paqman
that guy from way back
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A short intro. before I get started.. I don't know how many actually remember, but I used to run a site called Pokemon Tales/Pokemon eXtreme/The Apokelypse in the late 90s and early 00s. I also used to write a lil' fic by the name of Pokemon Tales as well. It started out more as a parody to the anime show at first, but people liked it and over time it developed into something interesting and little more serious. I was looked at being a leader in the pokemon fanfic community back in the day and I remember having a pretty nice fanbase that was very loyal.
Time went on and I wasn't able to update the series as much as I was getting further into high school (I started the fic when I was 13). I got to 87 episodes before I decided to suspend the series indefinitely back in 2005. I decided it would be best to start from scratch and introduce the fic to a new audience eventually.
So what is Thruda High? It's a teen drama/comedy that takes place in the late 90s in a fictional city in Washington state called Thruda. It's what high school life would be if pokemon existed lol. There is some language and crude humor, so if you're sensitive to that stuff, uh, don't bother me about it cuz i just told you lol.
Below are the first five episodes I've written.
THRUDA HIGH, EPISODE ONE - "THE FRESHMAN"
He carefully plans his next move. One false move and the next four years of his natural life would be agonizing. As a bead of sweat begins to trickle down from his black hair onto his brow, he becomes confused; an obstacle stands in his way.
Dash: (thinking) What the hell? This doesn't make any sense...
Dash is taking the same test every freshman at Thruda High must take before their year starts. The "Introductory Mental Pokémon Ability and Comparability Test", often referred to by students as the "IMPACT", probes the would-be trainer to see which type of pokémon they're most suited for, if any. It's a rather time consuming test that takes around seven hours to complete and there is no real way to study for it since it asks completely random, and sometimes ridiculous, questions. The IMPACT is also seen as being more important and stressful for students than taking the SATs before graduation. Part of this reason is because depending on pokémon you get can make or break you. Yes, the test is designed to get a creature that would fit you perfectly, but there have been cases of when somebody totally freaks out and messes up the entire test process -- thus leaving them with an inadequate pocket monster at their disposal.
Fearing the worst and hoping for the best, Dash continues to ponder over the next inquiry as he sits in a room with three other students on this Wednesday afternoon. By this point in time, he was on the last page of the 150 page packet.
Dash: (thinking) "If you had to, would you rather walk through a house on fire or a house full of month old decomposing human bodies?" What the -- ?! Fuck this...
Frustrated and restless, he quickly circles any answer and puts his pencil down. After taking a deep sigh of relief, he looks at the clock to his left then looks at his digital wrist watch.
Dash: (thinking) Six hours and forty-five minutes... Wait, I think my ass is asleep... (wiggles in chair a bit) ... but I'm DONE.
Dash gets up and hands the thick packet to a 30 something year old professor named Terrance Redwood. Although he is near his mid 30's, he could pass as a somebody in their late 20's if he dyed his hair to hide the premature graying going on. He likes the gray mop as he is a subscriber to the belief that gray hair equates to wisdom. Additionally, he jokes that "the chicks dig it", even though he his single and has been for awhile because his work often gets in the way of a personal life.
Prof. Redwood: Ah, Mr. Gotem, you finally finished!
Dash is still trying to get the blood circulating back to his backside by moving his limbs around a bit.
Dash: (stretches) Yeeeah... (exhales) ... A lot of that stuff didn't make sense.. Um, no offense, sir.
Prof. Redwood: None taken. It's meant to get a grasp on how you think in certain situations.
Redwood, a man who studies pokémon for a living, works with several universities across the country by doing on going research projects and is seen as a "celebrity" in some ways. He's appeared on several national news networks whenever discussion on the affect of global warming on endangered pokémon or anything that needs an "expert's opinion" is being discussed. Being a native of Thruda, and even graduating from Thruda High School himself, he collaborated with the district to make a standardized test to streamline the process of young trainers getting their first pokémon. It was first introduced in 1993 and is quickly becoming the norm for high schools across America to require this before entry.
Dash: Okay, but what does a house full of flames or a bunch of stinky, decaying bodies have to do with anything?
Prof. Redwood chuckles before answering the question.
Prof. Redwood: Like I said Mr. Gotem, it's to figure out how you reason and make decisions. Some of it is kinda crazy, I agree, but so is the human mind when you think about it.
He begins to flip through the test as Dash picks up his bookbag. He puts it on, but only uses the right strap.
Dash: Uhh.. yeeeah.. So, when do I get the thing?
Prof. Redwood: If by "thing" you mean your "pokémon", then on your first day of school. Assuming you've paid your fees and have received your materials already..
Dash nods.
Prof. Redwood: Good. Then I'll run these results through my computer later today. You're free to go now, but I would suggest you brush up on your training knowledge since every freshman is required to take atleast two pokémon classes in addition to their the usual academic load.
Dash: It can't be that hard can it?
Redwood puts the test aside in a filing drawer in his desk.
Prof. Redwood: You are aware that 35% of the freshmen class here FAIL, aren't you? This isn't middle school where you just showed up, did some classes, and went home. You're going to --
Dash, being over confident and somewhat cocky, cuts him off mid-sentence.
Dash: Blah blah blah... I've heard this song and dance since 6th grade. I'm 13, I think I can handle things on my own now. Big deal, I have to teach some electrified rat how to use a litter box... I'm so afraid. (laughs) Get real!
Prof. Redwood: I think you're talking about a Pikachu. And for the record, it's a mouse, not a rat.
The young trainer scoffs.
Dash: Um, who cares?
The professor just shakes his head as Dash leaves the class room. He was taking the IMPACT at Thruda High, where earlier that day he received his class schedule and pokédex. He didn't really care too much for the pokédex and just threw the box in his bookbag without opening it. Mainly because it was a "barebones, school safe" pokédex. Most older trainers, like the ones who are juniors and seniors, get the ones with "hip" features like mp3 playback or instant messaging. Having such standard, low-end pokédexes is a big give away that you're a freshman or a "n00b".
As Dash continued to walk down the empty hallways on this August afternoon in 1998, he imagined how his high school life would be. He stopped to briefly think about what the professor had told him as he absorbed the scenery, then continued to exit the building and walk home.
Around 15 minutes later, Dash walks in his front door and is greeted by immediately getting tackled by his older, more muscular brother named Mash who was wearing nothing more than a pair of green camo's and a gray, sweat stained tank top that hid his dog tags. He's currently on leave from the Marines, but Dash had no clue he was home yet. He does now, though...
Mash: (getting up) WHAT'S UP, MOTHER FUCKA?!?!
Believe it or not, that was a happy greeting. Dash, who got the wind knocked out him, groans while laying in a fetal position on the floor near the door.
Mash: Oh get up, you puss. I barely hit you!
His younger brother then sits up very slowly.
Dash: (rubbing the back of his head) ......... My day was fine... Thanks for asking, you douchebag.
Mash: Mom cooked dinner. Porkchop night.
Dash: (standing up) Oh sweet, I'm so hun---
Mash: Oh oh, I ate it all. I didn't think you were coming home, man. Ha, I'm a growing boy. (flexes)
Dash: What the hell? Didn't she tell you I was at school taking the IMPACT?!
Mash doesn't answer. Instead, he just stares at his younger brother with a stern look.
Dash: Hello??
The military hardened sibling of his can't contain himself any longer and starts to bust out laughing.
Dash: What's so freaking funny? (takes off bookbag and throws it on the ground in anger)
Mash: (laughing) Yeah, she did tell me. I just ate your food to piss you off. Looks like I did. SCORE!
Dash: Grr...!
He tries to take a swing at Mash, which is a bad idea to begin with because he stands 6'5" and looks like he can bench press a city bus, but swinging at a Marine is asking to get your arm broken or worse. Before Dash could fully extend his arm with the punch, Mash already had him in a sleeper hold. He would have made Dash lose consciousness within the next few seconds, but their mother walked in holding a basket of laundry. The choke hold gets released before she got to really see what was going on.
Their mom: Oh Dash, you're home.
Now, Dash is leaning against the nearest wall rubbing his neck area while breathing heavily.
Their mom: Are you alright?
Dash: NO! For your information, I ---
Mash gives him a scary look from behind their mom's back.
Dash: Uhh... I got chased by an angry Growlithe on the way home? I'm.. fine? (shrugs)
Mash nods his approval and walks away. He went upstairs to his room.
Their mom: Well, make sure you make your brother feel at home for the next week. He's been away for so long.
Dash picks up his bookbag.
Dash: It's not like he was in a war or anything. The dude was in Canada on assignment... CANADA! Doesn't their military handle things?
His dad walks in.
Dash's dad: What military?
Dash: Touché. (begins to walk into the kitchen)
Dash's dad: (following Dash) So how was the test?
Dash: It was pretty lame. Don't you remember how the test was? I thought you took it when you were in high school.
He grabs a Pepsi and closes the refrigerator.
Dash's dad: Actually I never really trained a pokémon in life.
Dash: What? But I thought you had a Nidorina until I was like three. (opens Pepsi, takes a sip)
Dash's mom: He did, but it was just a pet. Your father never had a license to train them for combat.
Dash: Are you serious? So if we would have had some crazy guy break into the house, we would have been screwed?
Dash's dad: Basically. I mean, pokémon all have the natural ability to fight in the wild, but their abilities can't get past their beginning levels unless a human trains them. But why would I train a pokémon to fight when I don't need to? Plus, I didn't have the time or energy to get a license and read books on how to train one.
Dash: Oh, so I have to?
He takes off his bookbag and sits down at the table.
Dash's mom: Hey, we didn't make the rules. We just follow them. If you passed the IMPACT, you'll get your license on the first day of school, right?
There are four different licenses a trainer can acquire over time. You don't need a license to own one as a pet, but you can only have three in your household at a given time that way. Depending on which one they possess determines what kind of pokémon they can train and the number they can legally own. Beginners get the "Alpha license" which restricts them to only obtaining two pokémon for training/fighting purposes. Alpha trainers can own general, domesticated pokémon like a Growlithe, Pikachu, or Squirtle due to their shallow learning curves and ease of capture. Almost none are in the wild here in the United States and can simply be purchased at a pet store in most cases.
The second license would be "Beta". These trainers can own an additional two, which brings the count up to four. Betas can now pick from the second tier of general pokémon that may be too much to handle for the beginner and have advanced natural abilities. Next there's the "Sigma license" that allows a master trainer to get exotic pokémon that are not fit as pets by any means. Sigma's can also basically own up to 6 of any kind of pokémon they please. This can sometimes take years to acquire and only a handful of devoted seniors at Thruda High are Sigmas. Finally we have the "Omega license" which is reserved for trainers on the professional level. Omegas generally own battle hardened pokémon and can have a max of eight at their disposal. The boundaries are similar to a Sigma because they own any type they please. To put in better perspective, it's like having a black belt in Karate.
Most trainers either give up and let their license expire after high school or just don't get past their Beta license. Training is more of a hobby that can turn into a profession if developed properly, but most people just take up combat training for self defense purposes. The military and law enforcement mostly consist of a mix of Betas and Sigmas for various reasons. To move up a license depends on your win/loss record in dojos or sanctioned battles and overall knowledge of the species.
Dash: Yeah, I get my wimpy Alpha license on Monday.
Dash's dad: You gotta start somewhere. So, do you know what kind of pokémon you want?
Dash drinks more of his carbonated beverage before answering.
Dash: Anything that's not girly. I think I'll shoot myself if I get a Pikachu.
Dash's mom: Plenty of guys own Pikachu's.
Dash: Yeah, the gay ones. I want something scary! Something that'll make everyone who messes with me crap their pants when they see it! Something like, I dunno, an Onix.
Both of Dash's parents have thoughts of the gigantic rock snake Onix being out of control and destroying their house. Insert big anime sweat drops here...
Dash's dad: Uhhh... let's hope you get some something less destructive at first.
As the week ended and the weekend approached, Dash figured it would be a good idea to hop on the internet and start studying up on pokémon training more. He's never been that eager to start the training process, but since he's taking "Pokémon Training 1" (PT-1) and "Pokéology 1" -- standard freshman classes at Thruda High -- he might as well get decent grades in them. Mash then storms into the room with a cordless phone in his hand.
Dash: Can I help you?
Mash: I need to call my girlfriend.
Dash shrugs.
Dash: Then do it.
Mash stick the phone up to Dash's ear and turns it on again. The loud, obnoxious screeches of 56k pierce the air.
Dash: HEY! (swats phone away from his ear)
Mash: I can't do it with you on the internet, retard. So get off already -- this is important business.
Dash: I'm busy.
Mash: Doing what, looking up porn?
Dash: NO, I'm looking up pokémon stuff.
Mash: Oh sorry, didn't know you were into that beastiality shit.
Dash looks like he's about to respond, but just turns back around in his computer chair instead of holding a pointless conversation with his brother.
Mash: But seriously, get off the internet. Like, right now.
Dash: Like I said, dumbass, I'm busy! Give me around 30 minutes. Who cares about your girlfriend anyways?
Mash looks around.
Mash: Um, me? I haven't seen her since last Christmas.
Dash: Are you sure she even wants to talk to you? When's the last time you got a letter from her anyways?
Mash: Damn. Hmm.. I can't remember. But uh, our relationship was on a solid foundation before I left.
Dash starts to chuckle a bit.
Dash: I'm sorry dude, but she's probably seeing somebody else right now. (starts laughing more) Probably some sailor who does more than pick up moose shit in Toronto for eight months haha.
He's laughing so hard he had his eyes closed for a few seconds. When he opens them again, his brother is gone.
Dash: What the -- ? Ma --
Mash: TAKE THAT BACK!!
Being the crazy Marine he is, he magically popped up out of nowhere holding a combat knife to Dash's throat.
Dash: HOLY SH--
Mash: SHUT UP!!
Dash: (looking down at the knife, shaking) What the hell did the Marines do to you? Make you some psycho ninja?!
Mash is now turning red with anger.
Mash: GET OFF THE INTERNET!
Dash: (still shaking) But --
Mash grips the knife tighter and even more veins bulge from his neck and forehead.
Mash: (spitting as he screams) NOW, ASS PUKE!!
Dash: (looking at the knife, shaking) G-g-got ya...
He signs off AOL immediately to free up the phone line. Mash returns to his normal complexion, pats his brother on the head, and puts his knife back into his boot before walking away.
Dash: (under his breath) She broke up with your crazy ass anyways...
Monday, August 24th, 1998. The time is now 7:50 A.M. and the the weather outside looks as if it can start raining any second. Dash apparently didn't catch today's forecast as he's wearing a pair of somewhat baggy black shorts and his usual black, short sleeved t-shirt with a simple lightning bolt design in the center ala "The Flash" (although, to be fair, he has the same shirt in every standard color you can imagine -- he just prefers black). He's now on his way to his first day at Thruda High. As he walks he's listening to his Sony Discman. The song "Closing Time" by Semisonic is currently providing the soundtrack for his hike to class. A few seconds later, a drop of water falls onto his hair.
Dash: Man, are you serious?! (wipes forehead)
He looks up towards the sky and a few more drops of rain fall on his forehead.
Dash: (taking off his headphones) Dammit, I just spent 20 minutes on my hair! ... Wow, I really sounded like a girl just now.
Still not wanting to get his hair messed up since it's mostly styled with hairspray and gel, he takes out a binder from his bookbag and holds it over his head as the rain starts to come down at a steady pace.
Dash: Oh well, a little rain isn't enough to keep me from enjoying this day. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
The excitement would last long because a second later a car drove by and splashed a puddle of water all over him. He puts his binder down as he observes his soaked clothes in disbelief.
Dash: ........ Okay, that sucked ass.
He looks around as sees the school around the corner before looking at his watch. The rain continues to pour, but now thunder can be heard at a low rumble in the sky.
Dash: Shit, I don't have enough time to run home to change clothes without being late to PT-1. Oooh, I know! I'll just use one of those stupid hand dryer things in the restroom.
Dash walks up to the school and everyone outside the building waiting for classes to start begin laughing at him. To hide his identity as he walked towards the entrance, he puts his binder over the left side of his face and hangs his head low. Even with the (crappy) disguise, he still attracts a crowd of laughing upperclassmen as he sloshes and drips his way down the halls. The soon-to-be Alpha trainer desperately looks for a male restroom. The more people laugh at him, the faster he walks. In his hasty expedition, he quickly turns a corner and runs into a girl accidentally -- sending her flying backwards into a nearby trash can.
Dash: Oh shit! (puts down bookbag and binder, walks over to the trash can) Look... I'm so sor --
Girl: (In trash can) Um, it's alright? Guys who are soaking wet knock me into bins of garbage all the time.
Dash: Really?
For a brief moment he seems to be relieved about his situation.
Girl: (trying to get out of trash can) NO, not really. Uhh, a little help here?
Dash: Oh.. sure.
Dash helps the girl, who had dark green eyes and matching emerald colored hair, out the garbage. It's now easily seen that she is wearing a white and green plaid shirt worn unbuttoned with a tight green tank top that stops above her navel underneath, baggy black cargo pants with green trim, and a pair of sandals. She seems pretty short, as she's a little over 5 feet tall
Girl: (dusting herself off) This is great..
Dash: What is? Me knocking you into a bunch of crap?
Girl: Nah, I mean you look like you lost a fight with a Blastoise and I probably smell like the city dump now. What a way to start off your first day of high school, huh? (smiles)
Dash nervously smiles back as he takes another look at his dripping clothes.
Dash: Yeah... (sarcastically) This totally kicks ass.
Girl: Oh, I'm Lara by the way. Lara Garfield.
Dash: Lara?
Lara: Yeah.. Just, uh, without a "U". People always spell my name like "L-A-U-R-A".. It drives me completely bonkers.
Dash just nods slowly.
Lara: Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse my rambling side banter... (smiles) I have a habit of doing that. So, what's your name?
Dash: Dash Gotem.
Lara: What? Gotem? What is that, German or something?
Dash: I don't really know actually. My grandfather is Japanese, my dad is Japanese-American and my mom is Irish.
Lara laughs.
Dash: What?
Lara: (laughing) You don't find it funny your last name is "Got-Em" and you're a pokémon trainer? Isn't that ironic? Haha.
Dash: Hey, blame my parents for the goofy name. I don't mean to cut our introduction to each other short, but I really need to dry these clothes off before class starts.
Lara: (turning around to look at the clock on the wall) Dash, unless you plan on hopping into a dryer, I don't think you're going to get that any better in seven minutes. Just go to class like that.
Dash rings out his shirt a bit.
Dash: ... And you're serious?
Lara: Um, yeah? It's not that bad of a look. Like I said, just say you got into a fight with a Blastoise haha, that'd give you instant cred with people since you're a new trainer and all. We need all the edge we can get around here.
Dash: I doubt getting bitch-slapped and hosed down by projectile cannons on a large and grumpy turtle is going to help my case any.
Lara: Hmph. Well, (pats Dash on the shoulder) you're screwed. (wipes wet hands on her clothes) I guess I'll go to PT-1 now. It was nice talking to you though. Maybe I'll see you later today... At lunch?
Dash: Wait, wait -- PT-1? That's my next class.. What class room are you in?
Lara: Hmm, I'm not sure.
She digs into her very deep left pocket and takes out her schedule for first semester.
Lara: C-203.
Dash: Looks like we're classmates.
Lara smiles again.
Lara: I guess now we can get odd looks from people together then.
She begins walking to class. Dash takes one last look at his wet clothes and hesitantly follows her to Pokémon Training 1.
Dash and Lara barely make it on time to class since they had to walk nearly across the campus to get to room C-203 (plus, add in the usual "lost factor" with freshmen). Dash doesn't end up getting that much wetter since he walked under Lara's umbrella. The late bell rings as soon as they step foot inside the rather large class. As Lara predicted, they are getting odd looks. The only desks still available are in the back so they have to endure the humiliation of everyone seeing (and smelling) them as they walk there.
Lara: (whispering to Dash) How do I smell?
Dash: (whispering) Um, like a dumpster?
Lara sniffs her long, green hair.
Lara: (whispering) Damn... I do..
Dash accidentally drips some water on somebody's desk as he tries to squeeze through the aisles. The student gives him a weird look.
Dash: Sorry about that..
Finally the two of them reach the pair of desks. Dash ends up sitting behind Lara, so she turns around in her chair to talk to him.
Lara: Um, where's the teacher?
Dash: I dunno, but if he's not here in the next three minutes I'm climbing out the window to go home and change clothes.
Lara giggles.
Lara: You'll just get drenched again coming back.
She points outside to show Dash how horrible the weather has gotten.
Lara: You'll probably be dry by the end of the day.
Her new soaked friend just looks at her as if to say "yeah, right".
Lara: Well, okay.. you'll be damp instead. But that's an improvement, right?
Dash: You have no clue how embarrassed I feel right now... feels like everyone is talking about me.
Lara snickers.
Lara: Would you feel better if I got you a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign to put by your desk?
Dash: Depends if you'd feel better if I gave you a case of tomato juice to bathe in. (lightly laughs)
Lara: (playfully) Shut up.
A few moments later Sensei Watts, their teacher, walks into the room. He's rather large man, but not in an obese kind of way. Kind of like he had muscle in the past but just got out of shape -- which is what happened. Sensei Watts was a former professional wrestler in the 80's under the name of "The Wedgienator" Watts (his finishing move was giving his opponent an atomic wedgie from off the top rope). He didn't get much fame, aside from appearing on WWF Superstars one time when he lost to the Ultimate Warrior in a 30 second match. He blames his bad career on Hulk Hogan, often rambling on and on about how Hogan stole all his moves, and decided to take up pokémon combat training back in 1990.
Even though he hasn't stepped into a wrestling ring in nearly 9 years, he still wears a black and red lucha libre mask (even though his style of wrestling was the flashy showmanship flavor of North America vs the aerial based, death defying lucha style found in Mexico), walks around with a replica classic WWF Intercontinental championship belt (yet he never won the real thing.. He claims to have beaten the Ultimate Warrior for it in an untelevised match in New Mexico), and instead of the tight spandex he used to wear in the 80s, he wears a black karate gi. In addition to hating Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior, yet another ridiculous claim of his is that the "Macho Man" Randy Savage stole his voice since they both sound the same. He's been demanding royalties from the Slim Jim commercials since 1993. He's quite the character.
Dash: Holy crap, that's our teacher?!
Lara: He looks pretty easy to anger... I think I'm going to hide. (slumps in chair)
Sensei Watts: Welcome to Pokémon Training 1, or PT-1. For the next 10 months it is my job to transform you nobodies into something resembling a decent trainer. You will call me "Sensei" or "Sensei Watts"; anything else will result with a detention!
The camera zooms in closely on his face.
Sensei Watts: (talking low and menacing, eyes wandering from left to right) Or a steel chair to the head....... (screaming) OOOOH YEEeeAH! DIG IT!!
Dash: Yeah, this guy is officially nuts.
Somebody in the middle of the class raises their hand. Sensei automatically frowns as he looks over to that direction.
Sensei Watts: I don't think I remember asking for questions...
Student: But why do you go by "Sensei"?
Sensei Watts: Because I work at the Dojo, you idiot. I have my Sigma license and I'll be getting my Omega one in a few years. So if you turds want to move up a license, you're going to have to go through me! (screaming) SPACE IS THE PLACE, MEAN GENE!
Dash: Okay, what the fuck.
He gives an evil, very pro wrestler-esque, cackle as several students gulp loudly and slump in their chairs.
Lara: I hate this class already.
Sensei Watts: Oh yeah, let me introduce you to my friend. (talking low) yeeeeaaahh...mmm hmm (screaming) LIGHTS!!
Suddenly, the lights go out and "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses starts playing. Some laser lights start moving in sync with the music and dry ice fogs up the entrance as the Sensei's pokémon of choice, the four armed, super powered 286 pound heavyweight, Machamp, struts into the room in true pro wrestling fashion. The muscular 5'3" pokémon stands beside the 6'2" Sensei triumphantly with all four of it's arms crossed. The music stops and the lights come back on as the black cape Machamp is wearing flaps in the breeze... that is coming from God knows where.
Lara: Holy shit.
The students have their jaws dropped in complete awe.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) THIS IS THE TOWER OF POWER THAT'S TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR, STEP TO HIM AND HE WILL DEVOUR THEN GIVE THEE A GOLDEN SHOWER. YEEEAAHH!!!
Dash: I know I just said this... but... Okay, what the fuck.
Sensei Watts: MY TRUSTY MACHAMP -- CRUSHER!!
Crusher: Chaaamp!
For those who don't know, pokémon only know how to vocalize their species type. Usually, the trainer can understand the gibberish due to their tight bond. This does take awhile, though.
Crusher looks across the room and looks disgusted as his cape continues to flap in the mysterious, unexplainable breeze.
Crusher: Machamp, ma! CHAAAMP! (These trainers are nothing compared to me! I WILL CRUSH THEM ALL WITH MY PINKY!)
Sensei laughs.
Sensei Watts: He's insulting all of you, haha. I think I should go ahead and tell you that your final exam will be..... (screaming) FIGHTING HIM! DIG IT!!
The class gasps in horror as Crusher flexes all four of his arms.
Sensei Watts: Oh wait, I meant with your pokémon.. not you literally fighting him.
The class still does a collective groan.
Sensei Watts: Relax, he'll take it easy on you and you don't even have to beat him. As long as you are in full control of your pokémon and can show how well it can do under intense pressure, you'll pass. That said, he'll still hurt your pokémon haha. (looks on the floor, sees the train of water drops leading to Dash) YOU!
The former pro wrestler is pointing directly at Dash.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
Dash: Me?
Sensei Watts takes out a Slim Jim from out of nowhere and chucks it straight at Dash's head. The rest of the class laughs.
Dash: OW!
Sensei Watts: (looking around, talking low) Do you need to snap into reality, little man? (screaming) YES, YOU!
Dash: (rubbing his head) Um, Dash?
Sensei Watts: (talking low) No...
Dash: (still rubbing his head) Excuse me, sir?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) NO! YOUR NAME IS NOW WATER BOY! CAN YOU FEEL THE MADNESS?! YEAH!!
His Machamp shakes his head in disagreement.
Crusher: Champ, cha, ma. (No, call him something else.)
While all this is going on, Lara is spraying herself down with perfume so she won't get some crazy nickname for the year for smelling like the garbage she fell in earlier.
Sensei Watts: Crusher here wants "Dash in the Back" to have a new name, yeeeaaah.. Well let me think... I see you like super heroes since you're wearing a "Flash" shirt.. (snaps fingers) GOT IT! You are now (screaming) AQUA MAN! DIG IT!!
Dash: Oh geez... (whispering to Lara) I told you I should have dried my clothes off! Now I'm going to be known as some reject super hero for the rest of the year!
Lara: (whispering) Well, I'm sorry.... Aqua Man. (laughs) Or should I say (makes kissy-fish face) "Bloop bloop bloop" HAHA!
Dash bangs his head on the desk as Lara laughs at her own joke.
After a few more minutes of pointless yelling and empty threat making by the Sensei, the class heads on over to Prof. Redwood's lab in the science building to pick up their first pokémon. Since the class is so large and the professor can only see one student at a time, there's a waiting room set up where we find Dash and Lara sitting by each other. They've been waiting for about 35 minutes now.
Lara: Hey, can you understand what they're saying?
Dash, who was staring at the floor, looks up to observe the room.
Dash: Understand what who's saying?
Lara points to a few fish in a tank beside them and laughs.
Dash: Would you stop it with the Aqua Man jokes?
Lara: Oh lighten up, you know it's hilarious!
Dash: Meh..
He resumes looking at the floor.
Lara: You know what would be great? If you ended up with a Squirtle and it hated it you! Then you could come to class soaking wet every day! Haha!
Dash mocks her laugh before looking at his watch.
Dash: I'm going to go sit under a hand dryer in the restroom like I originally planned.
Lara: But Prof. Redwood is already in the G's.
Dash: I'm still way after you by last name anyways. I'll be back for my turn.
Dash gets up and heads for the door.
Sensei Watts: AQUA MAN!! Where are you going?
Dash stops walking and looks towards his teacher.
Dash: Um.. to the restroom?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) REMEMBER (talking low) if you fall into the toilet, do not yell for help.. (screaming) NO! (talking low) Insteeeeeaaaad, flush yourself down the crapper since you will feel at home in an aquatic setting (screaming) OOOOOHH YEEEAAAaaaHH!! DIG IT!!
The class still in the waiting room laughs as Dash just raises his left eyebrow at Sensei in an annoyed way.
Dash: Uh.. yeah. (talking under his breath) Fucking Macho Man reject.. (opens the door and leaves)
Suddenly, a student comes running out of the lab back into the waiting room.
Student: HEEEEEEEEEELP!!!
A crazed Cubone, a rather small pokémon that wears the skull of it's dead mother on it's head and carries a big bone as a weapon, is chasing after it's new owner.
Cubone: CUBONE, BONE BONE!!
It tosses it's bone square at the trainer's head, knocking him out. Prof. Redwood then nervously appears from his lab.
Prof. Redwood: (laughing nervously) Uhh.. heh heh, don't mind that. That really wasn't supposed to happen.. (looks at his clipboard) Lara Garfield?
Lara gets up hesitantly as the Cubone victim lays on the ground groaning.
Prof. Redwood: Time to get your pokémon!
Lara: (nervously) Yay?
Inside Prof. Redwood's lab...
Prof. Redwood: Lara, please have a seat.
She sits down in a chair near the door. Redwood goes to walk off into another room that stores the pokéballs that contain the pokémon for every new trainer at the school. A few moments later, he comes back with one standard red and white pokéball and a thick training manual. He places it onto a nearby table for the time being.
Prof. Redwood: Alright, stand infront of that camera and smile.
Lara gets up and walks over to stand infront of a digital camera hooked up to a nearby computer to take her Alpha license photo. She smiles before the professor snaps the shot.
Prof. Redwood: Okey dokey, while that's printing out your license let me hand you your first pokémon. (hands Lara the pokéball) According to the IMPACT you ended up with a Pikachu.
The new trainer examines the ball.
Lara: Um, how do I open this?
Prof. Redwood: Press the button in the center to enlarge it.
Lara presses the button and the pokéball grows from being slightly bigger than a marble to the about the size of a tennis ball.
Lara: Oh. So I guess now I throw it in a cliché manner, right?
Prof. Redwood chuckles.
Prof. Redwood: Precisely.
Lara: PIKACHU, GO!
She tosses the pokéball a few feet and a female Pikachu pops out.
Pikachu: Pika pi? PIKA?! (Where am I? *gasp* I GOT ABDUCTED BY ALIENS DIDN'T I?!)
Prof. Redwood: She's 8 months old -- straight out of the wild, but she should be fairly easy to tame and control after a few weeks. She'll stay about this size for the rest of her life she since won't evolve into a Raichu unless you expose her to the Thunderstone.
Lara: Thunderstone?
Prof. Redwood: I wouldn't worry about it. Those things sell for ridiculous prices on eBay.
Lara: Oh. Well, I'd probably want to keep Babs as a Pikachu.. they're cuter.
Prof. Redwood: So you're calling her Babs?
Lara: She strikes me as one.
Babs: Pikachu... (Yeah, whatever..)
Lara picks up her Pikachu to cuddle it. Babs' ears go to the side as if to show annoyance.
Lara: (talking in a baby voice as she holds Babs tightly) Aren't you cute? Who's cute? YOU'RE CUTE! OH YES YOU ARE! YEEESSS YOU ARE!
Babs: Chu...
Lara gets her first taste of pokémon training by receiving an electric shock from Babs that was strong enough to make the lights in the building flicker.
Meanwhile in the male restroom, Dash is sitting underneath the hand dryers as one other student uses a urinal. Another student walks in and looks to use the other urinal next to him. He's all ready to let 'er rip, but when the lights flicker he ends up pissing on the other guy by accident.
Student #1: DUDE, WHAT THE HELL? YOU PISSED ON ME!
Student #2: (still peeing) What? (looks at the other guy) OH SHIT!
Dash, still under the loud hand dryers, can't hear a word of what is going on.
Dash: (thinking) Whoa, that dude totally tinkled on that other guy!
Student #1: "OH SHIT" IS RIGHT!
He tackles the kid who urinated on him and starts punching him in the face.
Dash: (thinking) Hey, this is better than Jerry Springer! (smiles)
Back in the lab...
Prof. Redwood: Um, I forgot to tell you that she'll shock anyone she doesn't trust.
Lara, who's hair is now really frizzy and is slightly smoking, replies..
Lara: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.
Prof. Redwood: She just has to get used to you before you can pick her up like that. Be sure to read this training book I'm giving you.
Lara takes the book and begins to thumb through it a bit.
Lara: (looking through the book) She can't kill anyone with that can she?
Prof. Redwood: Uhh...
She waits for the answer while still going through the book. After a few moments she looks up at the professor.
Lara: (slightly concerned) CAN SHE?!
Prof. Redwood: Well, a very high leveled Pikachu can put somebody in a comatose state.. But it does have the ability to kill a person.
Babs: Pika?
Babs walks back over the Lara and she shrieks in fright.
Prof. Redwood: You shouldn't have to worry about that, though. Pikachu's are a common pet and generally like humans. Just give Babs a few days to adjust and she'll come around.
Redwood walks back over to his computer to get Lara's Alpha license. He hands it to her and she overlooks the picture.
Lara: Ugh, I look like an idiot in this picture! Can I take another one?
Prof. Redwood: Sure!
Lara: Oh, cool.
Prof. Redwood: ... When you get your Beta license.
Lara: ...........
In the waiting room, Sensei Watts is in the middle of ranting about Hulk Hogan to anyone who will listen..
Sensei Watts: I remember when I was watching WCW Nitro the other night (screaming) YEAH! (talking normally) And I see The Hulkster do the dreaded "back rake of doom"... (screaming) I INVENTED THAT BACK IN '84!! HE STOLE MY MOVE!!
Crusher holds up a tape.
Sensei Watts: (talking low and menacing) I gots the footage of a match of mine where I did the move right here.. yeeeahh.. mm hmm.. (screaming) IT'S ON BETA MAX! (points to the tape Crusher's holding) YEAH!!
Student: But Sensei, you can't even find a Beta Max player anywhere. VHS won that war and now even that stuff is old. How can you play that thing?
The camera zooms in on Sensei's face to the point where you can only see his eyes.
Sensei Watts: (talking low) Oh, is that true? Well I only have one word for that --- (camera pans out, starts screaming) CONSPIRACY!! (talking normally) Hogan knew I had it on Beta Max and made sure he destroyed every player in the known universe so I couldn't prove him wrong! (talking low) Little does he know I have the power of eBay... (screaming) YEEAaaaaAAHH!! DIG IT!!
A few students snicker at the crazy teacher as Dash walks in dry as a whistle.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) AQUA MAN!! (talking normally) You dried off... I see you have some tricks up your sleeve...
Dash: (walking back to his seat) I guess?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) TRICKSTERS GET BLOODIED INSIDE THE CONFINES OF A 15 FOOT HIGH STEEL CAGE!!
Dash looks around confused.
Sensei Watts: (talking low) Oh, sorry about that... I have flashbacks...
Lara walks out the lab and back into the waiting room.
Sensei Watts: Looks like somebody got zapped.
Lara, still frizzy-haired, holds up her pokéball as she walks back to sit next to Dash.
Lara: Yeah I got a Pikachu.. I don't think she likes me yet.
Dash looks at her poofy green hair and tries not to laugh.
Lara: (not looking at Dash) ....... I don't wanna hear it.
Dash: (trying not to laugh) Hey Lara, Diana Ross called... She's short a Supreme and wants to know if you can stand in. (laughs)
Lara: (mockingly) Hahaha...
20 minutes later, Dash is called into the lab. He gets his license photo taken and awaits for his pokémon. The professor returns with one pokéball and the standard training manual.
Dash: So what did I get?
Prof. Redwood: Well Mr. Gotem, you scored within the fire range.
Dash: Fire? Oh God, I can hear my mom freaking out right now.
Prof. Redwood: You ended up getting a Charmander since all the other fire pokémon in the Alpha tier are a bit too advanced for a starter. They shouldn't scorch too much of your furniture, though. Charmander's have a pretty good temperament. (hands Dash the pokéball)
Dash: Sweet! (enlarges pokéball)
Prof. Redwood: You shouldn't have any real problems until it evolves into a Charmeleon and then a Charizard.
Dash's smile turns into concern.
Dash: Wait, what? Problems? I thought you just said they were docile.
Prof. Redwood: Yeah, Charmander's are. It's later evolutions are generally stubborn and short tempered. It tends to develop a mind of it's own and won't listen to a trainer with low confidence. That's why you never see anyone with a Charizard as a pet because they are better suited for fighting.
Dash: So what does that mean, it's going to hate me no matter what?
Prof. Redwood: As long as you have an ego, no. You simply have to sound like you're in command and conduct yourself as such. If it detects the slightest hint of you being timid, it won't listen to you and that's a hard thing to turn around again.
Dash: Hmm..
He tosses his pokéball up in the air and out pops a Charmander. Dash clears his throat before he starts yelling at him in a very anime-like style complete with red eyes and devil horns.
Dash: (yelling) YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME NOW, PAL! YOU GOT THAT?! I'M DA MAN!!
Charmander: Char?
Prof. Redwood: Um, Dash? I don't think this is the right ---
Dash's voice now sounds completely demonic and the background turns into flames.
Dash: (yelling) SILENCE!!! DASH DOES NOT EXIST! ONLY RAGE SPEAKS! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
His Charmander doesn't really seem impressed and blows and bunch of fire onto Dash that destroys all of his clothing except his boxers. The background returns to normal as Dash stands there looking surprised as his body smokes.
Dash: Okay.. that didn't work...
In the waiting room, Sensei Watts is rambling on and on yet again..
Sensei Watts: (screaming) RIDDLE ME THIS!!! (talking normally) Why is the school mascot a lazy, obese, good-fer-nutttin' Snorlax when (talking low) the superior and much more macho (screaming) CRUSHER (talking normally) is right here? Yeeeaahh..
Crusher: MACHAMP!! (I WILL CRUSH THIS SNORLAX WITH MY LEFT ASS CHEEK!!)
On a sidenote, the school mascot is really a Snorlax vs. some idiot dressed up as one in a cheap costume. He stays asleep in the school courtyard most of the school year, but wakes up to battle the rival school's mascot (a Dragonite) at Dragon High in Dragon City once during the year before the start of football season. The event is called "The Great Awakening" and has been a tradition for a long time. However, Watts has been campaigning for the past 4 years to be allowed to battle the Snorlax on pay-per-view with the stipulation of the winner becomes the school mascot. The district has turned down his proposal on numerous occasions, though. They state that while the Snorlax is a big lazy pokémon (it weighs over a ton), it has great power. They say this as a crappy metaphor for the current generation of students who may exhibit slacker qualities but have potential for greatness. Yeah, whatever...
Dash comes walking out the waiting room with his Charmander by his side. The class laughs at seeing him in his boxers.
Sensei Watts: Looks like Aqua Man has become the Human Torch on us.
Dash takes his seat next to the still poofy-haired Lara again.
Lara: Don't worry, I don't have a joke for this.
Dash: Great.
Lara: Well, nevermind. "FLAME ON!" hahaha.
Dash: (sarcastically) Gee, that's really creative.
To be continued in Episode II...
Time went on and I wasn't able to update the series as much as I was getting further into high school (I started the fic when I was 13). I got to 87 episodes before I decided to suspend the series indefinitely back in 2005. I decided it would be best to start from scratch and introduce the fic to a new audience eventually.
So what is Thruda High? It's a teen drama/comedy that takes place in the late 90s in a fictional city in Washington state called Thruda. It's what high school life would be if pokemon existed lol. There is some language and crude humor, so if you're sensitive to that stuff, uh, don't bother me about it cuz i just told you lol.
Below are the first five episodes I've written.
THRUDA HIGH, EPISODE ONE - "THE FRESHMAN"
He carefully plans his next move. One false move and the next four years of his natural life would be agonizing. As a bead of sweat begins to trickle down from his black hair onto his brow, he becomes confused; an obstacle stands in his way.
Dash: (thinking) What the hell? This doesn't make any sense...
Dash is taking the same test every freshman at Thruda High must take before their year starts. The "Introductory Mental Pokémon Ability and Comparability Test", often referred to by students as the "IMPACT", probes the would-be trainer to see which type of pokémon they're most suited for, if any. It's a rather time consuming test that takes around seven hours to complete and there is no real way to study for it since it asks completely random, and sometimes ridiculous, questions. The IMPACT is also seen as being more important and stressful for students than taking the SATs before graduation. Part of this reason is because depending on pokémon you get can make or break you. Yes, the test is designed to get a creature that would fit you perfectly, but there have been cases of when somebody totally freaks out and messes up the entire test process -- thus leaving them with an inadequate pocket monster at their disposal.
Fearing the worst and hoping for the best, Dash continues to ponder over the next inquiry as he sits in a room with three other students on this Wednesday afternoon. By this point in time, he was on the last page of the 150 page packet.
Dash: (thinking) "If you had to, would you rather walk through a house on fire or a house full of month old decomposing human bodies?" What the -- ?! Fuck this...
Frustrated and restless, he quickly circles any answer and puts his pencil down. After taking a deep sigh of relief, he looks at the clock to his left then looks at his digital wrist watch.
Dash: (thinking) Six hours and forty-five minutes... Wait, I think my ass is asleep... (wiggles in chair a bit) ... but I'm DONE.
Dash gets up and hands the thick packet to a 30 something year old professor named Terrance Redwood. Although he is near his mid 30's, he could pass as a somebody in their late 20's if he dyed his hair to hide the premature graying going on. He likes the gray mop as he is a subscriber to the belief that gray hair equates to wisdom. Additionally, he jokes that "the chicks dig it", even though he his single and has been for awhile because his work often gets in the way of a personal life.
Prof. Redwood: Ah, Mr. Gotem, you finally finished!
Dash is still trying to get the blood circulating back to his backside by moving his limbs around a bit.
Dash: (stretches) Yeeeah... (exhales) ... A lot of that stuff didn't make sense.. Um, no offense, sir.
Prof. Redwood: None taken. It's meant to get a grasp on how you think in certain situations.
Redwood, a man who studies pokémon for a living, works with several universities across the country by doing on going research projects and is seen as a "celebrity" in some ways. He's appeared on several national news networks whenever discussion on the affect of global warming on endangered pokémon or anything that needs an "expert's opinion" is being discussed. Being a native of Thruda, and even graduating from Thruda High School himself, he collaborated with the district to make a standardized test to streamline the process of young trainers getting their first pokémon. It was first introduced in 1993 and is quickly becoming the norm for high schools across America to require this before entry.
Dash: Okay, but what does a house full of flames or a bunch of stinky, decaying bodies have to do with anything?
Prof. Redwood chuckles before answering the question.
Prof. Redwood: Like I said Mr. Gotem, it's to figure out how you reason and make decisions. Some of it is kinda crazy, I agree, but so is the human mind when you think about it.
He begins to flip through the test as Dash picks up his bookbag. He puts it on, but only uses the right strap.
Dash: Uhh.. yeeeah.. So, when do I get the thing?
Prof. Redwood: If by "thing" you mean your "pokémon", then on your first day of school. Assuming you've paid your fees and have received your materials already..
Dash nods.
Prof. Redwood: Good. Then I'll run these results through my computer later today. You're free to go now, but I would suggest you brush up on your training knowledge since every freshman is required to take atleast two pokémon classes in addition to their the usual academic load.
Dash: It can't be that hard can it?
Redwood puts the test aside in a filing drawer in his desk.
Prof. Redwood: You are aware that 35% of the freshmen class here FAIL, aren't you? This isn't middle school where you just showed up, did some classes, and went home. You're going to --
Dash, being over confident and somewhat cocky, cuts him off mid-sentence.
Dash: Blah blah blah... I've heard this song and dance since 6th grade. I'm 13, I think I can handle things on my own now. Big deal, I have to teach some electrified rat how to use a litter box... I'm so afraid. (laughs) Get real!
Prof. Redwood: I think you're talking about a Pikachu. And for the record, it's a mouse, not a rat.
The young trainer scoffs.
Dash: Um, who cares?
The professor just shakes his head as Dash leaves the class room. He was taking the IMPACT at Thruda High, where earlier that day he received his class schedule and pokédex. He didn't really care too much for the pokédex and just threw the box in his bookbag without opening it. Mainly because it was a "barebones, school safe" pokédex. Most older trainers, like the ones who are juniors and seniors, get the ones with "hip" features like mp3 playback or instant messaging. Having such standard, low-end pokédexes is a big give away that you're a freshman or a "n00b".
As Dash continued to walk down the empty hallways on this August afternoon in 1998, he imagined how his high school life would be. He stopped to briefly think about what the professor had told him as he absorbed the scenery, then continued to exit the building and walk home.
Around 15 minutes later, Dash walks in his front door and is greeted by immediately getting tackled by his older, more muscular brother named Mash who was wearing nothing more than a pair of green camo's and a gray, sweat stained tank top that hid his dog tags. He's currently on leave from the Marines, but Dash had no clue he was home yet. He does now, though...
Mash: (getting up) WHAT'S UP, MOTHER FUCKA?!?!
Believe it or not, that was a happy greeting. Dash, who got the wind knocked out him, groans while laying in a fetal position on the floor near the door.
Mash: Oh get up, you puss. I barely hit you!
His younger brother then sits up very slowly.
Dash: (rubbing the back of his head) ......... My day was fine... Thanks for asking, you douchebag.
Mash: Mom cooked dinner. Porkchop night.
Dash: (standing up) Oh sweet, I'm so hun---
Mash: Oh oh, I ate it all. I didn't think you were coming home, man. Ha, I'm a growing boy. (flexes)
Dash: What the hell? Didn't she tell you I was at school taking the IMPACT?!
Mash doesn't answer. Instead, he just stares at his younger brother with a stern look.
Dash: Hello??
The military hardened sibling of his can't contain himself any longer and starts to bust out laughing.
Dash: What's so freaking funny? (takes off bookbag and throws it on the ground in anger)
Mash: (laughing) Yeah, she did tell me. I just ate your food to piss you off. Looks like I did. SCORE!
Dash: Grr...!
He tries to take a swing at Mash, which is a bad idea to begin with because he stands 6'5" and looks like he can bench press a city bus, but swinging at a Marine is asking to get your arm broken or worse. Before Dash could fully extend his arm with the punch, Mash already had him in a sleeper hold. He would have made Dash lose consciousness within the next few seconds, but their mother walked in holding a basket of laundry. The choke hold gets released before she got to really see what was going on.
Their mom: Oh Dash, you're home.
Now, Dash is leaning against the nearest wall rubbing his neck area while breathing heavily.
Their mom: Are you alright?
Dash: NO! For your information, I ---
Mash gives him a scary look from behind their mom's back.
Dash: Uhh... I got chased by an angry Growlithe on the way home? I'm.. fine? (shrugs)
Mash nods his approval and walks away. He went upstairs to his room.
Their mom: Well, make sure you make your brother feel at home for the next week. He's been away for so long.
Dash picks up his bookbag.
Dash: It's not like he was in a war or anything. The dude was in Canada on assignment... CANADA! Doesn't their military handle things?
His dad walks in.
Dash's dad: What military?
Dash: Touché. (begins to walk into the kitchen)
Dash's dad: (following Dash) So how was the test?
Dash: It was pretty lame. Don't you remember how the test was? I thought you took it when you were in high school.
He grabs a Pepsi and closes the refrigerator.
Dash's dad: Actually I never really trained a pokémon in life.
Dash: What? But I thought you had a Nidorina until I was like three. (opens Pepsi, takes a sip)
Dash's mom: He did, but it was just a pet. Your father never had a license to train them for combat.
Dash: Are you serious? So if we would have had some crazy guy break into the house, we would have been screwed?
Dash's dad: Basically. I mean, pokémon all have the natural ability to fight in the wild, but their abilities can't get past their beginning levels unless a human trains them. But why would I train a pokémon to fight when I don't need to? Plus, I didn't have the time or energy to get a license and read books on how to train one.
Dash: Oh, so I have to?
He takes off his bookbag and sits down at the table.
Dash's mom: Hey, we didn't make the rules. We just follow them. If you passed the IMPACT, you'll get your license on the first day of school, right?
There are four different licenses a trainer can acquire over time. You don't need a license to own one as a pet, but you can only have three in your household at a given time that way. Depending on which one they possess determines what kind of pokémon they can train and the number they can legally own. Beginners get the "Alpha license" which restricts them to only obtaining two pokémon for training/fighting purposes. Alpha trainers can own general, domesticated pokémon like a Growlithe, Pikachu, or Squirtle due to their shallow learning curves and ease of capture. Almost none are in the wild here in the United States and can simply be purchased at a pet store in most cases.
The second license would be "Beta". These trainers can own an additional two, which brings the count up to four. Betas can now pick from the second tier of general pokémon that may be too much to handle for the beginner and have advanced natural abilities. Next there's the "Sigma license" that allows a master trainer to get exotic pokémon that are not fit as pets by any means. Sigma's can also basically own up to 6 of any kind of pokémon they please. This can sometimes take years to acquire and only a handful of devoted seniors at Thruda High are Sigmas. Finally we have the "Omega license" which is reserved for trainers on the professional level. Omegas generally own battle hardened pokémon and can have a max of eight at their disposal. The boundaries are similar to a Sigma because they own any type they please. To put in better perspective, it's like having a black belt in Karate.
Most trainers either give up and let their license expire after high school or just don't get past their Beta license. Training is more of a hobby that can turn into a profession if developed properly, but most people just take up combat training for self defense purposes. The military and law enforcement mostly consist of a mix of Betas and Sigmas for various reasons. To move up a license depends on your win/loss record in dojos or sanctioned battles and overall knowledge of the species.
Dash: Yeah, I get my wimpy Alpha license on Monday.
Dash's dad: You gotta start somewhere. So, do you know what kind of pokémon you want?
Dash drinks more of his carbonated beverage before answering.
Dash: Anything that's not girly. I think I'll shoot myself if I get a Pikachu.
Dash's mom: Plenty of guys own Pikachu's.
Dash: Yeah, the gay ones. I want something scary! Something that'll make everyone who messes with me crap their pants when they see it! Something like, I dunno, an Onix.
Both of Dash's parents have thoughts of the gigantic rock snake Onix being out of control and destroying their house. Insert big anime sweat drops here...
Dash's dad: Uhhh... let's hope you get some something less destructive at first.
As the week ended and the weekend approached, Dash figured it would be a good idea to hop on the internet and start studying up on pokémon training more. He's never been that eager to start the training process, but since he's taking "Pokémon Training 1" (PT-1) and "Pokéology 1" -- standard freshman classes at Thruda High -- he might as well get decent grades in them. Mash then storms into the room with a cordless phone in his hand.
Dash: Can I help you?
Mash: I need to call my girlfriend.
Dash shrugs.
Dash: Then do it.
Mash stick the phone up to Dash's ear and turns it on again. The loud, obnoxious screeches of 56k pierce the air.
Dash: HEY! (swats phone away from his ear)
Mash: I can't do it with you on the internet, retard. So get off already -- this is important business.
Dash: I'm busy.
Mash: Doing what, looking up porn?
Dash: NO, I'm looking up pokémon stuff.
Mash: Oh sorry, didn't know you were into that beastiality shit.
Dash looks like he's about to respond, but just turns back around in his computer chair instead of holding a pointless conversation with his brother.
Mash: But seriously, get off the internet. Like, right now.
Dash: Like I said, dumbass, I'm busy! Give me around 30 minutes. Who cares about your girlfriend anyways?
Mash looks around.
Mash: Um, me? I haven't seen her since last Christmas.
Dash: Are you sure she even wants to talk to you? When's the last time you got a letter from her anyways?
Mash: Damn. Hmm.. I can't remember. But uh, our relationship was on a solid foundation before I left.
Dash starts to chuckle a bit.
Dash: I'm sorry dude, but she's probably seeing somebody else right now. (starts laughing more) Probably some sailor who does more than pick up moose shit in Toronto for eight months haha.
He's laughing so hard he had his eyes closed for a few seconds. When he opens them again, his brother is gone.
Dash: What the -- ? Ma --
Mash: TAKE THAT BACK!!
Being the crazy Marine he is, he magically popped up out of nowhere holding a combat knife to Dash's throat.
Dash: HOLY SH--
Mash: SHUT UP!!
Dash: (looking down at the knife, shaking) What the hell did the Marines do to you? Make you some psycho ninja?!
Mash is now turning red with anger.
Mash: GET OFF THE INTERNET!
Dash: (still shaking) But --
Mash grips the knife tighter and even more veins bulge from his neck and forehead.
Mash: (spitting as he screams) NOW, ASS PUKE!!
Dash: (looking at the knife, shaking) G-g-got ya...
He signs off AOL immediately to free up the phone line. Mash returns to his normal complexion, pats his brother on the head, and puts his knife back into his boot before walking away.
Dash: (under his breath) She broke up with your crazy ass anyways...
Monday, August 24th, 1998. The time is now 7:50 A.M. and the the weather outside looks as if it can start raining any second. Dash apparently didn't catch today's forecast as he's wearing a pair of somewhat baggy black shorts and his usual black, short sleeved t-shirt with a simple lightning bolt design in the center ala "The Flash" (although, to be fair, he has the same shirt in every standard color you can imagine -- he just prefers black). He's now on his way to his first day at Thruda High. As he walks he's listening to his Sony Discman. The song "Closing Time" by Semisonic is currently providing the soundtrack for his hike to class. A few seconds later, a drop of water falls onto his hair.
Dash: Man, are you serious?! (wipes forehead)
He looks up towards the sky and a few more drops of rain fall on his forehead.
Dash: (taking off his headphones) Dammit, I just spent 20 minutes on my hair! ... Wow, I really sounded like a girl just now.
Still not wanting to get his hair messed up since it's mostly styled with hairspray and gel, he takes out a binder from his bookbag and holds it over his head as the rain starts to come down at a steady pace.
Dash: Oh well, a little rain isn't enough to keep me from enjoying this day. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
The excitement would last long because a second later a car drove by and splashed a puddle of water all over him. He puts his binder down as he observes his soaked clothes in disbelief.
Dash: ........ Okay, that sucked ass.
He looks around as sees the school around the corner before looking at his watch. The rain continues to pour, but now thunder can be heard at a low rumble in the sky.
Dash: Shit, I don't have enough time to run home to change clothes without being late to PT-1. Oooh, I know! I'll just use one of those stupid hand dryer things in the restroom.
Dash walks up to the school and everyone outside the building waiting for classes to start begin laughing at him. To hide his identity as he walked towards the entrance, he puts his binder over the left side of his face and hangs his head low. Even with the (crappy) disguise, he still attracts a crowd of laughing upperclassmen as he sloshes and drips his way down the halls. The soon-to-be Alpha trainer desperately looks for a male restroom. The more people laugh at him, the faster he walks. In his hasty expedition, he quickly turns a corner and runs into a girl accidentally -- sending her flying backwards into a nearby trash can.
Dash: Oh shit! (puts down bookbag and binder, walks over to the trash can) Look... I'm so sor --
Girl: (In trash can) Um, it's alright? Guys who are soaking wet knock me into bins of garbage all the time.
Dash: Really?
For a brief moment he seems to be relieved about his situation.
Girl: (trying to get out of trash can) NO, not really. Uhh, a little help here?
Dash: Oh.. sure.
Dash helps the girl, who had dark green eyes and matching emerald colored hair, out the garbage. It's now easily seen that she is wearing a white and green plaid shirt worn unbuttoned with a tight green tank top that stops above her navel underneath, baggy black cargo pants with green trim, and a pair of sandals. She seems pretty short, as she's a little over 5 feet tall
Girl: (dusting herself off) This is great..
Dash: What is? Me knocking you into a bunch of crap?
Girl: Nah, I mean you look like you lost a fight with a Blastoise and I probably smell like the city dump now. What a way to start off your first day of high school, huh? (smiles)
Dash nervously smiles back as he takes another look at his dripping clothes.
Dash: Yeah... (sarcastically) This totally kicks ass.
Girl: Oh, I'm Lara by the way. Lara Garfield.
Dash: Lara?
Lara: Yeah.. Just, uh, without a "U". People always spell my name like "L-A-U-R-A".. It drives me completely bonkers.
Dash just nods slowly.
Lara: Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse my rambling side banter... (smiles) I have a habit of doing that. So, what's your name?
Dash: Dash Gotem.
Lara: What? Gotem? What is that, German or something?
Dash: I don't really know actually. My grandfather is Japanese, my dad is Japanese-American and my mom is Irish.
Lara laughs.
Dash: What?
Lara: (laughing) You don't find it funny your last name is "Got-Em" and you're a pokémon trainer? Isn't that ironic? Haha.
Dash: Hey, blame my parents for the goofy name. I don't mean to cut our introduction to each other short, but I really need to dry these clothes off before class starts.
Lara: (turning around to look at the clock on the wall) Dash, unless you plan on hopping into a dryer, I don't think you're going to get that any better in seven minutes. Just go to class like that.
Dash rings out his shirt a bit.
Dash: ... And you're serious?
Lara: Um, yeah? It's not that bad of a look. Like I said, just say you got into a fight with a Blastoise haha, that'd give you instant cred with people since you're a new trainer and all. We need all the edge we can get around here.
Dash: I doubt getting bitch-slapped and hosed down by projectile cannons on a large and grumpy turtle is going to help my case any.
Lara: Hmph. Well, (pats Dash on the shoulder) you're screwed. (wipes wet hands on her clothes) I guess I'll go to PT-1 now. It was nice talking to you though. Maybe I'll see you later today... At lunch?
Dash: Wait, wait -- PT-1? That's my next class.. What class room are you in?
Lara: Hmm, I'm not sure.
She digs into her very deep left pocket and takes out her schedule for first semester.
Lara: C-203.
Dash: Looks like we're classmates.
Lara smiles again.
Lara: I guess now we can get odd looks from people together then.
She begins walking to class. Dash takes one last look at his wet clothes and hesitantly follows her to Pokémon Training 1.
Dash and Lara barely make it on time to class since they had to walk nearly across the campus to get to room C-203 (plus, add in the usual "lost factor" with freshmen). Dash doesn't end up getting that much wetter since he walked under Lara's umbrella. The late bell rings as soon as they step foot inside the rather large class. As Lara predicted, they are getting odd looks. The only desks still available are in the back so they have to endure the humiliation of everyone seeing (and smelling) them as they walk there.
Lara: (whispering to Dash) How do I smell?
Dash: (whispering) Um, like a dumpster?
Lara sniffs her long, green hair.
Lara: (whispering) Damn... I do..
Dash accidentally drips some water on somebody's desk as he tries to squeeze through the aisles. The student gives him a weird look.
Dash: Sorry about that..
Finally the two of them reach the pair of desks. Dash ends up sitting behind Lara, so she turns around in her chair to talk to him.
Lara: Um, where's the teacher?
Dash: I dunno, but if he's not here in the next three minutes I'm climbing out the window to go home and change clothes.
Lara giggles.
Lara: You'll just get drenched again coming back.
She points outside to show Dash how horrible the weather has gotten.
Lara: You'll probably be dry by the end of the day.
Her new soaked friend just looks at her as if to say "yeah, right".
Lara: Well, okay.. you'll be damp instead. But that's an improvement, right?
Dash: You have no clue how embarrassed I feel right now... feels like everyone is talking about me.
Lara snickers.
Lara: Would you feel better if I got you a "Caution: Wet Floor" sign to put by your desk?
Dash: Depends if you'd feel better if I gave you a case of tomato juice to bathe in. (lightly laughs)
Lara: (playfully) Shut up.
A few moments later Sensei Watts, their teacher, walks into the room. He's rather large man, but not in an obese kind of way. Kind of like he had muscle in the past but just got out of shape -- which is what happened. Sensei Watts was a former professional wrestler in the 80's under the name of "The Wedgienator" Watts (his finishing move was giving his opponent an atomic wedgie from off the top rope). He didn't get much fame, aside from appearing on WWF Superstars one time when he lost to the Ultimate Warrior in a 30 second match. He blames his bad career on Hulk Hogan, often rambling on and on about how Hogan stole all his moves, and decided to take up pokémon combat training back in 1990.
Even though he hasn't stepped into a wrestling ring in nearly 9 years, he still wears a black and red lucha libre mask (even though his style of wrestling was the flashy showmanship flavor of North America vs the aerial based, death defying lucha style found in Mexico), walks around with a replica classic WWF Intercontinental championship belt (yet he never won the real thing.. He claims to have beaten the Ultimate Warrior for it in an untelevised match in New Mexico), and instead of the tight spandex he used to wear in the 80s, he wears a black karate gi. In addition to hating Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior, yet another ridiculous claim of his is that the "Macho Man" Randy Savage stole his voice since they both sound the same. He's been demanding royalties from the Slim Jim commercials since 1993. He's quite the character.
Dash: Holy crap, that's our teacher?!
Lara: He looks pretty easy to anger... I think I'm going to hide. (slumps in chair)
Sensei Watts: Welcome to Pokémon Training 1, or PT-1. For the next 10 months it is my job to transform you nobodies into something resembling a decent trainer. You will call me "Sensei" or "Sensei Watts"; anything else will result with a detention!
The camera zooms in closely on his face.
Sensei Watts: (talking low and menacing, eyes wandering from left to right) Or a steel chair to the head....... (screaming) OOOOH YEEeeAH! DIG IT!!
Dash: Yeah, this guy is officially nuts.
Somebody in the middle of the class raises their hand. Sensei automatically frowns as he looks over to that direction.
Sensei Watts: I don't think I remember asking for questions...
Student: But why do you go by "Sensei"?
Sensei Watts: Because I work at the Dojo, you idiot. I have my Sigma license and I'll be getting my Omega one in a few years. So if you turds want to move up a license, you're going to have to go through me! (screaming) SPACE IS THE PLACE, MEAN GENE!
Dash: Okay, what the fuck.
He gives an evil, very pro wrestler-esque, cackle as several students gulp loudly and slump in their chairs.
Lara: I hate this class already.
Sensei Watts: Oh yeah, let me introduce you to my friend. (talking low) yeeeeaaahh...mmm hmm (screaming) LIGHTS!!
Suddenly, the lights go out and "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns 'N Roses starts playing. Some laser lights start moving in sync with the music and dry ice fogs up the entrance as the Sensei's pokémon of choice, the four armed, super powered 286 pound heavyweight, Machamp, struts into the room in true pro wrestling fashion. The muscular 5'3" pokémon stands beside the 6'2" Sensei triumphantly with all four of it's arms crossed. The music stops and the lights come back on as the black cape Machamp is wearing flaps in the breeze... that is coming from God knows where.
Lara: Holy shit.
The students have their jaws dropped in complete awe.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) THIS IS THE TOWER OF POWER THAT'S TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR, STEP TO HIM AND HE WILL DEVOUR THEN GIVE THEE A GOLDEN SHOWER. YEEEAAHH!!!
Dash: I know I just said this... but... Okay, what the fuck.
Sensei Watts: MY TRUSTY MACHAMP -- CRUSHER!!
Crusher: Chaaamp!
For those who don't know, pokémon only know how to vocalize their species type. Usually, the trainer can understand the gibberish due to their tight bond. This does take awhile, though.
Crusher looks across the room and looks disgusted as his cape continues to flap in the mysterious, unexplainable breeze.
Crusher: Machamp, ma! CHAAAMP! (These trainers are nothing compared to me! I WILL CRUSH THEM ALL WITH MY PINKY!)
Sensei laughs.
Sensei Watts: He's insulting all of you, haha. I think I should go ahead and tell you that your final exam will be..... (screaming) FIGHTING HIM! DIG IT!!
The class gasps in horror as Crusher flexes all four of his arms.
Sensei Watts: Oh wait, I meant with your pokémon.. not you literally fighting him.
The class still does a collective groan.
Sensei Watts: Relax, he'll take it easy on you and you don't even have to beat him. As long as you are in full control of your pokémon and can show how well it can do under intense pressure, you'll pass. That said, he'll still hurt your pokémon haha. (looks on the floor, sees the train of water drops leading to Dash) YOU!
The former pro wrestler is pointing directly at Dash.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
Dash: Me?
Sensei Watts takes out a Slim Jim from out of nowhere and chucks it straight at Dash's head. The rest of the class laughs.
Dash: OW!
Sensei Watts: (looking around, talking low) Do you need to snap into reality, little man? (screaming) YES, YOU!
Dash: (rubbing his head) Um, Dash?
Sensei Watts: (talking low) No...
Dash: (still rubbing his head) Excuse me, sir?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) NO! YOUR NAME IS NOW WATER BOY! CAN YOU FEEL THE MADNESS?! YEAH!!
His Machamp shakes his head in disagreement.
Crusher: Champ, cha, ma. (No, call him something else.)
While all this is going on, Lara is spraying herself down with perfume so she won't get some crazy nickname for the year for smelling like the garbage she fell in earlier.
Sensei Watts: Crusher here wants "Dash in the Back" to have a new name, yeeeaaah.. Well let me think... I see you like super heroes since you're wearing a "Flash" shirt.. (snaps fingers) GOT IT! You are now (screaming) AQUA MAN! DIG IT!!
Dash: Oh geez... (whispering to Lara) I told you I should have dried my clothes off! Now I'm going to be known as some reject super hero for the rest of the year!
Lara: (whispering) Well, I'm sorry.... Aqua Man. (laughs) Or should I say (makes kissy-fish face) "Bloop bloop bloop" HAHA!
Dash bangs his head on the desk as Lara laughs at her own joke.
After a few more minutes of pointless yelling and empty threat making by the Sensei, the class heads on over to Prof. Redwood's lab in the science building to pick up their first pokémon. Since the class is so large and the professor can only see one student at a time, there's a waiting room set up where we find Dash and Lara sitting by each other. They've been waiting for about 35 minutes now.
Lara: Hey, can you understand what they're saying?
Dash, who was staring at the floor, looks up to observe the room.
Dash: Understand what who's saying?
Lara points to a few fish in a tank beside them and laughs.
Dash: Would you stop it with the Aqua Man jokes?
Lara: Oh lighten up, you know it's hilarious!
Dash: Meh..
He resumes looking at the floor.
Lara: You know what would be great? If you ended up with a Squirtle and it hated it you! Then you could come to class soaking wet every day! Haha!
Dash mocks her laugh before looking at his watch.
Dash: I'm going to go sit under a hand dryer in the restroom like I originally planned.
Lara: But Prof. Redwood is already in the G's.
Dash: I'm still way after you by last name anyways. I'll be back for my turn.
Dash gets up and heads for the door.
Sensei Watts: AQUA MAN!! Where are you going?
Dash stops walking and looks towards his teacher.
Dash: Um.. to the restroom?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) REMEMBER (talking low) if you fall into the toilet, do not yell for help.. (screaming) NO! (talking low) Insteeeeeaaaad, flush yourself down the crapper since you will feel at home in an aquatic setting (screaming) OOOOOHH YEEEAAAaaaHH!! DIG IT!!
The class still in the waiting room laughs as Dash just raises his left eyebrow at Sensei in an annoyed way.
Dash: Uh.. yeah. (talking under his breath) Fucking Macho Man reject.. (opens the door and leaves)
Suddenly, a student comes running out of the lab back into the waiting room.
Student: HEEEEEEEEEELP!!!
A crazed Cubone, a rather small pokémon that wears the skull of it's dead mother on it's head and carries a big bone as a weapon, is chasing after it's new owner.
Cubone: CUBONE, BONE BONE!!
It tosses it's bone square at the trainer's head, knocking him out. Prof. Redwood then nervously appears from his lab.
Prof. Redwood: (laughing nervously) Uhh.. heh heh, don't mind that. That really wasn't supposed to happen.. (looks at his clipboard) Lara Garfield?
Lara gets up hesitantly as the Cubone victim lays on the ground groaning.
Prof. Redwood: Time to get your pokémon!
Lara: (nervously) Yay?
Inside Prof. Redwood's lab...
Prof. Redwood: Lara, please have a seat.
She sits down in a chair near the door. Redwood goes to walk off into another room that stores the pokéballs that contain the pokémon for every new trainer at the school. A few moments later, he comes back with one standard red and white pokéball and a thick training manual. He places it onto a nearby table for the time being.
Prof. Redwood: Alright, stand infront of that camera and smile.
Lara gets up and walks over to stand infront of a digital camera hooked up to a nearby computer to take her Alpha license photo. She smiles before the professor snaps the shot.
Prof. Redwood: Okey dokey, while that's printing out your license let me hand you your first pokémon. (hands Lara the pokéball) According to the IMPACT you ended up with a Pikachu.
The new trainer examines the ball.
Lara: Um, how do I open this?
Prof. Redwood: Press the button in the center to enlarge it.
Lara presses the button and the pokéball grows from being slightly bigger than a marble to the about the size of a tennis ball.
Lara: Oh. So I guess now I throw it in a cliché manner, right?
Prof. Redwood chuckles.
Prof. Redwood: Precisely.
Lara: PIKACHU, GO!
She tosses the pokéball a few feet and a female Pikachu pops out.
Pikachu: Pika pi? PIKA?! (Where am I? *gasp* I GOT ABDUCTED BY ALIENS DIDN'T I?!)
Prof. Redwood: She's 8 months old -- straight out of the wild, but she should be fairly easy to tame and control after a few weeks. She'll stay about this size for the rest of her life she since won't evolve into a Raichu unless you expose her to the Thunderstone.
Lara: Thunderstone?
Prof. Redwood: I wouldn't worry about it. Those things sell for ridiculous prices on eBay.
Lara: Oh. Well, I'd probably want to keep Babs as a Pikachu.. they're cuter.
Prof. Redwood: So you're calling her Babs?
Lara: She strikes me as one.
Babs: Pikachu... (Yeah, whatever..)
Lara picks up her Pikachu to cuddle it. Babs' ears go to the side as if to show annoyance.
Lara: (talking in a baby voice as she holds Babs tightly) Aren't you cute? Who's cute? YOU'RE CUTE! OH YES YOU ARE! YEEESSS YOU ARE!
Babs: Chu...
Lara gets her first taste of pokémon training by receiving an electric shock from Babs that was strong enough to make the lights in the building flicker.
Meanwhile in the male restroom, Dash is sitting underneath the hand dryers as one other student uses a urinal. Another student walks in and looks to use the other urinal next to him. He's all ready to let 'er rip, but when the lights flicker he ends up pissing on the other guy by accident.
Student #1: DUDE, WHAT THE HELL? YOU PISSED ON ME!
Student #2: (still peeing) What? (looks at the other guy) OH SHIT!
Dash, still under the loud hand dryers, can't hear a word of what is going on.
Dash: (thinking) Whoa, that dude totally tinkled on that other guy!
Student #1: "OH SHIT" IS RIGHT!
He tackles the kid who urinated on him and starts punching him in the face.
Dash: (thinking) Hey, this is better than Jerry Springer! (smiles)
Back in the lab...
Prof. Redwood: Um, I forgot to tell you that she'll shock anyone she doesn't trust.
Lara, who's hair is now really frizzy and is slightly smoking, replies..
Lara: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.
Prof. Redwood: She just has to get used to you before you can pick her up like that. Be sure to read this training book I'm giving you.
Lara takes the book and begins to thumb through it a bit.
Lara: (looking through the book) She can't kill anyone with that can she?
Prof. Redwood: Uhh...
She waits for the answer while still going through the book. After a few moments she looks up at the professor.
Lara: (slightly concerned) CAN SHE?!
Prof. Redwood: Well, a very high leveled Pikachu can put somebody in a comatose state.. But it does have the ability to kill a person.
Babs: Pika?
Babs walks back over the Lara and she shrieks in fright.
Prof. Redwood: You shouldn't have to worry about that, though. Pikachu's are a common pet and generally like humans. Just give Babs a few days to adjust and she'll come around.
Redwood walks back over to his computer to get Lara's Alpha license. He hands it to her and she overlooks the picture.
Lara: Ugh, I look like an idiot in this picture! Can I take another one?
Prof. Redwood: Sure!
Lara: Oh, cool.
Prof. Redwood: ... When you get your Beta license.
Lara: ...........
In the waiting room, Sensei Watts is in the middle of ranting about Hulk Hogan to anyone who will listen..
Sensei Watts: I remember when I was watching WCW Nitro the other night (screaming) YEAH! (talking normally) And I see The Hulkster do the dreaded "back rake of doom"... (screaming) I INVENTED THAT BACK IN '84!! HE STOLE MY MOVE!!
Crusher holds up a tape.
Sensei Watts: (talking low and menacing) I gots the footage of a match of mine where I did the move right here.. yeeeahh.. mm hmm.. (screaming) IT'S ON BETA MAX! (points to the tape Crusher's holding) YEAH!!
Student: But Sensei, you can't even find a Beta Max player anywhere. VHS won that war and now even that stuff is old. How can you play that thing?
The camera zooms in on Sensei's face to the point where you can only see his eyes.
Sensei Watts: (talking low) Oh, is that true? Well I only have one word for that --- (camera pans out, starts screaming) CONSPIRACY!! (talking normally) Hogan knew I had it on Beta Max and made sure he destroyed every player in the known universe so I couldn't prove him wrong! (talking low) Little does he know I have the power of eBay... (screaming) YEEAaaaaAAHH!! DIG IT!!
A few students snicker at the crazy teacher as Dash walks in dry as a whistle.
Sensei Watts: (screaming) AQUA MAN!! (talking normally) You dried off... I see you have some tricks up your sleeve...
Dash: (walking back to his seat) I guess?
Sensei Watts: (screaming) TRICKSTERS GET BLOODIED INSIDE THE CONFINES OF A 15 FOOT HIGH STEEL CAGE!!
Dash looks around confused.
Sensei Watts: (talking low) Oh, sorry about that... I have flashbacks...
Lara walks out the lab and back into the waiting room.
Sensei Watts: Looks like somebody got zapped.
Lara, still frizzy-haired, holds up her pokéball as she walks back to sit next to Dash.
Lara: Yeah I got a Pikachu.. I don't think she likes me yet.
Dash looks at her poofy green hair and tries not to laugh.
Lara: (not looking at Dash) ....... I don't wanna hear it.
Dash: (trying not to laugh) Hey Lara, Diana Ross called... She's short a Supreme and wants to know if you can stand in. (laughs)
Lara: (mockingly) Hahaha...
20 minutes later, Dash is called into the lab. He gets his license photo taken and awaits for his pokémon. The professor returns with one pokéball and the standard training manual.
Dash: So what did I get?
Prof. Redwood: Well Mr. Gotem, you scored within the fire range.
Dash: Fire? Oh God, I can hear my mom freaking out right now.
Prof. Redwood: You ended up getting a Charmander since all the other fire pokémon in the Alpha tier are a bit too advanced for a starter. They shouldn't scorch too much of your furniture, though. Charmander's have a pretty good temperament. (hands Dash the pokéball)
Dash: Sweet! (enlarges pokéball)
Prof. Redwood: You shouldn't have any real problems until it evolves into a Charmeleon and then a Charizard.
Dash's smile turns into concern.
Dash: Wait, what? Problems? I thought you just said they were docile.
Prof. Redwood: Yeah, Charmander's are. It's later evolutions are generally stubborn and short tempered. It tends to develop a mind of it's own and won't listen to a trainer with low confidence. That's why you never see anyone with a Charizard as a pet because they are better suited for fighting.
Dash: So what does that mean, it's going to hate me no matter what?
Prof. Redwood: As long as you have an ego, no. You simply have to sound like you're in command and conduct yourself as such. If it detects the slightest hint of you being timid, it won't listen to you and that's a hard thing to turn around again.
Dash: Hmm..
He tosses his pokéball up in the air and out pops a Charmander. Dash clears his throat before he starts yelling at him in a very anime-like style complete with red eyes and devil horns.
Dash: (yelling) YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME NOW, PAL! YOU GOT THAT?! I'M DA MAN!!
Charmander: Char?
Prof. Redwood: Um, Dash? I don't think this is the right ---
Dash's voice now sounds completely demonic and the background turns into flames.
Dash: (yelling) SILENCE!!! DASH DOES NOT EXIST! ONLY RAGE SPEAKS! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!
His Charmander doesn't really seem impressed and blows and bunch of fire onto Dash that destroys all of his clothing except his boxers. The background returns to normal as Dash stands there looking surprised as his body smokes.
Dash: Okay.. that didn't work...
In the waiting room, Sensei Watts is rambling on and on yet again..
Sensei Watts: (screaming) RIDDLE ME THIS!!! (talking normally) Why is the school mascot a lazy, obese, good-fer-nutttin' Snorlax when (talking low) the superior and much more macho (screaming) CRUSHER (talking normally) is right here? Yeeeaahh..
Crusher: MACHAMP!! (I WILL CRUSH THIS SNORLAX WITH MY LEFT ASS CHEEK!!)
On a sidenote, the school mascot is really a Snorlax vs. some idiot dressed up as one in a cheap costume. He stays asleep in the school courtyard most of the school year, but wakes up to battle the rival school's mascot (a Dragonite) at Dragon High in Dragon City once during the year before the start of football season. The event is called "The Great Awakening" and has been a tradition for a long time. However, Watts has been campaigning for the past 4 years to be allowed to battle the Snorlax on pay-per-view with the stipulation of the winner becomes the school mascot. The district has turned down his proposal on numerous occasions, though. They state that while the Snorlax is a big lazy pokémon (it weighs over a ton), it has great power. They say this as a crappy metaphor for the current generation of students who may exhibit slacker qualities but have potential for greatness. Yeah, whatever...
Dash comes walking out the waiting room with his Charmander by his side. The class laughs at seeing him in his boxers.
Sensei Watts: Looks like Aqua Man has become the Human Torch on us.
Dash takes his seat next to the still poofy-haired Lara again.
Lara: Don't worry, I don't have a joke for this.
Dash: Great.
Lara: Well, nevermind. "FLAME ON!" hahaha.
Dash: (sarcastically) Gee, that's really creative.
To be continued in Episode II...
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