was going to do.

Mythion251: Well that wasn’t even a real question, okay now who are your teammates.

As he was wondering what Pokemon they had on them at the moment.

Chris: I have a, Verom or Topaz at Level 76, an Alpona or Solana at Level 73, a Lakste or Sapphire at level 70, a Barpin or Emerald at Level 70, a Noval or Ruby at Level 70, and a Cosala or Amethyst at Level 66.

He then waited for his elegant and collected sister to start her list.

Lisa: While I have, an Schon or Maxi at Level 76,an Artner or Lunick at level 73, a Banorce or brandy at level 52, an Ibiost or chiller level 67, an Argra or Thorn at level 48, and a Jaceat or Clarence (Clancy) at Level 63.

When they both finished they were thinking of releasing their Pokemon until their trail of thought ended as Sheba thought out loud.

Sheba: As the Jaceat single though?

As she was hoping to find her true love like she had with a mysterious ghost named Narutobi who had a pet Jaceat.

Mythion251: Get over it Sheba, oh and one last question for both of you?

As was he thinking about one thing and one thing only.

Chris: What?

As his sister had then said the same thing to the host who had invited them.

Mythion251: Can we see all of your guy’s Pokemon?

The both replied yes as they tossed 11 balls in they are releasing almost a dozen different Pokemon. Sheba then attacked the Noval as both used a self-Destruct as all 18 Pokemon on stage got knock out.

Mythion251: Can we get a Doctor in the House?

The host the coughed a whiff of smoke as a Two-dozen Blisseyes and Chanseyes appeared to the Pokemon and guests.

Chris: My mom’s one though.

As the wounded Chris was getting tended to his bruises and wounds from the explosion.

Mythion: Well then, See you all time, though if we even have one?

The show had then ended as the credits then showed highlights of a blacked-haired young lad with a Pikachu and a pregnant-looking, red haired gym leader from the Kanto region who were going to guest star.

 

[Blackjack Gabbiani]

Script format doesn't use quotes. Use the directions as seperate lines.

 

[Dash456]

Good editing so far, but your welcome to check out some of Lightning Topaz's work if you need inspiration from her.