Note: Don't take this seriously. I only wrote it for fun... and I was too lazy to capitalize the lesson titles.
Lesson one: the concept
You are minding your own business, surfing Pokemon sites because you can't find your way out of Granite Cave, where something in the links on the sidebar catches your interest: fanfiction. Fanfiction? WTF is THAT? So you click. And to your delight, there's an ample collection of third grade level stories about some kid getting a Pokemon from professor tree and having a love/hate relationship with their meanie/sexist rival, and other cool stuff. Wow, this looks fun, doesn't it? Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get busy on writing your own Pokemon fan fiction!
Lesson two: the intro
It is vital that you make an annoying introduction to your fanfic. It will either involve yourself talking to your Pokemon and making smilies (eg; -_-;, ^_^,
), your explanation that yes, this story is based off your own Ruby/Sapphire version and will be exactly like the game, or the dreaded combo of both. Make your otaku status obvious by saying "Konnichiwa!" and "Bai!" Because Japanese is the best language ever. Even if you only know 5 words that you learned from reading Shounen Jump. English bites and you know it!
Lesson three: getting started
You have your game in front of you. But you decide you want to be a little creative. The most original idea pops up and echoes within your empty skull as the game starts up. Let's see, riding in the back of the moving van, eh? Well, let's spice things up by making the truck driver TOTALLY WILD AND INSANE! Boxes are flying! Your trainer (who is named May, never make a story about the male trainer or using a different name; you'll find out why later) is crushed and bruised! And since the driver of the moving van is never revealed, make sure that the driver is a Machoke and be sure to insult their intelligence. Because Machoke are just dimwitted musclebound meat-heads afterall. I mean... look at those muscles! How can a creature that buff possibly be smart?
Lesson four: getting to know your character
But let's go on. Ok, the truck stops, and your little character comes out, limping and bleeding internally. May's mother is very cheery and oblivious to her daughter's condition. Hrm, you think, maybe I should make May cynical. That sounds like an original idea! So in her own secretive thoughts of mysterious enigma, May thinks about how she hates her mom, she hates her dad, she hates those stupid, clumsy Machoke, and she misses her friends in her old hometown.
Now that you've pumped a bit of personality into May, back to retelling the game. Mom tells May to set the clock. As May enters the house, don't forget to make one of those mindless Machoke bump into her and she yells at it! Those stupid Machoke! How dare they invade a story about a beautiful and perfect girl? Anyway, May sets the clock. Is this important to the story? No, but it's in the game, so it must be included. Mom comes upstairs and says that the house is safe to walk through now without having the risk of encountering a drooling, brain-dead Machoke. But when May goes downstairs, the TV is on. Now pay attention, because this is another oppurtunity for peeking into May's innermost, cynical, and original feelings. She hates her dad, Norman. He's a jerk who cares more about being a gym leader than giving his bratty daughter attention, even though she's too cold and cynical for anybody to get close to. Oh... what was that... I think it was... ANGST! No no, don't panic. Angst is a great way to make your readers feel for your lovable yet unloveable character.
This is boring, huh? You really want to get May's Pokemon and start her journey. But we have one more hurdle to cover. And that is...
Lesson five: getting to know your no-good, male chauvinist, and all out meanie rival
As mentioned earlier, your character is a girl named May. And your rival is a boy named Brendan. But I'm getting ahead of myself. May, still fuming about her feelings about her selfish father, is then ordered by her ignorant mother to go meet the neighbors. Don't forget to dive into May's personal, cynical, and original thoughts as she breaks into her neighbors house. Like in the game, don't make the mother alarmed (we're saving that for the rival encounter), but make her happy to see a stranger in her house. Now for the fun part... meeting the rival!
Your rival is male and his name is Brendan. He can not, under any circumstance, have another name, because that will always be his name in the games. As May entered Brendan's room, prepare for the ultimate bitch fest! The conversation will go something like this:
Brendan: What the... who are you! Why are you in my room?! Oh wait. You're the new neighbor. They said you were a gym leader's kid, so I assumed you'd be a guy. Because only guys can be good trainers.
May (insulted): What's that sopposed to mean? Are you saying that girls can't be good trainers?
Brendan: Yes, girls can't be good trainers because men are superior. We're faster, stronger, and better than you.
May: Grrr, you are mean and sexist and you think that men are better trainers than girls, but I'll show you!
Gee, this looks one demensional, doesn't it? But what nobody knows except you, the amazing fic writer, is that Brendan and May secretly lust for eachother. As they bicker, May makes mental note (in her mysterious, enigmatic, cynical, and original thoughts) of Brendan's cuteness and sexy white hair. Brendan will make note that May is kind of cute. But they insist that they hate eachother! Why won't these destined lovebirds reveal their feelings? But anyway, May knows that she can prove Brendan wrong by beating him in a Pokemon battle! So let's get that Pokemon!
Lesson six: getting that Pokemon!
Ruby and Sapphire had the most original concept of obtaining a Pokemon. So let's relive that magic! May hears someone calling for help. Despite her cynical nature, she decides the answer the call (if you don't make May have some good qualities, then she fails to be complex and deep and original!). Professor Birch is being attacked... no not by a Poochyena... but a little black puppy. That's right. Lure your readers into thinking that you have an ounce of creativity by calling Pokemon anything other than their names when first introduced, then calling them Torchic and Zigzagoon or whatever afterwards. When urged by the panicked Professor to pick a Pokemon, May knows exactly which one is in what ball because she has x-ray vision (a quality that makes her unique and different from other people). May chooses Torchic. She will never choose Treecko because it's ugly and she will never choose Mudkip because that is the Pokemon Brendan is destined to train. The battle will go something like this:
The little red bird used scratch on the little black dog.
Poochyena fainted!
Birch is so happy to have been rescued by the loveable yet unloveable May (who takes mental note of the professor's idiocy in her cynical and original thoughts), he lets her keep the Torchic! Name the Torchic to be cool! Give it a powerful fire name like Wildfire or Phoenixflame or Freespiritedcombustionofburninghorror. Despite having a cool name (which will never be mentioned again), Torchic will be naive and ditsy and happy. Hmm... is this carefree bird the key to making the unloveable May more loveable? Speaking of love, let's go battle that sexist yet handsome trainer!
Lesson seven: battling the meanie no-good yet oddly sexy rival
After exchanging insults, Brendan and May send out their Pokemon. To May's horror, it's Mudkip! How dare that rival use the one starter that is strong against Torchic's fire moves? What a meanie! But as long as you don't have to plague your story with anymore unsightly Machoke or Treecko, then Mudkip is fine. The battle will go something like this:
May: Torchic, use Ember!
*Torchic uses Ember, but the blue kitten (not a mudskipper!) is not hurt!*
Brendan: Ha ha, don't you know that fire is weak against water, you stupid and inferior female? Mudkip, use water gun!
May: Torchic, dodge!
*Torchic dodges the attack then knocks out Mudkip using Scratch.*
May: Yay, I won! See, girls can be just as good as boys!
Brendan: Grrr, that was just luck! Boys are still better trainers than girls.
May: ^_~
Oh, but what's this? Professor Birch, Brendan's father, arrives and decides that his son and May should travel together because they get along so well. How can this man be so blind? May and Brendan hate eachother's guts! But... maybe he knows that they secretly love eachother.
And now I must retire from continuing the guide for now. More will be added later! Remember to keep those characters complex and original, and be sure to stay tuned for lesson eight: starting the journey.
Lesson one: the concept
You are minding your own business, surfing Pokemon sites because you can't find your way out of Granite Cave, where something in the links on the sidebar catches your interest: fanfiction. Fanfiction? WTF is THAT? So you click. And to your delight, there's an ample collection of third grade level stories about some kid getting a Pokemon from professor tree and having a love/hate relationship with their meanie/sexist rival, and other cool stuff. Wow, this looks fun, doesn't it? Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get busy on writing your own Pokemon fan fiction!
Lesson two: the intro
It is vital that you make an annoying introduction to your fanfic. It will either involve yourself talking to your Pokemon and making smilies (eg; -_-;, ^_^,
), your explanation that yes, this story is based off your own Ruby/Sapphire version and will be exactly like the game, or the dreaded combo of both. Make your otaku status obvious by saying "Konnichiwa!" and "Bai!" Because Japanese is the best language ever. Even if you only know 5 words that you learned from reading Shounen Jump. English bites and you know it!Lesson three: getting started
You have your game in front of you. But you decide you want to be a little creative. The most original idea pops up and echoes within your empty skull as the game starts up. Let's see, riding in the back of the moving van, eh? Well, let's spice things up by making the truck driver TOTALLY WILD AND INSANE! Boxes are flying! Your trainer (who is named May, never make a story about the male trainer or using a different name; you'll find out why later) is crushed and bruised! And since the driver of the moving van is never revealed, make sure that the driver is a Machoke and be sure to insult their intelligence. Because Machoke are just dimwitted musclebound meat-heads afterall. I mean... look at those muscles! How can a creature that buff possibly be smart?
Lesson four: getting to know your character
But let's go on. Ok, the truck stops, and your little character comes out, limping and bleeding internally. May's mother is very cheery and oblivious to her daughter's condition. Hrm, you think, maybe I should make May cynical. That sounds like an original idea! So in her own secretive thoughts of mysterious enigma, May thinks about how she hates her mom, she hates her dad, she hates those stupid, clumsy Machoke, and she misses her friends in her old hometown.
Now that you've pumped a bit of personality into May, back to retelling the game. Mom tells May to set the clock. As May enters the house, don't forget to make one of those mindless Machoke bump into her and she yells at it! Those stupid Machoke! How dare they invade a story about a beautiful and perfect girl? Anyway, May sets the clock. Is this important to the story? No, but it's in the game, so it must be included. Mom comes upstairs and says that the house is safe to walk through now without having the risk of encountering a drooling, brain-dead Machoke. But when May goes downstairs, the TV is on. Now pay attention, because this is another oppurtunity for peeking into May's innermost, cynical, and original feelings. She hates her dad, Norman. He's a jerk who cares more about being a gym leader than giving his bratty daughter attention, even though she's too cold and cynical for anybody to get close to. Oh... what was that... I think it was... ANGST! No no, don't panic. Angst is a great way to make your readers feel for your lovable yet unloveable character.
This is boring, huh? You really want to get May's Pokemon and start her journey. But we have one more hurdle to cover. And that is...
Lesson five: getting to know your no-good, male chauvinist, and all out meanie rival
As mentioned earlier, your character is a girl named May. And your rival is a boy named Brendan. But I'm getting ahead of myself. May, still fuming about her feelings about her selfish father, is then ordered by her ignorant mother to go meet the neighbors. Don't forget to dive into May's personal, cynical, and original thoughts as she breaks into her neighbors house. Like in the game, don't make the mother alarmed (we're saving that for the rival encounter), but make her happy to see a stranger in her house. Now for the fun part... meeting the rival!
Your rival is male and his name is Brendan. He can not, under any circumstance, have another name, because that will always be his name in the games. As May entered Brendan's room, prepare for the ultimate bitch fest! The conversation will go something like this:
Brendan: What the... who are you! Why are you in my room?! Oh wait. You're the new neighbor. They said you were a gym leader's kid, so I assumed you'd be a guy. Because only guys can be good trainers.
May (insulted): What's that sopposed to mean? Are you saying that girls can't be good trainers?
Brendan: Yes, girls can't be good trainers because men are superior. We're faster, stronger, and better than you.
May: Grrr, you are mean and sexist and you think that men are better trainers than girls, but I'll show you!
Gee, this looks one demensional, doesn't it? But what nobody knows except you, the amazing fic writer, is that Brendan and May secretly lust for eachother. As they bicker, May makes mental note (in her mysterious, enigmatic, cynical, and original thoughts) of Brendan's cuteness and sexy white hair. Brendan will make note that May is kind of cute. But they insist that they hate eachother! Why won't these destined lovebirds reveal their feelings? But anyway, May knows that she can prove Brendan wrong by beating him in a Pokemon battle! So let's get that Pokemon!
Lesson six: getting that Pokemon!
Ruby and Sapphire had the most original concept of obtaining a Pokemon. So let's relive that magic! May hears someone calling for help. Despite her cynical nature, she decides the answer the call (if you don't make May have some good qualities, then she fails to be complex and deep and original!). Professor Birch is being attacked... no not by a Poochyena... but a little black puppy. That's right. Lure your readers into thinking that you have an ounce of creativity by calling Pokemon anything other than their names when first introduced, then calling them Torchic and Zigzagoon or whatever afterwards. When urged by the panicked Professor to pick a Pokemon, May knows exactly which one is in what ball because she has x-ray vision (a quality that makes her unique and different from other people). May chooses Torchic. She will never choose Treecko because it's ugly and she will never choose Mudkip because that is the Pokemon Brendan is destined to train. The battle will go something like this:
The little red bird used scratch on the little black dog.
Poochyena fainted!
Birch is so happy to have been rescued by the loveable yet unloveable May (who takes mental note of the professor's idiocy in her cynical and original thoughts), he lets her keep the Torchic! Name the Torchic to be cool! Give it a powerful fire name like Wildfire or Phoenixflame or Freespiritedcombustionofburninghorror. Despite having a cool name (which will never be mentioned again), Torchic will be naive and ditsy and happy. Hmm... is this carefree bird the key to making the unloveable May more loveable? Speaking of love, let's go battle that sexist yet handsome trainer!
Lesson seven: battling the meanie no-good yet oddly sexy rival
After exchanging insults, Brendan and May send out their Pokemon. To May's horror, it's Mudkip! How dare that rival use the one starter that is strong against Torchic's fire moves? What a meanie! But as long as you don't have to plague your story with anymore unsightly Machoke or Treecko, then Mudkip is fine. The battle will go something like this:
May: Torchic, use Ember!
*Torchic uses Ember, but the blue kitten (not a mudskipper!) is not hurt!*
Brendan: Ha ha, don't you know that fire is weak against water, you stupid and inferior female? Mudkip, use water gun!
May: Torchic, dodge!
*Torchic dodges the attack then knocks out Mudkip using Scratch.*
May: Yay, I won! See, girls can be just as good as boys!
Brendan: Grrr, that was just luck! Boys are still better trainers than girls.
May: ^_~
Oh, but what's this? Professor Birch, Brendan's father, arrives and decides that his son and May should travel together because they get along so well. How can this man be so blind? May and Brendan hate eachother's guts! But... maybe he knows that they secretly love eachother.
And now I must retire from continuing the guide for now. More will be added later! Remember to keep those characters complex and original, and be sure to stay tuned for lesson eight: starting the journey.
