Which of these names best fits?

[Xenidal]

In my story, the villain is from an ancient civilization which is based on ancient Egypt. His name is "Dannyjenn" (named after myself), which isn't too inappropriate considering all of the characters have crazy names.

However, I was wondering if it would be better to write the name as if it were a transliteration, making it something more along the lines of "Ṭāniťennu" or "Dˁnyḏnnw" or some other variation (basically the same name but written as if it were transliterated from an ancient text... if you've ever seen any Egyptian documents displayed in Latin characters (like the italic text between the hieroglyphics and the English) then you'd know what I mean).

By the way, his name will remain unchanged. I'm not going to change it to an actual name or something that sounds villainous or add common / stereotypical Egyptian stuff (like hotep or ankh).

The question is which name fits better, the original name or the transliterated-looking one? I'm personally thinking that the second is better, however, in writing it looks a bit strange.

Here's some sample text showing how it would look:

Version 1 -
The mysterious man suddenly opens his eyes, stands up, and approaches the party. He removes his hood and begins to speak. "My name is Dannyjenn. My master sends me to eliminate you." He then holds up a sacred artifact. "See this? There are nine of these throughout the world... my master seeks them all. Only then will he gain infinite power. I cannot allow you to interfere."

Version 2 -
The mysterious man suddenly opens his eyes, stands up, and approaches the party. He removes his hood and begins to speak. "My name is Dˁnyḏnnw. My master sends me to eliminate you." He then holds up a sacred artifact. "See this? There are nine of these throughout the world... my master seeks them all. Only then will he gain infinite power. I cannot allow you to interfere."

 

[Gama]

I think you should stick with "Dannyjenn".

The transliterated one is probably more realistic, but no one will understand what they're reading. (Like, they won't understand it's pronounced "Dannyjenn") Plus, the story you're writing is in English, so you should write it so an English person can understand it. It doesn't actually make an enormous amount of sense for a transliteration from Egyptian to be thrown into the middle of an English text in my opinion.

Hope this is helpful.

 

[unrepentantAuthor]

The majority of English speaking individuals would freak out to a degree at such an exotic name, I fear. "Dannyjenn" is definitely more appropriate for your audience. Perhaps a sensible compromise would be "Danidjenn," or similar, which is pronounced identically but actually looks vaguely corespondent to the culture.

 

[Zekurom]

I suppose, if you're purposely going for an exotic name (because from this dialogue, the person sounds like a rather ominous figure), you can use Dˁnyḏnnw exactly once. Like this: "My name is Dˁnyḏnnw, but you can call me Dannijenn."

 

[Xenidal]

Thanks, I think I'll just go with "Dannyjenn". I may use a different form at the end if he starts speaking in Egyptian, but just that once, since it doesn't really matter what he's saying if no one can understand him anyway, lol