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GAME: Your Story/WIP Out of Context

Ingrid leaned over towards Linhardt. “Anything I should know before the cross-examination?” She whispered.

“Well, you can look at evidence by-” Linhardt began but Ingrid cut him off.

“I don’t need a tutorial on how to look at things, Linhardt.” She whispered irritably.
“Very well.” Ferdinand said, sounding and looking mildly disappointed. He put his finger up in the air again, as if he was doing some sort of scripted action. “The defendant, Hapi, stands accused of using a giant monster to destroy part of the stables by the plaintiff, Han Sable. Mr. Sable requests 3000 gold in compensation for this destruction.”

“When you put it like that it sounds kind of absurd.” Ingrid said, rubbing her chin.

“Yeah, how did you get through that with a straight face?” Hapi added monotonously.

“A noble must be able to say anything at any time without breaking their nobley noble demeanor.” Ferdinand said proudly.

Nobley noble? Ingrid echoed to herself.
 
Hilda gasped. “You have a crush on Lysithea.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Linhardt said, attempting but failing to scoff. “I mean, sure from a scientific perspective you could say she’s cute and the way she shouts when she gets angry is rather fascinatingly endearing but that doesn’t mean…” He trailed off, as if just realizing what he was saying. “I’m digging my own grave, aren’t I?”

“Yes, yes you are.” Hilda replied.
Linhardt finished writing in his notebook. “Thank you, Hilda. I shall make sure to carefully test each of these possibilities.”

“Drop the science speak, would you?” Hilda said.

Linhardt raised an eyebrow. “Science speak?”

“All this talk about tests and hypothesises.” Hilda explained, ignoring Linhardt’s protests about how “hypothesises” wasn’t a word. “It’s annoying. I hope you don’t talk like this when you ask Lysithea out.”
 
Byleth took a deep breath. “Yeah… yeah, you’re right. I am the Archbishop and must do the duty bestowed upon me with grace and dignity. No whining.”

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“It’s not fair.” Byleth whined, slumping over her desk. “A mass murderer is possibly terrorizing Fhirdiad and I’m stuck here, miles away, doing paperwork. I mean, why does an Archbishop even have paperwork? Don’t I have people to do this for me?”
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I haven't technically written this one yet but I find it hilarious.

"Wait, your full name is actually Commander Shepard!" Vega asked, taken aback.

"Not my full name." Shepard replied. "My middle name is Jane."

Vega looked around at his companions. "Did you all know about this?"

"From the moment I stepped foot on the Normandy." Kaiden affirmed.

"That's how she signed all her reports." Garrus said.

"It's the first thing she told me." Tali added.

"I learned it when we mind melded." Liars explained.

"I think you're the only person who didn't know." Joker said smugly over the intercom.
 
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Silver plucks out... hang on.
"Who bought a bar of silver?!" he exclaims.
 
The party approached the counter where the three horsemen were waiting. The head chef gently twisted his apron as the party stood before him.

“Excuse me, sirs and madams,” the head chef said quietly. “I hope we have not given offence. You all seemed, well… very angry back there. I assure you it was nothing personal. It is just the way we operate here. You understand, yes?”

Nova replied calmly, remembering the traveling merchant’s advice, “So your policy is something along the lines of ‘cook the weak, feed the strong’, right? Have to prove your tough to get in here otherwise you’re on the menu?”

“Our policy in a nutshell, yes,” the horseman quickly nodded. “You’re very understanding people, aren’t you? Most would that this kind of thing badly, no matter the circumstances, but you are professionals, yes? You don’t hold grudges over business, right?”

All three horsemen smiled nervously, so worried that it was almost pitiful.

The party looked at each other before exchanging nods.

“We’ll get over it,” Sir Reginald said. “It’s not going to happen again, right?”

“Of course!” the head chef nodded. “You have proven yourself, and our bouncers have excellent memories. They will wave you through in the future.”
 
“Bah!” The agent reached into his jacket and whipped out his phone, contained in a Zubat-themed case Nori had seen for sale in a 100P shop a few days ago. He flipped it open and hoisted it proudly over his head. “I never go anywhere without my trustworthy Sharpe GX dash 25!”

“Isn't that, like, super old?” said a random black-haired little boy, peering down at them from the playground.

Studd sputtered in disbelief for several seconds. “It's more than you can afford!” he eventually yelled back at the kid.

In response, the boy pulled out his own cell. It was like the ones Nori saw everywhere. “The Sharpe Suicune Crystal mark 2!” he boasted with a cheeky grin. “Dad bought me it for my birthday!”

“Well, not every man has money for one of those!” Studd screamed, with both anger and anguish in his voice.

The boy pulled down an eyelid and stuck out his tongue. “My dad makes more than you!”

“Grr, I don't care!” the man blatantly lied, spinning on his heels and turning away.
 
“Want me to go deaf?” Questions Min.
“WAS IT YOU?” screams Mr. Josh.
“It was Jessie I think.
“Alright,” says Mr Clapton, “this is-.”
The crowd dispersed when the bell sounds its tragic plain elongated note of music.
“See you tomorrow,” says Dan.
 
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” the krabby from earlier piped in, causing the duo to startle. The crab leaned forward from atop the table next to them and whispered. “The reason everyone here looks so darn exhausted-”

Because you are all drinking this early in the morning?

“-is because these kinds of inspections usually take hours. We’ll be here til’ noon!”

Oh. That makes much more sense. Amir thought, then amended himself.
Wait, no it does not-
 
Snippet from a recent chapter I wrote. (Warning: sexually suggestive)

About two hours later the party had made it to the top of the hill.

“Okay, the witches’ tower should be just up ahead,” Van said.

Zeeker’s eye twitched as he looked in a certain direction, “I think I see it. And I wish I didn’t.”

They all turned to see what Zeeker was pointing at and their faces went pale. It was a perfectly cylindrical tower rose straight up from the hill's peak, at least a hundred feet of some strange pink stone covered in balconies, windows, and statutes. The top had a slightly rounded peak.

“Well… that’s not suggestive…” Kettu said dryly.

“I feel… very uncomfortable about that place…” Elizabetta murmured, a blush on her face.

“Woo… that the second biggest piece of ‘equipment’ I’ve seen,” Nina chuckled weakly.

“Second?!” the moth girl sputtered.

“Yeah, with Nova’s ‘cargo’ being the biggest.”

Nova turned to her with a mildly annoyed expression, “Don’t start, Nina.” He turned to the tower, “Well, as suggestive as it is, at least it doesn’t spurt any white stuff from the top.”

Just after he finished that sentence the top of the tower released a few puffs of white confetti. All the color drained from Nova’s face and his arms slumped to his side.

“The moment I said that I knew the universe would prove me wrong,” he said, deadpan. “This is why I try to avoid tempting fate, as fate is all too happy to prove me otherwise. Let’s just get this over with before anything else happens.”
 
Excerpt from a scene I wrote on a theoretical crossover between two of my fics! X3

"Soooo..." Ash began awkwardly. "What, you're just...a samurai, now?"

Buizel sheathed his sword and shrugged in reply. "I guess? A lot has kinda happened over the past two days..."

"...right." Ash blinked, still looking lost. "Are any of my other pokemon secretly samurai too, or is that all the craziness that I missed?"

"Well, Sceptile's a double agent."

"...unexpected, but I can buy it given recent events..."

"Pidgeot is royalty."

"I knew that one, actually."

"Leavanny is spider-man now, I think?"

"...yeah, that one's actually new-"

Buizel hummed, then clapped his paws together. "Oh! You may or may not already know this, but Pikachu's an alien that was sent to kill us all."

"He's a what?!"

"I know, right?" Buizel shrugged. "He's way too much of a dork to be an extraterrestrial plotting mass murder."
 
"Oh ? Did something bad happen ?", the scientist asks. The lady slowly removes her hood in response, showing her much shorter blue hair dressed in a bowl cut. Her livid face progressively turns red in both anger and embarrassment. "Their policy... Required me... To change... My beautifully coiffed hair... To this... Thing on my head...", Venus utters slowly, containing her rage. Ein abstains from letting out a chuckle. "I see the problem", the scientist says a bit blunty, doing his best not to snicker. "Oh, do ya !?", Venus almost yells in indignation.
 
"At first glance I thought it was an Oddish. Second glance, a shiny Oddish. At third glance, a highly mutated strain of Oddish. Fourth, an Oddish someone painted pink-"
"Ace, are you... doing okay?"
 
Cawler managed to stand back up, growling, “Not bad. But you’re no match for me! Ice Shard!”

He fired a chunk of ice at Nina. She smirked and started to hover off the ground before delivering a roundhouse kick that knocked the chunk of ice right back at Cawler, whose eyes bulged in horror. The attack slammed into his face, covering it in a thin layer of ice.

“Ooh!” the ref stated. “That’s a facial disgracial! Cawler’s really got his hands full with this Phoenix Clan woman.”
 
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