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Viridian - The Dark Fanfic

MFreak

Chaotic Evil
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Premise/Warning said:
Warning, Swearing, Violence, Adult Themes, and all that other good stuff is to be expected. This is not your average happy-go-lucky fanfic. This story takes place in a twister alternate Poke-Universe were the Monsters aren't all cute and cuddily. Pokemon are vicious monster, the Viridian Forest is a great place to get killed, Joy is a bartender, and Red is dark (most likely insain) mercenary for hire. Read at your own risk...

Viridian

“Viridian Forest... A name that is infamous with the Kanto Region. 50 Square Miles of dense trees, darkness, and creatures that even your worst nightmares would find horrifying. Many bug catchers and young lasses have disappeared within this maze of birch and oak trees. People avoid it at all costs... as they should.
This is where I earn my living. In a world of danger and death it is my duty to protect those who are stupid enough to travel within this death trap. My name is not important, but for the sake of this story, you may call me Red.”


The sky lit up in hues of red and orange as the sun set over the mountains to the west of Viridian City. Cal and Ikue wandered into town just as the sun disappeared and darkness began to set in. They planned to spend the night, but first had something very important to do. The next day they planned to travel north through the forest, and to do so they would need somebody to protect them. Viridian forest was not the kind of place you wanted to be without somebody powerful at your side. They found a small pub at the center of town that seemed to be rather packed. Shyly they entered the dimly lit, smokey tavern and made their way to the bar. A young woman hollered from behind the bar that she would be right with them. They took a seat and examined their surroundings.

Nether Cal nor Ikue seemed to fit in with the old, tired crowed of the noisy bar. Cal, who was just barely old enough to legally drink was dressed in hiking gear. Everything about his outfit was bright and clean from his yellow jacket to his new jeans. His short brown hair looked as if it had just been washed and his slightly goofy smile made him stand out in the sea of drunken locals.

Ikue was not as awkward as Cal, but still seemed like a fish out of water. She was actually only 17, meaning that she wouldn’t be having anything strong to drink that night. She wore her hiking gear as well, which was less conventional than Cal’s, with a small black jacket that was more for looks than anything else. Her skirt, also black, was not meant for the forest, nor was her backwards black baseball cap with a small white skull over the brim. The only thing about her outfit that would actually help her in the wild was her large pair of combat boots. Her hair was short and black and combed down in a tomboyish fashion, covering most of her thin pale face.

The young bartender finally came to take their order.
“Howdy folks. The names Joy. How can I help you?” she spoke fast with a large smile on her face.
“Just a beer for me, thanks,” Cal timidly ordered. Joy looked over at Ikue.
“Um- just water please,” Ikue asked.
“Now common honey, you sure that’s all you want?” Joy chuckled. Ikue nodded and Joy left it alone, going to get their drinks. She soon returned with a bottle and a glass of water.
“Looks like my sift's over,” she peered down at her watch, “consider these on the house." She removed her apron and jumped over the bar, to Cal and Ikue’s surprise. She then took a seat next to the group and stared with interest at them.
“Not from around here are you?” she laughed, “looks like you are looking for something other than a drink.”
“Actually we are,” Cal was surprised at her guess, “we’re looking to go through the forest tomorrow and-” suddenly the bar went silent. Everybody turned and stared at the two newcomers.
“You best be joking hun,” Joy looked worried.
“I... um- well,” Cal was at a loss for words.
“That’s why we are here,” Ikue jumped in, “we need an escort.”

The room remained silent. One large man in the back stood up and walked over to the two young strangers at the bar.

“There’s only one person in this town stupid enough to go trekking through that death trap,” he smiled with what teeth he had left, “and he’s in the back.” He raised a pudgy finger and pointed to a doorway near the back of the bar.
 
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I'm gonna start this review by correcting spelling/grammar -

Shyly they entered the dimly light, smokey tavern and made their way to the bar.

"light" should be "lit" here.

She wore her hiking gear as well, which was less conventional than Cal’s, with small black jacket that was more for looks than anything else. Her skirt, also black, that was not meant for the forest, nor was her backwards black baseball cap with a small white skull over the brim. The only thing about her outfit that would actually help her in the wild was her large pair of combat boot.

I don't mean this in a rude way but is English your first language? I just ask because you're making some basic grammatical mistakes. This should read "a small, black jacket", "Her skirt, also black, was not meant for the forest" and "her large pair of combat boots".

“Looks like my sifts over,” she peered down at her watch, “consider these on the house.

"Shift's" not "sifts" and you need to close quotation marks at the end of this.

He raised a pudgy figure and pointed to a doorway near the back of the bar.

Surely he didn't raise a pudgy figure? You mean "finger", right?


Anyway, the idea of the story sounds good and I'm looking forward to seeing a few more chapters from this. Keep it up and just keep an eye on spelling/grammar! I'll be reading.
 
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