EVERYONE: The Wood's End

[Asthaerignon]

The Wood's End
In which I attempt to make a short story centered around Pokémon. That is all.

Prologue

Spoiler

Wilt looked down at his claws. A large Ivysaur stood tall and dignified, leaving a dark shadow and the smell of its massive Rafflesia hanging over the Bulbasaur. The bigger Pokémon nonchalantly chewed a lemon seed, while whipping his vines back and forth, creating a slight cracking sound as they clapped the packed earth. Wilt shuddered. It was hard not to flinch at the intimidating stare of his mentor. They stood in an awkward and threatening silence for several minutes before the Ivysaur spoke up. He made a point of putting the now lifeless seed between his teeth and shooting it out like a bullet. The projectile nailed Wilt right between the eyes. Before the Bulbasaur could blink, his superior spat.
“We both know why you’re here.”
“Yes, sir…” Wilt said, looking down at his feet again. He had been reminded enough.
“You’re here because you wouldn’t evolve. It was a simple assignment. Not more than you were capable of. But you wouldn’t. Do you know why?”
Wilt shook his head. He knew what was coming.
“It’s because you’re weak. You aren’t deserving of becoming an Ivysaur.” Ivysaur seemed very displeased with something. It obviously wasn’t his pupil’s predicament. “I myself wouldn’t have let such a failure even be given a second chance,” he said suddenly, becoming red with fury. “But our elder’s so-called ‘generosity’ is allowing you to gain more power. Perhaps, enough for the Tree to let you evolve.”
The Bulbasaur shook again. The intensity of his mentor’s rant was enough to discourage him from replying. He was angry at the same time. He had been berated enough to failing to evolve into an Ivysaur like the other Bulbasaur of his class, but now he had to put up with Hast. His mentor, of course, was chosen by the great elder. So much for his ‘generosity’.
Hast gave him one last scornful look before saying, “I don’t have time today. I have some… Business to attend to. You should meet me at the Wood’s End tomorrow, and we’ll start your training.” The Ivysaur hesitated, and then turned his back on the young Pokémon. He walked off towards the camp under the Tree.
Wilt was grief-stricken. In one day, he was stuck as an awful Bulbasaur, been given an awful name by the elder, and now he had to meet his awful mentor at the Wood’s End, which was, of course, the border of the garden. The border to the world filled with awful, greedy humans.
Just before Hast disappeared from sight, Wilt saw the Ivysaur spit in the dirt again.
But this time, there was no lemon seed.​

Chapter 1

Spoiler

Wilt paced around the perimeter of his den. It wasn't particularly furnished; the cave consisted of a bed of matted leaves and straw and a few puddles. The ground was packed dirt, and a few stalactites hung from the ceiling. Even though it was nighttime, the young Bulbasaur was restless, his mind now swimming with confusion and anger. Why was he to blame for not evolving? Wilt had truly tried, but he didn't glow and begin to mutate like the other Pokémon. Was the world against him for something? The small Grass-type sighed and went off to bed.

The Ivysaur clapped his front legs against the ground angrily. "Where is that old fart?" Hast thought aloud. He was standing outside of what could have been a hollow tree. The Elder had a modest living space, with little more than Hast or many of the Bulbasaur themselves would have in their dens. The tree seemed to be untidily cut off at near eight feet, as if a lumberjack had lopped the top right off the old yew. The tree was surrounded by a crude moat, decorated with a bridge. The Elder's home did have a door, however. A nice handcrafted door made of wood and brass. The same kind of door that humans used. The Elder served as a peacemaker between humans and the Pokémon of the Garden, and he showed no shame in allowing himself these luxuries while his disciples were made to live off of the land. Hast didn't think of him as a peacemaker. Hast believed that the Elder didn't know where his loyalties lie.

Soon, the Elder did come back from wherever he was dwelling. The gentle Venusaur approached Hast, his heavy feet making the bridge moan and swing rather dangerously with each step. He noticed that the troubled Venusaur was inspecting his tree and laughed. "More complaints, Hast?" he suggested. The angry Venusaur turned to him.

"I will not mentor that child. Not after what he did."

​

 

[Cabaret]

Well now...it's solid.

And I hope you don't mind a "review", do you?

Regardless, i have the right. And the credentials.

Now when you say short story, you really mean short story. It was short, even for a first chapter of a short story, it was short. But did you redeem yourself with the content of the chapter? Eh, sort of. It was written nicely for what it was, and the description was slightly above average, but this seemed more like a prologue type passage then an entire first chapter. You've had us jump right into the story right away, which many authors handle quite badly, but you've seemed to make us (the readers) interested.

Also, it wouldn't hurt for you to put spaces between the paragraphs. It looks rather packed together.

As for the plot, it's average. It's too early to tell, but by the looks of what you've written so far, it seems like a adventurous type story.

I'm willing to read more.

 

[Asthaerignon]

Well now...it's solid.

And I hope you don't mind a "review", do you?

Regardless, i have the right. And the credentials.

Now when you say short story, you really mean short story. It was short, even for a first chapter of a short story, it was short. But did you redeem yourself with the content of the chapter? Eh, sort of. It was written nicely for what it was, and the description was slightly above average, but this seemed more like a prologue type passage then an entire first chapter. You've had us jump right into the story right away, which many authors handle quite badly, but you've seemed to make us (the readers) interested.

Also, it wouldn't hurt for you to put spaces between the paragraphs. It looks rather packed together.

As for the plot, it's average. It's too early to tell, but by the looks of what you've written so far, it seems like a adventurous type story.

I'm willing to read more.

I appreciate your review! I'm not sure if I want to continue. The way I rushed it really was terrible, and I'm not really happy with my plot. I might write more if you really loved it that much. One last thing: Do you really need credentials to review a fanfiction on a public forum?

 

[Pastellorama]

Write more. Now. I demand it with my entire being.

While, yes, a story is normally good because it is long... sometimes it's too hard to keep up with a story that has gargantuan chapters and you just don't have time to read it. I appreciated the shortness of the chapter, not only for its length but for what you accomplished in it: there was an excellent amount of detail--I didn't feel overwhelmed trying to imagine everything you wrote, or at a loss because there was nothing to pull of and imagine. You sucked me right in immediately, and I enjoyed that. Not all stories need a huge long beginning or huge chapters full of repetitive dialogue and actions.

You put together a short chapter with just the right amount of information to get the readers interested. I like it, and I want to read more because I like seeing something so cleverly put together.

But, ya know, I have no credentials. Does an A+ on a research paper required to graduate count enough to make you write more? If not... would begging work?