The Return of Palkia

[methodistgirl]

As Ash revisits Sinnoh, he finds Dawn alone with Prinplip since her
piplip evolved and grew bigger. He finds her in Almos Town talking
to the couple they met when Palkia and Dialga were trying to
destroy the city. All of the sudden they heard this huge roar and
the sky turned pink and faded.

"What was that?"

About that Darkari showed up.

"Go away!" Darkari said.

 

[methodistgirl]

About that Palkia showed up with a roar and
stood in front of the twin towers to look at
Dawn and Ash.

"Hello Palkia! Where's Dialga?"

Palkia looked around and shrugged her big
shoulders and just stood there as if saying
hello. She turned around and looked at the
twin towers and roared waving her hand
to touch one of them. Then she looked at
Darkari.

"Oh you do remember that night don't you
Palkia. Are you wanting to hear Oracion
again? We will see if they will play it
for you to listen. It seemed that night that
you felt sorry about what happened. Do you
know that was a prayer song? I will have to
go up into the space and time towers again to
find the disc and play it for you."

Palkia seemed to smile as she looked at Ash and
Dawn as she gave a gentle roar as if talking.

 

[methodistgirl]

"Ash, let me go and get Alice so she can play
it on her leaf whistle. Palkia would that be okay?"

Palkia nodded her head and showed her healed
up arm that was smashed by the fight. She looked
at Darkari and seemed to smile. She was not
fighting Dialga right now. Dialga was resting in
his dimension.

 

[methodistgirl]

"You are so beautiful when you're happy you
seem to glow. Is that right Ash?"

"Palkia sure is! Darkari hasn't really forgotten
that night when you two were fighting."

Dawn went to get Alice to play orasion for Palkia
to hear once again.

 

[methodistgirl]

"What are you doing here?"

Palkia didn't want to fight Darkari and she let
Darkari know by giving a hug and a smile.
Darkari didn't understand Palkia's behaviour
because the last time Palkia was hurt and was
hiding from Dialga's wrath. Palkia went from
her upright stand to lay down in front of the
building and waited for night time.

Dawn was back with Alice to play Orasion along
with her new husband since they married after all
this time in front of the Space and Time Tower
building. Ash and Dawn finds Palkia laying down
with her head up.

 

[methodistgirl]

Alice cam out with Tonio holding a basket with a new baby
inside. She walks over to Palkia.

"Hello Palkia. Meet our little girl named after you. Her name
is Lavender. I heard you wanted to hear Orasion again.
I have my leaf whistle right here. Since it's night time I
will play it for you so you can sleep. I see you laying down
like you were almost asleep. Lavender loves hearing this
as a lullaby."

So she got out her leaf whistle and played it while Darkari
calmed down and palkia rested her head on her armored
arm as a pillow and fell asleep. Ash and Dawn were in
tear as the song was playing.

"Good night Palkia and pleasent dreams.



The end!?

 

[methodistgirl]

It would be nice if I had some comments on this short story. I tthought
this would be a cute story after watching the movie Rise of Darkari.
judy jennings

 

[an illegible mess.]

ok first and foremost, your chapters are waaay too short and lack spaces in between the paragraphs.

and... most of the paragraphs are only a sentence long. no description whatsoever, i barely know what's going on. the format looks like poetry lines, really. the plot's generic, i mean, there really isn't much of a plot from so much lack here. this could be a good story if you took the time to change the format to that of a regular story (open a book and look at it. look back to yours; does that seem right to you?), added a lot of detail, plot, emphasis on characters, etc. i think this would be better as a one-shot, but it could work with chapters.

i'd gladly review it again for you once you've finishing revising it and setting it to good standards.

also, about your above post, don't ask for comments. they'll come; like mine. you just have to be patient sometimes.