Your favourite bit of description

[Beth Pavell]

I think it's easy to forget, as authors, that sometimes we actually can write something worthwhile. So, in an attempt to get everyone to remember this, I propose we share the piece of description we're most fond of - for whatever reason, but remember, the point is to be positive!

To keep this productive, I suggest we say something about why we like it, especially what techniques work well there.

Fair's fair, I'll start with mine - about, what, fifty words from Chapter Ten of The Long Walk:

Spoiler

They were the last two people to walk down Old Village high street that evening. A golden afternoon had given way to a warm evening as the sun set in splendour. Thousands of azalea blossoms, magenta, orange and white, nodded in the late breeze that twitched and tugged at bright little lamppost banners.

I really like the efficiency of that. I'm not quite sure how I did it, in hindsight, but I think it's the few relatively strong images that do the trick.

What about everyone else? I know damn well there's some good description floating around the Workshop, because I've read it

 

[LightningTopaz]

From Episode 5 of Moonlight Silver:

Spoiler

He eagerly started the second verse, but stopped when he spotted a signpost in the distance. So I took it home...and... I washed it out, and hung it...up..to...dry...

"What's the matter?" Misty asked as she and Ash caught up to Brock. "I wanted to hear more about that rotted old chemise!"

Brock studied the signpost for a moment. "Warning, Forest of Illusion ahead. It's dangerous to go alone."

"Someone's been playing too many video games!" Ash declared. "How dangerous could one forest be?"

I had a lot of fun with the video game references in this episode.

 

[voidcritter]

This is still from the first chapter of a work in progress, but:

Spoiler

He peered at the video Cybele had pulled up on her phone. The dim light of dawn flickered softly over ash-gray waters, and it was hard to say whether what lurked within was real or a chance illusion. But in the distance, an old, massive Jeliicent swayed to and fro over the waves. Her frills were tattered to ruins, as if she were a madwoman languishing in the attic of an old novel.

And her whole body was deep purple, like a bruise.

 

[AetherX]

I love eloquent description, so this thread will be fun to follow.

Pretty much the entirety of the Saffron aftermath in Unpredictable was self-indulgent description and exposition, but this bit was my favorite that I wrote:

Spoiler

Walking down the main thoroughfare towards Silph Tower was like walking through a dream. I felt disconnected. Sunlight beat down from above, but I didn’t feel any warmth. Buildings, trees, and people slipped by like shattered fragments of a memory nearly forgotten. It was all fake to me. After the intensity of the fight along this very street the week before, and the struggle to climb the tower, having a regular existence felt out of place. How could this be real compared to all of the pain and the toil and the blood that had been spilt right here? How could these people go about their day to day business after the horrors they had been through? How could the city pretend that everything was okay? There was no more urgency, no more danger. It made me feel out of place. The push and pull of determination and fear was gone, leaving me without motivation to do much of anything.

 

[GastlyGibus]

I was in an RP once on another site, and me and the GM worked together on the project very closely. He tasked me with writing a scene involving our characters finding a crystal that had the soul of someone trapped inside it, and our psychic characters finding a way 'inside' said crystal.

It's probably not that good compared to others, but it's one scene that I was particularly proud of.

Spoiler

The Xatu was a gifted psychic, but her skills were more suited towards premonition and future sight. She exhaled slowly, feeling the energy from the gem as it connected to her and her comrades. She focused her mind on the crystal, feeling for something to grasp upon... until she found it. A mental touch on another plane of existence. Lenora seized her mind upon it, searching it, familiarizing herself with it's form. And inside it, she felt the presence of another...

"I have found it," she said in a whisper, taking in another breath. "Awaken..." She pushed out with all of her mental powers, the aura radiating around the room such that even Zack and Ambrose could feel it. With her mind focused on the crystal's plane, Lenora opened her eyes, her pupils shining a luminous, bright blue. Her mind traveled from this realm to the crystal, and she felt as if her soul had left her body, travelling through the connection like a water current, flowing to its source...