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EVERYONE: - Complete The Sanctity Of Aghartha

Rishi

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I was walking outdoors in what seemed to be the backyard of my home. Then I turned around to enter into my home when I was confronted by an astonishing sight. My house was at least thrice as large as it usually is. I stopped walking for a moment in utter astonishment. Then I sensed a presence behind me, so I turned my head around and became startled to see a man about 12 to 14 feet tall. It appeared to be a human man with black hair and brown eyes like me (but had an appearance substantially different from mine). He did not appear to be much older than 30 years old. I didn't run away from this man, as I strangely felt safe in his presence. He then opened his mouth and told me that the house in front of me has virtually the exact same appearance as the house that I live in, except its dimensions are larger. I asked that man why this replica of my house appears exactly the same as my original house except with larger dimensions. His response was that the people of Earth's middle portion are much taller in stature than my people on Earth's outer portion and hence this fact is represented by the scale of their artificial constructions. I asked him what he meant when he said 'middle portion' and he informed me that every planet in our universe is divided into three portions: an inner portion, a middle portion and an outer portion. He said that lifeforms are teeming on each and every one of these three portions, but we fail to perceive most of it because we don't have the appropriate eyes to see it and the appropriate ears to hear it. In asking for further clarification to this statement, he responded by comparing our universe to an onion. He said that just as an onion has many layers, our universe also has many layers and each layer interpenetrates every other layer. But we cannot experience other layers until we know how to peel one layer to get to another. He clarified his allegorical statements by saying that the act of peeling is the act of shifting one's consciousness in another direction and that the onion in his analogy represents our universe whilst the layers of the onion represent different dimensions containing space-time continua which vary from our own. "We exist in one universe, yet we all also exist in multi-dimensions", he explained. He continued to clarify his statements, claiming that there are dimensions lower than the one we were currently aware of and also dimensions higher than the one we were currently aware of too. When he used the terms 'lower' and 'higher', he explained that he did not necessarily mean 'worse' and 'better' respectively but having a lower vibratory rate and having a higher vibratory rate respectively. Then he told me that as there is a shift in one's consciousness, there is a change in the quality of one's sensory faculties and completely different things are perceived as a result of this.

Two major questions I wished to ask him remained and they were how I got to where I was and why I stumbled upon a duplicate version of my house. He answered my first question very quickly and cryptically by stating that I was there only because I wanted to be there. I politely asked him if he could be somewhat less ambiguous with his response and I remember his exact response: "It really is as simple as that."

I moved on to my next question about why I came across a huge duplicate version of my house. He said that where I currently was, there are duplicate versions of every major monument and even most man-made regions on the surface of Outer Earth. He said that a blue sky, clouds and a comparatively tiny Sun were all artificially generated to make this world more similar to the world on Earth's outer surface. However, despite all of this, they were unable to artificially mimic stars in a night sky. They apparently caused rainfall from their clouds when desired by firing small silver rockets at them. "We have manifested comparatively large replicas of all major monuments and cities existing on Outer Earth's surface because all their original counterparts will eventually be destroyed due to the inevitable passage of Time" was his response. I asked him how long it would have taken him and his fellow people to create all these duplicate objects and he said it would have taken only a matter of minutes as those objects were not 'created' at all. He stated that the knowledge his people have of the arts and the sciences vastly exceeds the knowledge me and my fellow Outer Earth people have of these things (but he didn't seem to say it in a boastful manner, but rather in a very matter-of-fact and calm way). In saying this, he further stated that these duplicate objects were materialised out of the ether by sheer will alone through a spiritual science currently unknown to the vast majority of Outer Earth people. Then he said that all those duplicate objects would eventually be dematerialised and reabsorbed back into the ether after a certain duration of time had passed.

He also said that our planet's outer surface experiences periodic cataclysms so that she can cleanse herself of impurities which are causing her to suffer (he considered Earth to be of female gender), but that our planet's middle surface is not subjected to these kinds of periodic cataclysms. These periodic cataclysms extinguish practically ALL Outer Earth humans, except for an extremely small handful of morally unblemished people who are 'divinely chosen' to be survivors. He then told me that he had seen many different Outer Earth 'humanities' (his word, not mine) come and go since his birth. It was then that I realised that this mysterious man, though appearing quite youthful, was actually extremely ancient. He continued explaining that the relatively small amount of surviving people are safely escorted into this central portion (as it divides the inner and outer portions from each other) of Earth before our Earth experiences one of its periodic outer dissolutions. They then safely live in this place until the destruction comes to an end. To make this time more bearable and comfortable for them, all their homes and all the places they were familiar with in their world had been duplicated but at a larger size. These survivors would then be empowered with the ability to increase their height so they could easily live in this replica world. After the Outer Earth dissolution had finished, people from varying regions of Middle Earth as well as Outer Earth survivors living in their replica world would then proceed together to the surface of Outer Earth. They would then eventually interbreed with each other for the purpose of filling Outer Earth's surface with a human population and peacefully co-exist with each other for many eons of time. Yet after several eons had elapsed, the people of Middle Earth would abandon the Outer Earth people and return to their world again (which exists in extremely vast and hollow portions of Earth's crust). I asked that man why this was the case and he said it was because the Outer Earth people as a whole always became more barbaric and violent as time went by, so the Middle Earth people left to their own world again for their sake of their welfare. As humankind on Outer Earth becomes more and more morally and spiritually degenerate, more and more negative vibrations are correspondingly released into the ether and this causes Earth to become increasingly ill and unhealthy. Eventually Earth becomes so sick and in pain that she can no longer bear it and will explode if no action is taken. If she exploded, then ALL beings living on the inner, middle and outer regions of Earth would die. Hence, for her to physically survive yet cause the least amount of damage to herself and her children, she must be 'reborn' (so to speak) by changing the configuration of land and sea on her outer surface. Thus, Earth then has a new appearance on its outer surface and new Outer Earth human beings living on it. These Outer Earth human beings are originally of a very high moral and spiritual character, but as one generation succeeds another, they become increasingly degenerate morally and spiritually. Immediately after he said all of this, I started to weep for a reason I'm still not entirely aware of. He then gently placed one of his enormous hands onto my left shoulder and said "Everything is exactly as it is meant to be."
 
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"E-Trainer", to be put bluntly, your grammar suck.

Although he does have a point regarding the paragraphing. If you can't split them up into paragraphs, could you try double spacing?
 
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Because I don't think saying 'well, you suck' is in any way constructive, I'll take a stab at giving some helpful criticism. Hopefully this will help you improve. ;)

~

First of all, I'd like to elaborate on the earlier mentioned paragraphing. It's something that can be a bit tricky - when looking at paragraph subject matter, where to put the breaks, and how to properly cut long sections in two - but it'll make your story much more readable.

Have a look at what you currently have. It' a long slew of words that makes it difficult to read. Sentence upon sentence following each other makes eyes hurt and often causes people to gloss over things entirely. I know I really have to force myself to read it.

Instead, it'd be best if you edited and broke things up into separate paragraphs.

Every time you broach an important new subject, you start a new paragraph. Take my second and third paragraph, for instance. The first focused on the fact that people had mentioned paragraphing before and why it was important to use it, whereas the second paragraph focused on what you had done and why it was annoying to read. Two different subjects, so two different paragraphs.

You also start a new paragraph when someone is speaking. For example:

The girl caught sight of a nearby house. Running over, she frantically knocked on the door.

"Hello!" she yelled. "Is anyone home? I need help!"

There was no reply.


Notice how the speech gets its own paragraph?

Paragraphing takes some practice, but you'll get there eventually. ;)

~

Now onto the story itself. Or at least part of it.

I was walking outdoors in what seemed to be the backyard of my home. Then I turned around to enter into my home when I was confronted by an astonishing sight.

I see you've decided to write first person. This is very difficult to do and this is immediately showcased in the first sentence. It doesn't make sense for 'you' to not know what your backyard looks like. Now, I know something is wrong with how the backyard looks, but you should try to point that out, otherwise it's just going to look strange.

It's also not a very strong opening. "I was walking". It's a passive, random sentence. You were walking? That's it? Perhaps try to open with something a bit more striking. Also, starting with 'I' is usually not the best way, because it immediately gives a sense of egotistical behaviour.

I stopped walking for a moment in utter astonishment. Then I sensed a presence behind me, so I turned my head around and became startled to see a man about 12 to 14 feet tall.

You're already repeating yourself. She's already been confronted by an 'astonishing sight', so it's not necessary to use 'astonishment' again. It feels repetitive.

Same goes for 'then...'. It's not great storytelling either. You might, in real life, tell people something along the lines of "Well, first I went there, then there, then did that, etc." but it's not storytelling. You're listing, instead of weaving a story.

Grab the nearest book you can find. Have a look at some of the pages. Do you see "Then....and then...and then..." anywhere? There's listing, and then there's storytelling. You need to focus on the latter.

First create a setting. We're at the character's house, in their backyard, and something is terribly wrong. Everything is much larger than it should be. So focus on that. Set up where they are and what's going on. Perhaps by something like this:

For many days now, the weather had been excellent. With a gentle breeze and comfortable temperatures, I had often found myself outside to enjoy it. Today was no different, though something else was.

A feeling of dread had grabbed a hold of me as I pushed through grass that reached my armpits. Trees had stopped being trees, instead they'd turned into pillars that reached the sky. They were so tall I could barely see the green at the top.

I knew I was in my backyard, as I recognized the enormous fountain not far from where I stood, but at the same time I couldn't be. This place, with its towering trees and flowers the size of a small house, didn't seem real.


Something like that, maybe. XD

All in all, I don't get a feel for this story at all. You tell us something about outer-earth and whatnot, but it all seems very random and illogical. A giant of a man shows up and tells this miniature person that he/she's somewhere else, where for some reason they've created an inflated replica of her/his house.

Personally, the moment I'd feel the ground shake due to the man's feet, I'd run away in terror. Feeling safe or not, my brain would tell me to start running and not to look back.

Also, what significance does this have? What's the story? You haven't set anything up, you're just relaying information. Is this some sort of AU? Who is this 'I' we're talking about?

This whole 'chapter' just confused me, even after I'd broken it up into paragraphs. Is it even a pokémon story, or what's the deal?
 
Please note: The thread is from 17 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
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