Tragedy Tomorrow

[Cabaret]

A short pokemon story in four parts. here is part one. sorry for spacing. It comes from my computer and I can't change it so just ignore it, please. Really, ignore it.....please.

Tragedy Tomorrow

Sometimes life takes a different direction, a little change causeing the largest of possibilities, at least thats what I think. I was looking,but what was I
looking for? I guess that doesn't matter in the whole of it. Anyway is was a sunny
day by the seashore and the weather, it was beautiful. I trotted along the coast,
seashells dotting the shore. The day was just begining, Clampearls basking in the
sun, pokemon swimming through the crystal waters, and waves trickleing up to my
feet as I walked. I think life that day was more perfect then it would ever be,
well, at least at that time. You could practically feel the feeling, no, you could
feel the life, the life that was being given off from all these wonderful things
brought together like some sort of pheonomenon that creates comfort and joy. It
was pure, the experience of pure life.
I said hello to the creatures I passed, all of them very friendly. I walked
toward the water, becomeing knee deep in the coolest sensation. Then I dived in.
I spun through the water with great force, all gone is incredible strife. As I
dove down and farther out, I felt a chill upon me. The water wasn't clear and
didn't feel as soothing. It was a dark dark blue, the sea salt was very strong
with the heavy, hard to move through water. I stopped moving, but something was
slowly suctioning me, moving me faster and faster as I went along. What was
happening I wondered, the water becomeing a current as I was sucked in. Thrown
rapidly around in a current pulling me in every witch way direction, I was
trying to grasp what was happening all so fast. Blue became black, and salty
water became a thick substance. I was breathing it in but I choked and coughed.
Suddenly I went under, it was pitch black, I don't know if it was because I was
knocked out or because it really was pitch black, I didn't care. I wanted out.
I was being pushed under something, my head and back hitting something hard. I
felt so small under a large pressure, I was ready to give up hope, and I was
completely gone.
I was in a thick forest. The dark sky melting into the night, just one
light was illuminated above me, the moon. I was running, the forest was never
ending, I couldn't see in front of me, I could only see the moon lighting the
space around me, but I still couldn't see where I was headed. I heard a rustle
in a bush and I ran, my hands and legs sprinting out into the abyss. Tree after
tree, behind me I hear running, someone chaseing me. I run and run, knowing what
comes if they catch me is death. The trees are gone, It's just black and purple
all around me, the moon in gone, just the grass below my feet is all I can feel.
Then there is nothing below my feet, I'm plummeting into nothing, black, pitch
black.
"Hey kid," someone tells me. "Kid, you ok?"

 

[Cabaret]

I'm going to write part 2 if people actually like part one.

 

[Der_Neuevenmenschen]

Patience is a virtue. Paragraphs are as well.

 

[White Len]

I assume you're using Notepad and the word wrap screwed up? Use Google Docs, they won't screw up the formatting and they even have a spell check. Don't even need to install it, it's a web app. /advertisment

 

[Cabaret]

I assume you're using Notepad and the word wrap screwed up? Use Google Docs, they won't screw up the formatting and they even have a spell check. Don't even need to install it, it's a web app. /advertisment

Thanks, i'll use notepad until the story is finished but in the future that's what I'll use.

 

[Zekurom]

Thanks, i'll use notepad until the story is finished but in the future that's what I'll use.

No, you should probably transfer what you already have to a word processor, and type it from there.

Otherwise, all your chapters will look like what you have now.

(And yes, Notepad screws up line breaks. It's a known fact, hence why most people don't actually use it...)

 

[Cabaret]

No, you should probably transfer what you already have to a word processor, and type it from there.

Otherwise, all your chapters will look like what you have now.

(And yes, Notepad screws up line breaks. It's a known fact, hence why most people don't actually use it...)

......I don't know how to respond to that. but ok, i will.

and is it good?

 

[Cabaret]

Thanks for all the support and compliments.



groan.

 

[Cabaret]

Can someone tell me if this is bad or not? I need a opinion.

 

[some colour no doubt]

The content is fine, but would benefit from a good spell check.
This is fine for a prologue, as you have a good cliffhanger, yet not much description.
i don't know if it was intentional, but what does the character look like? You could describe the beach a lot more, yet other than that the feelings you described are good, but need a spell check.

And as others have mentioned, the spacing put me off and made it more difficult to read.
A good point for your paragraphs is put a line between each one, it breaks the text up nicely and makes it easier to read.
Use a word processor, work a bit harder on the next chapter descriptively, and this will be fine

 

[Cabaret]

The content is fine, but would benefit from a good spell check.
This is fine for a prologue, as you have a good cliffhanger, yet not much description.
i don't know if it was intentional, but what does the character look like? You could describe the beach a lot more, yet other than that the feelings you described are good, but need a spell check.

And as others have mentioned, the spacing put me off and made it more difficult to read.
A good point for your paragraphs is put a line between each one, it breaks the text up nicely and makes it easier to read.
Use a word processor, work a bit harder on the next chapter descriptively, and this will be fine

Well i didnt plan on revealing the pokemon until the next part.