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MATURE: - Ongoing Weakness (R, violence, language--unfinished?)

Blackjack Gabbiani

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(little note before we begin...I like how this turned out, but still think it's a little rough around the edges, especially the ending...any comments to make are more than welcome! And 'Tonya, this is for you! You wanted a Gio POV fic, and here it is!)

Weakness


"So..." I direct my glare at the woman before me, "you think you have something to say to me?"
She cleared her throat. "Well, Sir, I think that--"

i hate this bitch

i want to kill her

i have a gun right here i could drop her before she even knew what hit her.


"Sir? Are you listening to me?"

I smile. It is a half-hearted attempt at best, but the best I can manage at the moment. "Of course, Domino. Please continue."

stupid fucking skank

"This next week, the--"

moronic little bitch, wanna ram this gun down her throat, wanna make her beg

"Sir, I feel that--"

Click

"Boss...?"

What am I doing? She's far too valuable as an agent to simply kill do it now before she gets away

She runs, escaping before I could fire. I fall back in my chair, sinking against the cold leather, as the office door slams shut.

Why did that happen? What could have possibly done this?

you know why

I lock the door with the button beneath my desk, and let myself go limp.

because of her

It's true. I love her. Not Domino, she's mearly a means to an end...No, who I love is...someone else entirely.

Not entirely. Domino has her blind optimism, her sunny smile...They're very different women, but they do have that much in common.

And it's more than enough to make me hate Domino want her dead, she's not who I want, not even close, make me fucking sick just thinking about it

It may be strange...I want to kill Domino for imitating her, but I also want to kill her just for being her.

Domino is not worth the effort. A single shot could be rid of her forever.

But for Delia, it must be personal.

I want to be able to feel it.

Perhaps I'll find my answer on the edge of a knife; the pain of initial entry, the gasped pleas, her warm life washing over my blade...

Perhaps a slow strangulation; the binding touch, so forceful and yet so intimate, the pressure increasing harder and harder, until I release and she falls back, the deed done....

I want her to die i want to kill her but I also love her. She makes me weak and must suffer for it. But I love her so badly that it hurts its killing me from the inside every time i think about her.

I want her. I need her. I want to kill her. I need to kill her.

there is nothing else in my mind. Soon there will be nothing else in my life.

I cannot afford to be weak she makes me weak, not in my position. She is my passion, my only light i was meant to be in darkness, it suits me much better.

I unlock the door.

Almost immediately, there is a knock. "Come in!" I command, surprised at my own harsh tone after all, it's not like she's here.

Blond curls pop cautiously into view--Domino.

"Boss...what happened...? Why did you do that...?"

just like Delia, cowering before me, that simpering fearful look

"Because you really scared me...! I thought you were going to kill me! But...I guess things are ok, right?"

blind optimism

She smiles.

It's a faint smile, just an upturn of her quivering mouth, but it's enough.

that's Delia's smile.

erase it from your life.


It's over in less than a second. I grab the gun from its place on the desk, and fire. Domino falls to the floor that sunny smile finally gone.

over so fast. she didn't know what hit her. Delia will yes she will she will know she will feel me over her she will know my thoughts she will know my passion she will know me


As Persian sniffs at the body, I relax again. tomorrow i will go to pallet i will see Delia i will tell her everything and i will kill her.

and i will no longer be weak.
 
Yes. That is finished. That's so finished.

Tytytyty X 1 billion.

I like the whole intercutting of thoughts with what he's saying. It's got that nice manic touch. And of course I like the sex/ death equation there. But that's just me. *dirty grin*

I'll say something more intelligent in a bit. Guess whose new computer has a virus... :mad:
 
Oh my god! Gio killed Domino! The bastard! /South Park mode.

Great ficcie, definitely. Latonya gave a far more detailed explanation of what's good about it than I could, but suffice to say that it's great character work.

Awesome job.
 
It seems a perfectly valid ending to me...
 
Voices! I like conflict. I like inner dialogue. I love inner dialogue that causes conflict and pain and misery ^___^ I think the ending is perfect and suits the fic, and I don't think it really needs all that much polishing. None that I can point out, actually. The slight choppiness of it fits with the fact that thoughts are choppy. And I really like how you characterized Domino and described her. Great job. I like Gio fics. ^^
 
Originally posted by Timarelay
And I really like how you characterized Domino and described her. Great job. I like Gio fics. ^^

Domino's hard to get a lock on. I'm glad you liked my take on her. And if you like Gio fics, I have another one on here called "Amethyst Remembrance"...

and a romance fic called "Crowning Glory"
 
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Nothing more is needed for that fic, that's a perfectly sound ending.

Like T, I am a fan of the voices, so dark and intriguing. Having not seen Domino in action I can't really comment much about her character but I loved Gio, Gio's so cool!

It's a good read.
 
Well, just setting aside the fact that the inner dialogue had many run-ons and wasn't captialized in many parts - which I'm guessing was intentonal to create a certain feel about Gio - this one was very good!

It reminds me of a part of Rose Madder, the Stephen King book I'm listening to. It's about a woman named Rose who's husband was really abusing her - so much so that she loses a child in a miscarriage cuz he hit her so hard - that she leaves him. Her husband, Norman, kills a hooker he slept with because she reminded him so much of Rose. It's a graphic story, but this story reminds me alot of that. ^^;
 
yeah, that's what I was going for...notice the only capitalized word in the thoughts...

And I've never really read any King...I probably should, probably some of his more recent stuff. I...have the score for "Doloris Clayborne", and that's as close as I get.

<--is addicted to film music, necessary for setting mood, you know
 
Wow. Again. Wow.

<stares> And yes, nuff 'said, because...

Wow. And it's VERY finished.
 
*squeal* I figured you'd like this one! See, I told RG that I'd write a short demented Diamondshippy fic...and this was the result.

I almost threw out the entire opening and was about to start over when someone told me to stick with what I had...
 
Wowee Gio *huggles Gio* relax, you can kill but just take your pills first, you know, for that split personality of yours...

^^ This fic is really cool, I hadn't really glanced Sakaki that much since A Darker Shade of Black (Ginger fic) but really never thought of him different, all this new fics make me want to write him too! (he *is* in Healing Wounds though...) anyway, I'll stop rambling (once more) and get to posting v2.0 or something equally entertaining (like reading!)

Coolas!
 
Well, in this, he really doesn't have split personalities...it's like two sides of himself, but not really a split part...

Like how you get urgings to do things, it's not a seperate part of yourself, but a distant part...

and his isn't that distant...
 
Whee... o_o

I liked this... Angsty darkfics are fun... Makes me want to write more dark stories....

But... This was very well written. I love how Gio's thoughts kept contradicting him... the inner struggle kind of makes you feel sorry for him. And it seems in-character, too... He's the head leader of a worldwide organisation, and wants to be all-powerful... so he gets rid of the only things that cause him weakness. As I said, very well-written.
 
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