MATURE: Essence of Life - Our Fates Entangled (4) [XIII] [BACK!]

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life - Unbound [Chapter II]

It also seems like you're alternating between first-person and third-person. Is there any particular reason you would do that?

I did it because I wished to describe a scene in which Gabriel wasn't present and I couldn't think of any other way.

Since it did cause me a little confusion when I first read it. Maybe you should add little sub titles to let us know when this perspective changes occur. Furthermore, it's not really a good idea to do too many perspective changes, since too many of them are confusing.

Eh, sorry about that. :/

The perspective changes simply imply something happening outside of space where Gabriel isn't present.

 

[Marcat]

Re: Essence of Life - Unbound [Chapter II]

there is nothing wrong with these perspective changes at all. Having done them myself at one point, so it's fine. And I checked the chapter again, and it seems you've added sub-titles. Well done.

I do believe you're good to go now, IMO.

 

[Safe]

Re: Essence of Life - Unbound [Chapter II]

Well I've just read the two chapters and I've gotta say this is an amzing improvment from the prvious version.

Your description is right on the mark, your characters are great, not to mention the chemistry between them, and your execution of the story was practicly perfect.

I'm looking forward to see how much this story will develop, its very exciting. ;-)

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life - Unbound [Chapter II]

Well I've just read the two chapters and I've gotta say this is an amzing improvment from the prvious version.

Your description is right on the mark, your characters are great, not to mention the chemistry between them, and your execution of the story was practicly perfect.

I'm looking forward to see how much this story will develop, its very exciting. ;-)

Thank you so much for your compliment! ^^

It really means a lot to me.

 

[Safe]

Re: Essence of Life - Unbound [Chapter II]

Oh, and I forgot. Could you please tag me. ^^

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life - Unbound [Chapter II]

Oh, and I forgot. Could you please tag me. ^^

Sure!

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life - Broken Wings [Chapter III]

@Cosmos ; @Jinoga ; @Aura Origin

Constructive criticism is welcome like always, I hope you like the new chapter!​

□

Chapter III: Broken Wings​

I didn’t want to tell him, but I knew I had to.

It wasn’t a big deal, but I had to make sure just in case.

Otherwise he would have developed this crazy, completely outlandish idea of some sort inside of his head - like me possibly agreeing to help Riley just in order to get away from Viridan, to get away from my inescapable problems. Or maybe he would have thought that anyway? It was crazy, I know, but how plausible would his idea have been? I knew by myself that the only reason I decided to help Riley was to teach him a lesson. He was snobby; he thought he was better than me. There was no other reason than that.

Yes.

No other reason.

Or so had I thought.

□​

The weather was sunny that fateful day and yet it felt gray and colorless more than ever. The tiny, brown pigeon Pokémon were singing cheerfully, the tiny purple-white mouse Pokémon were being as playful as always and I was outside, sitting at the doorstep of our house, crying. It’s only been a day since the news of my fathers’ death reached our family and due to my fathers’ body never being recovered; we delayed the funeral in frightening and yet relief-filled anticipation of my brothers’ return from the academy.

“Gabe?” I could recognize his voice deep anywhere.

I looked in front of me, avoiding eye contact focusing my view on his legs. I couldn’t muster the courage to look into Damien’s eyes; I felt a fear of some sort – a fear of seeing tears coming from his eyes. I noticed he was still in his academy uniform; he must have rushed back without even changing his clothes.

He kneeled down in front of me; I looked down again.

I was afraid.

I could sense his breath on my skin; I could hear his pumping heartbeat, as he approached me. Our heads lightly touched as his hands embraced me. He was crying, crying harder than ever. The realization of that stroke me harder than ever. It was the moment I realized things would never be the same again.

We cried together.

It was a gray and colorless day.

□

​

It was funny how much I’ve gotten used to the wide, gray streets of Viridian. The city wasn’t something I preferred back in the days when I first moved here but somehow walking through the streets of Viridian felt nostalgic. Viridian City grew a lot in these last years as evident by the major development of the suburban area simply referred to a Viridian town – a place where my family miraculously got a place for living right after we moved from Saffron.

I never understood how, though. My father must have had some connections.

The streets were bustling with people; I couldn’t help but to wonder at the everyday busyness of the people nowadays. The air was smelly and although it felt like gasoline, strangely enough, I adored that scent. I always did. Though I couldn’t deny the fact that the people were ruining this planet little by little, it was a proven fact and they could do nothing to prevent it even if they set their mind to do so.

I breathed out as I looked across the crowded street; a great, tower-like building in design of an enormous, stone tree was rising from the ground surpassing the height of some average-sized buildings of this city. It was the official Viridian City Pokémon Gym, a structure that has been recently renovated with the arrival of a new gym leader. At the same time, the structure served its function as a Pokémon Trainer Club, allowing its enormous size to fit areas specially designed for Pokémon challenges and battles – it was a training hotspot for many trainers, both old ones and new ones.

Yes, that was the place where my brother worked. The whole building in itself never ceased to amaze me, whenever I would visit it, I’d feel the same enthusiasm and the monumental feeling of it enthrall me. It was simply one colossal structure.

I slowly walked across the cemented path; the glass door opened by themselves. I’m afraid that Damian didn’t share the same enthusiasm, though.

“Hey,” I greeted him with a gentle smile.

He didn’t seem pleased.

​

□​

“You are such an ass!” He dragged me out of the building.

Charming words, though I expected nonetheless from him. He was pissed and I could understand why. He cared about Mom; he cared a lot about her. One thing he didn’t understand though was the subtle hatred that was still slumbering within me. He was not the person denied of the last will from his father, I was. And that, he would never understand.

“You know, just because you’re dying doesn’t mean I can’t beat the crap out of you right now! Why the hell did you just leave? Do you know how much you hurt her?”

I remained silent, waiting for the moment when I could strike hard.

“You don’t care about anyone but yourself, huh? You’re so damn egoistic!”

His words tempted my coolness; I lost my temper beginning to get frustrated.

“Would you just shut up?” I yelled as loudly as I could.

“You were not the one who had his letter hidden by her! And you knew how much I cried because of Dad’s death and you knew how much I cared about him and yet you took her side at the end of the day. Am I really being the egoistic one when her selfish wishes were the reason I didn’t get the letter in the first place?”

“I mean, for crying out loud, she didn’t even give me the chance to read it fully. She burned half of the letter! She’s crazy! I’m sorry but I can’t forgive her!”

I felt disgusted.

Not disgusted by the thing my mother had done, but by the fact that it only took a moment for me to realize that I actually hated my mother, a woman who gave birth to me, who took care of me my entire life. At first I thought that my hatred it would pass eventually, but his words only re-incinerated the feelings I felt towards both of them.

I hated her, I was disgusted by that fact, but I couldn’t deny the feeling.

“Gabriel, she’s afraid of losing you, we both are,” he stated loudly.

We stared at each other for a good couple of minutes. It was amazing how much he had changed from his academy days. His body was now fully muscular, his hair was dark, short and tidy which fitted nicely with his hazel eyes.

Damian sighed scratching his head.

“Alright,” he breathed out. “We both need to cool off. Let’s go drink something, I’m buying.”

I stared at him for a few seconds before eventually agreeing.

We both stayed quiet on our way towards the place as I took a look around the city once again. Perhaps it is hard to believe, but this was actually the first time I witnessed Viridian city by night. It was a gorgeous sight; all the street lights slowly began shimmering as if by magic as the shadows of the night slowly overtook the last remaining bits of the daylight.

As I expected, we were there.

“Café Vertania,” the great logo above the structure said. It was a moderately sized café, pretty from the outside, classy from the inside.

A place where I’ve never been before, that’s for sure.

“Good evening. What would you like?” The waiter smoothly approached us.

“Hmm, I’ll take café au lait, please!”

Coffee oh what? The waiter looked at me patiently; waiting for me to make up my mind. A sudden, and pretty painful, kick from Damian’s side rushed my decision, though.

“Soda pop, please,” I requested as politely as I could.

“No! He’ll take café au lait, too!”

What? The café waiter nodded slowly leaving the two of alone at the squared wooden table. I looked at him confusingly, why did he just do that?

“Why did you just do that?” I asked in fierce annoyance.

“Why? You don’t like coffee?” He grinned almost mockingly.

“No, I don’t!”

I remained as quiet as possible in order not to grab too much attention. I hated getting too much attention from too many people; too much crowd would always make me nervous.

“Did you ever even try coffee?”

He grinned again, I rolled my eyes.

“Whatever, you’ll see by yourself that I don’t like it.”

In a few minutes, the waiter was back with two coffee cups. I wasn’t sure what to think of it, it was lightly brown, but it resembled chocolate milk with a few white spots in it.

“You’ll have to forgive her eventually.”

“Could we please not talk about Mom right now?”

“Fair enough, Gabriel, do you know why I initially wished to become a gym leader?”

His words threw me off, I suddenly found myself lost in the moment. This definitely wasn’t the topic I wished to discuss. Honestly, I never really liked the fact he was forced to leave the academy due to lack of money after our father died and I even more disliked the fact he was forced to find a job to help out Mom. Although Mom received incomes from other social services, they weren’t really much and Damian decided to help her out as much as he could.

“No,” I simply muttered at loss of words.

“It’s because of you.”

Unsure of what to say next I slowly grabbed the hold of a warm, white cup. He looked directly at me as I suddenly looked down. I slowly picked up the coffee cup bringing it closer to my mouth, the smell certainly was delicious. Blowing lightly a few times, I brought it up to my mouth slowly starting to drink it. It was still quite hot but I endured it, the aftertaste on my burning tongue was unique and kind of sweet – it tasted a little bit like milk.

I carefully put the cup down.

“This actually isn’t so bad. When did you start drinking coffee?”

He said nothing. Damian must have realized I was trying to change the topic.

“I was always jealous of you, Gabriel.” His first sentence caught me off guard.

“Even back when you were just a kid, I was jealous as hell,” he chuckled taking a sip of his coffee. “You were always so enthusiastic and full of hopes and dreams. I was jealous, because, he always paid more attention to you. He encouraged you, because you had dreams and I, on the other hand, had none.”

I wanted more attention, I wanted more love,” he continued “so I decided to do something different, something our father had always wished to accomplish but he never managed to do so.”

“He wanted to become a gym leader?” I asked in surprise.

Damian smiled. “No, he actually wanted to enroll on the academy. But his parents never allowed him to do so; at least that’s what he told me.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked.

“Because I wanted you to know, I was never really jealous like I thought. It was more like a feeling of admiration. And I miss that, I miss our old Gabriel.”

“Old Gabriel is gone,” I frowned. “He was crushed by tragedy and death. The new Gabriel isn’t as stupid as the old one, he’s clever and he knows that dreams never come true.”

“Gabe, just because I never managed to fully realize my dreams does not mean in any way that you should give up. My wings may have been broken, but you are still able to fly, Gabriel. Dad would definitely say that, he always wanted for his children to become something unique, something he could never be.”

I couldn’t believe it. It was almost as if I was reliving the past, my brother was trying to reawaken my previously lost hopes and ambitions much like Dad did it before him.

Unable to respond to his words, I took another sip of coffee.

It tasted good.

​

□​

I was home.

“Hey … Mom.”

There she was, with tears in her eyes standing on the floor as if she’s been waiting all day for me to come back home. My arrival put a wide smile on her face as she spread her arms towards me. But I couldn’t forgive her yet. As much as I felt bad about her and despite my wish to understand the motives behind her actions, she hurt me deeply.

“I’m going to bed now,” exchanging the glances with Damian I ran upstairs.

It was a long day, a day of decisions. My first decision was to stop crying over my sickness and deal with it. Tears wouldn’t fix anything, I needed to focus. My second decision was that I decided to “help” that boy Riley reach Pewter city safely and without trouble.

And my third decision, I decided not to tell him. Because I believe we would have both come to the same, inevitable conclusion. I wanted to travel and accomplish something before I died.

Because that’s who I was at the end of the day – a boy with his days counted.

For the sake of my cursed family.
​

□
To Be Continued
​

 

[Safe]

Re: Essence of Life - Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Great chapter.

I don't really have anything to note on this chapter, except maybe: the great dialogue between the brothers, and the great character development that's going on with Gabe.

Other than that, I'm still waiting for the plot to unfold a little more... I'm expecting a twist of some sort.

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life - Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Other than that, I'm still waiting for the plot to unfold a little more... I'm expecting a twist of some sort.

Thank you! ^^

Hmm, there will be many twists, though I'm not sure what you expect.

Alright guys, the next chapter will revolve around the girl who escaped from the strange facility at the end of chapter two. Along with that, we're finally getting to the plot.

 

[Marcat]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Interesting indeed. Instead of journeying to become "the best" he wants to travel to accomplish something before he died. I like that. The plot so far has yet to fully unfold, but I can guess what might be happening, though I'll be keeping my speculation to myself for now.

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Interesting indeed. Instead of journeying to become "the best" he wants to travel to accomplish something before he died. I like that. The plot so far has yet to fully unfold, but I can guess what might be happening, though I'll be keeping my speculation to myself for now.

Though that's not all there is to it.

Gabriel may seem to have received development in these first chapters, but true development has yet to happen. Let me give you a hint; Gabriel thinks he's come to terms with the fact he's going to die. But did he really accept that? And yes, I'd say whatever you have in your mind about the plot right now is probably correct, more or less, that is.

Next chapter will be COMPLETELY plot-centric. So yeah, I'd say look forward to that! ^^

 

[Safe]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Though that's not all there is to it.

Gabriel may seem to have received development in these first chapters, but true development has yet to happen. Let me give you a hint; Gabriel thinks he's come to terms with the fact he's going to die. But did he really accept that? And yes, I'd say whatever you have in your mind about the plot right now is probably correct, more or less, that is.

Next chapter will be COMPLETELY plot-centric. So yeah, I'd say look forward to that! ^^

I can't wait! ^^

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Eh, I'm doing this post just to let you guys know something.

I have the next chapter ready and while I know where I'm intending to head with the plot, I'm not sure you guys will like the taken direction since I feel it's not too original in my opinion. Incidentally, I'm not too content with the next chapter so I'm thinking about the ways of improving my plot without switching out the core elements of the story. In case I fail to do so, I will post the chapter I had originally planned to post and hope you guys will like it.

I hope you guys bear with me while I try to figure something out.

 

[Safe]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Eh, I'm doing this post just to let you guys know something.

I have the next chapter ready and while I know where I'm intending to head with the plot, I'm not sure you guys will like the taken direction since I feel it's not too original in my opinion. Incidentally, I'm not too content with the next chapter so I'm thinking about the ways of improving my plot without switching out the core elements of the story. In case I fail to do so, I will post the chapter I had originally planned to post and hope you guys will like it.

I hope you guys bear with me while I try to figure something out.

Don't worry about it.

 

[Kyuuketsuki]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Caught up to the story!

Everything seems to be going great so far. I especially like how well you portray your characters when the story is in Gabriel's perspective. The third person narrative might help, but even without it, any reader would probably get the correct feel of a character, through Gabriel's eyes or not.

You have just the right amount of mystery for this story without having it overwhelm it, and I look forward to see that unfold. I do get the feeling that is more of a character-centric story so far, but from your comments, there seems to be some plot coming on that will bring together all the characters' story lines, and again, I look forward to that.

Good job, and keep it up!

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Caught up to the story!

Everything seems to be going great so far. I especially like how well you portray your characters when the story is in Gabriel's perspective. The third person narrative might help, but even without it, any reader would probably get the correct feel of a character, through Gabriel's eyes or not.

You have just the right amount of mystery for this story without having it overwhelm it, and I look forward to see that unfold. I do get the feeling that is more of a character-centric story so far, but from your comments, there seems to be some plot coming on that will bring together all the characters' story lines, and again, I look forward to that.

Good job, and keep it up!

Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm glad you like it.

Alright guys, I have made my decision.

I know where I'm heading with the plot and I know what the next chapter will look like, in fact, it's already in the progress of being written. It will be titled "Miscreation" and it will definitely serve its role as a chapter which will expand the boundaries of the plot I've shown to you up to this point.

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life: Broken Wings [Chapter III]

Double post, but I guess for a good cause.

Author's Note: It's finally ready, I truly hope you guys will like this!

@Jinoga ; @Cosmos ; @Aura Origin [If anyone wishes to be tagged/untagged, let me know!]

Chapter IV: Miscreation


¤


Once upon a time there were The Originals.
Ancestors of the forsaken evolution, cursed beings of the lonely planet.
Indeed, they were something else.
Their life would shape the world, it would defy the destiny itself.
It would define destiny.


¤​

The world was always about monsters.

The lonely, somewhat selfless existence of the being referred to as August was disgusted by it - he always had been. Of course it had always been about the mysterious, apparently unique creatures of which one itself was speculated to have created the universe.

A God of monsters.

Nonsense; he would often shiver on his own strange, sometimes almost terrifying thoughts which never seemed to blossom into something prettier, something more beautiful. A monster could have never been a deity; August would often make himself believe his own made up words. They were nothing but what he called them nowadays; monsters. The infinite changes the world was going through forced him to reconsider his thoughts however. Maybe they were more than that, the very concept of their existence - even before times they got along with humans - shaped the planet, it shaped the world leading it towards the slowly corrupting future known as today.

He was slowly crumbling, his frail body now shutting down.

But he had found his purpose in the world, a purpose which would refine the world from the impurity he detested. It was always in a human interest to progress, to imagine and create new stuff, to push the boundaries towards the new world.

A free world.

And even though August would soon no longer find the peace on this planet, he found the fact that his blood would keep on living comforting. Humans would finally be free from "terror" of the monsters.

Even if it meant for the former to become a monster itself, a sacrifice had to be made.

¤​

Riley Alstrom hated control.

And once his father made the decision of that the strange boy called Gabriel taking over the role of his guide through the disgusting, maze of the forest named Viridian – he was anything but happy. Many hours had passed since that decision was made but being the passionate boy he was, Riley still couldn’t stand the decision going as far to stay late up at night rebelling against his own mind and wish for sleeping. He couldn't allow a snobby teenager of his own age to make fun of him for being less knowledgeable than him. And he knew Gabriel would use that opportunity, he knew that smartass would try something funny.

“Oh God,” he exhaled, brutally hitting the soft surface of his bed.

Riley remained still for a moment taking the time to clear his mind. He calmly stood up, in his similar yet somewhat different clothes from the same day, proceeding to walk across the room. It was a fairly sized room in his opinion, he had seen bigger ones, though he personally preferred smaller rooms as they felt more personal to him, more private in a way. His current room was anything but subtle, something he disliked as the flashiness really wasn't his style. The bright colors and the hideous furniture hurt his eyes though Riley had to accept it, it was all for his sake after all.

Riley closed the drawer sighing annoyingly; he always had hard time finding his stuff in greater spaces. He proceeded towards opening the bottom drawer; success. He spotted the miniature item - a light blue capsule with the pills within being easily perceptible from the outside.

He spontaneously placed the amber colored pill in his mouth feeling it disintegrate in a reddish liquid flowing through his mouth.

As if a whole new personality took over him, he could almost instantly feel the muscles of his body slowly relax. His mind was entirely at peace. Despite still minding the whole situation, he was anger-free and without stress. The tired teenage boy could feel the drowsiness slowly sneak into his mind in a shape of countless, perplexed shadows. His room gradually darkened as the number of shadows multiplied eventually transforming the entire place in a void-like space. The shadows enveloped him and the last thing he could see in front of his eyes, before falling across the wide bed of his, was the shape of a boy much like him; a shape of a twin dispersing across the room.

Along with the second Riley diminishing, he finally closed his eyes.

He was at peace.

¤


​

She was on the loose.

Upon the moment of explosion, she felt a surge of adrenaline flow through her body. She was invincible, she felt like a beast on her path to ruining, destroying, exterminating anything and anyone. Despite being drenched in blood she didn't feel bad, the blood wasn't hers. The feeling of freedom was powerful and although she paid a high cost, the one of her own sanity, she would finally go back to who she was. D

Marissa, the girl of long dark brown hair, past her shoulders, suddenly stopped on her track.

She burst out in tears feeling a rush of complex fusion emotions overwhelm her in a moment of confusion.

"It isn't fair," she barely let the world leave her mouth. "Mom ... Dad," her remembrance of their faces had faded in the last few years, it was hurtful and yet she couldn't understand why it had to be her. Of all people, why was she the one stripped of her innocence and childhood? Why had the mean people done this to her?

"But now I'm free," Marissa mumbled standing up on her scratched feet again. Wiping the remaining tears of her face, she found herself admiring her own courage, her strength which surpassed each and every feeling of pain she endured through the whole ordeal. At the end of the day, it wasn't the end of the world, not yet anyway. She was finally going to return home, back to her loving parents.

"AAAAH!" Inhaling deeply she suddenly screamed in all her power, screaming out all the emotions that made her weak; her pain, her sadness, her suffer. All the emotions that made her a weak human, she had to get rid of them.

It didn't matter anyway; she had stopped feeling like a true human long time ago.

¤

POV Change - Gabriel​

"Dad?"

He looked at me with his kind, child-like eyes. It was already midnight and although my journey was awaiting me tomorrow, I could never fall asleep without both him and Mom reading a story to me. He was dressed casually as always, he sat himself next to my bed. I looked at him excitedly as if he hadn't read a bedtime story to me in years.

"Aren't you a little too old for bedtime stories?" He asked in a caring tone.

I shook my head in denial. He chuckled prompting me to smile as he grabbed the book from the top of the shelf next to my bed. The title said,"A Hero of Unova". "Mom already read that one to me, take another one," he sighed switching out the books.

"Maybe I'm too old for bedtime stories too," we both chuckled.

"The Forgotten Angel", the title said. I couldn't remember that book.

My father began reading, slowly, in a way only he could read it. It was a soothing story although with time I slowly forgot what it was actually about. Then I realized, dream must have been pulling me in.


​

-​

"Gabriel!"

A loud echo penetrated through my ears, I found myself awakened by the horrible noise. Mom, Dad and Damian were all together in my room for a strange reason. "Gabriel!" She seemed to cry although their faces weren't turned towards me.

"What's wrong?" I rushed out of the bed only to witness a horrifying sight. I threw up at the spot upon witnessing the sight of a teenage boy, his body was covered in blood with a kitchen knife impaling through his throat. A body of a pale boy, the boy of black hair and green eyes.

The body of Gabriel Sullivan.

"Why did he do this?" Mom cried loudly, Damian was crying on my dead, bloody chest.

All of the sudden, the scenery stopped - everything around me stopped. My father, the only person who didn't seem to cry over the dead body turned in my direction. He slowly turned his head towards me with a serious look on his face.

"This is all your fault."
​

¤
POV Change - 3rd Per.

​

It was after midnight when he received the news, his butler woke up him in not much great of a mood which only got worsened upon learning of the catastrophic event that took place on the mountains around Pewter. Not even sleep pills worked on him on that night as he felt as if the entire world had suddenly turned against it.

Truth to be told, it was a minor inconvenience. But it could have become something much, much bigger.

The final Original was gone.

¤
To Be Continued​

 

[Safe]

Re: Essence of Life - Miscreation [Chapter IV]

Ok then... Well let's see, um I must say I didn't really enjoy this chapter like the others, and I'll tell you why in hopes that you will see past this.

First off is the fact that there were many technical errors here and there (grammer, punctuation)
And second was the number of times you changed POVs, it was kind of confusing and ruined the whole feel.

I advise you to get a beta reader and to limit the POV change to at most each chapter.

 

[Necrozma]

Re: Essence of Life - Miscreation [Chapter IV]

First off is the fact that there were many technical errors here and there (grammer, punctuation)
And second was the number of times you changed POVs, it was kind of confusing and ruined the whole feel.

Eh, I see. Sorry about that. :/

I advise you to get a beta reader and to limit the POV change to at most each chapter.

Will do, though it's kinda hard finding a beta here.

I'm sorry you didn't like the chapter, I'll do my best next time.

 

[an illegible mess.]

Re: Essence of Life - Miscreation [Chapter IV]

i just read the rest of the chapters and i must say you have some fantastic imagery.

but the chapters are a little complicated to understand. i feel like it's inception and i can't look away because then i won't understand the rest :U i think that's just kind of your style and how it's supposed to be. either that or i'm just really fucked in the head and that's how i see things xD.

the last chapter you posted was... really difficult to figure out. i don't quite get the thing with gabriel and seeing his own dead body and his dad being all creepy. i'm guessing it was some sort of nightmare, but it's weird and surprising. at least there was gore.

heh, when i read the part about riley taking those pills i was literally like "... l.s.d...?" at the end of the paragraph xD.

anyway, good work. i'll continue to read more as it comes :3.