The Power of Three

[PanicAttack]

So I thought I'd have a go at writing a Pokémon fanfic. I'd rather have the work speak for itself, however, and as such I won't be making much use of author's notes. I will take questions, though, but don't be surprised if I come across as illusive with my answers! All I think you need to know right now is that I don't consider this to fit any particular "verse". I take bits of inspiration from across the different Pokémon media. It's set in Hoenn, a decade after the incident with Team Magma (or was it Team Aqua?)

Synopsis:
Three young adults from Fortree City travel the Hoenn region. Each one is seeking something different out of their journey. Nicki Stevens seeks to become the Pokémon League Champion, but must overcome more than just Gym Leaders. Troy Murdock is after the truth about the events that happened in the Hoenn region a decade ago, but may just find the real reason for the freak weather and seismic activity wilder than the conspiracies. As for Amelia Logger, she hopes to discover her calling on the road having not found it in seventeen years. Will her wandering lead her down a path to fulfilment or misery?

Index:
Chapter 1: Enter
Chapter 2: Unchained
Chapter 3: It's On!

 

[PanicAttack]

Chapter 1: Enter

March 21st, 9:45pm, Littleroot Town

They call it a town that can’t be shaded any hue, but the tiny Littleroot Town had always been predominantly green. Even with the recent upgrades to the road networks, Littleroot still looked much as it always had – a green, idyllic small country town surrounded by trees and grassland. It had no Pokémon Centre, no Pokémon Mart and no Gym. In many ways, it was an unremarkable location, were it not for the fact that it was home to Professor Birch, an expert on Pokémon habitats. Three figures stood outside the vast laboratory, looking up at the sign outside the building.

“Birch Pokémon Lab… Girls, we’ve made it,” said Troy Murdock. He was eighteen years old, and stood at 6’ tall. His hair was long, brown and rather unkempt. On his back was a large, red backpack brimming with various necessities. His outfit consisted of a black leather jacket, long dark blue jeans and black combat boots. His eyes were blue and hidden by a pair of thin-framed spectacles. His rugged chin had a thin beard growing on it.

“I can’t believe it took that long!” Nicki Stevens grumbled. Like Troy, she was eighteen and had long hair; however hers was red and wavy. She was 5’9” and wore an open blue denim jacket, white vest top and blue cloth skirt. Her long, shapely legs disappeared into a pair of blue high-top sneakers. Tucked under her right arm was a messenger bag. “Like, even for public transport, that was ridiculous.”

“Let’s go inside!” squealed Amelia Logger, excitedly dashing towards the door. She was slightly younger at just seventeen, and had straight blonde hair down to her chin, with green eyes and a slender, toned physique. She was wearing a red sweatshirt and dark blue jogging bottoms with white trainers. She carried a black backpack, slightly smaller than Troy’s, but packed just as much. Troy and Nicki followed Amelia as the automatic glass door opened up silently. Inside, they found a young man waiting. He had a tanned complexion, a loose white hat and a lab coat on. “Are you Professor Birch?” asked Amelia.

The man nodded. “Well yes, but not the one you might have expected. I’m Professor Brendan Birch.”

“So where’s Dalton?” Nicki asked. In her mind, the name “Professor Birch” was synonymous with the older Dalton, a rather plump fellow with a scraggly neckbeard rather than the young, skinny Brendan. Not that she minded, of course – she found this Brendan fellow rather easy on the eye.

Brendan cleared his throat. “My dad went on a trip to Southern Island and left me in charge here. Don’t worry though; I’m more than qualified to help you out!”

“Well in that case, let’s not waste any more time,” Troy smiled as Brendan led the group down the corridor into the main laboratory room, oblivious to the slight blush in Nicki’s complexion. On a table there were three Poké Balls arranged in an equilateral triangle shape. Each ball had a tiny symbol on the top. The one closest to group had an orange flame. Behind it to the left was one with a green leaf, and the other had a blue water drop. “I take it you’re all familiar with the three starter Pokémon?”

“We are indeed, and we already decided who we’re going with,” said Amelia. The three of them had discussed their starter Pokémon choices extensively; although luckily for them there was no real conflict as to who wanted what.

Nicki nodded. “I’ve studied bird Pokémon extensively,” she said, stepping up to the flame-print ball. “And so, I choose Torchic.” She picked the ball up and opened it. The small orange chick Pokémon emerged and looked up at her new trainer, chirruping excitedly. “Hello, Torchic. I’m your new trainer, Nicki.”

“Torchic is a great choice. Ever since May became Champion, it’s been the most popular one,” explained Brendan.

Nicki didn’t say anything to Brendan’s comment as she placed her hands onto Torchic’s body. As dishy as she found him, she found the idea that she was just getting on some kind of bandwagon based on a successful trainer of yesteryear rather condescending. “Wow, you’re so much warmer than my Noctowl,” she cooed. “That’s to be expected of a Fire Pokémon, but still!” Torchic chirped happily as her new trainer lifted her up.

“So, who’s picking next?” asked Brendan.

Troy stepped up to the leaf-print ball. “I will. My choice is Treecko,” he said, opening the ball. The wood gecko Pokémon looked up at Troy, staring blankly. “Er, hi. I’m Troy, and I’m looking after you now,” said Troy, extending his right hand, expecting a handshake. Treecko didn’t make a sound, but simply looked at the outstretched hand, then back to Troy’s face.

“Treecko doesn’t seem to know what to make of you,” Brendan surmised.

Troy turned a little bit red. “Well, that’s a bit awkward considering I’m supposed to be training him,” he sighed, moving his hand back. He wasn’t regretting his choice, but the idea that he might have picked the most difficult Pokémon echoed in his head. Still, there was something a little bit off with this Treecko based on what little he’d managed to learn about the three starter Pokémon. “I thought Treecko were generally a lot more active than this.”

Before Brendan could give any sort of explanation, Amelia offered a hypothesis. “Maybe he just needs a bit more time to warm up to you?” she said, shrugging her shoulders. She then stepped up to the remaining Poké Ball. “Uhm, would you mind if I pick up my Pokémon?”

“Go right ahead,” Brendan smiled. It was unusual for him to hand out starter Pokémon, but he could usually tell who he thought had a good understanding of who would make a good or poor trainer. Nicki had mentioned owning another Pokémon, showing experience. Troy had recalled a fact he had learned somewhere, which was generally accurate. It was certainly more preparation than he’d seen in other aspiring newbies, that was for certain. Even Amelia, who hadn’t shown any sign that she’d done any research or had any experience, at least showed that she had some decent instincts so far.

Amelia gripped the Poké Ball and opened it. “Come out, Mudkip!” she said with a wide grin. She might have had the last choice, but she didn’t seem to mind. The small blue Pokémon looked up to her curiously. “Hi, I’m Amelia. I’m your new owner!” she said, reaching out with her left hand and stroking his fin. Mudkip flinched and stepped back.

“Milly, you know Mudkip uses its fin like a radar dish, right?” Nicki snapped at the blonde girl. “You basically pinched the poor thing in its eyeballs!”

Moving her hand away with a quick snap, she looked to her Mudkip. “Ah, I’m sorry! I didn’t realise!” she said. Mudkip just turned his head and huffed. He knew that most starting trainers were pretty clueless when it came to how to treat Pokémon, but Amelia was quite older than the norm. Surely it wasn’t much to expect a bit of common sense from her!

Meanwhile, Troy and Treecko were still looking at each other awkwardly. The Grass Pokémon was not expecting a young adult to be his trainer either, and it rather baffled him. Questions filled his mind, such as ‘why was this Troy person only starting his journey now?’ and ‘if he’s old enough to grow a beard but only just starting, is he stupid and thus, unworthy of trust?’ All Troy was thinking was ‘why the heck is Treecko staring at me?’ Both were broken from their silent trances by the words of Nicki. “Well, looks like Torchic and I are off to the best start already. Does anyone wanna prove me wrong?”

Troy looked to the redhead and laughed. “You’re as crazy as you must think I am! Fire against Grass? No thank you!”

Treecko let out a quiet croaking noise and jumped up onto Troy’s right shoulder. It was a clear display of the kind of pragmatism he’d seen countless new trainers fail to display in the recent past. Whatever the reason for Troy’s late start actually was, stupidity might not have been one of them.

Amelia shook her head. “I don’t think Mudkip really wants to battle alongside me, even if we would win…” she frowned.

“Yeah, I’d be hesitant to work with someone who poked me in the eye too!” Nicki smirked.

“Oh come on! I already said I’m sorry!” Amelia whined, looking to Mudkip.

“Perhaps I can offer something that might help you from making this mistake again,” said Brendan, opening a nearby cupboard. He took out three small, red electronic devices. He handed one of them to Amelia. “It’s a Pokédex. I worked on it with May Feltz ten years ago, and it’s consolidated all the information we gathered along with similar projects from across the world. It should tell you all you need to know about Mudkip and just about every other Pokémon you’ll come across,” he explained, before handing one to Troy. “I’ve got ones for you and Nicki too. Most trainers have one these days.”

“Ah, thanks! Should be useful,” said Troy as he slotted it into his jacket’s inside pocket. “Like a glove,” he grinned.

Nicki took a look at hers, pensively. “Should it? I already know a tonne.”

“Alright, let’s see if you know this one,” Troy smirked. “What’s the average weight of a Wingull?” he asked as he and Amelia opened their Pokédexes.

“Nine and a half kilos,” Nicki said immediately.

Sure enough, the screen displayed the statistic that Troy had requested. “Fair play,” he shrugged. “Probably an easy one for a bird expert though. How about the known abilities of Ninjask?”

Nicki just scoffed. “Too right that’s easy, and so is this one. Intimidate and Unnerve. One scares the opponent into attacking with less physical power, while the other makes them unwilling to eat berries.”

“Wow, you’re a nerd!” Amelia giggled as she read the ability list. Nicki had got it right, almost word for word. “Alright, what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Swellow?

The redhead pondered for a second. “Well, I would estimate it to be somewhere around thirty metres per second.”

“You’re actually taking her question seriously?” Brendan chuckled awkwardly. This wasn’t the first time he’d seen new trainers ask their Pokédex questions that were references to old comedy flicks, but never had he seen anyone actually try to give a serious answer.

Amelia gasped “She’s right, though. Pokédex says thirty-three is the record!”

“How do you know so much?” asked Brendan.

Nicki laughed a haughty laugh. “I’m a former disciple of Fortree Gym. The real Fortree Gym, I mean; not that wretched Combee hive that exists now!”

“So that’s why you chose Torchic,” Brendan surmised, looking at the ginger girl and her Pokémon. “For ten years now Torchic’s been the most popular starter Pokémon, just because people wanted to emulate May.”

Nicki scoffed. “I’m not interested in being a mere copy of a Champion, past or present, thank you very much! I’m going to take on the League and win, my way!”

“So you want to become Champion. What about you two? What are your goals?” Brendan asked the other two new trainers.

Amelia looked back, biting on her bottom lip. She had her reasons to travel, of course, but she didn’t want to say them in front of Brendan. It wasn’t his business, and the others knew already. Thankfully, Troy spoke up before she had to. “I’m seeking out the truth,” he said.

“The truth?”

“Yes, specifically about ten years ago. We had freak weather patterns and unprecedented seismic activity across the region, with no explanation. I want to know what happened,” he said, crossing his arms. As much as he appreciated Brendan doing his job of preparing the three of them for their upcoming journey, he knew that that young professor probably knew something and wasn’t about to spill the beans.

Treecko croaked quietly in Troy’s ear. His animalistic instincts told him that there was some deeper investment in discovering the truth than he was letting onto. He found it interesting. Now he was more interested than ever in the human.

“I see… What about you, Amelia?”

“Uhh…” Amelia began to sweat as the question impaled her, like a puny Zigzagoon on the receiving end of an attack from a Gallade. She looked at the floor. “I... I…” she hesitantly muttered. “I just want to travel and be safe.”

“Well take it from me – travelling the region with Pokémon gets very unsafe at times,” said Brendan. “But that’s why you train and build a mutual trust with your Pokémon.”

Amelia nodded. “I know. I hope Mudkip will get to trust me soon,” she said, wiping a single tear from her eye. Mudkip could sense the sudden damp from Amelia’s nervous sweating and solitary teardrop and turned to her. He squeaked and wandered over the table to her, recognising that Amelia was a kindhearted woman. He hopped down from the table and landed on his tiny fins, standing by Amelia’s ankles.

“Looks like he’s willing to give you a shot,” said Brendan.

“Then I think our business here is concluded,” said Nicki.

Troy nodded. “I think so too. Thanks for everything, Professor.”

“We’re going to start our journey tomorrow! I’m so hyped!” giggled Amelia.

 

[Beth Pavell]

So I decided to give this on a go on the basis that the premise isn't something I've seen before, a rare coin in pokémon fanfic. Since it's a short first chapter, this will necessarily have to be short, but let's see:

Technical Accuracy/Style
Nothing wrong with the technical aspects of it. Stylistically it gets the job done, but there's something off in there that I can't quite identify. Maybe it's how the viewpoint keeps jumping around from character to character

Setting
I'm kind of torn on this subject for first chapters. On the one hand there's a good argument for saying that it's best to just get on with it and start the plot as soon as possible - on the other, in the context of pokémon fanfic, I think it reflects well on a story to have a good vivid bit of scene setting for the introduction

Story
It's a different sort of premise, alright. I'm interested to see how you can make the very familiar Ruby/Sapphire story work for this ten-years-on plot. As a first chapter, this one is pretty run of the mill, though. I sort of wonder whether you could have taken more time to individually introduce the protagonists, or something, to build around that starter pokémon scene to give it more bite

Characters
Characters are always basically impossible to properly assess on their first appearance - though in this case I think you could have made more of it, as I mentioned above. I rather like the idea of older journey protagonists, so we'll see where that goes

Final Thoughts
It's ok - I mean, you probably should bear in mind that I'm almost never blown away by first chapters, and I tend to wait three or four before I really start to form an opinion.

 

[PanicAttack]

Thanks for the review, Beth. The fact that the reader of a long-established and (from what I've gleamed) popular journey fic thinks part one is okay (by the standards of someone who doesn't usually like first parts) is actually pretty encouraging. I should finish The Long Walk and review it myself at some point. For now though...

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Chapter 2: Unchained

March 22nd, 10:00am, Littleroot Town

The sky was blue and white from delicate patterns of cloud. A pleasantly warm breeze blew from the south, almost urging Troy, Nicki and Amelia to run out onto Route 101. Their outfits were very similar to those worn upon arrival in Littleroot, though they weren’t wearing their jackets. After all, it was warm enough without them. Their Pokémon all stood at their feet. “So Troy,” Nicki started. “How long should it take to get to Oldale?”

Troy started prodding at the device on his left wrist. It displayed a holographic map of Route 101, along with the shortest and most developed paths along it. “About two hours, assuming we don’t get side tracked,” he said, his right index finger tracking the more developed tarmac path leading directly from the gates of Littleroot Town to Oldale Town. “Though, I would imagine we want to capture some Pokémon before we get to Petalburg City, and Route 101’s as good a place as any to start.”

“Why, what lives out there?” asked Nicki.

“Why spoil the surprise?” Troy smirked. “Just be careful. You don’t want to get jumped. I heard that Professor Dalton Birch got jumped by a Poochyena ten years ago, and it was only thanks to May finding him that he got away.”

Amelia raised an eyebrow. “I heard it was a Zigzagoon?”

“Either way, it’s probably an urban legend. Besides, we’re not absent-minded professor types,” Nicki scoffed.

“Right, we’re Pokémon Trainers now!” Amelia grinned, her Mudkip squeaking in agreement.

Once again, Nicki found herself laughing haughtily. “While ‘now’ might be the right word for you two, I’ve been one for five years! Get behind me; I’ll keep the wild Pokémon off ya!”

“I thought you didn’t bring Noctowl,” Troy said as Nicki started walking out of the town. He and Amelia followed nonetheless.

“I didn’t, but I don’t need her. I think I proved yesterday that I’m the most knowledgeable of the three of us.”

Troy shook his head and laughed. “You might know everything about bird Pokémon, but how much does your bird know?”

The boy had a point. Nicki stopped for a moment and opened her bag up. On the top of all her possessions was her Pokédex, which she took and turned on. “Alright Pokédex, give me information on Torchic’s moves and ability.”

“Torchic’s ability is Blaze. If it is struggling in battle, Torchic will use its adrenaline to power up its Fire attacks. Its moves are Scratch, Growl and Ember.”

“That much,” Nicki said to Troy with a smug grin. There wasn’t a lot at her disposal, but she had an idea as to how each of those attacks might work in battle. Torchic didn’t seem like the type to take a physical blow well – after all, birds tended to have hollow bones, which could easily be broken. As they walked down the road, they soon arrived at a fork in the road, and with it, a choice. Straight ahead of them was a dirt track, fairly well-worn but also somewhat winding. To their right was an overgrown track. The grass was thick and lush, and seemed to be more of a straight line to Oldale Town. “So, which way should we go?” she asked, stopping to weigh up the advantages of each path.

“I think Troy already decided,” Amelia said, gesturing to her right with her thumb.

Sure enough, the long-haired man had already started along the overgrown route. Not only that, but he had seen something moving in the grass. He started walking in, slowly and quietly, trying not to startle the Pokémon. As he approached, he could start to make out details. It was predominantly grey with a black face, a quadruped and looked somewhat lupine. It was sniffing on the ground, tail wagging in the air. Suddenly it started sniffing more intensely, as if it had caught the scent of something new and unusual. It turned around and saw Troy and Treecko, and leapt towards them, baring a set of very large fangs. Battle had begun, and if he wasted any time there was a strong chance he’d be on the wrong end of a set of oversized chompers. “Alright Treecko, protect me with Pound,” he instructed. Treecko jumped between Troy’s legs and spun on the spot, striking the Pokémon with his tail. The other Pokémon yelped, but rather than running away instead bumped Treecko back with its head. A small bruise formed on the Wood Gecko Pokémon’s stomach.

“So he’s fighting a Poochyena, huh?” Nicki said as he watched them.

“I wonder if he’ll catch it,” pondered Amelia.

The musings of the two girls went entirely unnoticed by Troy, who was more focused on keeping himself and his Treecko alive. “Use Absorb to recover from the hit,” Troy instructed. On cue, Treecko raised his left hand up and pointed his fingers towards Poochyena. A small, green beam of energy flew from his hand and hit it, draining energy from the Dark-type Pokémon. The bruise vanished quickly. Troy took off his backpack and picked a Poké Ball from inside it. “And now for the capture! Poké Ball, go!” he called out throwing the ball towards Poochyena. It burst open and the grey Pokémon vanished in a ball of red energy. The ball snapped closed and shook for a few seconds, before flashing. “And now I have more Pokémon than the girls!” he smirked, reclaiming the ball.

“Only if you don’t count Noctowl!” Nicki grinned.

“Whom we already established isn’t here.”

Nicki found herself laughing haughtily. “Still, you caught a Poochyena. That’s not that impressive!”

Troy shrugged his shoulders. “Still more than you’ve ever caught. You were given your Hoothoot and your Torchic.”

Normally Nicki enjoyed her banter with Troy, but now he had touched a nerve. A Poochyena wasn’t anything to brag about. So many Youngsters had passed through the doors of Fortree Gym in her time there, many of them with one. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they were out on their arses about as quickly as they came. “Alright genius, let’s have a bet, and the loser has to cook lunch. I bet I can capture a more impressive Pokémon than you on this route!”

“And how exactly would we judge that?” Troy asked.

The two of them turned to Amelia. “Hey, woah, no! If there’s going to be that kind of a bet, I want in on it!”

Troy shrugged his shoulders. “Alright, then we’ll be democratic. I’ll go train Treecko and Poochyena, while you two go and capture something. We’ll meet at the gate to Oldale Town at half two and vote on the most impressive capture. You can only catch one Pokémon, and you can’t vote for your own Pokémon.” He stretched his right hand out in front of him.

Nicki placed her hand on top of Troy’s. “I’m in.”

“Me too,” said Amelia, placing her hand on Nicki’s. “And like now, I’ll come out on top!” she giggled, moving her hand away and running into the grass.

Nicki removed her hand and chuckled. “So she thinks. I’m going to find the most deadly Pokémon on the route!” she smirked as she turned away and walked into the grass.

Troy sighed. “What have I let myself in for?” he chuckled as he looked to the Treecko on his right shoulder. Treecko seemed to croak in agreement.

In the grass, Nicki was moving fairly quickly, but also quietly. Her breathing was slow and deep, and she tried to move against the wind when possible. Soon enough, she saw a small, dark blue bird Pokémon with a red face and white underbelly pecking at the ground. “A Taillow,” she whispered. “Torchic, walk up to it and use Growl.” Torchic nodded and toddled up to the Taillow, before letting out a shrill squawking noise. Taillow turned his head to Torchic and squawked in retaliation, before lunging at Torchic with its beak.
“Now hit it with Ember,” Nicki said, a little bit more loudly. Taillow had their attention after all, so there was little need for stealth at this point. Torchic inhaled and spat out a stream of small fireballs at the Taillow, who in turn managed to land a weak Peck attack on Torchic’s forehead.
As Taillow flew back, Nicki took a Poké Ball out of her messenger bag and threw it. “Go Poké Ball!” she yelled. Much to her dismay, though, her aim was off. The ball flew straight over Taillow and into the thick grass. She saw it burst open and capture something, but she couldn’t tell what. It flashed, signifying that whatever it was, it was now hers. Not only that, but Taillow had flown away. Torchic ran into the grass and scooped up the ball with her beak, chirping to her trainer. “Well, I suppose I might as well see what I did get, even if I was going for that Taillow,” she sighed, opening it. A small, red caterpillar popped out and squeaked at her. “Noctowl’s breakfast?” she said, incredulously. It was bad enough that she’d messed up the shot at a Pokémon she’d wanted to capture, but the fact it was a Bug-type made it worse. What’s more, it wasn’t even a particularly strong one. The bug Pokémon spat a thin silky string from his mouth towards her. Torchic intercepted with Ember and burned the string before it could land. “Bloody hell, Wurmple! I’m joking!” Nicki chuckled. “I suppose since you’re on the team now, I might as well try and make you into a decent fighter.”

Meanwhile, Amelia was taking a very different approach to Nicki. Stealth didn’t even come to mind. “Okay Mudkip, use your radar fin to find me a Pokémon,” she said. Mudkip closed his eyes and started twitching his fin. He then let out a squeak as he believed he’d found something. He started running towards the Pokémon, Amelia following behind, quickly but also carefully so as not to tread on her Pokémon. Soon enough they found a small, canine Pokémon. However, this was no Poochyena. This one was predominantly brown with a tiny red nose and a very fluffy coat. It was sniffing at the ground curiously. Soon, it picked up a scent. Something damp. Something… fishy. She locked eyes with the source of the strange scent and started yapping at it. “I think that Pokémon noticed us, Mudkip. Get it with Water Gun!” Amelia ordered. Mudkip nodded and spat a stream of water from his mouth towards the strange Pokémon. The small puppy Pokémon was drenched, but looked fairly unharmed. She shook herself dry, yapped at Mudkip again and charged towards him.
“It’s going in for a Tackle. Knock it back with a Tackle yourself!” Mudkip squeaked an affirmative and charged towards the dog. The two of them collided head-on, with Mudkip coming off slightly worse from the clash. Still, Amelia was sure her Pokémon had done enough. She grabbed a Poké Ball from her bag and threw it, ensnaring the strange Pokémon in the ball. It shook repeatedly for a few seconds, before finally flashing to signify a capture. Mudkip flipped the ball up and used Water Gun to propel it into Amelia’s right hand. “All right! I caught…” she started, before taking her Pokédex from her bag. She held the Poké Ball in front of the scanner. “Err… Alright Pokédex, what Pokémon did I just catch?”

“Lillipup, the Puppy Pokémon. The long hair on this Normal-typed Pokémon’s face helps it to perceive its surroundings. Though brave, it is pragmatic enough to flee when faced with an overwhelming opponent. This specific Lillipup has the Pickup ability and knows the moves Leer, Tackle and Odor Sleuth.”

“I’ve never even seen one of these before. I can’t lose with a Pokémon like this!” she giggled, not realising the fallacy of conflating rarity with strength. Perhaps she thought that if nobody else knew what the Pokémon was, they wouldn’t be able to react to it.

It was twelve o’clock midday by the time Amelia, Nicki and Troy met back up on the dirt track to Oldale Town. “Alright, you’ve seen my Poochyena. Let’s see what you two got,” Troy said with a wide smile. From what he’d seen, the other wild Pokémon around the route weren’t up to much. If anything, his Poochyena seemed to be one of the stronger Pokémon, or at least so he thought. “And remember – least impressive capture is making lunch!”

Nicki winced. She wasn’t much of a cook, and due to some atrocious luck on her part, she hadn’t caught anything spectacular. Even Poochyena looked impressive by comparison. She took Wurmple’s Poké Ball from her belt and hoped for the best. She wasn’t going to win by any means, but hopefully Amelia had done even worse than her. “Oh, I caught this,” she said, opening the ball. Wurmple burst out and hid behind Nicki’s legs.

“A Wurmple, huh?” Troy mused. “That’s not very… you.”

“I was trying to catch a Taillow but messed up, okay?” Nicki snapped, turning bright red. Not only did she majorly screw up the capture she was going for, but in the process gave Troy something to be smug about. “Still, I probably did better than you, Millie!”

Amelia shook her head. “I caught a Pokémon I’d never even seen before!” she beamed. Nicki’s heart sank with those words. This was just a silly contest for fun, but this didn’t sound promising. Whatever Amelia had was probably really rare. The blonde girl took a Poké Ball from her belt and opened it up. “Lillipup, come out!”

“Oh wow! A Lillipup!” Troy gasped. “How did you find this?”

Amelia gestured to her Mudkip. “Radar fin, yo.”

“I didn’t even know those lived in Hoenn,” Nicki frowned. “Still, good job. You’ve got my vote.”

“Mine too,” said Troy. “No offence Nicki and Wurmple, but neither of us managed to capture anything extraordinary!”

Nicki sighed. “I know! So Millie, you still have to vote. What’s better? My Wurmple or Troy’s Poochyena?”

“Well, Poochyena are predators and Wurmple are prey…” she started, but soon found a large glob of sticky, silky webbing covering her face. Wurmple looked at her meanly. “Eww!” squealed the blonde girl. “Okay, Troy gets my vote! This is gross!” she winced as she tried to pull the silk away. It stretched and slowly pulled at her skin. “Argh, painful too! How do you get this stuff off?”

Nicki sighed. Not only did she lose the friendly competition, but the Pokémon she got out of it was hardly a people Pokémon. As Wurmple lowered his head and aimed his horn at Amelia, Nicki chided it. “Wurmple, stop. That human’s a friend, believe it or not.” She looked to the girl and frowned. “Why don’t you and Troy figure out how to clean your face while Torchic and I set up a campfire?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Amelia smiled. “What is for lunch anyway?”

“I shall use all of my culinary skills and make the finest instant noodles you’ve ever had on Route 101!” Nicki smirked as her friends looked at her with a rather bemused expression. They all knew that it was a very specific superlative that was nothing to brag about. They also knew that there being nothing for Nicki to brag about would ever stop her.

 

[Beth Pavell]

I think you're rather exaggerating my status, but that's flattering anyway

Technical Accuracy/Style
Formatting needs a bit of tidying up - there are several lines that I'm pretty sure were meant to have a line break between. This chapter reads a little smoother, though the ending was perhaps on the abrupt side

Setting
Funnily enough I find myself torn again on this one. I'm usually an advocate of paying especial attention to the routes, to avoid the action apparently taking place in a vacuum with a few trees stuck on it. In this case I can't really say that it hurts the chapter, so there we go.

This next comment isn't a criticism so much as food for thought. I think in a journeyfic it's worth putting some thought to how big you want the region to appear. This'll have a knock-on effect with how far your characters will have to travel, which will imply all sorts of other things as well. I personally (And I'm not saying mine is the only way to do it) made Johto roughly the size of the mainland UK. I used my own walking pace as a guide, and took that as the baseline for how far the characters would have to travel, how much they would have to carry, etc.

Story
It's a bit different from the standard first few journey chapters - I actually don't mind that it's very recognisably a journeyfic. That the characters already know each other, and a bit of a different take on the first catch scene, means that I'm not really sitting here predicting how the chapter's going to play out, which does tend to happen a lot with this sub-genre. It's not a hugely long chapter, but it doesn't feel rushed either so the pacing is fine

Characters
Still letting this aspect sink in, for the most part, but splitting them up for a bit wasn't a bad idea. At some point over the next few chapters it might be an idea to focus on each one more closely, just to give a bit more time to develop them and make them distinct from one another. I don't think you'd even need to dive into their past or anything dramatic - making the scene serve double-duty by showing them train their pokémon or something at the same time would work

 

[PanicAttack]

Thanks again for the feedback, Beth. Glad the pacing's good - I was a little worried that three captures in one chapter was overkill! As for the size of the region, that's something I do need to figure out exactly. I'm thinking more about how long it will take the trio to get from place to place than the actual distance. I suppose that can then be turned into a distance assuming they're walking at roughly the average human speed of 5km/h...

I'm not going to give excuses for why this chapter has taken a while. All I know is I'm salvaging this from page two, dammit!

I'm also considering getting an editor on board for future chapters. I'm fairly happy with the current chapters, but it couldn't hurt to make sure they're better in the future, right?

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Chapter 3: It's On!

March 22nd, 2:20pm, Oldale Town

Oldale Town was hardly a large town, and most of it was built around the market square in the middle of the town. The Pokémon Centre was in the south-east corner, the opposite corner to a rather large Devon Corp Poké Mart outlet. Various small shops surrounded the square and brightly coloured market stalls filled it, forming a rather festive-looking grid. In the middle there was a flowerbed full of red roses. The buildings were all built of red bricks with black slate roofs, all well-weathered but still standing strong.

The trio of trainers sat around a coffee table in Oldale Town Pokémon Centre. Troy and Nicki shared a sofa while Amelia had an armchair to herself. “So Nicki, now that you’ve got that Wurmple, what are you going to do with it?” asked Amelia.

Nicki was looking through her Pokédex. Currently the pictures of five Pokémon were displayed. On the left of the screen was Wurmple, with two bold red arrows pointing away from it. “I’m training it,” she said, her tone suggesting that it was obvious. Clearly it wasn’t, as Amelia had not only asked a moment before, but looked rather baffled at the answer. “And why wouldn’t I? I caught it, so I have a duty of care to it.”

“I thought you hated Bug Pokémon though?” said Amelia.

Nicki shook her head. “Hate is a strong word, Milly, but you know what it’s like back home: Loads of Bug Catchers, all thinking they’re great because their particular Surskit was a bit tougher than the other Surskit or whatever. Then they turned up at the Gym totally unprepared to take on Flying-types and predictably got their backsides handed to them.”

“But that’s the trainer’s fault for taking their Pokémon to such an inhospitable place,” Troy pointed out, to which Amelia nodded in agreement.

“Exactly! Nothing against Bug Pokémon, but the Pokémon we used at the Gym would literally eat them for a snack if given the opportunity,” the redhead concluded. Wurmple clearly wouldn’t like that sort of a jab, but Wurmple wasn’t there. Neither was Torchic, Treecko, Poochyena, Mudkip or Lillipup.

Just then, a nurse walked up to the group, carrying a tray in her arms. “Nicki, Troy and Amelia, wasn’t it? We’ve restored your Pokémon to full health,” she said, placing the tray on the coffee table. The tray had six Poké Balls on it. The three Starter Balls were arranged in a column - Torchic at the top, Treecko in the middle and Mudkip at the bottom. Next to each one was another Poké Ball. Nicki took the top two balls, rightly assuming that the nurses would keep each trainer’s Pokémon together. The others took their Pokémon and thanked the nurse, who in turn wished them well as they headed out into Oldale Town.

Although the sun was shining, a slight chill filled the air. “Pity the market’s not running today,” Amelia frowned.

“It’s not like we’re short of supplies, though,” countered Nicki, who adjusted the strap on her bag for comfort. Although it looked like a fairly standard messenger bag, the inside somehow had room for a few changes of clothes, a sleeping bag, some food, mess tins, a few sets of wooden cutlery, medicine, toiletries, empty Poké Balls and her Pokédex. She didn’t pretend to understand it. She was just glad that contrary to appearances, everything fitted.

“We’re missing some essentials, actually!” Amelia argued, albeit with a playful grin on her face. “You two go on ahead. I’ll catch you up!”

Before Nicki or Troy could answer, their blonde friend had dashed off in the general direction of the Mart. Nicki shrugged her shoulders. “Well, she clearly knows what she’s doing. Let’s go.”

Troy watched as Amelia vanished into the distance. He was unsure about admitting it, but he knew how scatter-brained Amelia could be. He worried about her a little bit, but figured that she probably wouldn’t get into much trouble. Oldale was a quiet town when the market wasn’t on, and she had Mudkip and Lillipup to help her out if things got dangerous. The odds of her getting into any shenanigans were pretty low. Troy turned to Nicki and said, “Okay, right behind you.”

As Nicki walked along Route 102, she took a good look at her surroundings. There was a winding paved road in front of her, with thick overgrown grassy verges on each side. A thick forest spread out to her left, with a large lake to her right. She stopped and grabbed Wurmple’s Poké Ball in her right hand and stared at it, pondering what she could actually do with the Pokémon. “Training Wurmple’s a struggle, you know,” she said.

“Not used to something that lacks feathers?” Troy chuckled.

“Something like that,” muttered Nicki, sighing deeply. “How are you finding your Pokémon?”

Troy shrugged his shoulders. “Not much to say, really. Treecko and Poochyena are both fairly tough.”

It wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. Nicki wasn’t new to training Pokémon, but Troy was. “You’re lying!” she scoffed. “There’s no way you’re having an easy time of it!”

“No really, Treecko and Poochyena are doing great so far. Not really struggled with any wild Pokémon so far,” smirked Troy, clearly enjoying seeing Nicki get wound up with her misfortune. “I should show you!”

“Oh, it’s on!” Nicki grinned, putting Wurmple’s Poké Ball back on her belt and picking up Torchic’s ball. She stepped away from Troy and turned to face him. “Torchic, time to fight!” she called out, throwing the ball into the space between herself and the long-haired young man.

Troy stepped back a little bit and picked up one of his own Poké Balls. “Poochyena, standby!” he yelled, throwing the ball at a spot of ground in front of him.

Poochyena and Torchic emerged from the balls and sized each other up as their Poké Balls bounced back into their trainers’ hands. Torchic chirped confidently. After all, Nicki and Torchic had already battled a few Poochyena during their training on Route 101. This one should be an easy win too. However, this Poochyena seemed a little bit larger and stronger than the others. Poochyena bared his fangs, ready to sink them deeply into Torchic’s flesh on Troy’s command.

“I’m old fashioned. Ladies first, Nicki.”

The redheaded woman smiled confidently. “Hah! I’ll have no problem taking you out! Torchic, Ember!”

Torchic inhaled deeply and spat out a stream of small fireballs at Poochyena, who immediately tried to roll out of the way of the attack. The small Dark-type was barely scorched by the Ember attack, and ready to strike.

Troy gave a command immediately. “Poochyena, use Sand Attack and blind Torchic!” Immediately, Poochyena started pawing at the ground, creating a large cloud in front of it from the kicked-up dust. With a few shakes of his tail, Poochyena send the cloud straight into Torchic’s face.

Nicki started to sweat as Torchic shut her eyes, hoping to keep the grit out of them. Things weren’t looking good for her, despite her bravado. Perhaps Troy was better than she was giving him credit for. Still, she hadn’t lost just yet. “Torchic, aim another Ember attack straight ahead of you!”

“Circle it, then Tackle,” Troy smirked. The advantage was truly his now. As Torchic spat out another Ember attack, Poochyena ran clockwise around Torchic to avoid it, then slammed into her from behind. He stood triumphantly over the chick Pokémon, his paws holding her to the ground as she struggled to get free. Instinctively, Torchic tried scratching with her talons, but to no avail. “Finish it with a Bite!” Troy called out. Poochyena showed no mercy or hesitation and bit down hard on Torchic’s back. The Fire Pokémon squawked in pain as Poochyena started swinging Torchic around like a cat with a toy, loosened feathers flying everywhere, before dropping her on the floor in a weak heap.

Nicki’s jaw dropped. Poochyena had just single-handedly wiped out her stronger Pokémon, and all she had left was her Wurmple. Worse still, even if he could beat Poochyena, he still had Treecko to deal with. Still, Poochyena had taken a bit of a beating from Torchic. She could see where her Pokémon’s embers had seared some of the fur on Poochyena, and there were scratch marks on his underbelly from where Torchic had struggled. “It’s alright, Torchic. We just underestimated him. Return,” she sighed as her Pokémon vanished into the Poké Ball in a red beam of light. She looked closely at Poochyena again. The scratches and burnt fur did open up some weak spots she might be able to exploit, but she had just seen the Dark-type use his agility to make short work of Torchic. Still, her remaining Pokémon had an attack for that. “Well, guess it’s up to you, Wurmple,” she sighed, throwing the Poké Ball into the makeshift battle area. “Time to fight!”

Poochyena retched and spat out a mouthful of Torchic’s plumage before looking to Troy, expecting a command. “I don’t think we need to be anywhere near as tricky this time,” the boy smirked as he sized up Wurmple. It was as Nicki had said – the little insect wasn’t overly tough-looking. “Go straight in with a Bite!”

“Hah!” Nicki scoffed. “Wurmple, String Shot! That mutt’s going down!”

Troy raised an eyebrow. “Why are you laughing, Nicki?” he asked as Poochyena charged towards Wurmple. It soon became quite apparent as Nicki’s Bug Pokémon spat out a stream of silk webbing, which immediately stuck Poochyena’s front left paw. Troy watched on, stunned as the silk string entangled itself around his Pokémon’s legs. Poochyena tripped up and rolled onto his side.

Nicki smiled smugly. This kind of outcome was far more to her liking. “Troy, you know how you said that what that Pokémon knows is just as important as what the trainer knows?” she asked, cockily. Before he could answer, she took great delight in explaining what she meant. “You’re right. Wurmple might not know a lot of attacks, but I know Poochyena. Those pups never dodge while charging, and now look at him. He’s been a good boy and rolled over, ready for a tummy tickle! Well, ready for a Grapple Tackle right in the stomach anyway! Wurmple, do it!”

“What’s a Grapple Tackle?” Troy asked.

“A technique Wurmple and I cooked up,” Nicki said as Wurmple fired another String Shot, this time at the scratch marks on Poochyena’s belly. He tried to roll over to avoid the move, but to no avail. This time however, rather than try and wrap up Poochyena, Wurmple instead pulled back in order to stretch the String Shot, sending himself hurtling towards Poochyena as it snapped back. He careered straight into Poochyena’s underbelly, sending the Bite Pokémon rolling away back towards Troy with a loud yelp and a rather bruised stomach. “So what do you think? Impressive, right?”

Troy could barely believe what had happened. Nicki was not only using a “weak” Bug Pokémon, but actually having success with it. Clearly Poochyena was in no state to continue, so he picked up his Poké Ball. “Take a rest, Poochyena. You’ve earned it,” he said with a warm smile. However, before he could send in Treecko, something happened. Wurmple became cloaked in a harsh, white light. He curled up and started spraying String Shot around himself frenetically. Once the light had faded, where Wurmple once stood was now a small, violet Pokémon, rather similar in shape and size to a rugby ball. It had a couple of small red eyes peeking through a thick layer of silk armour. “Did Wurmple just…?”

“Aw yes!” Nicki grinned maniacally. “Wurmple is now Cascoon! How will your Treecko deal with an evolved Pokémon?”

Troy looked at Cascoon rather worriedly as a bunch of spikes protruded from the Cocoon Pokémon’s body. Nicki had a point – Cascoon was only going to get harder and harder the longer the battle went on, and as a Bug Pokémon, it was resistant to Treecko’s strongest attack. Still, he wasn’t going to wimp out just now. “We’ll have to see, won’t we?” said Troy, picking up Treecko’s Poké Ball. “Treecko, standby!” he called out as he threw the ball into the battlefield. “Use Quick Attack! We need to hit Cascoon before he gets up to full strength!”

Nicki just shrugged her shoulders as Treecko ran towards Cascoon. “This will be easy. String Shot!”

Treecko dashed towards Cascoon, head lowered and arms stretched out behind him for maximum speed. Cascoon tried to shoot a stream of String Shot towards Treecko, but the speed of the Grass-type ended up creating a stream of air around him that made the move miss altogether. All Cascoon could do was lay there helplessly as he took a strike from Treecko’s large, leafy tail straight to the front.

Troy punched the air triumphantly as Treecko landed the hit. Nicki didn’t seem too concerned however. “Harden up, Cascoon.”

“I know you can break through it, Treecko. Pound away at it!”

Treecko started slapping at Cascoon’s silky shell using his tail, but the spiky purple Pokémon didn’t seem remotely fazed by the attacks. Instead, Treecko seemed to be a little bit surprised by how tough the outer shell was becoming. Still, he continued the attacks, slapping away at Cascoon with his tail as the Cocoon Pokémon kept toughening up. He stopped and stepped back to catch his breath, turning to look at Troy for an instruction. Troy gritted his teeth and pondered what he could even do. There was no way Treecko was going to take out Cascoon any time soon through pounding it, and he knew that Absorb wouldn’t do a lot of damage either. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try, especially since the repeated tail slaps seemed as painful for Treecko as it had for Cascoon. “Fall back and use Absorb!”

As Treecko stepped back, Nicki tutted and wagged her finger. “That’s not going to work. String Shot!”

Treecko pointed his fingers at Cascoon and prepared to fire an Absorb attack, but Cascoon saw the raised hand as a perfect target. Another stream of silk flew from one of his spikes and wrapped itself tightly around Treecko’s arm. The Wood Gecko Pokémon tried in vain to shake itself free.

“Pull it in and take it out with Poison Sting!” Nicki called out.

Troy could only look on helplessly as Cascoon sucked a load of the String Shot back, sweeping Treecko off his feet and sending him flying forwards, straight towards Cascoon’s spikes, which had extended and began to glow purple. As Treecko ended up pricked upon one of the spikes, Troy raised Treecko’s Poké Ball up. “Alright, that’s enough. Treecko, come back.” Treecko vanished back into the Poké Ball. “You win, Nicki. I suppose it can’t have been that easy for me after all,” Troy said, shrugging his shoulders.

Nicki returned Cascoon to his Poké Ball too and walked over to Troy. “Nah, I believe it now. You have had it easy. That’s why you lost.”

“Just what do you mean by that?”

“I mean your Poochyena is actually really strong,” Nicki said, blushing a little. Praise didn’t come easily to her, but she wasn’t exactly going to lie. “Treecko’s not bad either. You just had a bad matchup with Cascoon.”

Troy looked at Nicki slightly perplexedly. “Thanks?”

“I wasn’t praising you. I was praising your Pokémon. There’s a huge difference, Troy,” Nicki frowned, crossing her arms. “You’ve never battled a trainer before; just wild Pokémon, right?” Troy nodded at Nicki’s question. She was right, of course. Unlike Nicki, Troy hadn’t wanted to be a Pokémon trainer for that long. While she had spent years at Fortree Gym learning the ins and outs of Pokémon battling from Winona, all he had done was read a bunch of stuff from the internet. Even that didn’t mean a lot to him without the context of an actual battle. It was little shock to him that Nicki had managed to beat both his Pokémon. “I guess I should congratulate you on not getting totally wiped by Torchic, then,” Nicki smirked, her slight red flush returning.

Suddenly, the two of them were interrupted by the sound of a small dog-like Pokémon barking. Nicki and Troy turned around to face where the sound was coming from. There stood Amelia and Lillipup, the former holding a large pair of white plastic grocery bags in her hands. She placed them on the ground and knelt down. “Great work, Lillipup! You led us right to them!” she said, stretching her arms out to her sides. Lillipup yapped happily and leapt onto Amelia’s lap. She started petting the tiny Pokémon gently behind her right ear. “Good girl!”

“I’m guessing you used Odour Sleuth,” said Nicki. She looked at Amelia’s shopping bags. “So, what did you buy?”

Lillipup squirmed playfully in Amelia’s arms. The blonde girl fell backwards onto the ground, landing softly on the grass. Still, she was able to look to Nicki and answer. “I told you – essentials! Tonight’s the first night we’ve ever spent on the road, so it needs to be memorable. Take a look.”

Troy and Nicki walked over and each picked up one of the bags. Troy opened his. “A keg of beer and marshmallows?”

“And there’s tins of various kinds of Pokémon food in here,” Nicki said as she looked into hers. She took the bag over to a nearby stump and sat down to get a better look at them. “Let’s see… Oh, you’ve given this some thought!”

Amelia nodded. “I checked the Pokédex to see what our Pokémon all eat and picked appropriately! Insectivore mixes for Treecko and Mudkip, herbivore mixes for Torchic and Wurmple, and carnivore mixes for Lillipup and Poochyena.”

“Do we tell her?” Nicki whispered to Troy.

Troy nodded. “Amelia, I’m afraid Nicki doesn’t have a Wurmple anymore.”

Amelia gasped. “Oh no! Don’t tell me you released it! Or worse!”

“Would evolving it count as worse?” Nicki chuckled.

Amelia hugged Lillipup and pouted. “You meanies! Don’t do that to me!” She took a deep breath and smiled. “But congratulations!”

“Oh, that’s nothing. Wait until you hear how it happened!”

Troy rolled his eyes. “We’re not going to hear the end of this, are we?”