@Flaze; @Scholar; @Blake Belladonna; @Heroic Sociopath; @AutumnRain
NOTE: As you could tell from the title, this is supposed to be a parody of parodies. Think about the games and see how stupid they are while also you could say the same for journey fics. In this story, I am incorporating the whole package including errors because on those fanfiction sites you see a lot of these errors.
Thanks for reading.
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Chapter 1 - The Part that starts a path of confusion.
The sun wasn’t shining and the bird Pokemon weren’t tweeting since they didn’t have internet connection. It was night time in the lovely town of Aspertia City, a new city trying that build itself as something big but it was actually kind of small. A woman with long copper red hair, brown eyes got up. She yawned from her little nap after she got bored surfing the internet trying to shop. The last time she had shopped via the internet a Machoke ripped her new boots trying to wear it on its head.
Her name was Daphne and today was going to be a normal day of watching television and just messaging people on her Xtransceiver until she walked downstairs just wearing a white lace top and bell-bottom jeans along with black heeled boots that were just up to her shin.
“Oh dear, I got news for you,” Daphne’s mother greeted her at the bottom of the stairs, “Do you remember how I was going to tell you the story about how got your name?”
“No I don’t actually,” She flicked some of her hair from her face, “Because you told me the damn story so many times, the fact that I was called Girl until you were watching a TV with 4 teens and a cowardly Growlithe then you decided to call me Daphne from that because I wasn’t smart enough to be a Velma…I don’t even know what that means,” Daphne just shook her head and walked away from her mother into the dining room.
Her mother came up running to the red hair with her brown hair bouncing up and down, “Oh honey don’t be like, it is just that I forgot about your father after it turned out that I cheated on him several times and he now he is dating that Chris guy or was it John?”
“The fact that you turned my father into guys and that you practically slept with even my Pokemon teacher and he was 30 years older than you, why couldn't I stay with my dad…..” Daphne sighed as she flopped down on a green couch, “But no apparently the courts rule in your favour because you bribed them….so I am stuck with a deadbeat woman….so what’s the news?”
Her mother wasn’t listening as she was texting until she felt Daphne right up in her face, staring at her with her dark brown eyes. Her mother smiled and gave her a letter to which Daphne opened and then threw it up in the air in joy, the letter gentled landed on the tiled floor.
“Wait you are kicking me out to go on a Pokémon journey, so I would learn about life?” Daphne yelled at her mother, “Wait that means I don’t have to stay here? SWEET!!!” She started to dance around and sing about freedom. Her dancing waltzed towards the door where she stopped looking at a tall bulky darker skinned male with little black hair and brown eyes, towering over her wearing a white shirt and jeans.
“Yo, Miss Harrison, I’m here to collect your daughter to meet that Professor and stuff, alright?” He looked at Daphne who shrugged as her mother was not paying attention.
“Yes I hear you ‘dude’ and I’ll play with your fishing rod later,” Daphne’s mother said as she added a wink.
Both Daphne and the male walked outside of her house, “Man no wonder they call your mom, the city tunnel, that’s whacked yo, she ain’t even pretty,” The guy looked at Daphne, “Now you’ll be asking who’s the dude and what the hell is he doin’ taking me to the Professor Juniper?” He rambled on which actually answered Daphne’s question in her mind.
“Now I’ll be taking you and if you become Champion, you get to sleep with Juniper, you get that booty, gurl and I’ll be like you ain’t into that girl on girl stuff, so I’ll be takin’ her booty and help you become Champion, we gonna be a team like Stockton, Malone or Robinson and Duncan…or Joe Johnson and Brook Lopez….you understand?” He walked the red headed 17 year old teen to where she was supposed to meet Professor Juniper.
Daphne started very late as a trainer even though she wasn’t one yet because of all the court issues and the drama from her mother. Her mother as the city liked to call her as the ‘City Tunnel’ which to the chagrin of Daphne and the fact that she was called Girl for 3 years didn’t help before she got her name Daphne caused her to have a very strained relationship with her mother. Her father on the other hand decided to move away as far as possible and lost a court battle for custody of Daphne after her mother bribed the jury.
“I don’t understand a single word at all but the fact that you didn’t try to sleep with mother makes me trust you more than her, which is really quite sad,” Daphne pointed out as they walked.
---------------
“Hey Daphne!!!”
Daphne and the still nameless male with her looked in behind them to see a guy with fuzzy blue hair and an ugly red jacket with black pants and blue sneakers along with a little girl with a green dress, short brown hair in a bob along with a ribbon walking towards them.
“Hey! You got a Pokemon yet?” He asked to which Daphne shook her head.
The kid and his sister finally reached Daphne and the nameless male and she could feel that she was being stared at. Daphne didn’t know the name of the fuzzy blue haired male and the little girl next to him. She just smiled and shook her head.
“You don’t remember who I am? How could you Daphne, I’m those ones that sent you those flowers on Valentine’s Day,” He exclaimed as he ran his left hand through his hair until it got stuck and he had to yank it out. “I’m Hugh…remember?”
“Oh yeah Jack? I loved those flowers, they were great,” Daphne smiled insincerely.
She whispered to her nameless friend, “I threw them in the drain after I got them, this kid, Jack or Hugh has issues with like a capital I…what’s your name anyway?”
“My name is Joe, I’m like raining down with Joe,” Joe looked at Hugh’s hair and laughed, “This kid ain’t got style like you and I, we are like the swag and they like dirt, Grimer, you know what I mean Daphne?”
“No but I might add I like how that sounds,” Daphne smiled “But you do realize that they can hear us and they know that I am meeting Juniper to get a Pokemon?”
Joe laughed, “Hell yeah, I’m going after that booty,”
Hugh looked at Daphne with a stern look, “I need someone to care for, someone I can trust…and Daphne that’s you, so go get your Pokemon.” He walked up really close to her which lead to Daphne to laugh at him.
“Ahahahhahahah you are such a loser,” Daphne laughed as she walked along with Joe to find Professor Juniper. It turned out that Hugh followed her. Daphne sighed “That guy is cramping my style, Joe. Can’t you like beat the stuffing out him?”
“Do you think I’m some gang member?” Joe asked with a little bit of anger in his voice to demonstrate the fact that stereotyping is wrong unless it is done in jest.
“Nope,” Daphne answered as they reached the outlook, “But I do think you are a responsible person to help me even though we did first meet like 15 minutes ago and that you dragged me from my house at late night, so sure why not? Not like anything makes sense in my life since my father decided to drop the soap in a home edition as a fun game.”
They didn’t see Professor Juniper but they saw a young girl with a giant hat, “No seriously what the hell is that hat? It looks like a blimp or a Driftloon and those glasses…eugh so wrong,” Daphne was quite the fashionista, she knew what was good and bad and she could tell this girl was on the wrong side of bad, she was bad beyond bad like Hugh.
“Hi there I’m looking for a girl named Daphne have you seen her?” The girl with the glasses and giant hat asked. “My name is Bianca and I’m the Professor’s assistant, she went to have a chat with Professor Oak, something about cleaning the rods. I wish I could join….anyway I chat a lot but have you seen a girl named Daphne?” Bianca asked Joe and Daphne.
Daphne shook her head, “Never heard of her, have you Joe?”
Joe shook her head, “I have not Clair, and I have not. Bianca must suck at doing her job.”
Everything was going well until Hugh butted in, pointing his finger at Daphne. “That’s Daphne, isn’t she beautiful and sexy?”
“Dammit Hugh….you creepy….thing,” Daphne seethed as Bianca jumped for joy literally. “Yes I’m Daphne and you got a Pokémon for me?”
“Oh Daphne, you look exactly like I was told…..except I didn’t recognize you, silly me.” Bianca again jumped for joy literally but followed up by taking out a bag with three Pokeballs.
“She must be off her meds…” Daphne whispered in Joe’s ear, “Alright Bianca, I don’t care if you are stupid or you can’t recognize me because you are dumb…can I please pick the damn Pokemon?”
“Oh sorry Daphne but Hugh was here first,” Bianca smiled as she let Jack pick his Pokemon before her. He picked a Tepig which Daphne didn’t mind except for the fact that she was here before Hugh.
“Now you can pick Daphne?” Well there was only two Pokemon left but Daphne stopped before picking one of the two remaining.
“I’m not picking unless Joe gets a Pokemon otherwise I’ll tell Juniper that you are off your meds or that you didn’t recognize me and you gave a Pokemon to that kid who talks about technology all day long sitting outside my house instead of me, so we got a deal?” Daphne loved manipulating idiots which included Bianca.
Bianca shrugged as she said “Yes I happily agree, aren’t we friends Daphne?”
“Err no we are not but I am picking this one because it is towards my right and not my left, so Joe you get the left,”
“Hell yeah, I got a Pokémon and it’s….an Oshawott?” Joe read the label on the Pokeball before chucking it his pocket.
“That means Daphne has the Snivy, Oh my god it is amazing that we get everything that we want, I’m so happy that we are friends, group hug?” Bianca smiled as she stretched her arms out ready for a hug.
“Hell no,” Joe waved his hands.
“No way, Bianca,” Daphne shot Bianca's idea down.
Daphne and Joe walked down the steps after Joe stole Bianca’s spare Pokedex after threatening her with a gun telling her “I’m gonna send a bullet up your ass, mother….just give me the damn Pokedex”. Hugh also had his fun after falling from the overpass and breaking his arm after Bianca accidentally whacked him in the face.
It was the start to a glorious journey full of plot holes and a snarky teen with her friend that just appeared out of nowhere. They were going to have a fun journey around Unova, full of adventure and things that are similar to an adventure.
Pulitzer Prize, here I come.
NOTE: As you could tell from the title, this is supposed to be a parody of parodies. Think about the games and see how stupid they are while also you could say the same for journey fics. In this story, I am incorporating the whole package including errors because on those fanfiction sites you see a lot of these errors.
Thanks for reading.
----------------------------------------
Chapter 1 - The Part that starts a path of confusion.
The sun wasn’t shining and the bird Pokemon weren’t tweeting since they didn’t have internet connection. It was night time in the lovely town of Aspertia City, a new city trying that build itself as something big but it was actually kind of small. A woman with long copper red hair, brown eyes got up. She yawned from her little nap after she got bored surfing the internet trying to shop. The last time she had shopped via the internet a Machoke ripped her new boots trying to wear it on its head.
Her name was Daphne and today was going to be a normal day of watching television and just messaging people on her Xtransceiver until she walked downstairs just wearing a white lace top and bell-bottom jeans along with black heeled boots that were just up to her shin.
“Oh dear, I got news for you,” Daphne’s mother greeted her at the bottom of the stairs, “Do you remember how I was going to tell you the story about how got your name?”
“No I don’t actually,” She flicked some of her hair from her face, “Because you told me the damn story so many times, the fact that I was called Girl until you were watching a TV with 4 teens and a cowardly Growlithe then you decided to call me Daphne from that because I wasn’t smart enough to be a Velma…I don’t even know what that means,” Daphne just shook her head and walked away from her mother into the dining room.
Her mother came up running to the red hair with her brown hair bouncing up and down, “Oh honey don’t be like, it is just that I forgot about your father after it turned out that I cheated on him several times and he now he is dating that Chris guy or was it John?”
“The fact that you turned my father into guys and that you practically slept with even my Pokemon teacher and he was 30 years older than you, why couldn't I stay with my dad…..” Daphne sighed as she flopped down on a green couch, “But no apparently the courts rule in your favour because you bribed them….so I am stuck with a deadbeat woman….so what’s the news?”
Her mother wasn’t listening as she was texting until she felt Daphne right up in her face, staring at her with her dark brown eyes. Her mother smiled and gave her a letter to which Daphne opened and then threw it up in the air in joy, the letter gentled landed on the tiled floor.
“Wait you are kicking me out to go on a Pokémon journey, so I would learn about life?” Daphne yelled at her mother, “Wait that means I don’t have to stay here? SWEET!!!” She started to dance around and sing about freedom. Her dancing waltzed towards the door where she stopped looking at a tall bulky darker skinned male with little black hair and brown eyes, towering over her wearing a white shirt and jeans.
“Yo, Miss Harrison, I’m here to collect your daughter to meet that Professor and stuff, alright?” He looked at Daphne who shrugged as her mother was not paying attention.
“Yes I hear you ‘dude’ and I’ll play with your fishing rod later,” Daphne’s mother said as she added a wink.
Both Daphne and the male walked outside of her house, “Man no wonder they call your mom, the city tunnel, that’s whacked yo, she ain’t even pretty,” The guy looked at Daphne, “Now you’ll be asking who’s the dude and what the hell is he doin’ taking me to the Professor Juniper?” He rambled on which actually answered Daphne’s question in her mind.
“Now I’ll be taking you and if you become Champion, you get to sleep with Juniper, you get that booty, gurl and I’ll be like you ain’t into that girl on girl stuff, so I’ll be takin’ her booty and help you become Champion, we gonna be a team like Stockton, Malone or Robinson and Duncan…or Joe Johnson and Brook Lopez….you understand?” He walked the red headed 17 year old teen to where she was supposed to meet Professor Juniper.
Daphne started very late as a trainer even though she wasn’t one yet because of all the court issues and the drama from her mother. Her mother as the city liked to call her as the ‘City Tunnel’ which to the chagrin of Daphne and the fact that she was called Girl for 3 years didn’t help before she got her name Daphne caused her to have a very strained relationship with her mother. Her father on the other hand decided to move away as far as possible and lost a court battle for custody of Daphne after her mother bribed the jury.
“I don’t understand a single word at all but the fact that you didn’t try to sleep with mother makes me trust you more than her, which is really quite sad,” Daphne pointed out as they walked.
---------------
“Hey Daphne!!!”
Daphne and the still nameless male with her looked in behind them to see a guy with fuzzy blue hair and an ugly red jacket with black pants and blue sneakers along with a little girl with a green dress, short brown hair in a bob along with a ribbon walking towards them.
“Hey! You got a Pokemon yet?” He asked to which Daphne shook her head.
The kid and his sister finally reached Daphne and the nameless male and she could feel that she was being stared at. Daphne didn’t know the name of the fuzzy blue haired male and the little girl next to him. She just smiled and shook her head.
“You don’t remember who I am? How could you Daphne, I’m those ones that sent you those flowers on Valentine’s Day,” He exclaimed as he ran his left hand through his hair until it got stuck and he had to yank it out. “I’m Hugh…remember?”
“Oh yeah Jack? I loved those flowers, they were great,” Daphne smiled insincerely.
She whispered to her nameless friend, “I threw them in the drain after I got them, this kid, Jack or Hugh has issues with like a capital I…what’s your name anyway?”
“My name is Joe, I’m like raining down with Joe,” Joe looked at Hugh’s hair and laughed, “This kid ain’t got style like you and I, we are like the swag and they like dirt, Grimer, you know what I mean Daphne?”
“No but I might add I like how that sounds,” Daphne smiled “But you do realize that they can hear us and they know that I am meeting Juniper to get a Pokemon?”
Joe laughed, “Hell yeah, I’m going after that booty,”
Hugh looked at Daphne with a stern look, “I need someone to care for, someone I can trust…and Daphne that’s you, so go get your Pokemon.” He walked up really close to her which lead to Daphne to laugh at him.
“Ahahahhahahah you are such a loser,” Daphne laughed as she walked along with Joe to find Professor Juniper. It turned out that Hugh followed her. Daphne sighed “That guy is cramping my style, Joe. Can’t you like beat the stuffing out him?”
“Do you think I’m some gang member?” Joe asked with a little bit of anger in his voice to demonstrate the fact that stereotyping is wrong unless it is done in jest.
“Nope,” Daphne answered as they reached the outlook, “But I do think you are a responsible person to help me even though we did first meet like 15 minutes ago and that you dragged me from my house at late night, so sure why not? Not like anything makes sense in my life since my father decided to drop the soap in a home edition as a fun game.”
They didn’t see Professor Juniper but they saw a young girl with a giant hat, “No seriously what the hell is that hat? It looks like a blimp or a Driftloon and those glasses…eugh so wrong,” Daphne was quite the fashionista, she knew what was good and bad and she could tell this girl was on the wrong side of bad, she was bad beyond bad like Hugh.
“Hi there I’m looking for a girl named Daphne have you seen her?” The girl with the glasses and giant hat asked. “My name is Bianca and I’m the Professor’s assistant, she went to have a chat with Professor Oak, something about cleaning the rods. I wish I could join….anyway I chat a lot but have you seen a girl named Daphne?” Bianca asked Joe and Daphne.
Daphne shook her head, “Never heard of her, have you Joe?”
Joe shook her head, “I have not Clair, and I have not. Bianca must suck at doing her job.”
Everything was going well until Hugh butted in, pointing his finger at Daphne. “That’s Daphne, isn’t she beautiful and sexy?”
“Dammit Hugh….you creepy….thing,” Daphne seethed as Bianca jumped for joy literally. “Yes I’m Daphne and you got a Pokémon for me?”
“Oh Daphne, you look exactly like I was told…..except I didn’t recognize you, silly me.” Bianca again jumped for joy literally but followed up by taking out a bag with three Pokeballs.
“She must be off her meds…” Daphne whispered in Joe’s ear, “Alright Bianca, I don’t care if you are stupid or you can’t recognize me because you are dumb…can I please pick the damn Pokemon?”
“Oh sorry Daphne but Hugh was here first,” Bianca smiled as she let Jack pick his Pokemon before her. He picked a Tepig which Daphne didn’t mind except for the fact that she was here before Hugh.
“Now you can pick Daphne?” Well there was only two Pokemon left but Daphne stopped before picking one of the two remaining.
“I’m not picking unless Joe gets a Pokemon otherwise I’ll tell Juniper that you are off your meds or that you didn’t recognize me and you gave a Pokemon to that kid who talks about technology all day long sitting outside my house instead of me, so we got a deal?” Daphne loved manipulating idiots which included Bianca.
Bianca shrugged as she said “Yes I happily agree, aren’t we friends Daphne?”
“Err no we are not but I am picking this one because it is towards my right and not my left, so Joe you get the left,”
“Hell yeah, I got a Pokémon and it’s….an Oshawott?” Joe read the label on the Pokeball before chucking it his pocket.
“That means Daphne has the Snivy, Oh my god it is amazing that we get everything that we want, I’m so happy that we are friends, group hug?” Bianca smiled as she stretched her arms out ready for a hug.
“Hell no,” Joe waved his hands.
“No way, Bianca,” Daphne shot Bianca's idea down.
Daphne and Joe walked down the steps after Joe stole Bianca’s spare Pokedex after threatening her with a gun telling her “I’m gonna send a bullet up your ass, mother….just give me the damn Pokedex”. Hugh also had his fun after falling from the overpass and breaking his arm after Bianca accidentally whacked him in the face.
It was the start to a glorious journey full of plot holes and a snarky teen with her friend that just appeared out of nowhere. They were going to have a fun journey around Unova, full of adventure and things that are similar to an adventure.
Pulitzer Prize, here I come.
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