A good start! You portrayed this from Pikachu's (or should i say Ralph's) POV very well, and it was a new one for me! I also absolutely love the name Serafina for Eevee.
You used very good use of language i areas, such as the phrase "paper prison" which really helped in creating the scene...
thanks for the feedback guys!
I went and uploaded it as one section as it seemed to fit it better. Thanks for replying and if you have the time be sure to give it a read!
Thanks,
Some Colour No Doubt
Hi guys, in the next chapter of my fic, Seasons i have a battle that has been building for a while, and its proving to be quite a long written thing. So, in your experience/opinion, would you say to keep it as one section or to split it up into chapters? I'm more or less done writing it and i'm...
Sounds good! A lot of things that would need to be established though! I'm a bit... iffy... on the use of Missingno as such a vital plot point however, as it was a glitch in game code. Whilst well established within pokémon, it hasn't really been used in fanfic, as how would you show what it is...
i'm not sure if this is based on something that already exists or whether its completely an original idea, so i'll just go with what i know.
This started well, but at times you can mix your tense up when your writing, an issue with a few people who write in first person. Watch out for that...
Really interesting story you have going here! I agree with what Aether said, it definitely has an "X-Men" kinda vibe to it, and also if you ever played a game called "Shadowrun" it had a similar situation, where percentages of the population underwent some form of mutation. Doing this with...
great second chapter! I loved that it was from Marshtomp's POV, as looking at it from the eyes of the pokémon is something rarely done well. Here though, you pulled it off and the addition of a pokémon not wanting to evolve, even being repulsed by the idea of evolving was something i hadn't seen...
Re: "Unpredictable"
RAIIIINNNNNEEERRR YOOOUUUUUU BEASSSST!
I knew he was gonna come back, i knew it! :D :D :D
A very well written chapter, capturing the essence of all the different characters very well! Of course, we all came for the Keith sections and they really shone through. The sad...
Pretty good.
Saw two errors/typos though:
I think it should be "There was no privacy of life behind closed doors." Past tense dude :)
and
Boop, typo. Alarmed.
For the rest of it, seemed good. I agree with what Kyuu said, more of a prologue than a Chapter One, but that's your call. I...
Sounds interesting! Haven't read much about Deoxys, i remember watching the film(?) quite a while ago and it seems like a good thing to write about. I look forward to seeing how this progresses and whether or not Keira will get a chance to capture a Deoxys and how that encounter goes.
Grammar...
I agree with what has been stated here, but i'll go into what i think on the matter:
With a new trainer, you have a lot of room for development, particularly as they are generally quite young hence their journey tends to be what defines them as a character, maturing them over time. Whilst they...
This has a good principle, but so much happened! I had to re-read sections as it was paced far to quickly!
Your writing needs more description! There is almost none at all. We need to know what the characters and environments look like, sound like, feel like. By doing this you can also slow...
Found it! :D
I haven't read the other reviews, so i'll just post any grammar mistakes i see.
A good start. I like Jessie's character and the portrayal of the family, though i feel for him with what happened.
Interesting that you would have all this happen in the prologue though, as...
Re: Flames of a Revolutionary
Okay, i'll do boring grammar stuff first:
A good second chapter! I liked what you introduced with Moltres and can't wait see how Roger is connected to everything. I feel for him as well not being able to talk to Rose, so i either hope he sorts things out...
Re: Red's Mount Silver Banner and Image Map Shop (NEW! Get your avatars resized)
Topic ): Signature for my fanfic, Seasons.
Size: : Just go for standard signature size
Materials: okay, i've got a few :
The Absol from this pic for the foreground...
Just in general don't tell us this outside of the narrative, let us know in the story.
okay, onto the story itself.
Whilst there were some good things, your structure needs quite of bit of work. Remember that when a new person starts speaking, you need to start a new paragraph, for example...
Re: "Unpredictable"
Well, after several hours of reading, from Celadon City and the battle with Erika to this point, i can tell you i don't regret it at all.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN SON!
This story is awesome! Keith, Criss and Tim make a good trio, their characters balancing each...
Re: Flames of a Revolutionary
just minor stuff first:
A good start! Your characters are good and your description paints good pictures of them. You really did a good job of making the "bad guy" seem like a bad guy, and the choice of pokémon that you used fit his character well...
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.