EVERYONE: - Complete Toysters

[SeanWheeler]

The original post of this thread was moved to the World Beyond. But I will start the story soon.

 

[AceTrainer14]

Hey there. Firstly, thanks for visiting us here in the Workshop, it's always nice to see some different faces around here!

Unfortunately, this section is generally reserved for prose and poetry as opposed to game ideas and such. If you wanted to write this out as a story, you are more than welcome to post it here, or if you would like to discuss it as a story idea than you can do so in the Plot Bunny Zoo. However, ideas for games on their own don't really belong here, I'm sorry to say.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Well, it was going to be an Outside the Box forum. But I moved it because it was starting to feel like fanfiction. Could I cut and paste it into the Outside the Box and continue this thread with chapters of this game's story?

 

[SeanWheeler]

Chapter One: Twin Birthday Party
Mom walked into Sean and Tina's room.
"Wakey wakey," she said. "Happy birthday!"
Sean sat up on the bottom bunk bed while Tina climbed out of her top bunk. They went downstairs where everyone was waiting.
"SURPRISE!" yelled everyone. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIDS."
"Here," said Dad as he gave Sean a blue present and Tina a pink one.
Sean opened his present. It was a Toyster that looked like a rock with a face and a cowboy hat. It was Howdy Bumpy. Tina opened her present. It was another Toyster that looked like a pink horse with pegasus wings, a unicorn horn and a princess tiara. Princess Aliconey.
"I asked my boss at Seanster Co. if I can give these to you before release for your birthday and he agreed," said Dad.
"Here," said Mom as she gave the birthday kids a present. It was new clothes.
The neighbor Jimmy handed them each a present. They each got a new laptop.
From Sarah, they each got a bike.
"Knock your self out with these," said Butch as he gave them a Toysters manual. "I don't like playing by the rules, so you should suffer from it."
"And here's the worst cards from my collection," said Marissa. She gave them each a pack of cards.
Leah gave Sean a Toyster Player ID Card and a Toyster Card Slider while Brandon gave Tina the same thing.
"We're giving you these things for your birthday," said Dad "because I would want you to participate and win the Toyster Tournament. So good luck and happy birthday."

 

[LightningTopaz]

First of all, this sounds like a really neat idea, but it would help if you made each chapter at least a page in your word processor of choice.

Second--what do the characters, the items, the setting, and the world look like? Details bring the world to life. You don't have to be Lord of the Rings caliber detailed (unless you just want to, and you really know what you are doing), but give us some idea of what these characters and their world look like.

Third, try to space your lines out--trying to read a wall 'o text with no spaces in between the lines is hard, if not impossible.

Again, you have what could be something awesome, but as it is, it needs some work.

I'll leave this open so you have the opportunity to expand on this to at least a page.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Well, writing out a story is hard. And I was trying to write that first chapter in a short amount of time. Also, how many words are considered a "page"? I was writing that out in the message box of this forum.

 

[AceTrainer14]

You don't need to rush to do anything in order for this thread to remain open or anything, it's not going anywhere, so you can take your time and work out your story.

Generally, we'd recommend writing it up in Microsoft Word or an equivalent system such as Google Drive before posting here, just so you can save it before posting and read over, check for mistakes, that sort of thing. Short chapters are fine, but it does mean we can't give you much feedback as readers if there is not a lot to comment on.

You clearly have a good idea, so just take some time to work out how you want to write it down. I'd recommend using the Writer's Academy threads to help give you some ideas, and read some other fan fiction to get a feel for what you can do with your story. Writing a story is hard, but the only way to make it easier is to practice, learn and provide enough material so people can give you as much feedback as possible.

 

[SeanWheeler]

Well, I spent six years writing a book called "The Flying Boy" and published it last February. So I do have some experience in writing. It is up on Amazon if you're interested. But I guess I shouldn't have rushed it. And I think it's a good idea to write it out in StoryWizard before putting it up.