TEEN: - Ongoing The [revised] MisAdventures of Hiro!!!

[The Decapitated Mole]

The [revised] MisAdventures of Hiro!!! [PG-13]

New and improved! I've been writing this for about a year now, and it's a bunches better than any old Hiro, of new Hiro! The first few chapters suck almost as much as the old ones did, but after chapter 4-5 or so, it gets better. So read, filthy earth stink!

Chapter One​

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Hiro woke up very early one Spring morning, only to realize that his mom had gone insane and made him a Cinnibar Volcano Burger with Baking 'Basco Sauce™ [the hottest and slowest-acting hot sauce on earth] for dinner, and his tongue was disintegrating in his mouth! He was running around with his head in his ass when his insane mother stopped him.

"Heheheheha! I "found" a bunch of stuff while I was, uh, "shopping" in the Quik-E-Mart. Neat quote marks, eh? Eh? Eh?" cackled his mother creepily.

"Yo, Ma Dukes! Ain't that Quik-Mart-E bein' closing for some day or stuff?" babbled Hiro, still trying without success to douse his mouth.

"Don't talk back to your elders!" snapped his mom irritably, "the point is that the cops tagged this, so I want you to have it! BIRTHDAYTIME HAPPIES!" she gleefully shouted wile shoving a shiny new Pokégear into Hiro's pocket.

"B-b-but ma's, if'n I gots it, I am havin' lotsa troubles!?" blubbered Hiro while undertaking plastic surgery to slow the burning process.

"That's right, birthday..." she trailed off unhelpfully.

Well, Hiro was still unable to cool his mouth, so he ran to the sidewalk and proceeded to stick a fire hydrant into his mouth, which, apart from stretching his large head to almost twice its normal size, was somehow able to cool him off. So he went to see his good friend/enemy, Professor Tree, and told him of his current predicament.

"Your mom went crazy again? Well, you'd better take a Pokémon. It can be dangerous out there, you know," said the sympathetic prof.

"Thanks profess--HEY!" Hiro started, as the prof. reached out to take the Pokéball back, remembering the time Hiro put Ben Gay in his shaving cream.

"No way, old dude, this is mine!" shouted Hiro. He ran back home, snuck into his room, and grabbed his Talking Pikachu Pokédex™. He then headed for the path on the other side of town.

And so the adventure begins...



o_0
jimm

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

Chapter Two​

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As Hiro set off down Route 29, he saw a lanky guy with spiked, crazy green hair and a blue nose plug, who said to him "Hi! I'll show you how to catch Pokémon for 100 yen!"

"But--"Hiro started.

"That's great, just great. Now, I'll just have a look in your wallet to see if you've got the money!" the guy said happily, before counting Hiro's cash, mumbling to himself, "10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, uh, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50! There, perfect!"

"But I thought you said--" Hiro stammered

"Okay, the way you catch Pokémon is to throw a Pokéball and hope it hits the Pokémon! 'Kay, bye!" taught the strange guy cheerfully.

"But I don't have any Pokéballs yet!" Hiro finally managed to get in.

"Okay, well, go buy some in Cherrygrove and I'll show you again for half price!" said the scam artist, for by now even Hiro could tell that he was a scam artist. He sighed in defeat.

Hiro continued down the road a ways until he saw a small ridge. He tried to climb it, but some strange force was stopping him from approaching the four-inch ledge. So he walked around it and saw before him a really funky-lookin' flower. So he said, to no one in particular, "Hmm... What's that flower thingamabobber?.."

Suddenly, a guy on the other side of the flower yelled, in a freaky voice, "you can find stuff in the flowers!"

"But what is--" Hiro began.

"You can find stuff in the flowers!" exclaimed the odd-looking man again.

"BUT WHAT--" Hiro stammered angrily.

"You can find stuff in the flowers!" The guy stated as calmly as ever.

"I DIDN'T ASK WHAT IS IN THEM, I ASKED WHAT THEY AAAAARRRREEE!!" screamed an enraged Hiro. Suddenly, he saw a sign that read this guy is a robotic tourguide.

"Oh brother..." he sighed.







Don't worry, most of the chapters after this one are longer.

o_0
jimm

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

Chapter Three​

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Hours later, Hiro was walking exhaustedly through the tall grass. Unfortunately for Hiro, it turned out that the Pokémon Prof. Tree had given him was a level 2 Pichu, which had fainted in his first battle, against a level 3 ratatta. Hiro had fought in 32 Pokémon battles and lost them all horribly. He was all beat up, because after the Pokémon beat up his Pichu, they would turn un him. They did this because they were crazy from pollution fumes and savage for blood.

He finally made it to Cherrygrove City when an old guy stopped him and said "Hi! I live here! For 300 yen I'll show you around!"

"Hmmm..." muttered Hiro uncertainly.

"Great. Now just hand me your wallet and we'll be on our way!" said the old guy, while stealing Hiro's wallet. He then grabbed Hiro, walked a few feet to stand in the middle of the small town, and waved vaguely at some stuff. "Ok, that is a Pokécenter, that's a Pokémart, that's the ocean, there's route 30, and those are some houses. 'Kay, bye!" The old guy then moved slowly toward the house over there, okay?

"Hey, wait!" Hiro yelled. He stole a Pokémap card from the old guy's pocket and inserted it into his Pokédex.

"What was that for?" asked the inquisitive oldster.

"Just who wants to know!!?!" bellowed Hiro.

Hiro then ran across town to buy some Pokéballs. Then he had to run all the way back because what the old man had said was a Pokémart was actually a Pokécenter, and vice-versa. When he finally got there, he learned some disappointing news.

"Sorry, we are all out of Pokéballs," said the guy behind the counter.

"DAMN IT!!" exclaimed Hiro.

"That'll be 12 yen," the store guy said with an evil grin. He reached into Hiro's right pocket and pulled out 5 yen, 3 balls of lint, a rare candy, and 6 strands of hair. "Is this all you have?"

"Yes!" said Hiro angrily. Then he ran back across town to heal his Pichu. When he got to the Pokécenter, he finally heard a bit of good news.

"Hi, I'll heal your Pokés. For 3 yen, I'll also raise them each up ten levels!" said Nurse Jenny, the cheerful old granny behind the counter.

"Oh boy!" exclaimed Hiro. He reached into his left pocket and pulled out a mini-safe. He opened it, took out 3 yen, and replaced it in his pants.

"Here ya go!" expleted Hiro, forking over the dough.

"Ok, give me your Pokés," said Nurse Jenny.

"I've only got one..." said Hiro sadly, hanging his head in shame.

"Haha, you must suck as a Pokémon trainer!" laughed Nurse Jenny shrilly.

"I know..." said Hiro.

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

Chapter Four​

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A few hours later, after waiting because the level up machine broke, Hiro set off semi-happily down Route 30. He won a bunch of battles, but couldn't get through to Violet City because of 2 five-year-olds having a sissy slapping fight in the middle of the road. They were fat, too, so he couldn't move or get around them. So he went to Mr. Pokémon's house to see if Professor Oak was visiting again. To make a short story shorter, he was.

"Hi, Hiro. Can I see your Pokémon?" asked Mr. Pokémon hopefully.

"NO! You'll try to take it and then you'll give it to PROF. TREE!!!" screamed Hiro.

"Hiro, I'll give you a Pokédex for your Pichu," said Prof. Oak calmly.

"Ok. Hold on a sec, though. I think I dropped the Pokéball outsite," said Hiro, exiting the tiny hut in the middle of nowhere for some reason. Hiro found outside a roundish white rock. He took it and stuck half of it in a puddle of reddish brown mud, then brought it inside.

"Here ya go! Said Prof. Oak, handing over the Pokédex with this smug and superior look on his face.

"Here ya go!" said Hiro, handing over the rock with this smug and superior look on his face. Suddenly, he took off running, yelling "SUCKERS!"

"DAMN IT!" bellowed Mr. Pokémon, "but at least you put in hat bomb that will go off when he catches a Pokémon."

"Mr. P, there are two things wrong with your reasoning," the Prof explained, "First of all, Hiro is too stupid to be able to catch a Pokémon. Second, that "Pokédex was just an empty chocolate box painted red."

Hiro, meanwhile, was running up route 30. He bounced over the fat kids, then remembered something and bounced back over. He took Mr. Pokémon's egg and ran away again. He ran and ran until he got to Violet City. Then, right before he went into the Pokémon Center, the egg hatched, and out popped a TOGEPI!! Hiro healed his Pichu at the Center, then went to challenge the gym leader, Hobbes Hobbeson, for a badge. The fight went on for a while, and Hiro would have lost, until his Togepi used Metronome and somehow blew the gym apart, killing Hobbes and all the annoying Jr. Wannabe trainers. So naturally, Hiro stole the badge and everyone's money and skipped town after buying some Pokéballs and naming his Togepi Tog.

After that, Hiro went to the Unown ruins and somehow managed to catch all of the Unowns. Then, in a completely random fight with Raikou [how did he get out of his statue yet, anyway...?] Hiro blew the ruins apart with Tog.

Then he wandered around until he found a cave [he had completely forgotten about the Pokémap card] and went in. He heard some strange noises coming from the other side of some cave water, so he had his Tog do metronome until he did surf. He then surfed out and caught a LAPRAS! Then, in an incredible stroke of genius, Hiro managed to get himself out of the cave in only a week! He found this fat old guy named Kurt, and helped him beat Team Rocket because Kurt said if Hiro didn't halp him, he would sit on him. But when they went down into the huge well where the rockets were, Kurt hurt his back, so Hiro used him to blubber on the rockets, crushing their bones.

"Ha! I knew this extra blubber would come in handy someday!" yelled Kurt as he sat on the last rocket.

"AAAAAAHHHH!! NOOOO--"

KRUNCH!

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

You can't stop TehStory, no matter how hard you ignore it! Pitiful fools, you shall tremble before TehMight of TehStory before I am through with you!!


Chapter Five


As was said before, Kurt had hurt his back while beating the rockets, so Hiro had to roll him back to his house. The town was full of Slowpokes, now. They were all sniffing at where their tails used to be and yawning, so it was raining.

"My house is right there!" exclaimed Kurt.

"Ok!" said Hiro

"Here, take this magic Pokéball I made!" said Kurt, handing Hiro a glowing ball of hardened radioactive waste.

"Ok!" said Hiro

As Hiro was walking through the town, his feet getting stuck in the odd combination mud/dung from the rain, a guy his age with long red hair get in his way and yelled at him.

"Hey, did you beat the rockets?" asked the guy.

"Yes," answered Hiro dutifully.

"You're a moron! Team Rocket is cool!" he said stupidly.

"Team Rocket sucks!!" yelled Hiro.

"Let's battle, with POKéMON!" exclaimed the dopey redheaded kid.

"You're on!" screamed Hiro, jumping around and splashing mud everywhere.

And so, boys and girls, Hiro was in for the first real battle of his life! Until next time!



[very short chapter]


o_0
jimm

 

[SulcataIxlude]

Hee-hee nice story so far. Hiro is my role model. My only moan about your story is that you need it to be a bit longer in the chapters, or at least put more detail into them.

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

Chapters after this are much longer and more detailed-- I just finished chapter 12 and it's 5 pages in word. Now, since 5 was so very short, CHAPTER 6!!!

Chapter Six​

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Hiro was about to get into the battle when he suddenly realized something.

"Hey! What the hell is your name??" inquired Hiro.

"My name's Fred! And you aarree... Hiro the Moron!" screamed Fred.

"Hey! How'd you know my name?" Hiro asked.

"Duh, it's written all over this story! Ghastly, go!" yelled Fred, starting off the battle at last.

"Okay then, time for level 12 skills! Pichu, go!"

"Ha, easy! Ghastly, use some attack!" yelled Fred.

"Pichu, go use your level 12 sills to do stuff!" said Hiro.

Well, as you can probably tell, neither of these fine *cough, cough* young individuals had any battling skills whatsoever. The Pokémon weren't as stupid as their masters, so they soon figured this out, too. Needless to say, they took matters into their own hands.

Fred's Ghastly used Scary Face, but that didn't do any damage, so it didn't matter. Pichu really did use his level 12 skills, he used his new move that he had just learned somehow, Super Zap-O-Rama [don't ask, it's been a while since I played this game]. It killed the Ghastly, so ha ha.

"You suck, Ghastly. I'll kill you later. Now Meganium go!" expelled Fred, grabbing his dead Ghastly.

A big ol' Meganium came out and started throwing a tantrum for no reason. Hiro and Fred ran away, and Pichu got stomped cause of the scary face. When it was under the Meganium's foot, it used its Super Zap-O-Rama again, and they both died.

"You suck!" said Hiro.

"Not as much as you!" angered Fred.

"Kiss my @$$!"

Okay!" said Fred, kissing Hiro's big ol' planet sized arse.

Fred sent out his Zubat next, and Hiro sent out Tog. Doesn't it seem like he keeps using the same Pokés?

Suddenly, Hiro decided to use some intelligence. "Tog, use Metronome!" he shouted at Tog.

"Ok, if he gets to use real attacks, then so do I!" shouted Fred. "ZUBAT, SUPERSONIC!"

Well, as Fred's Zubat didn't know supersonic, it just used tackle instead. But that missed Tog entirely and hit Hiro. Tog's hit was right on target, but it was only splash.

"Ha, if I can kill this dopey kid, nobody will be able to beat Team Rocket!" exclaimed Fred gleefully. "Nice work, Zubat!"

"Fred, you are a fucking asshold son of a bitch motherfucking shit-for-brains crap headed ass with gay crap hair!" screamed Hiro, finally releasing all of his anger.

"Don't you go makin' fun of my hair, now," warned Fred.

"YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE A PILE OF FUCKING SHIT!!" screamed Hiro.

"That's it, I have HAD it with the hair things! ZUBAT, HIT THAT BASTARD WITH YOUR STRONGEST WING ATTACK!"

"Tog, jump in front of it and use metronome!"

Tog hit Zubat full force with a headbutt at the same time it was about to ram Hiro with its Wing Attack.

"Why the hell am I listening to this kid, anyway?" thought Tog. "Oh, yeah, he's my mommy.

"God that redheaded kid is a retard," thought Zubat. "Doesn't he know that I can't win?"

"Zubat, hit that togepi with another wing attack!"

"Tog, TACKLE!"

Both Pokémon hit at the same time, somehow causing an explosion that blasted Fred through a building and pushed Hiro into a fence.

"Tog?" said Hiro, coughing.

"T-t-togi..." sputtered Tog.

"TOG!"

Hiro rushed Tog to the Pokémon center, where Nurse Jenny and officer Joy were talking.

"Hold up, you little twit! I'm talking to the Police Officer!" said Nurse Jenny, that stupid old granny.

"Hi, Officer Joy!" said Hiro.

"Shut up, you smart-mouthed shit head!" said Officer Joy, that stupid young granny.

"I wonder what's gotten into those two..." sighed Hiro.

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

Chapter Seven


"Team Rocket has run away..." expelled Nurse Jenny.

"Oh really?" questioned the incredibly stupid Officer Joy, as a Team Rocketeer danced with her in the center of the room.

"Hey! Get out of here, y'all!" belched up Nurse Jenny.

"Step off, Jen! He's mine!"

"But that's ROCKET!"

Whilst all this was happening, the Rocketeer ran out the door disguised as Brother Theodore.

"Um... Excuse me, but Brother Theodore just ran by the window," said Hiro, trying to break up the super catfight of doom.

"No, that was just a Team Rocket guy in disguise. No reason to be alarme--"Joy trailed off, trying to figure out what was being wrong with her thought process. "Well, I suppose I should get him, eh?"

"Damn straight."

As Officer Joy was leaving, her head poofed into the Weakest Link lady's. How odd. Anywho, she did the link poof and turned around, pointing her quisinart ray at Nurse Jenny's lower left appendix. "You are the weakestlink, goodbye!"

KABLAM!

Needless to say, Jenny's appendicitis was cured right up. As an unfortunate side-effect, Jenny went flying everywhere. Her head landed at Hiro's feet.

"Hey, kid! Go win the Weakest Link and kill Mrs. Weakest Link over there! Huh? Huh? Huh?" Jenny's head gasped with its dying breath.

"You know, I'd really love to, me being the big fan of intelligence that I am, but I think I may have a better idea," said Hiro helpfully, as he removed Jenny's lower jaw and brain, filling her now empty skull with gunpowder. He then lit one of the hairs, and tossed it over to Officer Joy.

"What do you think you're doing, assaulting a police officer with your evil head-explodey! Why, I could have you arr--"she trailed off, once again overcome with her own stupidity, before the "bomb" exploded, and both hers and Nurse Jenny's heads landed in the middle of the floor.

"TOG, HURRY, USE BIG BANG!" shouted Hiro, completely caught up in the excitement of the moment.

"Tog?"

"Oh, whatever, just use selfdestruct."

Tog selfdestructed, killing himself and severely injuring Hiro and the two heads.

"Somebody, get a female Togepi, quick!" ordered Hiro.

"Why? Tog's dead, fool!" said the random standing-in-the-Pokécenter guy.

"I don't pay you to contradict my orders! Now get to it, lackey!"

"Yes sir, Mr. Hiro-thingy!"

Well, in the midst of all these morons, Kurt's granddaughter managed to find a female Togepi somewhere, so Hiro had it to Mouth-to-Mouth with Tog.

"What's that f--" started the Pokécenter-standy guy, but he was shut up with a menacing glare from Hiro.

Well, it looks like Hiro was right for once, because as soon as Togi, the female, started the MtM, Tog's eyes opened wide and he pulled her closer, closer, closer...

"Awww..." said several people. Hiro, however, was not amused.

"Tog, cut it out! Can't you see she's married?" Hiro bellowed, thrusting his meathooks at the overly jiggly batch of Togepi eggs that Togi brought.

"To-o-o-oooog..." sighed Tog sadly.

*At this time, there is Pokémon dialogue. I don't feel like writing Togepi sounds. I just don't. Sorry.*

"Hey, Pikachu Pokédex, what are they saying?"inquired the ever-lovin' Hiro.

<<"Th-e F-ema-le--said-'w-e ca-n stil-l be fr-iend-s!'>> the Pikadex spat out in a monotonous voice.

"A little more human please, Pikadex," said Hiro impatiently.

<<Sorry, sir. What I said was that the female said they could still be friends>> the 'dex said with a sneer.

"I heard you the first time. Don't get smart with me."

<<'Miyeh myei mih mih meyh'>> Pikadex mimicked.

"Alright, you're going BACK in the backpack!" Hiro exclaimed, as he shoved the Pika into his bag once again.




o_0
jimm

 

[SulcataIxlude]

Hiro's very lucky! It's not everyday you get to give a male Togepi oral pleasure. XD I have a feeling your going to add some very belovuent animals-rights activists assault Hiro in one of the future chapters hee-hee. ;-) Good job.

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

lol, maybe, maybe... *does crazy eye glancey*

This chapter's pretty short, but whatever.

Chapter Eight​

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After going to the Auxillary Pokémon Center, helping rebuild the regular PC, and stealing a pie from an old lady's windowsill, Hiro was ready to get his second badge! Oh boy!

"I hope the gym explodes like last time, that was so incredbily easy..."Thought Hiro evilly, "You ready, Tog? You ready, Pichu?

"TOGIPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Bellowed Tog squeakily. What he actually meant was "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" But Hiro didn't check his Pikadex.

"Pi Pichu Pi!" Pi'd Pichu loudly. What he really meant was "No, you suck," but once again Hiro was too lazy to check.

"That's my boyz!" Said Hiro affectionately.

"PICHICHUCHP!" Spat Pichu angrily.

"Your pichu says it's not a bo-" The Pikadex started to say as it was crawling out.

"Didn't I shove you in a bag somewhere?" Questioned Hiro.

The discussion was cut short, however, by the appearance of a large Slowpoke standing in front of the gym doors.

"I'll handle this!" Said Hiro, throwing the slowpoke at Fred, who was just beginning to regain conciousness nearby.

"Ill get you, Hiro. Mark my words, before..."Fred began, before falling into a coma as the Slowpoke bit his neck.

"Good ol' slowpoke. I taught it well."

"Eh? Who said that?" slobbered Hiro.

"Tehehehehehehehehehehehe" Said the twins together. Very creepy, no?

"Well, I'd love to stay and, um, watch you two laugh, but I've got me a gym to explode." With that, Hiro kicked the twins out of the door, and threw Tog into the middle of floor, near the Gym Leader, beeping loudly for a few seconds and then deflated the Gym with it's hideous plosion. Then it exploded and destroyed everything in the gym.

"Damnit, now they're all dead. Which means they won't be needing these things anymore!" Hiro said gleefully, taking everyone's money, and stealing the badge from bugsy. He then gathered his Tog and set off for the small pass-through building on the other side of town.

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

Chapter Nine​

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So Hiro walked towards the building. There was really no point to this building, I guess it was just protecting one side of itself from the other. But anyway... he made it to the building, therfore I explain what happened.

He looked around inside the small building. It was made of adobe and half of it had been destroyed in Hiro and Fred's battle. As Hiro walked through to the forest on the other side, he came across a strange old homeless thing on the ground. Well, that's all good and fine, but what did she say?

"Is that you, Bosco Brown? Kleglelefle!" begged the old woman, lowering her crumbling ancient magazine and screaming at him.

"RUN AWAY!!!!!!"

"Meet the one who talks at dawn and sleeps at midnight!" Enchanted the ancient old crumbucket.

"RUN AWAY!!!!!!"

"The Forest Protector made me smart like this! Cackleglee!" she laughed, running into the wall repeatedly.

Suddenly some guys came in. Then they left again. Wow. Anywho, Hiro ate the woman's overactive thyroid to calm her down, then walked through the door. He walked around for a day or two before discovering that there was actually more to the forest than the three foot area in front of the door. So after that, it was only a matter of weeks until he found the small boy standing alone by a rotted old tree stump, looking for his Farfetch'd.

"Do you need help, little boy?" Offered Hiro.

"Yes, please, I've lost my Farfetch'd in the woods, and I'm much to scared to go and find him. I gots'ta find him, I just gots'ta."

"Well, TOO BAD! Anyway, you shouldn't be scared, it's just a forest." Just as Hiro turned to leave, a Spinarak jumped out of a tree right in front of him! "AAAAAAHHH!"

"Wait, don't be scared, that's just my Spinarak" The boy said, trying in vain to calm Hiro down.

"No, IT'S EATING YOUR FARFETCH'D!"

"AAAAAHHHHH" They both tried to run away, but hit the dead old tree head on. "Hey, kid, do you have CUT?" Hiro asked, taking the CUT HM from the kid's pocket.

"Sure, here ya go!" The kid yelped, taking back the HM and then giving it to Hiro.

"Thanks, buddy. TOG, CUT!" He screamed, throwing Tog at the tree.

"Uh, you have to actually use the HM in order to teach cut to your Pokémon."

"I knew that! I was just trying to see if tog knew."Hiro said lamely, kicking tog."You stupid bastard, you should have known that!"

So he taught it to tog, and used the cut, walked through the tree. You know the drill. I'm just tired of typing now.

 

[The Decapitated Mole]

Buahahahaha. Well then, since I haven't really done any new postings here for a while apparently [although I'm pretty sure that I got up to chapter 12 before the whole forums-downey] I'll give you all new chapters up to 12 [i finished 13 last week, but you can wait a bit for that].

Chapter Ten​

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Since you know Hiro walked through the tree, you know what I'm going to say, don't you? Well? I'm trying to speak to you, don't you know? So, I should probably start this chapter now, should I? M'kay.

Hiro walked through the tree. How typical. So anyway, as Hiro was walking through the tree, he spotted a birdhouse that said "HI! Welcome to the shrine of the FOREST PROTECTOR!"

"Neat. Well, I'll see you later then," excreted Hiro in his usual being foolishness.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me, birdhouse. So, who's the forest protector?"

"HAHAHA! I'll tell you later, buddy!" bellowed the man behind the sign, running into the forest and being eaten b the mad Spinarak.

"Hey! I thought there was a birdhouse there a second ago! Who's in charge here?" howling madded Hiro, who was, in fact, howling mad at being decieved.

"What are you, foolish? There never was a birdhouse!" yelled the half-eaten chunk of hidden-sign-man, crawling out of the trees.

"Wait... yes there was! Look back there, I specifically thank the birdhouse for reminding me of... something that was pretty damn unnecessary now that I think of it." Can you figure out who's talking now? I'm tired of thinking up synonyms for describing speaking to make this story not really monotonous.

"CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!" screamed the sign, blowing up and in its place a birdhouse appeared and ate the evil wizard, who was already dead from being eaten by the Spinarak.

"So... will you tell me who the forest protector is now?" inquired Hiro hopefully, cause he just wanted to get the hell out of there.

"Weren't you listening? I already told you I'd tell you later. Now go, I'm busy chewing."

Well, that was a pain in the ass, so Hiro just decided to walk around for a while, eh? But eventually he came to a fork in the road, because, well, it was just there in the middle of the road. So he picked it up and continued down the path until it split into two paths, so he decided to consult Tog; "Hey, tog, you're magic, so tell me which way to go!"

Tog looked at him quizically. "Tog?"

"Welllllll?" screeched Hiro impatiently, for he, the mighty TYRANT, did not like to be kept waiting for the lower classes.

Tog, confused as always at Hiro's erratic behavior, obediently pointed left and piped up TOG!" like the good little fledgeling he was. So Hiro started walking on the right toward the right of the path, because he was on the right, which was already stated. Damn, I'm tired. Anyway, Tog was confused again. "Tog?"

"You! I remember you! SO GET BACK IN YOUR POKéBALL YOU BAD LITTLE FLEDGELING!" Yep! That's Hiro for ya!

"b-but I'm a good little fledgeling!" thought Tog, tears welling up in his eyes as he tried to figure out what he had done to so incur his mother's wrath.

Anywho, Hiro picked up Tog and tried to cram him into a Pokéball, but that didn't work, so he tried throwing Rocks at the Tog, and then at the Pokéball, but nothing was working, so he pressed the POKéBUTTON on the POKéBALL and all problems were solved, ok?

Just then Hiro noticed a kid, which was kind of strange, since the kid had been watching Hiro's misfortune with Tog all along. He had actually pushed the POKéBUTTON for Hiro, because it sickened him to watch a trainer try to return one of his Pokémon for 7 hours without resting. He was now headbutting trees, and yelling intelligently, "YAY! I'M HAVING FUN HEADBUTTING TREES!"

Hiro was crushed. He thought that he was the only one who had fun headbutting trees, but now the fact that he had never headbutted a tree in his life hit him square in the eyes, so he suddenly felt the urge to steal again. Don't ask. I'm still tired. So he stole the HEADBUTT TM! I'm too tired for description of theft now.

Hiro, once again disregarding the simple rules that even the small tiny things playing the POKéMON THE VIDEO GAME knew, threw the TM at Tog and ordered him to "HEADBUTT!" Unfortunately, being hit on the head with a TM did nothing to help the stupid little egg, so Tog resigned himself to sticking his head up his ass. This did nothing to improve Hiro's mood, obviously. I mean, come on, you realize that you're not the king of HEADBUTT anymore, and then your egg thing sticks its head up its ass??!? That is just cruel and unusual punishment. Poor guy. I'm talking about Hiro, by the way.

And speaking of Hiro, he's speaking; "YOU STUPID BITCH-ASS CRAP HEAD! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT THE TREE! YOU SULLY MY TITLE AS CHAMP OF HBT!"

So tog, in an attempt to please his master, fell over and rolled into the tree, knocking some pinecones onto the headbutting kid and killing him. Isn't this a great story? Good, clean fun for all, yes indeed. Hiro got pissed again, and when Hiro's pissed, he has random memory lapses and severe brain cell loss. "How did you even get out of your Pokéball, anyway? Get back in there!" he called, advancing on Tog and his Pokéball with handfulls of Rocks. Tog clutched his Pokéball and ran through vally and hill until he hit the door of the other little adobe hut on the other side of the forest.

"HA! Stupid Togs can't open doors!"

Hiro finally figured out how to put Tog into his Pokéball... And he did it IN SONG with the help of a magical sparrow named WHITEY! [Oh my god, this has turned into a new Disney sequel! They won't take me alive!]

After helping to destory the rebel headquarters, conveniently located at Walt Disney World, Hiro opened the door of the hut, which had been destroyed in the amazing gnome battle that happened between paragraphs, and smelled a delicious SWEET SCENT from some random big butterfly.

"That smell.... It makes me want to steal.... Makes me want to smell it all the time... I BE DOIN' CRAZY BIDS, FOOL!" Bellowed Hiro, removing the Sweet Scent, throwing it at Tog's Pokéball, and running away.

"You know, there hath jutht been tho muh thievery in thith thtory!" wept the old woman, whose entire personal economy depended on people buying that sweet scent. And now, I must sleep, or I fear that I'll die. Seriously, my eyes are all red. It hurts. Well, goodbye.


**No togs were harmed in the writing of this chapter**

Chapter Eleven​

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Hiro tried to run out of the house, but he hit the door, so he decided to settle for walking through. Ain't that a hoot? So, on his way out, he was walking [Pooh] and saw a strange looking dog. A dog? Well, we'll just see about THAT, won't we?

"HEY! THAT'S A DOG!!" Hiro hooted, glancing around at the road to see if he was not alone in his groundbreaking discovery of DOG.

"So?" Questioned some foolish GuyOnTheRoad. Ha! What a fool!

"THERE ARE NO REAL ANIMALS IN THE WORLD OF POKéMON, FOOL! ARE YOU FOOLISH? SERIOUSLY, IT CAN'T BE THAT HARD TO TELL! C'MON, TELL ME THAT DOESN'T RESEMBLE A DOG!"

"Wow, you really beat that one to death, didn't ya there Hiro?" that damn kid inquired knowingly, with one of them crazy eyebrow-shifty things. You know what I'm talkin about.

"Don't blame me, it's the writer's fault for being SO DAMN LAZY!!! So what do you have to say to my hahaha, eh?" Added H to the Izzle.

"Well, if it can't be a realistic, then it's a something, not a dog! Let's fight!"

"WHAT? No, I don't work today. Why don't you call Randal? Cause I'm fuckin tired! I'm playing hockey at two!"

"Knock it off! Eh or what?"

"Come on, give me a break!" whined Hiro whinily. What a whiny bastard.

"NO! GO MY SUPER-POWERED SUPER THING OF DEATH AND DOOM!" Bellowed RoadMan, throwing a rat into the playing screen.

"A rat-thing? Wow, you must suck poo at being the PoKéMoN Training abilities, hu?" rallied Hiro. What a loser. Only losers rally. Rallying is so out. I mean, really, show some style, man.

"What's wrong with you? Rallying is not a synonym for talking, or even asking. How did you just rally?" rallied[ha-hah!] the stupid Road-Thing.

"What? There's no rallying going on here! The only rallying I've seen is YOUR OWN!" unrallied Hiro.

"LIES! Don't fall for his evil demon-death-doom-filth-imitation-HESITATIO-LIES!" [That's pronounced Hez-ih-tay-shee-oh. A hesitatio lie is a lie where the liar hesitates before lying, therefore giving the lie away. Hiro was not being a hesitatio.] Screamed the now-desperate child, helplessly flailing for help, but sadly getting none. That's why he was so helpless. Duh, "HE is the real rallyer!"

"Alright, just stop, really. I'll fight your stupid rat-thing, just stop. I am through with the rallying of the talk conversation." Thought Hiro in a sudden burst of intelligence.What he said was "Shut up. Oh, by the way, your rat ran away while you were out rallying."

So... Seven hours [and tons of fun] later, we find our quasi-loser-imitatio-hesitatio-hero standing in front of the kid, ready to fight.

"Ha, I'll cream you now with my newly rescued super rat GO RAT AND USE YOU TAIL IN SOME SORT OF WHIPPING FASHION!!!" screamed ratman. So his ratta went and whipped some air with tail ability. Cool. Unfortunately...

"You fool! What, have you been drinking? I didn't send out a Pokémon yet! Fool." Annoyed Hiro. Imagine, this rat-kid having the audacity to come and attack Hiro's air. The nerve of some people.

"Oops"

"Aight, 'emme sample fo' youse, kih'. TOG, USE YOU MECHONOMME!" slurred Hiro incoherrently. [He was in fact the fool, cause he was not in fact slurring, just trying to speak.

Tog jumped out and, since he couldn't understand Hiro's order, just decided to use Cut. So he did. How straightforwardly odd for a straightforward thing. Eh? That's a neat word, eh? Just like them canadians. I want to live in Canada someday... But anywho, Tog cut off the tattas tail, so the kid threw a fit and stole Hiro's money again, after kicking something. For safety's sake, I won't tell you what was kicked, but it was some sort of inanimate object that wasn't actually there, because I'm not telling you of the kick. Understand?

"Ay no... not back to this again."

Just then Hiro ran away for a while. Just like that guy who runs. Except Hiro died after a few feet, and was resurrected then as a Ditto who took the form of Hiro, which was then killed and resurrected as the body of DeadHiroNo1, which came back to life, and Hiro sprung into action and right away saw a dad and little kid-monster. The beast had on a Pikachu Mask and decided to insulting the Hiro was the best course of action to get not life. So he stated[quite truthfully] "Hey, look daddy! A weak little shit for us to kill! If I kill him will you buy me a special snackbox? SNACKBOX?" The only truthful part being about the snackbox, because it existed.

"No, Jr, no snackboxes. Just WATCH YOUR MOUTH! Stupid little kid must die. Stupid little. Why are you here? Hey, you! Weak little shit! Take this kid and I'll give you a special snackbox!" Bellowed the stupid little's father willingly, thrusting both child and snackbox at Hiro. Simultaneously, I might add. But I don't, so mind your business.

"Sorry, but I'd rather kill you in UBER 1337 PKMN FITE!!1111" semi txt-ed Hiro. What a loser again. I wish I had a cellphone.

"Kay! Go fight snubble!"Shouted the kid, regurgitating his snubble, "Snubbly, wear PIKACHU MASK for super power ability, fun?" The snub didn't want mask, so it died in the fight. No more detail now, I've rambled too long already.

After the snubble thing-po died, the little kid had no more mask, so he was all sad and such. Right? "Now look, you've gone and upset my son!" lied the kid's dad liefully. Stupid lieface.

"Ha! Now I rap! I care not for this tot! I made a rhyme, just in time! I killed your snubble, his head pop like bubble! And if you don't move that kid, I'll make him skid!" shouted Hiro dutifully, shoving the PikaKid through a fence. Meanie. The kid went through the fence into an endless field of tall grass and once he had traveled a few feet, froze and was stuck in a hideous glitch of doom. Loser.

Hiro stalked off towards a new house, that said "NOT POKéMON GYM" all over it. Stupid house. It crushes dreams. So Hiro was glaring at it, "This had better be the Pokémon gym, or I'll kill something!"

"This isn't the gym," crackled the Pikachu Pokédex [from this point on known only as Pikadéx] after Hiro had glared at the building for a few hours, causing Hiro to walk back and kill the HiroDittoReincarnationVersionII. Enough.

Chapter Twelve​

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Hiro saw the house. But after all, it wasn't the Pokémon Gym, so why bother seeing it, right? Well, that was precisely in the Hiro's way of thinking, so he decided to just walk past the house. How unfortunately rude. I mean really, that house was being just fine, all there and such, when Hiro had to come along with his killing, stealing, and reincarnations... Up until then, everything had been fine. Thanks a bunch, H.

"Get on with it, already!" Quotes Hiro immediately, how rude to me. One of these days... Anywho, while Hiro was walking right on by that house and by the by just happened to be yelling at me in the process, his attention was most unfortunately caught on a piece of wood sticking out of the ground, and while he was trying to disentangle himself, he caught a glimpse of That Old Guy. Yep, the one and only, BREEDING POKé DUDE! Let's watch!

"Uh..." mumbled Hiro's brain, before catching its second wind and picking up the pace a bit. About time, too. That lazy bastard was costing me ca$h! "That's a guy who's got an egg! I'm thinking of a number from one to Tog, see if you can guess what it is!!!"

"TEH OLD GUY WHAT RAISED MAH TOG!" responded Hiro correctly, and consequentially in the process of that answer, caught the old dude's attention. He then threw it back. Wow.

"Toodling the pip, me young feller, me bucko! Bright and readying for my vittles, I suppose?" Barked EggMan in standard EggMan fashion. To which Hiro was forced to respond. So he did.

"Well, that's just a bit much, I hardly even know you! But while you're at it, have a complimentary TOG, compliments of being complimentary, thank you very much!" rendered Hiro, snapping Tog into action and hurling him into the head of his adversarious Eggdude.

"That surprisingly is the resemblance to an egg that was given to Mr. Pokémon. I don't like that guy, he's a bit of an ass, but he does know his eggs. Do you know your eggs? WELL? DO YOU?!?!?"

"No, foolman, it be the egg that be comin' out of me bum!" Rebuttled Hiro. Pha! Bhaha! Bhahahahahaha! ..ha...

"Right then, this one,"settled the breedman, "has gotten foul. DEAR! I GOTS ME A DIRTY MOUTH HERE! CLEAN IT UP, I CAN'T STAND TO HEAR THEM DRITY WORDS! THEY FUCK WITH ME HEAD!"

"Hey! You gotts teh badd language in you!" rioted the riotous Hiro. "HYPOCRITICAL SCUM, YOU WILL BE WASHED FROM THE EARTH! PHA! BHAHA! BHAHAHAHAHAHA! ..ha.."

"Be that as it may, you young piece of crap, you've eaten bad contextual words, them's should never be touched, got it?" Lectured Eggy. "NOW THEN, DEAR, GET THE DEMON CLEANSING SOAP, WE'RE GONNA HAVE US A GOOD OLD FASHIONED CURSE CLEANIN'!"

Suddenly a huge hairy figure appeared in the doorway. It couldn't fit through it, so it just kind of appeared there. Just like that thing that appears. Except that this new appearance was just a wicked fat hairy ugly chick, all fat and ugly and hairy and stuff. Yellin', too. All yellin and stuff, pretty scary overall, wouldn't you say? Well, I would anyway. I don't care what you say, because I say that...

...Anywho, That Old Fat Chick is all yellin' and stuff, lookin' pretty raunchy, too. Check it out!

"Sorry love, I could only find the good shower soap!" bellowed the fatass, throwing an almost used up, hairy, stankin' bar o' soap at The Old Guy. Wow, what a biotch. That's also some thing. I forget what I was gonna say. Pha! Bhaha! Bhahahahahaha! ..ha..

"Damnit, wife, I ain't bought a new bar of soap in my life, and I sure ain't gonna start now. We shan't foul our Prize Soap with that foulmouthed bastard! Get the Emergency PlunGer!" shouted the once again OLDDUDE, throwing the HorribleSoap back at the huge hairy figure, which un-appeared itself from the door, only to return a short while later with an even filthier, nastyish-type semi-brown, soggy plunger. But that hasn't happened yet, so disregard that last paragraph. NO, WAIT!!! Just disregard everything after the dialogue part, and then, just kinda... do something.

"HEY OLDY!" beefed Hiro squelchily to the Oldy.

"Shut. Up I can't bear to hear any more of your goddamned bad words!" meh.

"Go away, luzzr. You've probably said more swears in the last 12 paragraphs than I have in this whole story! [Chapter 6 excluded]" Hiro provoked angrily. Bring it!

"NONSENSE! It's just you are foolish, is all. ?" what the hell is that question mark there for?

Just then: only to return a short while later with an even filthier, nastyish-type semi-brown, soggy plunger. [the fat apparition is back] Surprised yet? You won't be eventually. Don't you fret.

"JUST THEN!"

The plunger reappeared into Hiro's mouth, and then disappeared back out a short time later, as the Old People just kind of churned it around inside the HiroMouth for a time. But they only did that until they both stopped cursing like sailors and discussing the minutia of pop culture. That's from Clerks the Animated Series, snoogans. So is that.

"Whell now, that you owe us somewhere in the respectability of 1500 YenByTheHour for this delightful cleansing experience, you young rip!" Pha! Bhaha! Bhahahahahaha! ..ha..[OldMan said it]

"Uh... Oh yeah! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" gasp "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" gasp "O! I been teh on1e who be robbed! NOCASH!" gasped Hiro, one called, the, before running for a while, dying again, going through the whole reincarnation thing from the last chapter seven times more, and finally making it to Goldenrod. What a surprise.

"SO ANYWHO!"

After getting lost a bunch of times, gambling away his mom, and getting some underground railroad smugglers put away for a good and mighty long time [quite mighty, yes! Anyone who tries to smuggle an underground railroad out of here should be shot! We've only got a few of those ya know!], Hiro finally got to where he wasn't headed: a big ol' tower thing, with some sort of radio thing! There was also the ROCKETTE DUDDE standing around being the suspicious dude, so Hiro decided to investigate.

"Hey, ROCKET! What's goin' on with you here, eh! Wait, that should be a question mark! Let me rephrase myself. Hey, ROCKET! What's goin' on with you here, eh? Much better, I can see." Nonsensicalitied Hiro in the Rocket's direction.

"So this is the place to be, huh? Wow..." Muttered the guy suspicioultastically, before noticing Hiro and yelling "hey you kid, get out of here! I'm acting too suspicioustastic for you!"

"I'll go. But first tell me what you're doing here.!" A HA! That was a typo! [by the way, Hiro is talking here]

"So this is the place to be, huh? Wow..." Muttered the guy suspicioustastically, before noticing Hiro and yelling "hey you kid, get out of here! I'm acting too suspicioustastic for you!"

"Stop you repeating, Rocket! Tell me your business here! I am Unquestionable Hiro!" challenged Unquestionable Hiro.

"So this is the place to be, huh? Wow..." Muttered the guy suspicioustastically, before noticing Hiro and yelling "hey you kid, get out of here! I'm acting too suspicioustastic for you!"

"WHY MUST THIS BE???" Hiro unquestionably responded, him being unquestionable and all.

"So this is the place to be, huh? Wow..." Muttered the guy suspicioustastically, before noticing Hiro and yelling "hey you kid, get out of here! I'm acting too suspicioustastic for you!"

"BAH!" rebelled Hiro, once again unquestionably, before noticing a sign next to this guy! A sign! Guess what this one said!

=This guy is not a robotic tourguide, he is a robotic RocketDude, who is here to make you suspicious and considering. Pha! Bhaha! Bhahahahahaha! ..ha..=

"This is a very confusing place. I should have payed attention in school, cause I don't remember anything abou--" Hiro stopped abruptly when he noticed that there was a building behind the SuspiciousRocket, who was still talking about the place to be, and him being suspicioustastic and all. Damn, I am tired of typing the word suspicioustastic. From now on, it will never be repeated.

"HAHAHA, I AM NOW WILL WALK INTO A BUILDING, JUST LIKE THIS YEEHA!!" mumbled Hiro, trampling FakeRockerNumeroUno on his way to walking into the building, which he is now in, by the way. Just so you know. I want to keep you up to date, and all such.

Anywho, Hiro just kinda walked in, and then noticed that there was a guy standing at a desk. So he walked up to him and screamed "I WANT A RADIO!!!"

"Sorry, ass head, the radio giveaway is in the next building. This is a hat store." replied HatMan.

"There's a radio giveaway?" quizicalled Hiro quizically.

"Yeah, it's, um, in the radio station next door. Now leave promptly, lest ye incur not leaving!"

"What the hell is a radio station?!?" rambled Hiro unsuccesfully.

"Please leave. You're scaring away all my Hats." kicked the Hat Dude, saiding Hiro out the door.

"Why I oughta..." started Hiro, before "hey, look! A radio station!"

He walked in and screamed at the guy behind the desk "I WANT A RADIO!"

"Damn, dude, I told you, the radio giveaway is NEXT DOOR!!!" yelled the Hat Guy again.

"Radio...giveaway? I'm sorry, you lost me. What were we talking about again?"

By this time the Radio guy had forehead vein bulgy and eye twitchy. "You were just about to go next door and get youself a radio!" he replied, forcing a smile and pushing Hiro out the door.

"Oh, ok. Thanks!" responded Hiro before looking both ways, entering the building, walking up to the guy behind the desk and screaming "I WANT A RADIO!"

"JESUS CHRIST, DUDE, GO NEXT DOOR!!!"bellowed the hat person, throwing Hiro through the Radio station window, after which he promptly stood up, walked up to the lady behind the desk and screamed "I WANT A RADIO!"

"No. Take this test first. I have to know if you know enough about Pokémon to operate a radio!" retorted the DeskLady.

"What?"

"Just shut up and take the test, loser!" prompted the RadioWoman, thrusting a paper at Hiro. He then scribbled pointlessly for a few hours, wrote an answer for another hour, asked the woman several times to repeat the question, and then carefully read the questions on the paper for a solid 4 hours, during which Team Rocket carried in their S*s*i*i*u*t*s*a*t*cRocket from outside and invaded the entire building like a bad sequel of what happened in the Silph building in the older games.

"HAHA! I FINSIHED WITH JUST ENOUGH TIME TO SPARE! HERE! RADIO PLEASE!" spouted Hiro, throwing the paper at the lady, who ate it and yelled "YOU HAVE DOUBLE F-MINUS, FAILURE FOR YOU!!! NO-RADIO!"

"What? I must have radio! Everyone in my family has had radio! My father and his father and his father... I HAVE DISCRACED MY FAMILY NAME! GIVE ME TEH RADIO!!!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

...After several hours of this, Hiro realized that it was nowhere, shouted "SHUT UP BITCH!" stole a radio card, inserted it into his PokéGear, turned around, ate some Pie, turned around some more and then RAN INTO A ROCKET!!!

Pha! Bhaha! Bhahahahahaha! ..ha..