• Hello!

    Please be aware that our content warnings system has recently been updated! Please refer to this thread for more information, or if you're unsure, feel free to contact a Workshop staff member!

    Thank you all for helping us ensure our community is a safe and healthy one, and for your continued patronage in our Library and Workshop.

The Tale of Infernape in the Tropical islands *Chapter 3 is now up*

Infernape Prime

追放されたバカ
Joined
Mar 14, 2010
Messages
221
Reaction score
0
gg.png


This Story is about a very strong Infernape named Lucas, and his Brother, Cyrus. This Story will show how the two fire types (and Turtwig) get trained by Lance and save the world.

Main Characters:
Lucas
The Main Charcter of the Story, Which is an Infernape, has a Powerful Body. He was the Resident of Fire Island, Which was destroyed By Groudon and Kyogre. His Hands are Strong enough to Outswim a Wailord.
Cyrus
One of the Travelling partners Of Lucas, Who hatches Soon in the Story. The Brother of Lucas, He is a Crybaby and gets Scared Very Quickly. Under the Ownership of Lance, He evolves into a Monferno.
Turtwig
One of the Travelling partners of Lucas, He is always confident and Doesnt Get Scared. he is often teased by Sunny.
Sunny
Lance's main Pokemon, Very Eager to Help others, He Teases others for being able to fly. He is kind and was a Resident of Star Island.
Lance
The Champion Which deals in Dragon Types, But discovering the Tropical Islands, Has made a Intrest in fre-Types.
Wailord
Introduced as a Villian in the Story, becomes a Good Friend of Lucas and Becomes one Lance's Pokemon Like Others.
Moltres
The best Friend of Lucas, was a Resident of Fire Island Before it got Destroyed.

Locations:

Tropical Islands are a Giant Group of Islands South of Sinnoh. They are known to be Bigger then Orange Islands. Lance Discovered Them, and The nearest Islands to Sinnoh and Hoenn Have Humans In them, While The other Islands Remain a Mystery.
Main Islands:
Fire Island
The Hometown of Lucas, Moltres and Cyrus, It was destroyed By Groudon and Kyogre, Who are the Villians to pokemon. Some of the Survivors were Saved by Rayquaza, through.
Star Island
Nearest Island to Fire island, Located to the east of It, Is the Hometown of Turtwig and the Place where Cyrus hatched. It has a deep Dence Jungle.
Islos de Coronet
The Biggest island as far as Discovered, Has Three Giant Volcanoes, One of Those is a Supervolcano, The Largest Volcano in the world. On the top of it are Ruins of something Unknown, as No One climbed the Mountain.
Prologue
On a Raft in the Ocean, a Infernape named Lucas sits with a egg in front of him. he was a Native of Fire island's Village. Everyone Ran Because of a Suicune VS Kyogre Battle in the Ocean.Suddenly, Moltres comes and sits down at the raft.''Lucas, My freind, Its So Good that your alive! the Village is destroyed. Are you planning to get to sinnoh?'' says Moltres.''No, I dont Want to see those Humans!'' Says lucas.''Okay, Well, Your Brother is in this Orange Egg?'' Says Moltres.''Yes, Okay, pLease Fly away cuz your fire will burn the wood. Suddenly, Some Sharpedos are around and even moltres has flown away from sight....

Chapter 1:Water Pokemon Are Egg Stealers!
''Shar-pedos! This is not Good, If i were on Land then i could have some Good Fight but in the Ocean on a raft, Its not a Good Idea'' says Lucas Looking at the Sharpedo Bros.''Egg! Its a Lunch!'' says Sharpedo 1.''Lu-nch?'' sais Lucas.Suddenly as the Sharpedo Touches The Egg, Lucas Uses Mach Punch to Knock out Sharpedo 2. Then He uses Roar to Scare Away the Other sharpedo.''Wow, That Was Close!'' Says Lucas. Suddenly The raft Breaks. Lucas Takes the egg and Jumps. Then A wailord Helps Lucas by Coming Beneath Him.''I May Just Help you, we are heading towards Star Island.''Star Island? Sounds good'' Says Lucas. After getting Near the Island, the Wailord Says''Haha, I fooled you! I was Just Intending to take your egg to feed to my two wailmers! HAHA!''.''WHAT?'' Sais Lucas. Then Lucas Jumps Into the Water with the Egg and his Flame Out. He Swims to Star Island.''Ah, I am Safe,The Egg is Safe! Water Pokemon are Egg stealers!'' Says Lucas on the Island. Then Lucas goes to Sleep with the Egg on his Belly.
 
Last edited:
Re: The Tale of Infernape in the Tropical islands

ocake, here goes

When different characters start talking, you need to start a new paragraph.
You need to use an instead of a in front of any word beginning with a vowel (aeiou).
After a full stop you need to put a space before the next word.
There are quite a few spelling errors as well, I guess you typed this in the reply box? You should do it in a word processor, it will remove most of the errors.

Also, no description!
And on a plot point, i don't think Infernape would be able to outswim a Wailord either.
Honest suggestion? Start again.
 
Re: The Tale of Infernape in the Tropical islands

ocake, here goes

When different characters start talking, you need to start a new paragraph.
You need to use an instead of a in front of any word beginning with a vowel (aeiou).
After a full stop you need to put a space before the next word.
There are quite a few spelling errors as well, I guess you typed this in the reply box? You should do it in a word processor, it will remove most of the errors.

Also, no description!
And on a plot point, i don't think Infernape would be able to outswim a Wailord either.
Honest suggestion? Start again.

Okay, Ill do chapter 2 like that. Also, Wailords are slow, and the Wailmers dint even know its lunch time. Also, I said They were very near the shore! and, Wailords surely cant come in shallow water. and they were on the edge of it.
 
Re: The Tale of Infernape in the Tropical islands *Chapter 2 is now up*

Ok guys, Heres Chapter 2

Chapter 2:One good Island is Gonna do it!
Lucas Awakens to find the Egg Missing.
''NOOOOOO! THATS NOT POSSIBLE! THAT WAILORD! HEY WAILORD YOU *****! COME HERE!'' Lucas Says Angrily. The wailord is seen in The distance.
''ME? NO! I DINT TAKE YOUR ORANGE EGG! AND, THAT ISLAND HAS EGG EATING MEOWTH! AND I HOPE THAT EGG IS EATEN BY ONE!'' Says The Wailord. Lucas Throws a stone at him.
''Damn That wailord. Now, Where is the Egg?'' Says Lucas. Suddenly a Old Torterra Comes.
''Is this Egg Yours? My Son Thought you were going to eat it when you will wake up so he brought it to our day care. Here Take it'' Says Torterra. Lucas Takes it.
''Hey, I have an idea! Lets bring it in the Jungle center where all pokemon hatch to help it hatch'' Says torterra.
''Well Okay!'' Says Lucas. They approach the center and Put The Egg in center, Then i starts to hatch!!
''Oh! Its a Boy Chimchar! I Think the name Cyrus, which means sun, Should be named'' says Grotle, Torterra's Son.
''Well, Okay!'' says Lucas.
''Chim-char!'' Says Cyrus, Lucas's Lil' Brother. Then, Suddenly a earthquake strikes and reveals a giant Groudon hidden in the jungle. My bro just hatched and this... Damn! Its a ground type, none of us could win to it... Hey! That thing is going to the water, maybe... Oh no... we need to stop it!
''Hey, Take my bro with you, he doesnt want to stay here, turtwig'' says grotle.
''Ok, but this might be dangerous... '' says Lucas....
 
Re: The Tale of Infernape in the Tropical islands *Chapter 2 is now up*

*facepalm*
 
Re: The Tale of Infernape in the Tropical islands *Chapter 2 is now up*

Well, you don't really have any description. At all. You need to tell us what every thing looks like and how the characters feel. Also, you seem to have created a universe outside of what everyone knows. What is "Star Island" and all that? You need to explain that a bit also.
 
Well Check first Post again, and here is Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Revenge of Lucas and Moltres
Lucas, Cyrus and Turtwig Approach the Beach to See Groudon and Kyogre.
‘’Time For Revenge!’’ Says Lucas in a Deep Voice. Moltres Also Comes Fight.
Fight! Lucas VS Groudon, Moltres VS Kyogre!
‘’peck!’’ says Moltres Hitting Kyogre. Then, in the Bushes is a Man, Red haired With a Cape. The name was Lance.
‘’Wonderful. That Infernape is Strong Enough to Defeat a Legendary! I Gotta Catch all pokemon There. Go MasterBalls!’’ Says the man.
‘’What!’’ says Lucas as darkness Surrounds Him, Then Scenery Appears. Then he Wandered To Five pokemon, Cyrus, Turtwig, a Charizard, a Gyarados, and a Dragonite.
‘’So, Your Finally Here’’ Says Charizard. ‘’My name is Sunny, and You are Captured by Lance. All you Three’’.
‘’CAPTURED?!?’’ Says a Very Surprised Lucas. ‘’But, Where is Groudon, And did I Defeat Him?’’
‘’You are Inside a Pokeball, and yes, You defeated Groudon’’ Says Dragonite.
‘’Lance Threw a Pokeball, You Kicked the Pokeball onto groudon, Groudon Got Hit Badly, then he fainted but his tail Kicked the pokeball onto You again, so you get captured. It All Happened in 10 Seconds’’ Says Sunny.
 
First of all is this a chapter or a paragrapg. My honest sugestion is to start over and follow what other populer authors do. Sorry if it sounds mean but you need major improvements!
 
Please note: The thread is from 16 years ago.
Please take the age of this thread into consideration in writing your reply. Depending on what exactly you wanted to say, you may want to consider if it would be better to post a new thread instead.
Back
Top Bottom